Home Is Where Your Teeth Sink, Love - bludaze - Twilight Series (2024)

Chapter 1

Chapter Text

Edward Mason Cullen was a vampire.

This meant that he didn't need to eat, sleep, or bathe, though he did own a lavish shower for reasons Bella couldn't place. Instead of food for sustenance, he drank blood. Not from a glass, or through a straw—but directly from living and breathing beings. Except, Edward would stay away from the kind of living and breathing beings that were human. He had decided that animals and wildlife were a more appropriate choice given his morals.

In summary, he didn't kill humans. At least, not intentionally.

Edward's entire family were vampires, and they all followed the same moral code. Their eyes were an unnatural golden color, which was apparently entirely due to their diet. Had they embraced their natural, human diets, Edward had explained, their eyes would be a striking red.

The whole thing was absurd, and Bella knew that she would reminisce on this absurdity for the rest of her life.

She sat in the lecture hall with Edward Mason Cullen, the vampire. Around thirty others sat near them, their attention loosely focused on the professor at the front.

It was a nice day in Forks, and a Friday at that. None of them really wanted to be there either, Bella reasoned, so she took this opportunity to focus on the vampire. She liked to do this a lot, she realized, because Edward was just very easy to look at.

"She never said that, you know," Edward said to her lowly, his deep golden eyes sliding over to her. "Marie Antoinette."

Bella didn't know. She was staring at his lips. Her brain caught up soon after he looked back over at her. "What? Let them eat cake?"

Edward's eyes focused back over to the professor as he proceeded with his lecture on the French Revolution.

"There's also no evidence to support she ever said it," Edward murmured. "You would think a professor would do more… research."

"You would think," Bella agreed quickly, glancing back down to her worksheet.

"Qu'ils mangent de la brioche was the actual sentence," Edward whispered when he leaned down to her. "It's possible that she had said let them eat brioche. But still, no evidence."

He was so close to her ear that she could visibly see the goosebumps on the tops of her forearms. "Maybe you should be up there teaching us all."

The corner of his lip twitched.

"You could probably teach this whole chapter entirely in French," she added. And that was true, she knew, because Edward spoke over 15 languages.

The other corner of his mouth twitched, and his smile finally broadened. And Bella stared. That was all she did in this class, because it was the only one she shared with Edward.

HIST 202 at Fork's Peninsula College ended at 4:00 PM, every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Today, as the professor wrapped up, Edward put his worksheet on top of Bella's and grabbed them both. He discarded them on the professor's stool on their way out.

"I don't know why you do this to yourself," Bella said, after waving goodbye to other familiar faces in the class.

"This?" Edward asked.

"Community college."

"Ah." Edward smiled teasingly. "Education is important, Bella."

Bella fully agreed with that regard. She would finish her Associates while saving money, and then transfer to a four-year university where she would complete her Bachelor's degree. It was the same plan she had discussed with all of her guidance counselors in high school, and it made a lot of sense to her. But now, she wasn't all that sure.

Edward Mason Cullen had changed everything.

"You're quiet," he noted, as they left the building and stepped into a calm, cloudy day. "What are you thinking?"

That was another thing. Edward Mason Cullen was perfect as a vampire. But he earned a separate degree of perfection from his gifted ability of mind reading. Bella would stare at his impossibly shaped lips and think: Nature shouldn't allow for this much perfection in one person. It's wrong.

Edward could read minds, and along with his naturally freakish sense of hearing, no human could ever escape him.

Except Bella. Bella was immune. Not to everything, unfortunately. Edward would still be able to predict her hunger patterns from the glorious calls of her stomach, and easily read the basic state of her feelings just given her heartbeat. But her mind was off limits.

And how liberating that felt.

The closer Bella had gotten to Edward, the more exposed she felt. She was pretty sure Edward knew her menstruation cycles to the hour, and that was a disturbing thought. But her mind? Edward couldn't be let in.

And it wasn't like Bella hadn't tried. In an odd display of desperation, Edward had asked her to try to bring down the blockade. Bella had never been sure what that really meant, but she'd done her best. She had tried.

And failed. Bella remained a mystery to Edward, and she held that one part of herself close. A part he could never access.

As a human, she had one quirk over the vampire after all.

"Bella?" He pressed. He didn't like the quiet. She had figured that one out pretty quickly. Edward was used to the constant noise of people's desires, mindless ramblings, and daily anxieties. When they were alone, Edward would grow restless in the silence.

"I was just thinking when you'd stop with this endless loop of transcripts, credits, and inaccurate lectures. You don't need any of it."

Edward opened the passenger door of his car for her. "At least it's not high school."

Bella slid into the seat and gave him a look. "Now that we can agree on."

A/N: Jasper/Bella has always been on my mind.

Jasper's story will be a little different, and exploring this through Bella's naive, human mind is the best way for us to understand it.

Shout-out to glowingivy for being an amazing BETA and sticking with me through problematic blonde men.

Chapter 2

Chapter Text

It was dinnertime at the Cullen house, which really was just a scene of Bella sitting in a lavish dining room, scarfing down whatever Esme Cullen had experimented with that day.

Tonight, a steaming platter piled with strings of spaghetti was placed in front of her. With the fresh tomato sauce and herbs straight from Esme’s garden, it smelled delicious. Edward sat beside her at the long, glass family table that could comfortably seat at least 18. Even though Bella was the only one eating, all of the place settings were present. Acorns were tonight’s theme of the dinner table, as they were laid out carefully throughout the middle length with silk ribbon.

As the family’s matriarch, Esme played the part of the chef almost daily. Bella was constantly bombarded with food whenever she arrived at Edward’s house. This was because the food that was generated would remain uneaten by all seven members of the Cullen family. And, naturally, she played the role of the dumpster.

“Thank you, Esme,” Bella said, picking at the pasta with her fork. “And I’d again like to remind you that I’m still not Italian.”

Esme wasn’t in the dining room, but vampiric hearing meant that she heard her just fine.

“I’m sure you’re not, my dear Isabella,” she called out from the kitchen.

“You’re lucky you’re a good cook for someone who can’t even eat,” Bella murmured, taking a quick bite of the food.

Isabella, she had called her. Isabella Swan.

There didn’t exist a more awkward combination of names. Who was Isabella? Bella certainly didn’t know her. She was too uptight and formal. She’d fall asleep by the time she got through all four syllables.

Bella.

Better. It was easy to remember for a few seconds, and definitely easy to forget. Bella liked Bella. She was low maintenance.

And what about Swan? A creature representing beauty, elegance, and grace. It was probably more embarrassing than flattering that Bella’s parents were desperate enough to give her two names that hinted at beauty.

Did she live up to the names she was given? Edward certainly thought so. She was beautiful, he would always say. For a human, Bella would tack on for him.

There was a reason Edward took all of Bella’s attention in HIST 202. There was something in his face, his eyes, his lips. The way his bones were arranged in his face. It was all just so pleasant to look at. Edward Mason Cullen was, simply put, beautiful.

And there Bella was, sitting beside him, and shoving heaps of spaghetti into her face. Self consciously, she dabbed her lips with the pristine, white napkin that had rested on her lap. She frowned at the tomato stains she painted it with.

The red against the white was stark. Dramatic. Her brain imagined what it would look like had it been blood instead. Did Edward carry a napkin with him when he hunted for his meals?

Alice Cullen swung into the dining room. She was one of Edward’s adopted sisters. Another vampire, of course.

“Bella!” She exclaimed with a big, cheeky grin. She quickly took a seat next to her. “I knew you would be here.”

Her sentence was too literal. Alice knew, because she really knew. While Edward could read (most) minds, Alice could see the future.

Bella sat her fork down. “Hey.”

“Oh, no no. Please don’t let me stop you from eating.”

Eating was not a pretty sport, and Bella’s comfort level regarding eating in front of vampires only dipped by how many of them were present in the room.

“I’m done, actually.” She hadn’t even made a dent.

“Really?” Alice glanced down to the plate quickly. “Well, okay. I just wanted to let you know that your Calculus professor will be out sick next Thursday. That should free up your entire afternoon, right?”

Bella tried to carefully tune her reaction so it didn’t come across as shocked or in any way bothered. It was hard—when every move you made was audible, and now every decision and its resulting impact were on display for this little vampire. And since Edward could read her mind, he was always included in this particular play of anxiety.

“Yes. What’s Thursday?”

Edward put a casual arm around her. “Baseball. It’s a Cullen family event.”

“Really? Baseball?”

Alice smiled brightly. “Carlisle has hit the most home runs to date. Though Emmett would gladly fight you over that.”

Emmett was the burly brother, and surely would be better at baseball compared to the family’s father figure. But Bella wasn’t entirely sure how vampiric characteristics were distributed in the family. Were there stronger ones? Some didn’t have vampiric gifts like mind reading or psychic powers—did that make them stronger in other aspects?

There were a lot of questions on her list that only seemed to get longer each day.

“Emmett and Rosalie get very competitive,” Edward said with a fond smile.

Alice nodded. “It keeps their marriage interesting, I suppose.”

Emmett and Rosalie were the only two Cullen kids that were actually together. Married. It was odd at first, knowing that the kids were supposed to be siblings under Carlisle and Esme’s protective umbrella. But none of them were actually related.

“I don’t see you playing,” Alice said with a slightly pitiful tone. “If that’s okay?”

Bella kept her face relaxed, because it was truly an absurd question. “Sure, it definitely sounds like me to watch first. Strategize.”

Alice smiled. “Right.”

“But without me, that would mean uneven teams. Is that a problem?”

Alice’s smile dimmed only a little bit. “Problem?”

Edward’s strong arm shifted against Bella’s shoulder. “Three-on-three, Bella. No problem.”

No, that couldn’t be right. “Esme, Carlisle, Emmett, Rosalie, Alice, Jasper, and you. Seven.”

Alice and Edward shared a light laugh.

“Six,” Alice explained. “Jasper won’t be there.”

Odd, Bella thought. He was never there. For anything.

Bella rarely saw Jasper Cullen. He hadn’t been there the first night Edward brought her home to meet Carlisle and Esme. She had never seen him in any classes. He wasn’t in any of the family portraits she’d seen in the Cullen house. He just didn’t exist. Except for the brief moments they’d cross paths, and that was only when he was leaving.

Bella had hardly seen his face. Actually, she didn’t think he knew what he even looked like besides the blonde blur of hair. That’s what he was to her. Just a blur of hair that couldn’t seem to get out of the house quickly enough.

“Huh.” Bella considered. “He doesn’t like baseball?”

Bella looked at Edward, but Edward only co*cked his head to the side strangely at Alice. “No.”

The moment of silence only made Bella squirm in her chair. So, she saved herself. “I mean, I get it. It’s a confusing sport. The nomenclature is odd. What even is a curve ball, and why do authors love the term?”

Esme came in, rubbing a dishcloth on her porcelain hands. She frowned slightly at the table. “You didn’t finish.”

Bella glanced down at the plate mostly filled with pasta, and her cheeks began to heat up. “I wasn’t that hungry.”

But that was a lie, and they all knew it. They could probably diagnose hunger a mile away from their catalog of her stomach noises.

“Just no appetite, really,” she offered further. She wasn’t sure if it helped, but Esme didn’t waver a beat. She swooped the plate out from in front of her.

“Also,” she said, holding up the dish, “baseball isn’t for everyone. But I, for one, am so excited for you to join us.”

Bella smiled warmly at her and watched her carry the unfinished dish back to the kitchen. Her stomach instantly soured at the sound of a metal trash can opening, and she hated herself just a little more for not finishing the meal.

A/N: The Cullens can be just a little eerie.

Chapter 3

Chapter Text

Dating Edward Mason Cullen wasn’t entirely intentional. There were things in life that just happened, and you went along with it because it felt natural. And for Bella, this was one of those times.

She had met Edward exactly two months ago, at the start of the semester. He had sat at the opposite side of the lecture hall, and she hadn’t noticed him at first. But this professor was a truly social creature, and had made everyone stand up to introduce themselves. Bella had groaned inwardly at the attempt at ice breaking, but had gotten up to give her spiel nonetheless.

“I’m Bella. I moved to Washington two years ago from Arizona.” She squinted at the powerpoint to read off the remaining list of questions she had to answer. “My favorite ice cream flavor is vanilla. And when I die, I want to be remembered for…” She stared at the question on the screen, then found that she was taking too long. She glanced around the room. “… probably nothing. Not many people are remembered after they’re dead.”

When she sat back down, she felt entirely stupid and morbid. Her own self-criticism tuned out the introductions of others, but she found herself occasionally paying attention to people who naturally made the room laugh.

But then Edward stood up, and the room once again fell into silence. His hands had been stuck deep into his pockets, and he smiled at the class.

“My name is Edward Cullen,” he began, and Bella was instantly hooked at the sound of his voice. “I moved to Washington a few weeks ago. My favorite flavor of ice cream is strawberry.” He looked around the room, and Bella could have sworn his eyes landed on her for the briefest of seconds. “When I die, I want to be remembered for my music. I play the piano.”

A light round of applause followed his introduction, as customary.

With a heavy syllabus packet in her hand, she had almost made it out the door before Edward Cullen had appeared next to her. “Bella from Arizona,” he had said in the form of a hello. “It’s nice to meet you.”

With him that close, Bella’s brain had failed to function for what felt like eternity. Yes, with him up close, Bella’s mind blanked on the regular. What she had perceived as natural, unfair beauty, was actually just Edward embodying his vampiric ability. Vampires, she soon came to realize, were supposed to be attractive. It was just the way they lured you in.

“Yes,” she had told him. “Bella from Arizona, stuck in gloomy Washington.”

“Is the gloom so bad?” They had begun to walk out together. “You seem pretty gloomy yourself.”

Bella had found herself tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. Something she would instantly classify as drastically cliche. “Gloomy?”

“You don’t think you’ll be remembered after you die?”

Ah, she had thought. That. And she had wanted to further dig herself into the ground. “It was silly.”

“Perhaps the truth. I’d say realistic.”

“And realistic is gloomy nowadays.” She had thought for a second. “I don’t think I’d even want a funeral. Why waste money on the dead?”

Edward had ducked his head in acknowledgement.

“Edward, right?” She had asked, even though she perfectly well knew his name. “How are you liking Washington?”

And from then on, Bella’s life had taken an interesting turn. It wasn’t until a few days later that she had realized how Edward tended to pull away slowly. He would engage her in conversation, but then always have some sort of excuse to leave. Their conversations would be pleasant and insightful, yet weirdly short.

Some days, Edward would skip his classes entirely, which never boded well for Bella. She was liking him, but she had already begun to judge him for not taking his education seriously. And there was this douchy quality she decided to ultimately sweep under the rug: sunglasses indoors. She didn’t understand why, but she also didn’t question it.

By the end of their first week together, Bella had already snagged his phone number. She’d text him that she was in the library, or at the cafeteria. He’d arrive shortly after, and they’d walk to class on the days they had HIST 202 together. She had already been crushing on him, and given the time he had dedicated to her, she figured he had been feeling similarly.

Bella knew she was in trouble when she spent three extra dollars on a higher-end mascara at the drug store. She wanted to impress this man. Edward Cullen had been becoming a daily excitement—a reason for her to want to get out of bed each morning.

The cute little library dates turned into dinners. And during dinners, Bella wouldn’t quite notice how little Edward would eat. She would notice, however, that he would always pull her chair out, open her door, and pay for anything that was purchased.

“What are you thinking?” He would ask her as they split garlic bread at a pleasant Italian cafe in Port Angeles.

She would take a bite and smile at him, consistently impressed by his interest in her mind. “I’m thinking about the amount of olive oil these things are soaked in.”

Edward would grab a piece, but by the end of the night, it would remain seated on his plate. Ripped into two, but uneaten.

Things between them were normal, for the most part. After a few weeks of their newfound relationship, Edward would show up at her house. The first time, he had brought roses. Pink ones—the kind that said, “I’m into you, but I also want your dad to know.” Which was why there were twelve of them. A dozen.

Her father, Charlie Swan, had awkwardly set them up on the kitchen counter as they had their very first dinner together. Bella had noticed her father’s eyes slide over to the flowers every now and then, as if to continuously judge the seriousness of their relationship.

After Edward had left that night, and they were washing dishes together, Charlie had said, “He’s a good kid. Nice flowers.”

Yes, Bella had thought. Good kid. Nice flowers.

But the good kid wasn’t actually a kid. And the flowers wilted in a week, which was when Bella began to suspect that something was a little off.

Edward would bail on sunny days. They’d had a picnic scheduled and rescheduled three times at that point, and Bella had begun to question his reliability.

The next time they met—indoors, at the library—Edward had seemed aware of her frustration. For that, he had brought a single red rose. Had Bella been younger, it would have worked. At twenty, she had a little more mind on her than a blubbering teenage girl.

“If you can’t commit to our dates, we shouldn’t go on them at all,” she had told him firmly, though still slightly dazed by his proximity.

Her reaction had visibly surprised Edward, as if he had expected that flowers and gentle words fixed it all—which had admittedly irritated Bella.

After profuse apologies, his desperation had shown through, and Edward planned right then and there that they would have dinner. It hadn’t been a question.

“Seven o’clock. We’re going to Razzy’s.”

Bella had sat there, staring up at Edward, her hands sprawled over notes from her classes. “I have class tomorrow morning. Early.”

“Tomorrow night?”

Bella had sighed. “How about a nice outdoor lunch tomorrow?”

And Edward had immediately pulled back. “I can’t.”

Then, Bella had stood, trying to level with him. “You can tell me if you have some sort of aversion to the outdoors. Allergies? Sunburns? What is it?”

“It’s nothing,” he had said with such fervor, Bella instinctively had taken a step back. And Edward had seemed to realize that he had scared her, even if in slight. And he’d had. Bella had watched the eerie way his golden eyes darkened into a deep yellow. There was something just so odd with the way his face tightened into something animalistic and raw. Bella couldn’t explain anything about it, she just knew it wasn’t like anything she’d seen before.

Then, he would reel back. The regret on his face had touched something in her. He’d avert his eyes and apologize each chance he’d get for showing his anger. He knew exactly how to tug at her heartstrings. So, Bella had given in that night, and they had gone to Razzy’s.

But this time, Bella had paid very close attention to just how little food and drink Edward had actually consumed. Bella didn’t understand why, but she tucked in away the detail for later. Edward didn’t really eat much at all, though he appeared very well nourished. He was mildly muscular, and Bella knew that it was something that was hard to maintain without a proper diet.

“Did you not like the food?” She had asked that night as Edward laid down his credit card to pay.

“It was good.”

“You’ve maybe taken four or five bites.”

Edward had solely focused on signing the receipt and tipping, and taking his sweet time as he did so. “I wasn’t too hungry.”

But Bella wasn’t stupid. They’d spent most of the day together, and she hadn’t seen Edward eat once. Come to think of it, did he even own a water bottle? Bella had lugged hers around the entire day.

Edward had stood and grabbed her hand, which had felt colder to her than usual. His skin had felt like ice to her at that moment, and she was burning up.

“Are you okay, Bella?” He had asked her.

No. She wasn’t okay. There was something here that she couldn’t put words to. Edward had pulled her outside into the cool, crisp evening, but his touch froze her the most.

She had been about to say something. Something embarrassingly accusing like, what are you hiding from me, without any real evidence of anything. But then Edward had leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to her cheek.

With wide eyes, she had looked up at him. They had been going out together for almost a month, and the kiss was long overdue. A lot of things were long overdue, by Bella’s book. She couldn’t hide her irritation this time.

Edward had given her a step, but truthfully, she’d wanted to be running by now.

So, she had taken his face in her hands, his skin freshly cold against her heating palms, and pressed a firm kiss to his beautiful lips.

Finally. She had sighed into him. But his lips had been cold, and static. After a few seconds, Bella had the nagging feeling that he hadn’t wanted to be kissed after all. So, she immediately pulled away, and Edward had his back to her.

How had he turned around so quickly? She had found herself feeling dizzy.

“Edward—”

“One second, Bella,” he had said, but his voice was low. A growl. She hadn’t been able to see his face, but dread had bubbled up her chest and into her throat. There was tense air between them, and she rightfully took one small step back.

“Are you—”

But Edward had vanished into thin air right in front of his eyes. He had disappeared. One second he was in front of her, his back to her, and the next, there was nothing but air.

She had remembered the two tears streaming down her cheeks. She hadn’t been sad due to the failed kiss. No, she just found that she didn’t understand.

That night, Bella had felt a shift in her life.

The world, she soon realized, wasn’t what it seemed.

A/N: Bella's maturity is important here.

Chapter 4

Chapter Text

Edward had introduced Bella to his world reluctantly.

Vampirism. Blood. Immortality.

It had been a weird whirlwind of thoughts and ideas for the week after the reveal.

"I had been so close to losing it, Bella," Edward had told her, his hands sandwiching hers. "When you kissed me, I was losing control very quickly."

Bella had unashamedly found that to be quite hot, but the direness in his tone had put her back in her place. After all, Edward had been scared about delivering the news.

"I thought it would go one of two ways," he had said. "Either you threw a glass of water in my face and called me a freak, or you'd be forever afraid of me." He had shaken his head, as if he couldn't accept either outcome. "I can't lose you, Isabella Swan. I cannot."

The desperation in his voice was chilling, and it did things to her stomach that she hadn't felt since her teenage years. She felt like she was—for the first time—reading something she shouldn't have. She was in a glorious love story—one with supernatural beings. Love, lust, and a delicious fight for control. It was a breathtaking combination.

"I don't want to lose you either, Edward," she had replied with a whisper. And there was acceptance there, whether she had acknowledged it or not. And perhaps, she hadn't quite thought through what it really meant that her new boyfriend was a vampire. But it didn't matter. It was exciting.

Soon, she found herself adjusted to her day-to-day life with Edward, the vampire. This also meant that she was automatically inaugurated into his family.

And apparently, that included vampire baseball.

As soon as Alice had pitched the ball, Bella knew that this wasn't just a regular game of baseball. She sat on the damp grass and watched as this group of vampires ran farther than she could see. After a while, Bella stopped trying to track the ball, because everything was happening too fast for her to follow.

"Well." Edward appeared beside her after merely twenty minutes of gameplay, brushing some grass off of his pant leg. "What do you think?"

She put her fingers up to create a camera frame, grabbing Carlisle and Esme in her scope. "I need a device that can automatically slow-mo what I'm seeing."

Edward chuckled, and Bella beamed at the sound of his laugh. He sat and put an arm around her as she snuggled against him—not so much for warmth, because that was a lost cause, but to shield herself against the wind.

"Kicked. Your. Ass." Emmett enunciated as he strutted around the field. Bella looked up to see Alice sticking her tongue out at him.

A flash of lightning licked the sky, and its boom could be heard a few seconds later. Alice had explained before the game started that the storm was crucial to their ballgame. It was a miracle that they only broke a few aluminum bats with the amount of force they put into their hits. The lightning was the most important part to mask the sounds of ball against bat.

Emmett sauntered over with his wife. Sticking his bat into the ground, he leaned on it casually and addressed Bella. "This was the first time we've brought a human to the game."

"I sat here and looked pretty. I hope that was all that was expected," she teased in response.

Emmett laughed. "Unfortunately, this could get really dangerous for you, really quickly."

Bella knew. If the ball hit her at the speed it was thrown by them, it would probably go straight through her. She imagined herself as a cartoon with a giant hole in her torso.

Friendly banter was exchanged as the family picked up their equipment. Bella found it a little odd that they'd slow down and move at a human pace for this part. Were they just trying to make her feel a little more comfortable?

She was going to ask Edward just this before she was yanked up from her spot. She felt a pop in her shoulder and immediately bit her lip against the pain. Her hand came up to put pressure on the area as she tried to focus on her balance. Edward was standing in front of her, blocking her view. She looked around to see that the rest of the family was crowding around them.

Something was clearly wrong, but Bella couldn't see what. She rose on her tiptoes to see around Edward's shoulder, and she caught sight of three unfamiliar faces.

Instantly, she knew they were vampires. But they were different.

They were vampires.

They were what Bella had imagined Edward would transform into the moment he had said the word. She shifted to get a better angle, and she stared at the three porcelain figures with piqued interest. There were two men, and one woman. And their eyes were bloody red.

Of course the Cullens couldn't have been the only vampires. Edward had even said as such—that his family was the odd one out in his world regarding their unique diet.

"We're just passing through," one of the men said. His skin was darker than all that were present. "My name is Laurent."

Carlisle was the one that spoke. "This is my family."

"Hello, family," the woman from beside Laurent said, almost seductively. "Victoria." She placed a sensual hand on the last one remaining, with this blond hair slicked back into a short ponytail. "This is James."

James was starting directly at Bella, and she noticed this after Victoria finished her introduction. His eyes were piercing, and Bella felt hypnotized by the feeling of being watched so intensely. It was probably more of a prey reaction—a deer caught in headlights.

But then, she felt the discomfort in her shoulder intensify. The adrenaline was wearing off, and the stabbing pain was setting in. She squeezed her shoulder tighter.

"You have a human," James said, and his smirk was nothing short of devilish. When he took a step forward, the entire family seemed to shift around Bella. Some crouched low in front of her, others covered her closely. Bella, frozen, couldn't keep her eyes off of James.

"And she seems injured," Victoria said, trailing her fingers down James' arm. "Why haven't you ended her misery?"

At her comment, Bella tightened her grip on her shoulder. Edward whipped his head back to her and keyed in on where she clutched herself tightly.

"She is with us," Carlisle spoke diplomatically.

Laurent co*cked his head to the side. "A human pet?"

"We could use one." Victoria licked her lips. "James?"

Bella watched as James's chest expanded with a deep breath. And in the next second, she realized that he'd been smelling her.

"Yes," he said, his eyes still shamelessly on hers. "We certainly could."

Edward took a step back, which meant Bella did as well. "Let's go," he murmured into her ear before throwing her into his arms. The force jolted her injured shoulder, and she couldn't help the yelp that escaped her lips.

Edward said nothing as the world started to blur. They were running, she realized. No, Edward was running. She was being thrown into hyperspeed travel.

Her stomach was in knots by the time she was placed on her feet. Once her head stopped spinning, she was able to discern that she was right outside of the Cullen house.

The rest of the family started to arrive in the next few seconds. Gripping her shoulder, she turned to Edward, but Carlisle appeared in front of her.

She watched as he placed his own hand over her injury, the cool touch providing some reprieve from the dull ache she felt. Then, she was forced to take a quick breath as he maneuvered her arm out, and the pain inevitably intensified.

"It's dislocated," he said. "I'll need to pop it back in."

"Pop it back—?"

Without wasting any time, or giving her any further explanation, Carlisle gripped her arm firmly and pushed. Bella gasped through the resistance her bones provided, and then felt the full relief once her bones popped back into their place.

She didn't even have a moment to process the medical intervention she had just received, because Carlisle had left. She was looking around her surroundings when he reappeared again.

"This could take weeks to heal," he told her, then proceeded to give her some simple, but necessary instructions for home care. He was holding a sling.

Quickly, he showed her how to put it on, and had disappeared once again. In fact, as Bella turned a full circle, the Cullens who had followed them back to the house had all left—all except for Edward, who was a few feet away.

Bella wanted to thank Carlisle, but she wasn't even sure where he ran off to. Cradling her arm, she approached Edward, who began pacing.

"I should keep this on Carlisle said, and—"

"I've changed my mind," he said, cutting her off. "I'm taking you home."

Bella could tell that he was about to grab her arm, but seemed to shrink back at the last second. No, it couldn't have been easy to know that you had unintentionally dislocated your girlfriend's shoulder.

"It's okay," she reassured him, but he was silent.

He walked over to his car and opened the passenger door for her.

"Edward, are you sure—"

He was furious. "Get in the car, Bella."

A/N: Vampires and humans. A hard mix.

Chapter 5

Chapter Text

Bella decided that Edward acted a lot like Charlie when he was scared. Agitation rolled off of him as he paced the length of her bedroom. He was quiet most of the time. But when he spoke, his words were short, and his tone was harsh. His attention was solely focused on monitoring his phone.

Bella sat cross-legged on her bed, looking at him expectantly. She wanted an explanation. She wanted him to talk. She wanted something.

"Edward?" She asked tentatively. "Is everything okay?"

Edward slid his eyes to her, and then back at his phone. Time ticked on in silence as Bella watched him give all of his attention to whatever else he deemed more important. Occasionally, his thumbs would start tapping on the screen, which told Bella that he was in active conversation with someone.

Sighing, she rolled over and picked up her laptop from the bedside table—the maneuver a little harder with the sling on her arm.

Opening the lid of her laptop, she decided to spend this time going over her report that was due tomorrow night. There was no use in trying to talk to Edward when he was in this state, and if she was being honest with herself, she just needed a distraction. Bella was agitated, and admittedly, a little scared—and Edward's silence did nothing to comfort her. There was trouble, she knew, but beyond the simple detail of nomadic vampires, she didn't even have the slightest understanding of the severity of the situation.

Letting her eyes skim over her own words on the screen, she focused on editing and polishing.

But then, Edward was there, right in front of her, glancing down at her laptop. "Bella."

She looked up at him, tearing her eyes away from the screen. "Edward."

He sighed, and she noticed that his eyes were glued to her shoulder. Eventually, he sat beside her on the bed, and regretfully, said, "You don't know how sorry I am."

Bella nudged the cast. "This? No. There's nothing to be sorry about."

"Bringing you out there was a mistake," he told her, shaking his head. "I'm so sorry, Bella."

She pushed away her laptop. "Stop it, please." Then, shifting towards him, said, "I'm okay. We're okay. Right?"

Edward's eyes were fixated on the sling. "My strength is a weakness. It always was, and it always will be."

Bella didn't know what to say to that. Yes, he had hurt her—entirely unintentionally, and she wasn't quite sure what she would tell Charlie tomorrow. But he was also trying to protect her.

She pressed a calm hand to his shoulder and gave him a smile. "You're not weak. Please, don't let this hurt you. It barely hurts me."

Bella saw the nod he gave her, and it was as if he was trying to convince himself of her words. He leaned over and pressed a quick kiss to her forehead. "Get some rest."

And before Bella could take her next breath to ask him about the threat he was so concerned about, her window was suddenly open, and Edward was nowhere to be seen.

It was frustrating when he did this, but she tried to reason with herself. He was clearly very upset, and perhaps he just needed some space. Besides, if the threat had truly extended out to her, would he really leave her alone?

Her rationale felt sound, but she still had a tough time sleeping that night. She had already taken the maximum allowed dosage of pain medication for her shoulder, but sleeping with a sling was far from comfortable.

She blinked at the dark ceiling. How bizarre, she thought, that her boyfriend could rip her arm out of its socket with a flick of his wrist.

Bella woke with a start, and her eyes immediately found Edward. He was sitting on her armchair in the corner.

"You need to stop doing that," she mumbled, slowly getting up to sit. It was a little awkward with the sling on her arm. She threw her legs to the side of the bed and ran her fingers through her hair. "How long have you been here?"

He merely smiled at her pleasantly. "Good morning."

She gave him a playful look and pulled her hair into a tight ponytail. "I always know when you're watching me."

"Always perceptive. How did you sleep?"

"Just alright." Bella got up to rummage around the room for clothes. She found a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, and when she looked up at Edward, she noted his smile. "What?"

"James is dead."

The shirt she was holding fell to the ground. "What?"

James—one of the three vampires that had interrupted the baseball game. But he had already been dead. But now, he was… more dead. Gone? Bella hadn't quite thought about how vampires stopped existing.

"He's not our problem anymore," Edward said.

"Just like that?"

Edward got to his feet and approached her. "Just like that."

She felt his cool hand on her cheek. "He was the problem? You were so worried."

His smile faltered as his fingers spread on her skin. "You were in danger. I read his mind—he wasn't going to stop. Not until he got what he wanted."

"What does that mean?"

Edward sighed, watching her cautiously. "He was a gifted tracker. The moment he noticed your scent, he wanted to play the game."

"A gifted tracker?"

"Predator and prey, Bella. You were prey the moment he saw you."

Bella instantly felt cold. "And he's… dead. Forever?"

Edward nodded grimly. His mood had turned so quickly. "There are always threats." His hand fell away, and he eyed the sling that held her arm hostage.

Bella turned, as if she could hide it. "Don't do this."

"Bella—"

"Please, Edward. It's not your fault."

He didn't respond, and it was clear that he was fighting his own battle internally. This was something that always scared Bella. Touching was hard. Kissing was hard. When would the day come when Edward would just give up on all of this?

Rather than let the panic swallow her, she chose to gave him a smile. "It's all okay. I'm here. I'm alive. I… have terrible morning breath." She chuckled lightly, and reached up to sweep her fingers through his hair. "And your family hunted down the threat."

"Jasper."

"Hm?"

"Jasper killed him."

Bella's fingers halted momentarily. "Really?"

Edward nodded once, then went around her to her bed and proceeded to make it.

"Why would he do that?"

Edward didn't respond. He simply continued to smooth out the sheets.

Bella watched, considering. "Well, I should thank him, right?"

He placed her pillows accordingly, and smiled at her as if she was a little crazy. "You don't need to do that."

Bella entirely disagreed. "Do you even understand how crazy this is? He killed someone. Last night. For me."

"Death is a natural occurrence in my world, Bella." He fluffed the pillows. "Actually, it's a normal occurrence in yours as well. Have you been following the news lately?"

This was slightly insane, and Bella flailed around with her hands. "No one has killed anyone for me."

Edward arranged the blanket as a final touch over her comforter. "Again, you don't have to thank him. The Cullens will keep you safe—" Bella noticed how his eyes now avoided looking at her sling. "—to the best of our ability."

Bella went to shower, because she truly needed a moment alone. When she finally closed the bathroom door behind her, the slight ache in her shoulder seemed to intensify. It was as if she could anticipate having to remove the sling and maneuver the injury through a shower. The pain came soon after gravity exasperated her joint. She winced as the water massaged it in all the wrong ways.

Once she was done, she carefully dried off and put on her t-shirt. It took her a few minutes with all of the dancing around she had to do to minimize joint mobility in her arm.

Toweling her hair, she eyed her skin-care products on the counter, her mind leaping to the supposed events the night before. Yes, she thought. It's all just so absurd.

A group of vampires had intercepted a vampire baseball game, of which she was the only human present. The outsider vampires appeared to be a threat—one of them took an interest in her, for reasons she still didn't understand. And then her vampire boyfriend's family had casually eliminated the threat.

She dried the tips of her hair, her gaze distant in the mirror. If she could get Jasper a card, what would it say? Thanks for killing a vampire for me. He was about to be a real pain in the neck.

Bella rolled her eyes at herself.

A/N: Jasper’s role in this… a little curious.

Chapter 6

Chapter Text

A few days later, at the Cullen house, Edward pointed Bella to the very last room in the second floor hallway. She didn't have a card to give him, but she remained persistent with her desire to give thanks to Jasper Cullen. It was the least she could do.

As she took the stairs one at a time, she thought back to Edward's tense demeanor in the living room. The look on his face had been calm, but Bella was quickly learning of the facade he put up over his true feelings. Edward wasn't entirely comfortable with the situation, but he certainly wasn't going to prevent her from saying a simple thank you.

The tension between them lessened each day following the baseball incident, and Bella was glad for that. Their relationship needed to ease back into something normal—well, as normal as it could be.

"You don't have to knock," Edward had told her right before he pressed his tight lips against her temple. "Don't stay too long."

Bella hadn't responded, because wasn't thanking a family member for their kindness just a regular, normal thing to do?

And now, she entered Jasper's room.

"Hello?" Bella closed the door behind her. The air felt a little musty. Old. Her eyes immediately lifted to the grand bookcases that lined the entire back wall of the room. Their tops connected with the ceiling, and they were filled with books of all sizes and colors. With her eyes glued on the rows and rows of literature, she didn't see the man sitting on one of the two armchairs.

"Isabella Swan."

Her head jerked to the far corner of the room. With an ankle over his knee and his arms folded, it felt absurdly like he was just waiting for her to walk in.

Her mind repeated the two simple words he had used to greet her. Her own name. Part of her wished she had been paying enough attention to watch him say it. How had it floated off his tongue so alluringly?

But then she remembered. It wasn't her name. Not entirely. And she hated half of it, anyway.

"It's just Bella."

His eyes drifted toward the open book on the tall coffee table beside him. "Bella."

Even though she was far away, she didn't miss the gradual rise and shift of his body as he inhaled. Vampires had no need to breathe. No, Jasper was just using his sense of smell, and it made Bella instantly self-conscious.

His attention was still on the book. "Edward's Bella."

"And you're…"

"Jasper."

"I knew that." Bella took a step forward. Her eyes scanned the room and noticed that the faint smoky scent came from the scattered candles. It was broad daylight outside, but long, velvety curtains were pulled tightly over the tall windows in the room.

Her eyes latched back onto Jasper. "I wanted to thank you."

Jasper picked up the book he was looking at and stood. He turned his back to her and, in an instant, appeared by the bookshelf.

Bella blinked a few times at the blur of movement. It wasn't often that she would see the Cullens use much of their vampirism around her. Whenever they did use their strength or speed, she always found herself in awe.

Jasper placed the book back into a spot on the shelf. "Have a seat, Edward's Bella."

Bella eyed the second armchair. "Are you sure? I don't want to intrude."

Jasper held out a hand and gestured to said armchair. "It might just help you calm down."

That was when Bella noticed how fast her heart was beating, and Jasper could probably hear it all. He had probably heard it the moment she cleared the staircase up to the second floor.

Bella moved forward and took a seat. She waited a moment, but the silence nagged her. "So, again, I just—"

Jasper appeared at the armchair next to her, and the sight before her quickly shut her up. She had never seen Jasper up close, and nothing could have prepared her for the sight of his eyes.

She didn't know what to say, but an instinctual swallow graced her throat, which certainly drew Jasper's attention far too close to her jugular vein.

She caught the slight hint of amusem*nt in those crimson eyes before they vanished. Jasper was instantly at the other corner of the room. "Perhaps some distance would make you more comfortable."

Bella turned her head to the bookshelf beside her and fought another swallow. Taking a deep breath, she willed her heart to calm. And surprisingly, it listened. She looked back at Jasper.

"I'm sorry. No one told me about…"

Jasper dug his hands into the pockets of his dark jeans and looked at her expectedly.

"You don't kill animals," she said evenly.

"I'm probably the only one in this house that doesn't."

Bella co*cked her head to the side. He had added her into his equation.

Jasper gave her a wry smile. "You're not vegetarian. Vegetarians smell… different."

Bella straightened. "Good different or bad different?"

"Different."

"Well," she said. "I don't kill the animals myself."

"Yes." He took a step forward. "You buy nicely cut, prepackaged slices of them. Brisket, flank, sirloin. Then you throw them into a fire. Rare, or well done, Edward's Bella?"

Bella did like sirloin steak, and there was an interesting twinge in her stomach at the tone of his voice.

"Bloody or burnt?" Jasper repeated.

"It depends," she said. "It depends entirely on the restaurant."

"Why?"

Bella rubbed lightly on her shoulder joint, and she caught Jasper's attention shift to her cast. "The cleaner the meat, the rarer you can eat it."

"Clean meat, then. Bloody or burnt?"

Bella smiled at this curiosity. "Medium rare. Delicious."

Jasper stared at her for a moment, but said nothing. He hadn't even acknowledged how clearly injured she was. Then, he appeared at the far end of the bookshelf, pulled out a book, and placed it on the coffee table beside her. Then, he was back to his spot, maintaining the distance between them.

Bella glanced down at the thick hard-cover. "Meat Illustrated? You own a cookbook?"

"I own many things," he said. "I've been interested in your diets. It changes my experience if I'm mindful of what you eat."

"Your experience?"

The corner of his lips perked up. "What you put into your bodies impacts every part of your bodily functions—including the taste and smell of your blood." He gestured at the meat cookbook. "And there are so many options to pick from. Your meals are diverse, with so many ways to consume."

Bella felt entirely intrigued by this, but she caught herself quickly. His implications couldn't be ignored. She was human, after all.

And Jasper immediately picked up on it. "You're fearful. Have I scared you?"

Bella's hands tightened around each other. He was an empath. Edward had mentioned this. But he hadn't mentioned that his adopted brother drank human blood?

"No," she said, but it came out too uncertainly. "Well, yes." Her human survival instincts shouldn't lie, and her gut definitely didn't like his eyes.

"Naturally," he said, which surprised her. "And it's hard for you to lie to me, but I'm sure you already know that."

Yes, and it was entirely unfair. Bella looked down at the book. "Do you own more cookbooks?"

Jasper turned back to the bookcase. And then gradually, books began to pile on top of the meat one. How to Cook Everything Vegetarian, Everyday Italian, The Food Lab, Mastering the Art of French Cooking…

"Okay, okay," Bella said with a chuckle, and the books stopped once at least ten of them had piled up dangerously. She put a hand up to the tower to prevent it from toppling. "Do you actually use them? Do you cook?"

"No," he said, his eyes still scanning spines of books on the shelves. "Esme will come up to grab some occasionally. She does it more now that you're around."

Her nose wrinkled. "Who else would she cook for?"

"No one."

"What happens to the food?"

"It doesn't get eaten."

Bella frowned. "Wasteful."

"Agreed."

There was a moment of silence before Bella started to feel that she was overstaying her welcome. "Thank you, Jasper, for protecting the family. I didn't realize how much danger I had put them in."

The books beside her began to disappear. When they were all gone, Jasper lingered by the far bookshelf. "No one was in danger. The nomads were vastly outnumbered. The Cullens should have killed them on the spot."

The Cullens? "James wouldn't have stopped. That's what Edward told me."

"A petty tracker. Their obsession usually ends them."

Bella shifted in her seat, not quite understanding his air of nonchalance. "You're so calm. You just killed one of your kind."

"I took care of an annoyance. The Cullens don't like to be annoyed."

"Edward was scared. Carlisle, too. Worried—"

"You're human, and they feel a huge sense of responsibility for your safety."

She fidgeted with her fingers. "If it weren't for me, you wouldn't have had to kill him."

"That is true."

There were so many questions she wanted to ask him. His eyes. Why didn't he play baseball? Why had she never truly seen him before? Why did he refer to his family as The Cullens?

But Jasper spoke before she ever could. "Edward is here."

Bella straightened in her chair when the door opened, and sure enough, there he was.

"Bella," Edward said, almost in relief. He didn't acknowledge his adopted brother. "Esme wants to know what you want for dinner."

Bella watched as he walked over to her with a human pace. She threw him a bright smile. "I'll go talk to her."

Edward looked over at Jasper, before holding out his hand to her. She accepted it, and let him pull her up with her good arm.

"Thank you again, Jasper," she called, as Edward guided her through the door. "It was nice to meet you."

Following yet another lavish dinner for one, Bella sat in Edward's car and watched the raindrops race down the window. She hadn't brought up her interaction with Jasper as she ate her meal beside Edward, and other members of the family shuffled in and out.

But now, as they were far enough away from the house, Bella turned to Edward. "Why didn't you tell me about Jasper's diet?"

Edward's face was blank when he responded, "It didn't seem appropriate."

"Appropriate?"

His eyes turned back to the road. "He feeds on your kind, Bella. I thought it would spook you."

"You could have warned me before sending me up to his room," she said. "It caught me off-guard."

"And what did you think?"

Bella stared at him for a while, trying to find words. Interacting with a true predator had felt… "Interesting. It was interesting."

"That's it?"

"I don't know, Edward. He didn't seem that…"

Edward's eyes cut to her. "He's not supposed to be scary. None of us are supposed to scare you. That's the whole point, Bella."

If they scared her, they wouldn't be able to lure her in. Yes, vampirism was about a lot of sex appeal.

"I suppose."

What she was really feeling, she soon realized, was excitement. She felt thrilled to meet the last member of the Cullen family. If anything, she felt whole. Jasper had always been a question mark in her brain, and now she could put a picture to the name. And that picture stared back with blood red eyes she simply couldn't ignore.

"I don't trust his control," Edward murmured eventually.

"Has he given you reason to doubt it?"

It was as if a switch flipped in his brain, because Edward's tone and demeanor instantly sharpened. "Do I need to remind you what exactly he feeds on?"

Bella fell silent for a moment. "Does he kill them, or…"

"Maybe you should have asked him," he fumed, and Bella drew back slightly. Perhaps her curiosity had been too morbid for the vampire himself.

"He doesn't associate with humans unless it's dinner," he said silently, and continued to drive.

The car ride was silent all the way until Edward pulled up to her house.

Before she moved to get out, Edward placed a gentle hand on her knee, and Bella was pleasantly surprised at yet another shift in his mood. "I'm sorry if I've been on edge."

"You have been," Bella told him. "You still are. I'm not that fragile, Edward." And she meant it both physically, and mentally.

A solemn look overtook his face. "But you are. How can I make you understand?" His eyes slipped to her cast. "How can I make you see what I see?"

It saddened her to see him like this. Bella knew Edward cared for her deeply—she cared, too. Her fascination with his world only added to their relationship, and it wasn't something she wanted to lose.

"Edward…" she trailed, and placed her hand on top of his. They had been rocky ever since her injury, and Bella did her best to empathize. None of this was easy, and she knew that.

"Hey," she said eventually, "do you want to go camping tonight? You can watch me snore under the stars."

Edward was silent for a while before the creases on his forehead melted away. He gave her a small smile. "Do you usually camp out in the woods, Miss Swan? All alone?"

"No," she said. "But I have you. Shall we call it a date?"

Edward glanced at her injured shoulder, but then slowly, brought his eyes down to their joined hands. "That sounds wonderful, Bella."

A/N: Red is such an intriguing color.

Chapter 7

Chapter Text

Charlie watched Bella, and Bella watched him. It was a father-daughter stand-off in the kitchen that morning.

"I'm injured. That bacon is mine, old man," she said challengingly.

Charlie gave her a look, then cautiously eyed her sling. Bella had told him she had taken a very hard fall on campus, and that seemed to be enough of an explanation, since Charlie had surprisingly not asked for more details.

They sat at their little dining table with glasses of orange juice, mugs of coffee, and a steaming stack of pancakes. The bacon was still in the pan, directly in the middle of the table. One piece was left.

Charlie raised an eyebrow. "You said it. Old man. How many more pieces of bacon will I get to eat in my life?"

Bella's witty retort dried on her tongue. Charlie was in his early fifties, and he did pretty well for his age. As a cop, he kept in shape, though Bella knew he could be eating better. The beers were adding layers to his belly, and she had keenly noticed that when he got sick, he would be sick for longer than before.

Bella knew Charlie would die. It was more likely that he would die before her, but she didn't feel prepared for it. She was in college, but she still stayed in his house. They had a good, easygoing relationship, and she saved tons in rent money.

He was also her dad, and she couldn't imagine losing him.

"Fine," he said. "You can have it."

Bella felt terrible, and not because of anything she could control. Charlie would die. There would come a day that she'd get a phone call, or witness it for herself. She'd feel the dread in her chest, and the tears would follow. That day would come, and her world would inevitably change.

"No, it's okay. It's yours." Bella took a quick sip of her coffee and blinked away the wetness in her eyes.

"You sure?" He paused for a moment, letting her have a possible moment of redemption. But when she didn't move, he reached over and slid the last slice of bacon onto his plate.

The smile on his face as he munched away filled her with a solemn glee. She wanted to savor this moment, but it slipped away, much like how anything did.

She promised herself she would remember his smile—the one that won the bacon. The one that was simply human, pure, and sincere.

Even though she had a perfectly functional and ergonomic desk, Bella chose to sit on the furry carpet on her bedroom floor. She was crouched over her laptop and she almost knocked over her bottle of water when she saw Edward standing by her window.

Bella didn't hide her annoyance when she said, "Stop doing that. Please."

"I thought you liked to be surprised." He held out his hand to her.

She huffed and pushed her laptop off of her lap and took his hand with her good arm. Pulling her up, Edward drew her close. His smile faltered only slightly as he cupped her face.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay."

"Your arm?"

"Way better." She moved it around a little bit, though stopped when she felt some discomfort.

His hand felt rough against her skin as he put more pressure on her cheek. "Bella, I'm so sorry. I—"

She reached up and placed a finger on his lips. "No more. You promised."

Edward's eyebrows drew together, and Bella couldn't help but notice just how much she had to reassure him.

"I'm just looking through the class catalog for winter." She sat back down on her carpet and pulled her laptop close. "Do you know what you're taking?"

Do you even want to pick a class? Bella watched him closely.

"Something artsy. Also Calculus sounds great," he said casually.

"Are you sure?"

Edward shrugged. "We could take something together if you'd like."

"No, are you sure you want to keep doing this?"

He plopped down next to her and grinned. "I have more incentive now that you're in the picture."

"Edward, please." She found herself feeling strongly about this. "You're going to go to community college for the rest of your…forever life?"

He placed an arm around her, and their noses almost touched. "I can do anything and everything I want, Isabella Swan. And I choose to be here with you."

He was dazzling her, and she was sure of it. She averted her eyes, and noticed what it felt like. It was as if she was mildly buzzed, but also pretty self-aware of it. No, she decided—she would not let herself drive in this state.

She looked back at him with an easy smile. "I choose to be here with you, too."

He leaned down and kissed her, and she forgot about the details for a few seconds. The supernatural, her future at Peninsula College, her father getting old. But that was all she got. A few seconds. Because she knew the signs, and recognized them pretty quickly after a few weeks of being with a vampire. He tensed against her, and Bella knew that his lips would be the last to leave her body. His hands would fall away, and his body would pull back. Once he ended the kiss, he wouldn't be smiling. Now, he stared at her lips with a deep frown.

"It's not easy," he said roughly, as he always did.

"I know," she said gently, as she always did.

And they would move on.

But today, Bella wanted more. She looked down at her laptop with the course catalog open. "Edward, am I finishing my associates degree?"

He gave her an odd look. "Of course you are. Your grades are phenomenal."

That was not what she meant. She tried again. "What are we right now? And where are we going?"

"What are we?" Edward questioned the question.

She gestured to her laptop. "I need to know what I need to plan for my future. It's not something you're too concerned about for obvious reasons. But if you're serious about me, you need to tell me."

Edward seemed baffled by her words. "Serious? Bella, of course I'm serious about you. About us. How could I not be?"

She got up to her feet and did her best to cross her arms, but it probably looked strange. She started to pace in her tiny room because the following thoughts and questions seemed so unreal. "Are you going to change me?"

"What?"

"I'm trying to plan out my future. If you're in there, that's an entirely different path that I had been dreaming of since middle school."

Edward looked down, and it frustrated Bella to no end how unknowing he seemed to act. But he also seemed uncertain, which told her that perhaps he wasn't as serious as he led on.

"Edward, I just need some answers. I need a direction."

He looked at her then. "Why, Bella? Plan your life the way you have. Why does it matter?"

"It matters," she insisted. "It matters because if I'm going to pursue a career, I need to set myself up for it. And if I'm going to… die, that's going to change things."

Edward shook his head and gently pulled her down to the carpet so she sat beside him again. "Bella, you're beautiful the way you are. You don't need to change."

He was kidding. No, he wasn't kidding, because he wasn't serious. Bella slapped her hand on her forehead. There was this weird disconnect between them that she didn't feel that she could explain to him. Didn't it make sense? Wasn't it fair to know if your vampire boyfriend would make you a vampire so you could clearly know that your life as a human was insignificant? That your decisions didn't matter?

She sighed. What was she thinking? She had barely known this man for two months. If Edward changed her, wasn't she committing to him for eternity? She couldn't even process eternity, let alone a lifetime.

"What are you—"

She stopped him right there, because she anticipated the question. "I'm not thinking about anything, Edward," she said, a little exasperated.

Really, she was more frustrated with herself. At twenty, she already felt like she was thirty. Time was ticking for her. She needed to move out, buy a car, find an internship, get her degree, find a job, find a husband, have children…

The endless checklist made her head spin. And the moments she was with Edward, with his vampirism and immortality, she occasionally forgot about the realities of her human life. Because she thought there was just a slight possibility that she could join his world. Half of her mental checklist wouldn't exist. But with that came a lot of other decisions. Would she be marrying Edward? What about Charlie? Did she want kids? Were kids even possible—

"You're upset with me," Edward noted, and Bella wanted to get up and give him a standing ovation. Yes, she supposed, she was upset. But not just at him, because it wasn't entirely his fault. There too many question marks that surrounded her life.

"Maybe you dazzled me too much," she said, a little resigned.

"Dazzled?"

"That's what I call it," Bella explained. "When you do that… thing."

Edward's grin practically glowed. "What thing?"

Bella couldn't help but smile, because he was doing it again, damn it. "This! This right here!"

Bella wanted to reach over and kiss him. It was so strange how quickly her mood shifted. Vampirism was magic. She wanted to drag him into her bed and reach the next level of their relationship. She wanted to feel his skin against hers, and—what would sex feel like with a vampire?

When she blinked, she didn't realize she was staring at Edward's deep golden eyes. Her hand was plastered on his chest, and she really wanted the stupid sling off of her arm.

"Don't stop looking at me like that," Edward whispered as he dragged his fingers over her forearm. Instantly, she felt chills. And the darkening of his eye color should have thrown her off, but there was an unusual part of her that was attracted to it. The possibility of him losing control was thrilling.

She decided that she was twisted, and that snapped her out of her reverie. She knew this vampire well enough that he would never forgive himself for losing control. He still hadn't forgiven himself for hurting her arm.

"Will you kiss me again?" She asked, and instantly knew he'd turn her down.

"I'm going hunting tomorrow. I promise, it will be better."

She nodded and gave him a smile. Though later, she would admit to herself that it was forced. She appeased him like this, and she knew it was something that she did a lot.

A/N: No matter how mature, there are things that Bella sweeps under the rug, which can be frustrating.

Chapter 8

Chapter Text

Emmett Cullen sat before Bella in the Cullens' living room at a small card table. He was helping her get through her flashcards for her history final coming up in a few weeks.

"You study early," Emmett noted as he flipped to a new card.

"Louis XIII," she answered. "And thanks, I get test anxiety."

They went through her whole deck, and then Bella began to look over the study guide that the professor had gladly published a few weeks early.

"What are you aiming for?" He asked her. "University of Washington?"

"Yes," she said automatically. "With in-state tuition, too. Good school."

Esme walked in with a grand smile on her face. "Bella, lunch?"

She wasn't hungry at all, though she knew she should eat. Studying always put her in an anxious mood. She turned to her. "Sure, Esme. What's on the menu?"

"There's a new bakery downtown, and I got some fresh bread this morning. Paninis?"

Bella laughed lightly. "Just one panini, please."

"Coming right up."

Once Esme receded back into the kitchen, Bella turned back to Emmett, who was shaking his head with a smile. "You make her so happy."

"Really?"

"She loves taking care of you."

And knowing that made Bella happy, she realized. In a people-pleasing way, it fed her self-importance.

At some point, Emmett's gazed flicked to the grand staircase, and Bella followed. Rosalie Cullen appeared, gliding down with grace, donned in athletic attire. Her long blond hair was tied back, and her leggings were shapely. Bella realized pretty quickly that she was staring. Rosalie was, simply put, beautiful—but it was a different type of beauty compared to what all vampires possessed. It was a type of beauty that she probably had possessed as a human.

Rosalie leaned down and pressed a kiss to her husband's lips.

"Hi, Bella," she then addressed her cooly, looming over her on the table. "How are you? Where's Edward?"

Bella mentally translated this to: Why are you here? Edward isn't.

"He's hunting, and I'm well. How are you?"

She eyed the flashcards on the table, and her tone was bored, and uninterested. "Great as can be."

Bella didn't have a bond with Rosalie. They existed in the same room together occasionally, but they rarely conversed. It was mostly due to social norms that they'd strike up small talk. Otherwise, Rosalie ignored her existence.

This failed to offend Bella. Perhaps it was a submissive side that understood that she shouldn't feel important amongst beings that were far more superior.

Before Bella could further their pointless small talk, a voice stopped her.

"Rosalie." She looked up the stairs and Jasper Cullen was actively advancing towards them. "Ready?"

"Ready," Rosalie echoed, and met him at the base of the staircase.

Jasper bowed his head towards the table, addressing them. "Emmett." He turned his head to Bella. "Edward's Bella."

Bella stacked her flashcards neatly as her face heated, and she couldn't explain why. "It's just Bella."

"Is it?" He asked.

She watched as Jasper and Rosalie left her field of vision, and then she heard the front door open and close. She wanted to ask Emmett where they were going, but Emmett stood from the table pretty soon after.

Rubbing at his stomach, he said, "I'm going to go catch some grub. I'll see you later?"

"Yeah," she said distantly. She realized soon enough that she was staring at the wall that hid her view from the front door. Emmett had already left by the time she snapped out of her trance.

She had never seen Jasper interact with any other Cullen before. He seemed respectful, direct, but distant.

Bella frowned down at her laptop, and then she started to smell the crisp scent of freshly toasted bread. It was a soothing smell, but there was a certain nagging feeling at the pit of her stomach that prevented her from appreciating it.

Why, she thought cynically, was she Edward's Bella?

After going through her study guide a few times, Bella felt exhausted. She had eaten Esme's delicious lunch, which she noticed was much easier for her to get through with only one vampire in the house. But the carbs weighed her down heavily. Edward wouldn't be back until the evening, he had said, so she had some time to herself.

She transferred her belongings from the card table to the large sectional, where she lay her head on a soft cushion.

"Esme, is it okay if I take a nap?" She called.

Esme walked into the living room with a human pace and graced her with a smile. It made Bella instantly miss her own mother. "Do you even have to ask?"

She shrugged playfully and closed her eyes. And within minutes, she was asleep.

There were no dreams for her during this nap, but she woke pretty badly with a racing heart, gasping for air. Nightmares were the usual culprit, but she couldn't remember having one.

She sat up immediately with a hand pressed to her chest.

"I'm sorry."

She jumped at the sound, and turned her wide eyes to Jasper. He was standing at the entrance to the living room.

"I didn't want to touch you. This seemed like a better way to wake you up."

By giving me a panic attack? Bella took a few seconds to go through her breath work—which was something she learned about in PSYCH110. In for four, hold for seven, and out for eight. She repeated that pattern three times before she felt more calm.

She had closed her eyes for this exercise, and when she opened them, Jasper was looking at her strangely.

"What?" She asked.

"You regulated your own emotions."

"Yes," she said, a little too proudly. "It's called breath work."

"Interesting. It worked."

"Naturally, that's why I do it." Bella grabbed her phone from the ground and tapped the screen. The time flashed 4:03 PM. "Is Esme here?"

"We are alone."

What an odd thing to say, Bella thought as she began to scroll through some emails.

"And you should probably leave."

Her finger halted on the screen. "I should leave?"

"Yes. Edward's not here."

She blinked a few times, noting how dazed she still was from her awkward nap. She should've timed it to a strict 20 minutes, because she felt too groggy for her own comfort. And then Jasper's comment finally settled into her brain.

"I should leave—because Edward's not here?"

"Yes."

And her grogginess heightened her irritation. "He wasn't here this afternoon, either. So, by your logic, I shouldn't be here at all."

Jasper merely co*cked his head to the side, his expression entirely blank. "You're annoyed."

"A little bit, yes. And I apologize, because I was just rudely awakened."

Jasper's eyes narrowed slightly as he came to a conclusion. "You're not apologizing."

"And you're very smart."

Bella rubbed at her eyes with the heels of her hands to draw some of the sleep away. When she opened her eyes, she flinched at the sudden change in her field of vision. Jasper was sitting right beside her. If she just turned toward him, their knees would touch.

He was looking at her very intently, and Bella instinctively leaned back to put some space between them.

Her hand was on her chest once more. "You don't even need your gift to give me a panic attack. Jesus."

"You should be used to this by now."

Bella thought the same thing, except none of the Cullens seemed to embrace their vampirism around her, with the exception of the man sitting next to her. "Your family seems to prefer living a slow life."

She stifled a yawn and stretched her good arm. Jasper's red eyes flicked to her sling, but once again, he said nothing to address it.

"Alright, I'll go," she said eventually, tiring of the silence between them. She wanted to go home, take a nice shower, and relax into the evening. With one arm, she did her best to grab a few of her books that were scattered on the sectional. She turned to find Jasper offering her laptop to her.

"Thanks." She placed it in her bag as the final item and stood. Jasper did as well, and Bella's stomach lurched at his dizzying speed.

"Take your sling off next week. Your arm is fine."

How could he know that just by looking at her? Bella then noticed the slight ache in her joint. It didn't feel entirely fine. "I have two more weeks."

"You have less. The more you coddle it, the more this will drag on."

"I'm supposed to wear it until the pain subsides." She then smiled at him a little playfully. "And why would I take your advice? You're indestructible."

Jasper's mood seemed to lighten. "Whoever told you that is wrong."

"Yeah? I couldn't hurt you if I tried." She looked around the living room, dragging her eyes over the card table for any items that she missed.

"At night," Jasper said suddenly, "have Edward place his hand on your shoulder." He took his own hand and hovered it over her joint. Bella's eyes were on him, and she was anticipating feeling his touch, but it didn't come. She glanced down at his hand, then back at him.

"The cold helps, right?" She said, feeling like she was finishing his sentence.

He pulled back and held his hands behind his back. "It's too late in the injury cycle to help it, but it should make it feel better. At this point, most of your pain is psychological."

Bella co*cked her head to the side, and stated, "You're familiar with human injuries."

"Experience."

And Bella's curiosity spiked. Actually, it had spiked a while ago, and it was just cruising in a pattern that made her anxious to know more. There was something inappropriately alluring in his eyes. Bella thought the red in them made it so. It was different from what she was used to. And different was, embarrassingly, exciting.

"You are leaving, correct?" Jasper said, and it didn't come across as rude. He was just nudging her along.

Bella didn't have a car. Edward had left her at his house that morning like he was dropping off a toddler at daycare.

She tapped away at her phone to call an Uber.

"What are you doing?" Jasper asked her.

She raised her phone to show him. "I'd rather not walk ten miles right now." She glanced out the windows, and the rain was drizzling beautifully. "Unless you'd like to drive me home?"

Jasper was staring out the window as well. "I don't own a car."

The Cullens were the richest people she knew. It wasn't surprising that Bella was confused by this. "Really? Are you an environmentalist?"

"No. Just practical." A moment of silence passed as Jasper focused on the trees outside. Bella watched him, and then he turned his head to her. "Why would I have a few thousand pounds weighing me down, when I can just run faster?"

That was a good point, Bella thought. She was mesmerized this perk of vampirism—the idea of running for miles. She wouldn't have to stop. Rain, shine, snow—nothing would stand in the way. And she wouldn't feel the motion sickness that came when Edward had ran with her that one time. She would be the one in control.

"I should run more," she murmured, mostly to herself. She used to run. She had her favorite pair of shorts, her favorite running playlist, and the shoes she had spent way too much money on to provide the utmost support for her feet. But Edward had become her new favorite after-school activity. Her time was now their time.

Bella's phone beeped with a notification, and she began heading towards the door, her bag slung over her good shoulder.

Jasper followed through the atrium, a few steps behind.

"Have a good day, Jasper," she said, and closed the door behind her. She took a moment outside of the door to listen if he had responded with something pleasant. But there was only silence.

The Uber stopped before the driveway and Bella jogged through the drizzling rain and entered the backseat.

When she was settled in, the driver, a pleasant looking older man, looked up at the Cullen house. "Wow, quite the place. Do you live here?"

"No." Bella followed his gaze and let her eyes roam the exterior of the grand house. She tried to imagine what it had felt like when she had first set her eyes on it. She had been captivated—just how she had been the first time she met Edward. So grand, mysterious, and pristine. Otherworldly. A hidden gem in a forest of possibilities.

"Are they one of those new techies? We're seeing them move into these large, closed-off estates nowadays," the driver commented. "New money."

Bella checked the app on her phone once more and learned that his name was Martin. She then leaned her head back against the headrest and examined Esme's perfect garden. But then, movement caught her eye, and the long curtains through the window by the front door swayed, if only slightly.

As Martin began to drive, she focused on the curtains. And right before she lost sight of them, she could have sworn she saw them part.

"No," she found herself saying. "They're old money. Very old."

A/N: Old money, indeed. I wonder when Bella will truly be tired of being Edward's Bella.

Chapter 9

Chapter Text

"Edward!" Bella squealed as silently as she could when she felt him wrap around her in bed. The sudden coldness of his skin was jarring, but she blinked her eyes open and smiled at him nonetheless.

"You're going to wake your father." He chuckled and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "How was your day?"

"Probably boring compared to yours." She snuggled closer to him, an instinct she needed to learn to fight, since it didn't exactly warm her up. "How was wresting animals all day? What did you catch?"

"Let's see." His eyes sparkled. "Two mountain lions, a few deer. There was a bear, but I was too full for it."

"Have you ever killed a rabbit?"

Edward laughed. "You'd like to see that wouldn't you?"

"Yes. Well, no. They're pretty cute, are they not?" She wiggled closer with the best of her ability, given her arm. She had taken off the sling for her shower, and she hadn't put it back on. "Cute things deserve your mercy, Edward."

He leaned down and kissed her, and it took her breath away. The coldness of his lips jolted her awake. She didn't want to go back to sleep. She couldn't. Not with the heat coursing through her body, battling the drastic change in temperature.

Bella rose on her good arm to position herself properly. Her tongue swept over his mouth multiple times, but he wouldn't open up. Huffing through the kiss, she pressed her body closer. Her breasts were firmly against his chest, and the thin tank top was doing her all the favors.

She felt his hand on her cheek, and she placed two of hers on his face. She didn't want him to stop. She wanted this to end the way it was supposed to. But he pulled away, pushing gently on her cheek.

"You said it would be better," she said immediately, and she realized how childish she sounded. She was pouting at him.

"It is better. I just don't want to hurt you." And then he noticed her arm. "Bella, your sling."

"Forget about the sling." She sat up and crossed her legs while he lay on his side. "Edward, I want you. Is that so hard to tell?"

He seemed to be fighting himself, and Bella wanted the reckless teenage boy in him to win for once. But he lost. As always. But this time, he gave her a reason. "It's a modern era, but I'd like to hold onto my values."

"Values?"

His face turned into something so pure, Bella felt horridly underdressed in a tank and shorts. "I want you everyday, and every moment. But I'd like to marry you before then."

Bella should have expected this. And perhaps she had, because she wasn't as surprised as she thought she would be.

"You don't believe in sex before marriage," Bella stated evenly.

"It was a different time. But my beliefs still hold."

And what kind of girlfriend would Bella be if she didn't respect his beliefs? "I understand, Edward." But maybe she could negotiate. Instantly, a devilish smile graced her face. "But let's talk about your definition of sex."

Edward smiled and kissed her nose. "I'm courting you, Miss Swan. I should hardly be in your bed."

Bella sighed and placed her head back down onto her pillow next to him. "You're so unexpected." And had he just laid out his intentions to propose? No. Bella closed her eyes. It had hardly been three months.

She felt fingers in her hair, and the cool felt nice. Edward spoke gently, "I hope you don't hold it against me."

Bella hadn't been in a situation like this before, and given his tone, and the look on his face, she felt inappropriate for suggesting anything remotely sexual between them. She should really change out of her racy pjs.

All of her other boyfriends had always been more than eager. But maybe this was good? Their emotional connection would take priority, which, as Bella thought about it, could be refreshing.

So, she said, "No, Edward. Of course not. I respect your boundaries."

It was a Sunday morning, and Edward was gone by the time Bella woke. She went through a quick morning routine before enjoying breakfast with her father. The little things, she noticed, were what made her life so enjoyable. When Charlie handed her her first mug of coffee for the day, she took in the aroma before letting herself indulge in her first sip. Charlie had the newspaper folded to the sports section on the dining table, and Bella loved that he bought the physical paper even to this day.

After saying goodbye to her father, she headed back upstairs to go over some reading for the week. The first thing she noticed was that Edward was sitting on her bed. She also noticed that he had already made up the sheets for her.

"I need you to pack some clothes," he said, his voice a little too serious for a calm Sunday morning.

Bella tiptoed to him and gave him a quick kiss on his cheek. "Good morning. Where are we going?"

"You'll stay with us for a few days until things are more certain." He was already up and rummaging through her drawers. And where on earth had he found that duffel bag?

"Edward, hold on." She hadn't even brushed her teeth. "What's happening?"

"James is dead, but that apparently doesn't mean this is over. I need you to stay close until we figure this out."

Bella watched as he dumped clothes into the bag. "You can't be serious. What about Charlie?"

"We'll make rounds," he said. "Don't worry about Charlie. What she wants is you."

Bella took a step back as he moved past her to the bathroom. He was grabbing her skin care, hair supplies, anything and everything he knew that she used.

"Edward, I don't—I didn't agree to this." She stepped up uncertainly to the bathroom threshold.

"This is for your protection," he said vehemently, giving her a look. "How do you not see this?"

He didn't wait for her to respond, and he was already back in her room. Exasperated, Bella circled back. When she found him, he was going through her phone.

"What are you doing?"

"Where did Charlie go?" He asked, his thumb still scrolling.

"Fishing," she gritted out.

"I'm texting him that you'll be sleeping over at… Emma's."

Bella rolled her eyes, crossing her arms. "I hardly know Emma."

"Charlie doesn't know that." He showed her the screen with the text message. "Look good?"

"No!" Bella exclaimed, but Edward was too fast for her to grab her phone. "Edward, please."

"We need to go." He came up to her, but seemed to stop herself. "Let me get my car, and let me drive you."

Bella crossed her arms, the pain of her shoulder worsening her mood. "Is this you asking me or telling me?"

"Don't do this," he pleaded and handed her the duffel bag. "Please pack anything else you need. Expect to be gone for a few days."

Bella saw the fear in his eyes, and wondered if she was being irrational. But before she could get anything else out, Edward was gone, and she was left with this stupid duffel bag that she hadn't seen since high school.

She dejectedly eyed her room. Carefully shutting the drawers Edward had opened, she thought of the three vampires that had intruded the Cullens' baseball session. James, Laurent, and Victoria. She could picture them clearly—the adrenaline from her injury had heightened her senses enough for her to lock down onto the predators with surprising recall.

Now, as she entered the Cullens' home with Edward, she found the entire family congregated in the living room. And by entire family, it was the entire family—Jasper included.

Emmett sat with Rosalie on the loveseat. Carlisle and Esme were beside Alice on the sectional. And Jasper was standing right in the middle of the room.

"Bella," Carlisle was the one that spoke first. He had his hand on his wife's knee. "We're glad you're here."

Bella didn't respond, because she couldn't. There was a burst of energy in the room and it took her a moment to comprehend what she was seeing. She heard murmurs, but it was just sped up conversation that she could barely understand. And then one by one, she watched members of the family disappear. First, it was Alice, and then Emmett followed soon after.

She turned to see the front door close, and when she looked back, only Esme and Jasper were in the living room.

She dropped the duffel bag onto the floor and stared in disbelief. Her mind couldn't process the disorienting blur that was the last few seconds. She looked around once more to make sure that Edward was truly gone.

"What is going on?" She asked, a little delirious.

Esme stood from the sectional. "They've left to go patrol for Victoria. Don't worry, the routes we've drawn out intersect with your house. Charlie will be fine." Esme glanced at Jasper. "I'm going to join Carlisle. We'll double up."

Jasper gave her one firm nod, then looked at Bella, who seemed to be losing her mind. But then, she wasn't. She found an eerie sense of comfort in this living room as her feet mindlessly took her to the sectional. She let herself plop down, letting the cushions envelop her. It felt like she had a very calming weighted blanket draped over her. She removed her shoes and pulled her legs onto the couch.

She turned her head to Jasper, and she noted how bitter she sounded when she said, "Aren't you going to leave as well?"

"Six of us are more than enough to cover the ground we planned to."

"And you got the lucky draw to stay with me?"

Jasper remained standing. "It's a skill to be able to patrol effectively. This is a great opportunity for training."

Training? Bella gave him an odd look. "And what about you?"

"What about me?"

Bella sighed. She didn't get answers for anything, and she didn't expect to get any today. "Do I have a room, or am I setting up in the living room?"

"That's a question for Esme."

But Esme just disappeared into thin air.

Bella felt as if she were wading through water. She felt slow when she lifted her hand and stared at it. Why did her skin her feel so numb?

"Are you doing this?" She asked.

"Yes."

It was a simple answer, and at least he was honest. And if Bella was being honest, she appreciated it. She had woken up that morning feeling refreshed, but now she felt absolutely drained. Whatever Jasper was doing just made it so that she couldn't feel it.

But then his gift seemed to recede, and she noticed how exhausted she really felt. Her eyes were closed, and when she opened them, she was alone.

Was she alone?

She looked around the deserted living room. There was a large, fake fireplace on display—the synthetic flames dancing ferociously beneath a large flatscreen. She twisted around to look at the large kitchen that belonged in a Crate & Barrel catalog. An unusual, rebellious side of her wanted to empty out the fake fruit on the counter and watch it pour over the kitchen floor. She wanted to plaster her hand on the glass of the microwave and smudge it to no end. Really, she wanted some semblance that people lived here.

She got up and grabbed her duffel bag, rummaging through it to find her book. Another English classic for her literature class.

"Jasper?" She called. "Are you still here?"

And as if he were the genie granting her wishes, he appeared on the grand staircase behind her. He hadn't made a sound, but they couldn't entirely be silent when they moved through air—Bella thought of the sound a tennis racket made when you swung it too quickly. The whoosh.

Bella twisted to face him. "Can I read in your library?"

He stood, statuesque, his head co*cked to the side. His expression was unreadable when he bowed his head and gestured for her to come up.

Leaving her bag, she climbed the stairs and followed him to his room. Why had she requested his company? Perhaps the Victoria issue had truly rattled her, and being alone wasn't good for her at the moment.

The smokiness in Jasper's room lingered, though none of the candles were lit this time. The long curtains were still drawn tightly, and there seemed to be a fresh layer of dust over everything.

Bella plopped down on the same armchair as before and flipped open her book in her lap. That was when she noticed that Jasper hadn't even entered the room. He lingered by the threshold.

"What?" Bella flipped through her pages. "Don't tell me you're not allowed to be in the same room as me."

She had been joking, though her tone still had a bitter edge. But Jasper didn't return her smile, so she tried again. "Edward's not here, right? Scandalous."

Jasper still remained mute. It was as if he had materialized into stone right at the doorway. Ludicrously, Bella felt like asking him—what are you thinking?

She looked down at her book. But maybe—just maybe—this was Jasper's way of showing respect. In Edward's time—what, early 1900s?—was it weird to be alone with a female unless there was a direct intention? Bella realized that she hadn't thought of this—that most of the Cullens had a point of origin that was simply old. The current norms and values may feel odd or even unacceptable to them.

"Are you older than Edward?" She asked him suddenly.

"Yes."

She looked up, a little disappointed that his facade hadn't cracked. "Are you older than Carlisle?"

"No."

"One more question."

Jasper looked at her expectedly.

"Do you ever speak in more than two sentences?"

He merely watched her, unaffected. "We shouldn't be speaking at all."

"Really? Why not?"

But Bella could already guess. You're a lady, and you've already been promised to another. No conversation can ever happen between us. She felt like she was in the book that she was about to start reading.

Bella caught how Jasper's red eyes had widened slightly, and when he spoke, his tone turned teasing, but she knew there were serious undertones in his voice. His answer wasn't what she expected. "Because we're not the same."

She paused, digested his words, then rolled her eyes inwardly. She looked back down at her book. "Speciesism. Not a good look on you."

"Prancing around with predators. Terrible look on you."

The conversation was not what Bella had imagined. No, Jasper didn't want to talk to her because she was… beneath him? Her eyes darted to his, but he wasn't angry. He was amused. Perhaps she should be angry. "Prancing?"

"Is there a better term for it?"

"How about dating?" She asked, in a strange, defensive tone. "You do realize, I am Edward's girlfriend. He also just happens to be a vampire. This is a mutual arrangement."

Jasper didn't say anything to that. Whatever opinions or thoughts he had, he seemed to decide to keep to himself.

"Silence disqualifies you," Bella said, in that same, defensive manner. "I'm taking that as a win."

But he didn't seem to mean it when he eventually responded, "You win, Edward's Bella."

A/N: Bella perceptions aren't always correct. And can we talk about how she chooses to respect Edward's boundaries, but doesn't quite get the same treatment in return?

Chapter 10

Chapter Text

Esme was the first to come home. Bella had moved down to the living room after an hour of awkwardly trying to get comfortable in Jasper's library. It was less about the way she was hunched over in that armchair, and it wasn't even about the dull ache in her shoulder socket; she felt weirdly like she was trespassing in a private space. It didn't feel right to be in there without the appropriate company.

"Bella," Esme said to her, and Bella set her book down. It had been just over four hours since the family had dispersed. "Let's get you situated in your own room."

Bella wordlessly got to her feet and picked up her duffel bag. Esme guided her up the stairs and into a room at the very far corner of the house.

It had a plain, tan color scheme—simple and generic enough for a guest to blend themselves in. There was a queen bed in the center, and Bella could see an offshoot into a bathroom.

"Anything in here is yours," Esme said, as they walked around the bed. "I have some toiletries available in the bathroom, but let me know if you're missing anything."

Bella took a quick peek into the bathroom and felt quite overwhelmed when she caught sight of both a giant shower encased in frosted glass, and an egg-shaped tub right in the middle.

"It's too much, Esme," she found herself saying.

"Not at all."

Bella plopped down on the corner of the bed, straight onto the crisp white comforter. "Thank you."

But before she turned to leave, Bella wished she would stay. "Esme, is everything okay?"

Esme's face stayed the same. There wasn't even an inch of worry on her brow. "Everything's fine, Bella. We're taking care of it."

"Are you sure? Edward hasn't told me a word."

Esme's smile only widened, and Bella didn't find it comforting at all. "He's very protective of you. We all are. The details are just… details." She leaned down and pressed a firm hand against the back of hers. "Don't think too much about it, okay?"

"But—"

"You haven't eaten, have you? What would you like tonight?"

Bella found that she had no appetite. And when her phone buzzed in her pocket, seeing Charlie's name pop up only made her stomach churn with unease.

"No, I'm alright, thank you," Bella murmured, and gestured to her phone. "I should take this."

"Charlie's okay," Esme told her quickly. "We've made sure."

Bella nodded and watched her walk out with a calm, human pace. Immediately after she shut the door, Bella pressed her phone to her ear.

"Hey," she said, and she found herself glaring slightly at the closed door.

"Hi, kiddo." Charlie's voice came through her phone. "I saw your text. Who's Emma?"

Bella switched the phone to her other ear and fought back a sigh. "A girl from class."

"Huh," he said, and Bella could hear the sound of the fridge opening. "Well, let me know if you girls need anything."

Bella hated this entire situation. "How was fishing?"

"Good. Got more beers in us than fish in the cooler, but you know."

"Right," Bella said. "Business as usual."

"That's right." Charlie chuckled. "Just wanted to check in. You ladies have a good night, all right?"

"Yeah," she said. "Night, dad."

Bella tossed her phone on the bed, then arranged a change of clothes from her duffel bag. Entering the bathroom, she avoided looking too closely at how overdone it was. Stripping down, she stepped into the shower that was probably twice the size of her entire closet. The shower head was directly above her and the heavy water cascaded down in small streams when she turned the dial.

She shifted, so that the water didn't directly hit her bad shoulder. But the longer she stayed under the hot water, the more relaxing it felt for the water pressure to gently massage her joint.

Her mind wandered to Victoria. As she washed the shampoo suds from her hair, Bella thought about the woman's desires to hurt her. What had Bella done to warrant such aggressive behavior?

And was it only her? Was Laurent out to get her, too?

She found that the details were lost on her, but she supposed she should be grateful for the Cullens' protection. How could she have dealt with this herself, when she didn't even understand it in the first place?

Turning off the water, she reached for one of the three towels that were hung up on different hooks. She grabbed another one for her hair.

When she entered the bedroom again, she half expected Edward to be there, casually lounging on the bed. But as the sunlight began to dim through the blinds, she wished he was here.

She needed some words of comfort. Bella found it hard to just sit there, knowing that her boyfriend was out running for miles just to keep her safe.

But she also found that her irritation hadn't disappeared. Edward had launched himself into her room that morning, lied to her father, and practically dragged her out of her own home. None of it was appropriate. If he were human, she knew she couldn't excuse his behavior. But when it came to her safety in his world, she found it hard to argue—and it was mostly because she knew so little about it all.

After changing into a fresh pair of jeans and a blouse, she let herself fall onto the bed. The crystals on the small chandelier twinkled with the setting sun, and she thought she should get up and turn it on soon.

The bed felt soft beneath her, and the room was cool to a comfortable temperature. There was tasteful artwork scattered around the room. A vase with plain flowers—fake, but immaculate. Paintings of paint splatter, bowls of plastic acorns.

If anyone had told her this was what a vampire's lair looked like, she would think they were insane.

Feeling fidgety, she decided to make her way downstairs—perhaps take up Esme's offer for a snack. Jasper was in the living room as she descended the central staircase.

"Esme just left," he announced without even looking at her.

The house felt empty as she lingered by the kitchen. And even though they weren't the same, Bella decided to join Jasper in the living room, sitting on one of the armchairs facing the fake flames. Jasper remained on the sectional, focused on his phone.

Bella looked at him for a while, contemplating a way into the conversation. But then, she just decided to ask. "Will you please explain to me what's happening?"

It was a big question, and Bella felt tiny asking it. Ridiculous, even. She felt so useless and out of place for just not knowing.

Jasper simply regarded her.

"Esme won't tell me anything," Bella continued. "She just says to not worry. Is she right?"

"She is right," he said, returning his attention back to his phone. "There's not much you can do."

Bella tried again. "Why does Victoria want to hurt me?"

"She thinks that you're the reason James is dead."

"But I'm not."

"Indirectly, you are." Jasper looked at her then. "If it weren't for you, James wouldn't have launched a tracking spree, and the Cullens certainly wouldn't have felt the need to eliminate him."

Why did it have to be so violent? "James couldn't be talked down?"

"Carlisle wouldn't accept the threat, and he wouldn't have trusted his word. His ruthlessness has kept the coven strong. It's something to be admired."

In other news, vampires completely lacked the concept of diplomacy. "And Laurent? Are they tracking him, too?"

"No," Jasper said simply. "Laurent is dead."

Bella shifted on the cushion. "Dead?" More dead, Bella tacked on for herself.

"He's a nomad. He shouldn't have been lingering in the Cullen territory for too long."

"And that makes it okay? Just because he was trespassing?"

Jasper paused for a moment, and his eyebrows drew together. He watched her closely with an expression that most definitely said, you're way over your depth.

Bella looked away. "I just—I don't understand why he had to die."

Jasper leaned forward and placed his phone down onto the coffee table. "It was Carlisle's decision."

Bella couldn't imagine Carlisle ordering a fly to its execution, let alone a person. "I still don't understand."

"You don't have to."

I don't have to, but I want to.

The phone on the coffee table began to buzz. It was in Jasper's hand, and up to his ear in a second.

"Yes," he said into the speaker, and after a few moments, "No, defer it." Bella couldn't hear the other side of the conversation, so it wasn't easy to understand. "A protection issue." She watched him as he stared at the glass coffee table. "Sure."

He lowered his phone down and looked at her. He hadn't even said goodbye to whoever he was talking to. "I don't understand why you're here. Do you?"

Bella wasn't going to admit just how much his question caught her off guard. She hoped she didn't look startled. "For my safety—is what Edward said."

"And your father?"

"Esme said he was covered."

"He is," Jasper said, "but they're running distances twice as much as necessary to cover both your home and the Cullen territory. Do you think that's smart?"

No. That made no sense at all. "Either I should be at home, or Charlie should be here."

"Charlie?"

"My father."

Jasper was silent, and Bella saw that he was back on his phone.

"So why am I here?" She asked.

No response. And just when Bella assumed he would just ignore her, he said, "I don't know. Did you express any need to be here?"

"Need?" Bella fought very, very hard to not roll her eyes. "I was dragged here from a very blissful Sunday morning."

"You're irritated."

You don't even know half of it, she wanted to say, but knew that he, in fact, felt it all. "I suppose I am."

"You don't want to be here."

It wasn't the location that was the problem. It was the person who brought her there, and then left her all alone.

"You're… melancholy."

"That's a beautiful word," she said softly, her voice carrying the same melancholy he noted. She looked blankly at the carpet below, her brain trying to find something amiss—a stain, a missing square patch—anything. Her eyes then lifted to the picture of perfection that was her surroundings. Her irritation grew with the disbelief that there was nothing out of place.

"And now, you're—"

"I know what I'm feeling, thank you," she cut him off sternly. She didn't want her emotions directly spelled back out to her, no matter how impressive it was.

"Is that the same tone you used against Edward this morning before he locked you in the tower?"

It took Bella a moment to filter through his question. "I'm not locked in here."

"I imagine there are consequences if you leave."

No, there weren't. She would be stupid to leave. She was human, and defenseless. "The only consequence would probably be a quick death."

"I doubt that," he murmured.

"The consequence part or the quick death part?"

He threw his phone back onto the coffee table. The clank of metal on glass echoed throughout the space. He crossed his arms and glanced at her. "Both."

Bella decided that Jasper was just irritating. Or maybe she was just really hungry. Getting up, she made her way to the open kitchen and began rummaging through the pantry. Her eyes widened when she opened the second pantry.

"Why is there so much food?" She whispered to herself as her eyes roamed the rows and rows of canned goods, baking ingredients, two whole shelves dedicated to pasta…

Grabbing one of the boxes of pasta, she read the expiration date. Glancing over the cans, she realized that they all expired in years. These all had to be brand new.

With the pasta in her hand, she closed pantry number two. And then she proceeded to drop the box of pasta, because Jasper was right there.

He picked up the box, shook it around, as if testing it for something, and then handed it back to her.

"The human is hungry," he stated.

"The human is scared sh*tless," she retorted back, brushing past him to the best of her ability. It wasn't necessarily easy to brush past concrete.

"Now what would Edward think about your language?"

Nothing. He wouldn't think a thing, because he wasn't here. Was Jasper teasing her? It was all bizarre. Her heart rate hadn't even calmed down, and she was getting dizzy from the lack of carbs.

Finding a pot from one of the bottom cabinets, she began filling it with water. Turning on the electric stove, she searched for salt. Her eyes roamed the fancy spice rank that was tucked away in a corner, but to her dismay, it lacked the most important ingredient of all.

Frowning, she began opening cabinets, and then—yes! She glanced up about three shelves above her and saw… boxes, and boxes of salt.

Who in the world would need this much sodium? She didn't contemplate it too much, because she realized that even on tiptoes she couldn't touch the bottom shelf. Either she could climb the counter, or—

"Jasper?" She turned around, but he wasn't there. She peeked over to the living room to find it empty. But when she turned back—

"Salt," he was saying, tossing one of the boxes in his hands, "why do you need this?"

Why did he just materialize into thin air? Bella didn't hide her annoyance as she tried to reach for it. But he held it back.

"Why is there so much of it?" He asked.

Bella eyed him with light exasperation. "I don't know. Esme's clearly preparing for the end of the world."

"So, this is unusual," he said, as if trying to understand. "What will you use it for?"

"Cooking, Jasper. I'm cooking."

Instead of handing it over, he placed it back on the shelf. "Please," he said. "Go ahead."

She took a deep breath. "Yes. And that—" she pointed at the open cabinet with the boxes of salt. "I need that."

"I've realized. Good luck."

But this time, he didn't disappear. He leaned against the counter beside the stove with the gradually steaming pot of water. He co*cked his head to the side, as if to say, go ahead.

This was surely a game, but why were they playing?

She wouldn't complain—she was more than capable. Even though her shoulder ached with the pressure, she lifted herself onto the counter, put her butt down first, then turned to get on her knees. At that height, her fingertips could touch the box that Jasper had put back. With a little more wiggling, she got it to slide close enough to the edge, and given the downturn, she was able to grab it.

Flipping over, she let herself slide down until her feet hit the wooden floors. She didn't say one word to Jasper as she ripped open the top—perhaps a little too agitatedly—and sprinkled a light amount directly into the water that was almost boiling.

And once it was boiling, she added the long, stringy pasta. After setting a quick timer on her phone, she smiled lightly at Jasper. She could tease. "I'm sorry, I don't understand why you're here. Do you?"

"No, I don't," he said, and oddly, Bella sensed honesty in his tone. "I'm babysitting a human, and it's not part of my job description."

"Babysitting," she said flatly. "Really?"

"Edward's orders."

Bella rummaged through the drawers for a wooden spoon, which she then used to stir up the pasta. She fell quiet for a moment. "He's very worried."

"Incredibly," Jasper said, yet his tone was bored, and uninterested.

Bella continued stirring, then glanced over at the pantry. "I think I saw pasta sauce in pantry one. Could you grab it?"

Jasper didn't protest. He walked over to the very first pantry and opened the door. He stood there for a moment before grabbing a glass jar. He set it on the counter beside her. "There are at least fifteen more of these in there."

"Yeah, not normal." She grabbed it and eyed the lid, then thought back to the many times Edward would linger in her kitchen as she had made pasta dinners for her and Charlie. He would chop the herbs, shred the cheese, and always open the jars.

But, Edward wasn't here, so she located a can opener that seemed to be brand new and then proceeded to pound the metal cap on the tomato sauce. Once she saw enough dents, she was able to pop it open. It wasn't a conventional method, but it worked.

After straining the pasta, tossing with olive oil, and adding the red sauce, she finally set a decently sized plate of dinner onto the obnoxiously long dinner table.

But this time, there was no themed decor, no candles for ambiance, or ribbon running down the middle. It was just her, and her pasta.

Jasper lingered by the kitchen, gazing distantly at where she was seated. Eventually, after a few bites of her food, Bella saw him appear at the opposite end of the dinner table, which was hilariously far away.

"So," she said, between careful mouthfuls of pasta. Her voice seemed to echo in the vast, open space. "I thought we weren't supposed to communicate."

He leaned his elbows on the table and regarded her.

"We're not the same," she emphasized, instantly feeling the goodness of the carbs in her body. It was satisfying enough that she decided to give him some credit. "And you're right. We're not the same. Obviously."

"Obviously?"

She extended a hand out towards him. "Vampire." She gestured to herself. "Human. That was your point, right?"

"Are you going to state the obvious, or do you have more to say?"

Bella wasn't sure if he had intended to be rude. But she didn't waver. "My counter is that we're not too different."

Jasper gestured for her to continue.

"A human's basic needs. Food, water, clothing, sleep, and shelter," she said, dabbing her lips with a napkin. "Food and water—for you, that's blood. Clothing, for obvious reasons. Sleep—that's a no, but you probably do need rest at some point, right? And, shelter." She gestured around at the grand dining area. "We have significant overlaps, I would say."

Jasper looked around the room when Bella mentioned shelter. His eyes darted back to her, narrowed, but interested. "Blood. Nothing else."

"Nothing else?"

"Nothing else."

"But—" Bella cut herself off, not really following at all. "How?"

"Clothing," he began. "Decency was hardly a priority thousands of years ago. Scraps of cloth have always functioned as a means for warmth. Temperature control. Am I wrong?"

"No," Bella agreed. "But decency—"

"—is not a necessity. You mentioned sleep," he continued quickly. "It's not possible, though many wish for it."

"Not possible? You don't rest?"

"No."

Bella slumped back slightly in her chair.

"And shelter. It's mainly for warmth—which I think we've established is not necessary, but nice."

Nice? "Shelter isn't just for warmth," Bella argued.

He thought for a moment, and then quickly amended, "You're right. Warmth and protection." He glanced at the wall beside them. "This thin layer of concrete will not stand between you and a vampire. So, it remains—shelter is irrelevant." Intertwining his fingers before him, he stared at her. "It all comes down to blood."

"Just blood," Bella repeated, her lips slightly parted. It almost seemed too good to be true—to only have one variable to keep track of for your survival. "That's it?"

"Yes."

"Blood. That's all you need to be otherworldly, brilliant, and flawless? Being human is sounding a lot like a scam."

He seemed to be hung up on her choice of words. "Otherworldly?"

"Are you not?"

"You glorify us," he said, leaning just a little bit forward, putting his weight on the table. "Why?"

"Why?" Bella said, as if he were absolutely ridiculous for asking. "You're the epitome of perfection."

Then, light amusem*nt glinted in his very red, very bloody eyes. "You misjudge."

"I do?"

"Yes. You can't judge the rest of us with what you know."

Bella's eyebrows came together in confusion. "The rest of you?"

"Those of us that are not the Cullens."

Now Bella didn't understand, which failed to surprise her anymore. She pointed her fork at him. "I'm sorry, aren't you a Cullen?"

He didn't even skirt around his answer. "No."

And then the chair at the very end of the table was empty.

A/N: An interesting and light information dump for Bella.

Q: Jasper doesn't seem to identify as a Cullen, which becomes plainly obvious towards the end. What are his reasons?

Chapter 11

Chapter Text

Edward was there on the fluffy white reading chair when Bella woke up in the guest bedroom the next morning. He had a distinct look of concern that Bella was slowly getting used to.

"Bella," he said, his voice oddly raspy, as he rubbed at his jaw. "Good morning."

Sitting up, Bella stared at him. No, it didn't feel like a good morning. She hadn't slept well, with questions and thoughts swarming her brain. When she looked at him, she didn't feel an ounce of remorse for her bitter tone. "None of this is acceptable."

He didn't seem to understand. "What?"

What? Bella scoffed inwardly. "Edward, I haven't seen you since yesterday morning. You dropped me off at this place, and left me to…what? What did you think I would do? Happily be left in the dark as you go off, and risk your life?"

"Bella," he said gently. "I know. I know, and I'm sorry."

"What exactly are you sorry for, Edward?" Because she really wanted to know. What did he really think was the problem here?

"I'm sorry for… upending your Sunday yesterday. I'm sorry for leaving you alone, but there's a certain protocol we follow, and I hope you understand."

"Protocol? At least shoot me a text, or let me know that you're okay. That shouldn't be too out of protocol for you to do." She frowned. "I'm worried, and restless, and truthfully, Edward, I just want to know what's going on."

Edward got up from the reading chair, and sat on the edge of the bed. He scooted closer to her and laid a hand on the sheets where her calf rested underneath. "I didn't feel that I had the time yesterday, and I apologize. Here's what happened. Jasper was out patrolling early Sunday morning, and he came upon Laurent. He was able to learn through him that Victoria was planning… a revenge game of sorts."

"Revenge—because of James," Bella added. "But why me?"

Edward seemed to take a moment to figure out the right words. "Think of it as a partner for a partner."

Bella understood, and she stated her understanding, "Victoria and James were together."

"More than together," Edward said.

"Married?"

Edward smiled slightly, as if it were cute that Bella was so unknowing. "There are partnerships in my world that go deeper than marriage. It's a different level of connection, and it's very hard to lose the person you're connected to this way."

"It's very hard to lose anyone that you care about," Bella argued lightly, and then thought about this connection. "What was so special about their relationship?"

"They were what we call mates. And the death of a mate is… unacceptable in our world."

"Mates. Mating." Bella said, trying to internalize the idea. "Like animals?"

"Yes, you could think about it that way. A primal bond."

Bella ran her hands on the soft comforter on top of her legs. "So—Victoria is out for blood, because Jasper killed her mate?"

"Yes."

"Then shouldn't she be after Jasper?"

"We are all responsible, as a coven, for James's death."

That was the first time Bella had heard Edward use the term coven.

"Additionally," Edward continued, "it seems that Victoria wants to finish what her mate started."

"And James wanted to hunt me down and kill me," Bella murmured.

"That won't happen. You have a whole family here for your protection," he said proudly, but then deflated a little bit. "Which is why I do apologize for being a little distant, and gone. I just—" He grabbed her hands, and interlaced their fingers. Bella shivered at the momentary brush of cold. "—I need you to be safe."

Bella smiled at him, because yes—it did feel good to be taken care of, and protected. "I know. I can't do much, obviously—but your communication is important to me. I want to learn from you, Edward—I want you to tell me, teach me, show me. These are all things I'm willing to put effort into. This world is new, and confusing…"

Edward watched her carefully, his lips almost upturned into a smile, but not quite. "You do realize the danger, don't you? I hope you do."

"Of course, I do."

Edward leaned in and gave her one chaste kiss. "You are very important to me." He looked around. "Have you been comfortable?"

She looked around the grand guest room, with the sunlight seeping through the blinds, and the sparkling chandelier above. "Absolutely."

"Let me make you a little uncomfortable," he teased, and got in directly under the comforter, shimmying closer to Bella until he could put an arm around her. Bella adjusted to lay her head against his chest as his arm held her close, and they both leaned back onto the cream headboard.

She sighed against him, the thick comforter helping to maintain her body temperature against the cold mass behind her.

"Is Jasper not part of this… coven?" She asked, feeling a little too proud at her use of new vocabulary.

"Kind of," Edward said, his fingers running up and down her arm. "He is, and he isn't."

Well, that makes no sense. "That's why he's different," Bella said, hoping he'd provide a little more detail. "With his diet."

"It must be unnerving for you to be around him. You can always leave if you feel uncomfortable, please know that. Anyone in the family would be happy to intervene."

Unnerving wasn't the right word. Scary wasn't either. "I don't think I'm that put off by it."

"No?" Edward chuckled. "You invite danger, Miss Swan." He then took on a more serious, fore-boarding tone. "I can't imagine intentionally hurting a human. It doesn't sit right with me."

He was implying that it sat right with someone like Jasper. "When is the last time that you…?"

His fingers on her arm stopped. "Do you really want to know?"

Bella turned to look back at him, giving him the most sincere expression she could muster. "Of course. There shouldn't be anything that you can't tell me."

Edward sighed, and then said softly, regretfully, "Eight months."

There wasn't a number that Bella could compare this to and make good sense of it. Was it good that it was only eight months? Was eight months a very short period of time? What was normal?

And Edward didn't seem to take her silence lightly. "You're repulsed."

"No!" Bella spun to face him. "I'm just not sure how to interpret it."

"I killed a young woman eight months ago, Bella, and you're not sure how to interpret it?"

Perhaps she should be repulsed. If Edward were human, surely she'd go running out of the room, screaming. "Control is hard."

"Incredibly." He wasn't looking at her. "And it's harder with you. I'm always close, and you always have the chance of… injury."

"Even something as small as a paper cut…" she trailed. "Would that…?"

"I'm working on my control," he said, not really answering her question. He grabbed her hand and placed a kiss on her knuckles. "I can't lose it with you. I don't know what I would do…"

Bella felt a certain chill run through her as Edward pressed a kiss to her fingers again. She watched as his lips brushed over her skin, and the thin veins on the backs of her hands were stark next to his jaw.

His teeth were close, and it was unnerving to think about how easy it would be.

"Are you sure that you don't need anything?" Charlie asked through the phone as Bella sighed inwardly to herself. "A change of clothes, a charger…"

She had been staying at Emma's for three days now. Edward had been driving her to campus, and hanging around until her classes would end. He was skipping his classes, he had told her, to make sure the campus grounds and the surrounding areas were threat-free.

But it was mid-week, and as far as she knew, Victoria was still out there.

"No, dad. Emma's family has been great."

"If you're sure…" Charlie did not sound sure.

"I'll probably come home this weekend, alright? It's just some girl time."

It took a few more it's okays to get Charlie to hang up. It all made her stomach twist with anxiety.

Alice Cullen roamed about the living room, eyeballing the books on a pristine, glass bookshelf. She held her hands behind her as she rose on her tiptoes, then came back down again. She was a very animated vampire. It was her turn to stay guard at the Cullen house, since the Cullens would always leave someone with Bella when she was home.

Alice was pleasant as she talked to her about her travels, and took her through two rooms worth of her clothes. Emmett had stayed the day before, and they had binge-watched an old horror series once she had gotten home from her classes. And the day before that, Esme had cooked and fed Bella until she couldn't possibly eat anymore.

"Is there a problem?" Alice asked, gazing at her expectedly. And it was weird, because Bella knew that Alice could hear every word of her phone call. Yes, she asked anyway. Was it out of respect?

"No, Charlie's just a little worried."

"Understandably," Alice sympathized.

"Yes. I don't like lying to him." Vampirism was a secret that, according to Edward, wasn't shared easily.

"Of course not."

The front door slammed open, and Bella probably jumped at least an inch off of the ground. When she looked over, there was a hole in the wall next to the door in which the door knob had poked through. And in the doorway, stood Jasper… Cullen? No, surely not Cullen, right?

"Apologies," he said, though it didn't really seem like he was sorry. He looked at the two women in the living room. "I was told that I needed to assert my presence better." He glanced solely at Bella. "For the human."

And then, he was gone. Actually, he had been gone for the last few days. Bella hadn't seen him in the house. She turned her wide eyes to Alice.

"Sorry," she said meekly. "He's not very used to being…"

"…human-friendly?" Bella completed.

"In a way."

"Right," Bella said, even though she didn't understand. "He's not really part of your family."

Alice paused, then smiled at her. "Kind of."

Which was exactly what Edward had said. And this notion of kind of made Bella think of a distant cousin that you might not see, who had gone off the rails, but was still kind of part of the family. Perhaps that was it.

Then, in the next moment, the family was there. One by one, they whooshed into the living room. And when Bella realized what was happening, she immediately closed her eyes. She was finding that it made her less disoriented if she just simply didn't look.

"Bella?" It was Edward. "Are you alright?"

She opened her eyes and found him standing beside the sectional. She nodded, looking around to find Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, and Rosalie surrounding her in the living room.

Jasper appeared from wherever he had disappeared to, standing in front of the fake fireplace.

"This is a game for her," Carlisle began, clearly referring to Victoria. "She's incredibly elusive. Fast."

"It's been three days," Emmett said, a little deflated. "She hasn't outright tried to come for Bella, but she's been circling."

"So have we," Rosalie insisted. "We've been circling for days. It's ridiculous."

Bella came to a pleasant realization that she could understand each word that the family was saying. Previously, they were speaking in speeds she could barely keep up with. Were they slowing down for her own benefit?

"It's six against one," Jasper said unemotionally. "This shouldn't be this hard."

"She's fast, Jasper," Edward said.

"Alice?" Jasper turned her head to her.

"She's done her research on us," she murmured. "Split-second decisions make for sh*t visions, and she seems to know that."

Jasper's head was bowed as he listened.

"And she washes out her scent," Rosalie added. "The rain hasn't been helping us, but it's clear that she's been trying to go swimming to throw us off."

"Six against one," Jasper repeated, his hands crossing behind his back.

Then, there was quiet as the family fell into contemplation. After a while, Jasper lifted his head, and sighed. "I suppose we'll continue."

But then Esme spoke up with slight, unusual hesitation in her voice. She enunciated carefully. "One more thing. Victoria has been leaving… gifts." She glanced at Bella—and was that pity on her brow? "Humans."

"Gifts?" Jasper repeated immediately, his head lifting up.

Carlisle picked up from there. "She's been feeding and leaving her meals barely alive for us to find. She's not being very cautious."

"Unacceptable," Jasper said curtly, and even Bella felt her spine straighten at his tone. His demeanor had quickly changed, taking on a sharper, more dominant form. And after a moment, he seemed to come to a decision. "We'll lure her."

"With what?" Emmett asked.

Jasper then looked directly at Bella, which drew the room's complete attention to her.

There was a weird tingling at the very base of her spine. It was a whisper—a sensation that told her, Hey, be cautious. There might be danger here.

And perhaps that was a normal reaction. Were these people not predators? Glancing around at the silent, intense marble statues around her, she couldn't help but feel a little bit like prey.

And then she heard it. Little, soft murmurs. They were talking. They were communicating, and they weren't letting her hear a thing.

Bella straightened in attention. Yes, she thought morbidly, as she swept a gaze around the room. These people could certainly kill me.

And it brought a new understanding to what Edward was constantly afraid of. He was the one to sternly and openly respond with, "No."

"Yes," Jasper said. "You've been circling, and at this rate, you will keep on circling until Victoria kills half the town."

"Carlisle," Edward demanded, and behind the strength in his voice was surely fear.

Carlisle remained silent as Jasper went on, "And, she's not a tracker like her mate. So, Bella's scent needs to be more potent." That was when Bella noticed that his eyes were trained on her wrist. "We'll need her blood."

"This is dangerous," Edward argued.

"It's necessary," Jasper said. "Otherwise, you risk her life even more." He glanced at Carlisle, addressing him. "Your choice. Say it, and it's done."

Edward looked over at Carlisle, as if he wanted to discredit the suggestion.

But after mere moments of contemplation, Carlisle gave Jasper one single nod. "We'll do it," he said, then looked over at Bella. "We won't need a lot of blood."

"No," Jasper agreed, then seemed to examine her from top to bottom. He was too quick for Bella to squirm. "Your scarf will do."

Bella's hand unknowingly came up to touch the wool scarf. "What? Now?"

Jasper stepped up to where she was seated on the sectional, his eyes on hers, but addressed the rest of the family. "If you need to leave, do it now."

No one moved for a few seconds, but then Bella saw the shift in Emmett and Rosalie. They looked at each other before walking out of the front door. Alice stared for a moment longer before following. Esme pressed a kiss on Carlisle's cheek before nodding at Bella and vacating the room.

Bella looked up at Edward, who seemed conflicted, and he wouldn't look at her. He would stay, right? Of course, he would stay. Definitely. He would—

He was gone. Bella was left staring at the empty space he had inhabited seconds ago.

"I'm going to direct them to run rounds," she heard Carlisle say, and then heard the following woosh of him leaving her alone with the man that undoubtedly was going to ask for her blood.

There wasn't much time to think. Jasper motioned with his hand for her to get up, and she did, albeit reluctantly.

He stood before her, and Bella was momentarily distracted by the indents in his skin. Up close, they were subtly visible. What were they?

"Your scarf."

Right. Bella looked down and pulled it loose. She handed it to him with hands that were shaking.

"Just a little blood flow," he murmured. "Not much." Bella didn't know where he had gotten it, but he procured a sewing needle and handed it to her. "One of your fingers."

Bella grasped the thin metal in her hands. "Any finger?"

"Yes, there's a high concentration of blood vessels in your hands." He examined her palm from afar. "Have you ever cut your hand? You'll bleed a lot compared to anywhere else in your body, unless, of course, you hit a major artery. That would be a bigger problem."

All this blood talk was making her queasy, and looking at the needle, she hesitated. And apparently, she didn't need to say anything for him to understand.

"I am well practiced around blood," he explained carefully, which Bella supposed should have made her feel better, but that wasn't the concern on the forefront of her mind.

Jasper then paused. "Why are you embarrassed?"

"Because I'm not," Bella admitted. "Well practiced, that is."

It took Jasper a second to understand what she meant, and he held out his hand, palm up. "Let me, then."

This felt dangerous. Bella wanted to take a step away as his crimson eyes watched her. It could only take one drop of blood. Just one paper cut. Then, all control would be lost. A blood-thirsty animal would replace the sliver of humanity they held within. Edward's words, not hers.

"You still fear," Jasper noted. He nudged his hand again for hers.

Bella hesitantly placed her palm in his, but Jasper turned her hand around for easier access to her inner fingers. Grabbing the needle from her, he paused for just a moment.

And then Bella felt like she could sleep. A fog entered her mind, and her heart-rate began to slow. Feeling a little faint, she lifted her tired eyes to his. "You're doing this."

"And you're very afraid."

Bella felt like she hardly wanted to stand. But she kept her eyes open to watch Jasper slide the needle into the pad of her thumb. Blood began to pool to the surface, and without Jasper's influence, she probably would have thrown up by then. She knew she should pull away and create as much distance between them as she could. Her blood, exposed to the surface and polluting the air around them—it must have been torture. Just her lips pressed against Edward's tested his control to the limit.

Still holding her hand, Jasper pulled down the scarf that he had thrown over his shoulder and thoroughly wiped the blood onto the fabric. As more blood surfaced, he alternated different areas of the scarf against her thumb.

"Jasper, I'm—"

"Sleepy, I know."

Her eyes began to close, but she fought it as much as she could. Once Jasper seemed satisfied with the amount of blood scattered on the scarf, he directed her to sit on the couch. Bella unceremoniously flopped down, her eyes instantly closing when she hit the soft pillows. The cushioning felt heavenly.

She felt the couch take on Jasper's weight next to her, and then her eyes popped open.

She was curled on one side of the couch, and he was sitting beside her. The scarf rested on the glass coffee table before them, the dried blood appearing to add a modern edge to the plain color scheme.

Bella sat up immediately, and the speed of it made her dizzy. "How long was I out for?"

"Ten minutes. You've finally stopped bleeding."

Bella looked down at her thumb that now had a tight bandaid around it. She looked at the scarf in front of them. "Was it enough?"

"Yes."

She turned to him, not quite knowing what to say, so she defaulted to an apology. "I'm sorry."

"For?"

"It couldn't have been easy."

He reached forward to grab the scarf. And then he did something that entirely intrigued her. He brought the scarf closer to his face and inhaled. co*cking his head to the side, his eyes slid to her. "Yes, this will be just fine."

Bella swallowed, unsure how to feel or react to someone satisfied at the smell of her blood. She looked down at her bandaid. "It took me ten minutes to stop bleeding?"

Jasper got to his feet. "Hands will bleed for a while. As I said, blood vessels…"

"I got that."

He tossed the scarf to his other hand, staring at it. "What confuses you?"

Everything, starting with, "How are you so well controlled?" Should she be grateful that she was currently alive?

The answer came easily, and Bella felt that she was leaning in, entirely fascinated.

"My diet lets me interface with humans in a more intimate way. Blood is appealing, sure—but for me, it's more like a decadent piece of chocolate. You generally wouldn't turn into murderous rage for that, would you?"

"Probably not?"

"Good. I wasn't sure if that analogy held."

Bella found herself smiling. "Thank you for explaining it to me."

He glanced around the room. "Open the windows. This place needs to be aired out for the Cullens." He was already making his way to the front door. "I will be back shortly."

Bella got up and approached one of the giant windows, and when she turned her head, she found herself to be alone, which brought upon a distinct feeling of disappointment. She had more questions, and Jasper—well, he had at least given her one answer.

Maybe he would be willing to give her more.

A/N: Jasper's control doesn't seem to be that much of an issue. Hm.

Chapter 12

Chapter Text

Edward stared at Bella's bandaid.

The family was back in the living room after a good twenty minutes of the open windows helping to circulate the air. Bella hadn't been sure how long was long enough for her bloody scent to waft away, but she hoped the Cullens would at least do a sniff test before stepping foot into their home.

"Are you feeling alright?" Edward asked her.

"Yes." Bella held out her hand, rubbing at the bandaid. "Just a small puncture."

He pressed a kiss to her knuckles, but paused momentarily. Bella watched the strain in his neck. Her wound might not be bleeding, but it was still fresh. She wondered how the rest of the family felt, even with the room aired out.

And now, it was a waiting game. Apparently, Jasper had taken the mission into his own hands.

"Shouldn't someone be out there with him?" Bella asked.

Emmett plopped down onto the sectional next to her. "If he needed backup, he'd ask."

"You're safe," Edward said. "That's what matters."

Everyone mattered, and Jasper wasn't an exception, no matter that he was only kind of part of the family—whatever that really meant.

Bella ended up falling asleep, once again, on the couch. Except this time, it hadn't felt as comfortable as before with Jasper's influence. His gift was truly remarkable.

She jerked awake at the sound of the front door closing. She blinked her eyes, and then focused on the image of Alice in front of her. The digital clock on the wall read just after 2 AM.

"There were more than we anticipated," Alice told her quickly. "The family left to support the fight."

"What?" All of her fatigue left her body. "And Edward?"

"He's with them," she said calmly. "Don't worry, they're all well trained." Alice held up a glass of water, and Bella gladly took it.

Alice's words caught up to her soon. "More? There are more vampires?"

"With Victoria," Alice said. "She wasn't alone."

"I'm so sorry, Alice."

"Don't be. I'm sorry I didn't see it."

Bella's anxiety lingered in the room. She pulled up her legs and crossed them, and they waited. Time ticked by, and Bella knew she wouldn't be able to go back to sleep. She got up, and headed to the kitchen. Alice silently followed behind her.

Refilling her glass of water, she asked, "Should you go and be with them?"

"Edward insisted that you should not be left alone. I think we all agree that's a wise decision."

Bella nodded, almost solemnly. And then a plain thought crossed her mind—something so practical and apparent that it flew out of her mouth. "This wouldn't be a problem if I weren't human."

Alice smiled at her then, but Bella noticed the tightness around her lips. It was an eerie look for Alice Cullen, and Bella felt the sudden urge to take a step back. The question that followed was an interesting one. "Would you want to change, Bella?"

Pressing the glass to the lips, she took a moment to consider, but then the front door opened. Both women shifted to get a better look.

It was Jasper. One moment he was by the door, and the next, he was closer, right before the kitchen threshold. He pulled out a lighter from his pocket and tossed it to Alice. "They need help cleaning up."

Alice didn't wait for Bella to answer her question. She left as quickly as she could.

Jasper watched her leave, and Bella examined Jasper. She squinted her eyes, and she could see some sort of cracking in his skin on the underside of his forearm.

She took one step towards him, and he must have noticed her attention.

"Minor injury," he explained automatically. "Our skin can crack given enough pressure. Edward sustained similar injuries to his chest. Rosalie to her thigh."

Bella couldn't even begin to imagine how this fight played out. "How many were there?"

"Six. Mostly newborns, which was the trouble."

"Newborns?"

Jasper nodded. "They're what we call newly turned vampires. They have a heightened sense of strength for the first year or so. Victoria clearly needed some numbers on her side. But she still didn't have enough."

"She's dead?"

"All of them are."

Bella nodded in understanding. Newborns. She would tuck that piece of information away.

"Thank you," she found herself saying. "It seemed like you… knew what to do."

"Experience," he said, like he had before.

Bella took a single step towards him. "What kind of experience?"

"Basic battle strategy. I can also count to six. It's something that the Cullens seem to struggle with."

Had Jasper just made a joke? Bella smiled anyway. "You seemed frustrated with them."

"It's more frustrating that they let it fester. Victoria shouldn't have had enough time to gather a small, pathetic army."

She thought for a moment. "You said what she was doing was unacceptable. Regarding her… meals. What did you mean by that?"

Jasper looked at her a little oddly. "The Law of Exposure. She was breaking it."

"The Law of Exposure?"

He watched her for a while, as if trying to figure out a complicated equation.

"Isn't it frustrating," he then said, "that you're in an active relationship with a vampire, yet you know nothing about our world?"

Placing her water glass on the counter, she crossed her arms loosely. Her face heated, and she responded, a little resigned, "It is."

Hadn't she been exasperated by the lack of information Edward would—or wouldn't—give her? That he would rather play human than conform to his own identity? Bella looked down at the floor and considered as Jasper stood in the kitchen with her.

He could probably feel her embarrassment, and then anger—because she shouldn't feel embarrassed for something that wasn't in her control. Hadn't she poked and prodded Edward's mind? Hadn't she expressed the need to know?

"Well, I suppose this means that I can go home now," Bella said quietly.

She hadn't been looking at him, so she lifted her gaze. He was on his phone, but it only took a few more seconds for him to respond. "You should have been home this entire time."

When she walked past him to the living room, she heard him ask, "You're not considering leaving at this hour, are you?"

No. She had really just wanted to go back to sleep. The adrenaline from the knowledge that something was going wrong had her wide awake. Now, as the danger faded, she felt a fresh layer of exhaustion. "I wasn't planning to."

"Good," Jasper said. "Edward will want to see you."

Bella sat on the sectional. Jasper had taken a few steps into the living room, pocketing his phone.

Bella's gaze caught once more on his arm. "How long will it take for you to heal?"

"Not very long. I'll go feed soon."

Feed. Bella looked around awkwardly. She was curious, of course, but she didn't ignore how it unsettled her. "Okay. Do you have to go far?"

What kind of a question was that? She probably couldn't compare it to just going to a grocery store.

Then, Jasper's eyes were on her. And the interest in them completely unprepared her for his next question. "Why? Are you offering?"

"What?"

"I didn't think so."

Bella swallowed, and it was entirely instinctual. His question buzzed in her brain, and he was surely kidding. Had he suggested that she would offer up… her life? When Bella looked back at him, she felt small—like an unknowing little bug that he could squish with one careless misstep. And wasn't that true?

That same tickle in her spine returned, and her body heated with a sudden fight-or-flight response.

Jasper could feel all of this, Bella assumed, but he didn't seem to remotely care. And then, the family was home.

Emmett and Rosalie came first, followed by Carlisle and Esme. Alice and Edward walked in last, and Edward quickly appeared by her side.

Spirits were lifted, it seemed, as Emmett clapped Carlisle on his shoulder, and Esme gave Alice a hug. Bella sat, watching as the family reconvened. Edward was smiling at her, his eyes roaming her from top to bottom.

Emmett directed Rosalie to sit on the armchair so he could take a brief look at the cracks in her skin.

"Are you okay?" Bella asked Edward, her fingers twitching to touch his chest.

"I'm perfect," Edward said, with a breathtaking smile. Bella still let her fingers reach up and rest on his shirt, right around the area she thought he was injured.

He wasn't quite perfect. Bella could see smears of dirt on his jeans, though his disheveled hair did look good on him. There were wrinkles in his shirt, and if she looked down, she would probably notice how unpolished his shoes were.

This was a fight, she then reminded herself. And it certainly was to the death. Even vampires weren't immune to nature's entropy.

Among the gleeful commotion at almost 3 AM that morning, Bella thought she wouldn't notice, but she did. From the corner of her eye, Jasper simply vanished. There was a soft click from the door—the only evidence that he had left the house.

Edward stood from beside Bella and offered his hand. "You should get to sleep."

She gave him her good arm and let herself be hoisted up. "I should."

As she walked by the family, she felt the need to congratulate them, but it felt a little odd to do so. One, because she had been cooped up in their home, utterly useless. And two, they had killed… six individuals? Vampires counted as individuals. People. Her morals felt out of whack.

She walked up to the main staircase with Edward, and paused on the first step. Turning her head, she glanced once at the front door.

"What?" Edward asked.

"Nothing," she said. "I just noticed that Jasper left."

They began ascending the staircase. "He did."

To feed, Bella reminded herself with that distinct tingle at the bottom of her spine.

Jasper had left to go kill.

Bella had dreamt. When she woke the next morning, she couldn't decide if it had been a nightmare, yet she felt the chill in her bones just the same. But maybe it was because she was nestled into Edward's side.

After a quick breakfast, Edward dropped her off on campus. He got out of his car to give her a proper goodbye.

"I hate doing this," he murmured, stepping close. "But I need to hunt."

"I know," Bella said, having entirely predicted it. He was injured, and so was Rosalie.

He told her that he would be back tomorrow.

"That's fine." Bella smiled up at him. "Charlie was going to pick me up anyway."

His smile dimmed, and he was instantly serious. "Carlisle and Esme will be home. If you need anything."

Bella threw her backpack over a shoulder. "I know. Try to enjoy your hunt. Mindful eating is the new trend right now, you know."

Edward kissed her cheek. "Will do, Miss Swan."

"Hey—one more thing." She smiled up at him with intrigue. "What is this… Law of Exposure?"

Edward paused, and co*cked his head. "It's one of our most basic laws. Who mentioned it?"

"Jasper. He said Victoria was breaking it."

Edward seemed to understand immediately. "Yes. She was. By recklessly killing, she was risking exposure. That is prohibited."

"Prohibited? By who?"

"We have a system, Bella. Naturally, we're not ungoverned."

Did he expect her to just know this? "I wasn't aware."

"It's not very important," he dismissed. "Anyway, I'll see you soon."

Bella watched as he got into his car and drove away. She stood there until his car disappeared from her field of vision. Naturally, we're not ungoverned. Bella scoffed. Naturally, she wouldn't know.

In her literature class, she sat beside a girl. Pulling out her notebook, she turned to her. "Good morning. I'm Bella."

"Morning," the girl said a little strangely, and Bella realized pretty quickly why. She knew her. "I'm Emma. But we've met."

Oh, Bella thought, just a little mortified. Thanks for letting me sleep over.

Charlie had arrived right on time to pick her up later that day, and Bella gave him an awkward side hug in the car.

"Did you have a good time?" He asked her.

"Yeah, dad." She then gave him a pointed look. "I hope you ate something other than ready mac-n-cheese."

"You shouldn't hope away the inevitable," he teased her, and began driving. Once home, they spent some time in the kitchen, and Bella readied some vegetables for tonight's dinner. While Charlie worked the grill, Bella settled back in her room and started a load of laundry. Just because she had been staying at the Cullens' residence—more like hotel—it didn't mean that her real life responsibilities had magically disappeared.

Booting up her laptop, she looked over her assignments. But before she could plan her studying schedule for the night, her phone buzzed with a phone call.

The contact flashed on the screen: Mom.

Leaning against her bed, she placed the phone up to her ear. "Hey."

"Hi, sweetie," Renee Dwyer cooed over the phone. "How have you been?"

It had probably been two months since she had last talked to her mother, which was kind of a depressing thought. "I've been good. How are you?"

There were voices in the background, and her mom took a moment to address someone before speaking back into the phone, "It's been crazy. We've been up and down the East coast, as you know."

Did she know? Bella barely had a notion of what her mother was doing, or where she was at any given time. "How's that been?"

"Unpredictable," her mother replied, but she seemed ecstatic. "Phil's been all over the place."

Phil, her stepdad. He wasn't a stereotypical stepdad in the sense that she despised his very being. Actually, he was entirely pleasant, and she occasionally got various texts from him regarding his baseball games—scores, trending wins, booing losses. His career within minor league baseball seemed to encompass most of his personality, and now, most of her mother's.

"Sounds exciting," Bella said, trying her best to sound cheerful.

"Yeah, I'm sorry," her mother said lightly. "I know school's not too exciting."

No, school was actually pretty great. She wasn't sure if she would actually enjoy her mother's never-ending-travel lifestyle. Plus, Renee Dwyer hadn't finished college—how could she know?

"It's been alright, mom. I'm enjoying my classes." And it was her second year at Peninsula College. Come to think of it, she couldn't recall the last time Renee had asked her about school.

"Yeah? You don't want to stab your eyeballs with number two pencils yet?"

Did anyone use number two pencils anymore? Mechanical ones, maybe.

As Bella grew up, she would see the little shortcomings of both of her parents. The process was strange, sobering, but mostly sad. It was never easy to realize that your parents were anything but perfect.

A few big ones were Renee's significant attention issues and hyperactivity. Bella definitely couldn't imagine watching her sit through a lecture. She couldn't even picture her sitting down for Thursday night football with Charlie. And the more Bella got to know these quirks of her mother, the more she found that she understood the reason for her parents' separation.

Charlie was calm. He appreciated life the way it was. He didn't chase after anything that was too out of his way. Comparatively, her mother couldn't accept anything by default. Her coffee couldn't be black. Her husband couldn't be boring. She could never own a home—because it was too solid, and permanent.

"Is Phil doing okay? He texted me that his shoulder wasn't doing well."

"Oh, he's fine," she replied. "He's just been batting a little too hard. The doctors say he just needs a little rest."

"Good to hear," Bella said. "Will the season bring you guys to this side of the world?"

"I think we'll do L.A, but further North…?" she paused, and then Bella heard her ask, away from the phone. Phil was there, of course. She came back to the phone. "Maybe, sweetie. We may be up in San Francisco."

"So maybe I can visit," Bella said. "Let me know his schedule. If it lines up with one of my breaks, or even a weekend…"

"Of course, honey," she said. "Hey, I gotta go. But I love you, okay?"

Bella switched the phone to her other ear. "I love you too, mom."

She felt a void in her chest. She knew that she should feel closer to her mother—to seek her out more often, or even text her most days.

But relationships should be two-sided, shouldn't they?

A/N: Yes, relationships should be two-sided. All relationships.

This chapter: Jasper taking control of the situation. Alice's curiosity on Bella's desire to change. Renee's poor motherly instincts.

Chapter 13

Chapter Text

A week later, Bella sat in front of Barbara Stinson, Peninsula College's one of two counselors. The woman was in her early forties with a kind, compassionate demeanor, and she was examining her computer screen as Bella waited patiently for her to read her file.

"I think your schedule looks great," she said eventually, spinning her monitor around for Bella to see. "You push Calculus II to Spring, and that gives you the time slot to take Art 200 to fulfill your Gen-Ed requirement. And I think that's a better idea. You shouldn't try to take Chem 205 and Calc II in the same quarter."

"That's what I figured, too," Bella said. Two major STEM classes in a quarter—that was generally a very, very bad idea.

Barbara clasped her hands together in one loud clap. "This is it, and you're applying for fall quarter, with the deadline…"

"February fifteenth," Bella completed.

Barbara pushed up her glasses and chuckled. "Well, I don't even know why you need me."

Bella smiled back, but her gaze lingered at her transcript on the screen. "You think this is good enough for UW Biology?"

"University of Washington would be lucky to have you."

"But biology, Barbara. You know how competitive it is."

"Which is why you're transferring in with a higher GPA than all of those other undergraduates that are already there, fighting each other in those ridiculous weed-out classes." She gave her a knowing look. "And don't even get me started on how much money you've saved."

Barbara had given her this speech many, many times. Picking up her backpack, Bella stood. "I appreciate this. Thank you."

"Of course! Are you excited about Seattle? Big city."

The application wasn't even open. "Maybe. I need to get in first."

"Positive energy, Isabella Swan," she tutted. "It makes a difference."

"Why do we do this?" Bella sighed at Edward with a little smile, eying the plates and plates of food that were laid out in front of them. They were in Port Angeles, seated at an upscale restaurant with views of the Pacific. Bella wore a dress and heels, and Edward was in slacks. There had been makeup and a curling iron involved.

"I think your question is—why don't we do it more often? There's so much to celebrate."

Celebrate? Bella had written her first draft of her essay for her transfer application—which wasn't even open for submission yet. Edward had decided that it was an important accomplishment that they needed to waste food for.

"You won't eat any of this."

Edward gave her a cheeky smile, then placed a small cut of steak in his mouth. And he chewed. Bella watched, mildly horrified.

"Really?" She asked him, trying to maintain a smile. He was going to be uncomfortable until he could throw it back up. "You really don't have to do this."

"And why not?" He asked, and then made a face at the taste in his mouth. "Was I supposed to dip this in the sauce?"

"Yes." Bella scooted the little bowl of goodness towards him. "But I doubt it'll taste any different."

Edward tried again, this time dunking the meat into the green sauce. After chewing for a bit, he said, "You're right."

"What does it taste like?"

Edward put his fork down and intertwined his hands in front of him, smiling. "Does it matter? Bella, I want to do this. I want to do normal things with you. I enjoy it."

Bella began cutting into her own steak. "Are you nauseous at all?"

"I'm fine."

But he wasn't. Vampires weren't meant to eat human food. Edward took a sip of his chardonnay, and its color shined with his golden eyes—practically identical in hue. Bella stared at her own glass, knowing full well that a red would have gone better with steak. But Edward couldn't have possibly known that when he ordered from the wine list.

Bella was shocked that they were drinking in the first place, given that she was underage, and Edward was usually a stickler with rules.

They had done this human food thing a few times. Edward would suffer through regular meals with Bella whenever he came over for dinner with Charlie, or whenever he took her out for nights like this. She never witnessed the aftermath herself, but she knew the food had to be completely purged from his system. Edward told her that it was like carrying stones in your stomach.

Bella took a sip from her glass, wincing slightly at the mismatched tones. Renee, though distantly her mother, had been a major wine connoisseur and great influence on the subject. In retrospect, it was probably irresponsible for her mother to start serving Bella wine at only thirteen.

"You're so quiet, Bella," Edward eventually said, slicing into another bite of meat. "What are you thinking?"

Bella swirled the wine, admiring the fine crystal. "I'm thinking how I might be in Seattle in less than a year."

"Might? You will."

"Well, perhaps." He had too much faith in her grades. She still lacked some extracurriculars."Actually, I was going to ask Carlisle if I could volunteer at the hospital. Just a few hours a week."

"Absolutely. That can be arranged."

Bella nodded, and gave him a smile. But the smile faded, as her own comment about Seattle came back to bite her. "Can we talk about us?"

"Us?"

"As you said, I will be moving, and long distance—"

"Long distance?" Edward shook his head. "I'll come to Seattle. I'll help you move. I'll rent a place."

"You'll come to Seattle?"

"Yes. Why should we be apart?"

Bella sighed, and she wasn't entirely sure why she felt a little sad. "I don't think we've had a serious conversation about the future." Mostly because Edward's middle name was avoidance. "I think we should have it, and I think we need to be completely open and honest with each other."

"Open and honest…?" Edward trailed. "That hasn't been a problem for us."

"But it has been," Bella said calmly, then lowered her voice. "You're a vampire, and I'm human. I think there's a lot that we should talk about—a lot that we haven't."

Edward shook his head. "Our differences shouldn't set us apart."

"That's not what I'm saying. I just want to understand what this means for me—staying with you, spending time with you. What will my future be like if I continue to date a vampire?"

Edward was silent as Bella watched him. His brow was pinched, and he seemed entirely… uncomfortable?

"Can vampires have offspring? I'm leaning towards a no, but…"

"No," he said, a little withdrawn.

Kids were something Bella had imagined she would have when she was just a little girl—playing pretend with her dolls and playhouses. But now that she was a young adult, she wasn't sure. Was she even capable of having kids?

"You're immortal, and…" Indestructible, she was going to say, but Jasper had disagreed with her. "…I'm not. I have a relatively short lifespan, don't I?"

"Yes," he said.

"So, I just—"

"Are you breaking up with me, Isabella Swan?"

That wasn't her intention, and it was odd how Edward would jump to such a drastic conclusion. "I don't think I am."

"Are you sure? Am I not dateable because of what I am?"

That wasn't the point—not at all. "Do you have any intention of changing me in the future? Because I know nothing about you and your world beyond the surface level, and frankly, I don't even know if I'd want to make that transition."

He stared down in front of him, and he wouldn't look at her. "I understand."

"You do?"

"Maybe you should learn more about my world," he said quietly. "Maybe that would convince you to make the right decision."

Bella scooted forward in her seat. "Edward—"

"Half of my family would have rather stayed human. There are reasons why I enjoy and appreciate your world. There are reasons why I choose to be with you than try to stick with my own kind."

"You never wanted to be a vampire?"

"No," he told her. "I was dying, and Carlisle thought that he was saving me. But all he did was condemn me to a life of constant struggle for control." Only then did he glance at her. "I'm lucky that you don't see me as a monster. I'm lucky that you stick around."

He wasn't a monster. "You're Edward Cullen, and you're not a monster."

"And you're Isabella Swan, and you shouldn't become a monster."

They seemed to stare at each other for ages before Edward broke off and looked down at his plate. "I love who you are. I love your humanity. It's not something you should give up."

Edward had just said love, but Bella wasn't there to hear it. She stared at him a little blankly as the gears in her mind worked to consider a life of vampirism. Edward seemed entirely opposed to it, but Bella felt that she couldn't make much sense of it without more knowledge.

No kids—that was a tradeoff. Immortality—probably a plus. The blood thing? She winced.

"Bella." Edward drew her to the here and now.

"I don't think I know enough to make any decisions," she told him after pushing her food around her plate. "I hardly know what your life is like." And before he could interrupt, she pressed on. "What your life is really like. Your hunts, your struggles with control. What you feel, how you view life, what your beliefs are." Besides his refusal to touch her before putting a ring on her finger. "You've never mentioned vampire politics—there's a whole government? And what about… other vampires?"

"You're asking about human drinkers," Edward said lowly.

"Yes." Bella watched him carefully. "I don't have enough information, and you—you rarely talk about any of this."

Edward nodded, still withdrawn. "I understand." He picked up his wine glass. "But human drinkers—they're closer to another species. We don't identify with them."

"Really? Are there more of you out there?"

"A few," Edward said. "Feel free to talk to my family and gain their perspective."

"Your family rarely talks about this sort of thing. They barely use their vampirism around me. Why can't you talk to me?"

The gentleness in his face had vanished moments ago. Now, he stared at her as if he was part of a forceful interrogation. "I choose to assimilate. While yes, I need to hunt—and kill," he said, in a very venomous tone, "I prefer the rest of my life to be comprised of the simple things that remind me that I was once human."

"Like going to school, and driving a car…"

"Interacting with humans, forming relationships. Studying and learning beside them." He paused, and that gentleness returned. "Caring for them, protecting them." And then light shone in his eyes. "Falling in love with them."

This time, Bella heard love, and she almost choked on her sip of chardonnay. "What?"

Edward stared at her for a moment longer with a ghost of a smile, and then looked down fondly at his food. He didn't even seem remotely bothered by Bella's expression. "That's alright, Bella. My feelings grow quickly."

This was incredibly awkward. Wasn't it? "I'm sorry, I—it's been three months."

"I know," he said evenly. "That's okay." His smile was bright and genuine, almost as if he were expecting this.

Bella took a proper sip of her wine, carefully swallowing this time instead letting it down her windpipe. "That's very sweet, Edward."

Bella didn't know what romantic love was supposed to feel like, but she certainly knew that she didn't feel it for Edward—at least not yet. If they were to break up, there wouldn't be too many tears.

Quickly, she returned to their previous topic of conversation. "Your family assimilates too."

"My siblings do attend classes, take on jobs. Finish degrees. They travel the world." Edward smiled at her. "It isn't easy with the way our appearances are frozen, and constant. We have to move frequently to avoid suspicion."

"And documentation? Like passports, and IDs?"

"We have a guy." Edward chuckled. "There's always a guy."

Bella smiled back. "Probably a hefty sum for all that secrecy."

"Well, money isn't quite an issue for us."

Bella pointed her fork towards him. "See that's where your human immersion ends. Money is definitely an issue for a lot of humans."

"Good point. Perhaps we can discuss a more immersive strategy for our next move. A modest, three-bedroom house. A car to share. We'd need to convince Alice to not jet around the world every few months."

Bella nodded, but then came to her own understanding. "And Jasper… he's not part of any of this."

"No, his eyes are stark evidence of that." He took a sip, and Bella didn't miss the slight waver of his mask at the taste. "He has a different background."

Bella glanced at her own wine glass. "I figured. He doesn't quite…" she used their favorite word, "…assimilate."

He swirled his gently. "No. As I've said, humans aren't anything but a means to feed for him."

"But that's true for most of your population, is that right?"

"Correct."

"So, maybe he can give me perspective on the rest."

Edward didn't seem too happy about that, but he seemed to agree. "Talk to him, as well, if it helps."

It would help. He had been the most forthcoming out of all of them.

The waiter came by with a disconnected smile. He picked up the chardonnay bottle from its iced bucket and tipped it forward above Bella's glass. But she quickly raised a hand, covering her lips with her other as she swallowed her food. "Actually, could I have a red please?"

A/N: Red meat = red wine. No exceptions.

This chapter: Bella's preparation for her future, and dinner with a vampire.

Excerpt for next time:

"At times, their humanity feels forced." She thought for a better term. "Synthetic. I don't always understand why they have to pretend." Bella paused, the confession light on her tongue. "I find vampires to be unsettling."

It was probably the first time she had ever admitted that out loud. And her explanation changed something in the way that Jasper was looking at her.

See you next week.

Chapter 14

Chapter Text

Bella opened the front door of the Cullen home.

It was always an experience that she noticed closely—the way her footsteps echoed because of the tall, unending ceiling, and the vast, empty space; the sense of unease caused by the uncertainty that she would never know who was really home. The cars in the driveway rarely indicated a vampire's presence or absence.

The silence was almost disquieting, until she turned into the kitchen where Esme was unboxing several cardboard boxes on the kitchen counter.

"Why, hello, Bella," Esme greeted her with pleasant surprise. Bella couldn't imagine why she would be surprised in the first place.

"Hey, Esme. Mind if I take over the island to study?"

"Go right ahead. Did Edward leave already?"

Of course he left. Couldn't she tell? "Yes, he should be back in a few hours."

Edward was on his second hunt of the week.

As Bella unloaded the contents of her backpack onto the counter, she addressed the boxes. "What are those?"

Esme pulled out a dark bottle from one of them, admiring it. "Edward said you loved wine. I figured we could keep some in stock."

Bella wouldn't say she loved wine. She enjoyed a glass here and there, but— "Are all three boxes wine, Esme?"

She placed a hand on each one as she announced proudly, "Red. White. Champagne."

Bella slipped onto the stool, settling herself in. "You really didn't have to."

"Nonsense," she told her, as she usually always did, then flipped the bottle to show her the label. "Would you like some?"

At 2 PM on a Tuesday? "No, thank you."

"Wine culture is…" she thought for the word, then seemed gleeful at her choice. "…intoxicating."

She placed the wine bottle down onto the counter. "Do you know how gorgeous charcuterie boards are?" She held up a finger. "One second." And then she walked around her and disappeared.

Bella booted her laptop, and before she could navigate to her lecture notes, Esme was back. She was carrying a large tray. Trays. She had multiple wooden platters that she lugged onto the counter. Charcuterie boards.

"Just look at these," she breathed, wiping a delicate hand down the woodwork of the topmost one. "And I've seen endless pictures of cheeses, sausages, grapes, and nuts, all beautifully arranged among glasses and glasses of wine." Her twinkling eyes flicked to her. "Isn't it lovely? Bella, please tell me you like charcuterie."

"I like charcuterie, Esme."

She nodded, satisfied. She then flipped to the board underneath, examining it as Bella attempted to focus on the work on hand. She finally found her lecture notes.

Esme's movement caught her eye. She was resuming unloading the wines. Bella watched momentarily as she delicately removed each bottle and stared at it for longer than was probably normal. She then reached down to open a drawer and procured a corkscrew. Sticking the end in, she popped open a sauvignon blanc. And then, she reached up and grabbed a wine glass.

Why did they own wine glasses? The question was ridiculous, Bella soon realized, as her eyes darted over the large kitchen. The Cullens now owned three boxes of wine, and probably twenty pounds of salt, in addition to a bunker's worth of canned goods. And honestly, who knew what else.

Bella watched Esme tip the bottle and pour. She didn't take a sip, but Bella secretly anticipated that she would.

Esme merely admired the glass with its contents. She seemed lost in her thoughts.

And then Bella prodded gently, "Esme did you want to become a vampire?"

Her eyes flicked to her, and she smiled, though maybe a little too harshly. "I didn't have much of a choice. I was dying."

"Like Edward?"

"He was dying of disease." The Spanish Flu. "I had… tried to end my own life."

"Oh, Esme," Bella empathized. "I never knew."

"It's been a very long time," she said, with a certain sadness in her eyes. "But I have a new life now."

"Yes, you do." She paused, considering. "And this life… you're happy with it?"

"Of course!" She exclaimed, her fingers skimming the stem of the glass. "I just generally wish I could taste what I'm cooking, or even this beautiful glass of wine."

"That's it?" Bella asked. "That's the only thing you miss?"

Her expression wavered, but Bella caught it. The smile remained, but it didn't reach her eyes when she said, "It's the only thing."

Her tone was off, and so was her distant gaze. And all Bella could think of, curiously, was—why would Esme Cullen lie?

And then, there was a crash.

The house shook forcefully. The first thing on Bella's mind was earthquake. But the only emotion on Esme's face was irritation when Bella caught her staring over her shoulder.

When she turned around, she saw Emmett pushing off heaps of drywall that had fallen onto him when he presumably blasted through the side of the house.

"Emmett!" Esme admonished.

Emmett didn't even look back at her. He addressed the figure in front of him, which was undeniably Jasper. "Again."

Another crash came when they collided.

Bella brought her attention back to Esme, who was glaring at the damage.

"Is everything okay?" She asked tentatively, feeling her breaths come out quickly.

"Oh, of course." Esme grabbed her glass of wine and emptied it into the sink. Bella almost wished she was willing to make the excuse of it's five o'clock somewhere as she watched Esme waste what looked like a couple hundred dollars worth of fine wine. The bottle, unsurprisingly for the Cullen bank, was from the year 2000.

"It's just a little sparring," Esme told her as she picked up the sauvignon blanc bottle.

Startled from the sparring, Bella raised a shaky hand, easily predicting Esme's next move. "Go ahead and cork it. I'll have some tonight. I insist."

Food or wine—waste was not something Bella was okay with.

Bella glanced back at the gaping hole, and then another one formed almost instantaneously. This time, she braced herself as the house trembled, and Emmett was once again shot through the wall, but this time further, and directly into the sectional. He threw the pillows off of him, ripping one in half in the process. The Cullens' large sectional now had a significant dip in the middle, with the wood underneath cracked beyond repair.

"Jasper," Esme commanded, and it wasn't a tone Bella had heard her use before. "Enough."

Emmett stayed put in the living room, brushing off bits of wall and couch filling. Jasper walked straight through the second hole and gave Esme one single nod.

"Oh hey Bella," Emmett said, grinning at her as he approached the women. "Did you like the show?"

Bella didn't quite know what to say, her hand gripping the edge of the counter for dear life.

"We've scared the girl," Jasper commented.

Esme continued to unload bottles of wine, and her tone was unusually negative. "Yes. This is not the time for this."

"It gives you an excuse to repaint the living room," Emmett suggested with a grin.

Bella relaxed her death grip. "Why are you…" What was the word again? "…sparring?"

"So we can be ready for red headed bitches who threaten us."

"Emmett," Esme scolded.

"Sorry. I meant witches."

Bella watched this short exchange with detached fascination. Bella knew that Esme wasn't Emmett's biological mother, and she couldn't exactly word why she found their relationship to be so peculiar. A pretend mother, and a pretend son.

Charlie would encourage Bella's colorful language at this age. But it seemed that Esme saw Emmett as nothing more than a twelve-year-old.

Closing one of the emptied boxes, Esme then smiled at Emmett. "I guess you're coming with me to grab supplies. We're fixing the walls. Today." She glanced at Bella. "Did you want to come? Just to Home Depot."

"No, that's alright. I should keep at this." She gestured at her laptop, and then pulled out a notebook. Her studying really should have been further along by now.

Esme made Emmett walk through the front door of the house as they left.

Before Bella let herself be engrossed by her lecture notes, she remembered that she wasn't alone. When she turned around in her stool, Jasper was staring distantly at the rubble on the ground, and then his attention switched to her. That was when Bella noticed the difference in the color of his eyes.

They were sharp, crisp, and undoubtedly brighter red.

The last time that Bella saw Jasper was when he had left for his own hunt—one that was entirely different from what Edward was currently out doing. And judging by his arm that was completely healed, Bella guessed that his hunt for a meal had been… successful.

"Hi," she said to him.

He stepped closer. "Hello."

As Jasper stood near, his eyes dancing around her laptop and notebook, Bella found herself watching him. She felt both drawn and disconcerted by how bloody his eyes were. She could have sworn she saw something swirling in them. How could they appear so lively?

Those eyes then snapped to her, and Bella felt her throat move in a swallow.

And then Jasper's demeanor shifted. There was a certain lack of sincerity in his tone when he asked, "Is something bothering you?"

Another swallow. Bella averted his eyes and immediately felt her body grow hot. She wouldn't deny it, because there was no lying to Jasper.

"So unsettled," he murmured, because he could feel it all. "It's entirely natural."

Bella took a deep breath. "Sorry."

"Why?" He leaned against the island. "This is exactly what you should be feeling."

"Well, it doesn't feel very great." She got up from the stool and ventured further into the kitchen. She grabbed a water glass, filled it, and pressed it to her lips. Sipping felt loud. Swallowing was going to make her deaf. Her senses were acute, sharp, and on overdrive.

This was the underlying fear.

"What's interesting to me is—you don't feel this way with the Cullens," Jasper noted.

Bella sat back on her stool, clutching her glass. "Not always."

"Not always?"

His eyes, wide, and attentive, had a level of interest in them that brought the tingling back in her spine. "Explain." And it seemed important for him to add, "There's no one here."

Bella's throat protested, but she swallowed to tame it. It didn't help that Jasper was just a foot away from her.

"At times, their humanity feels forced." She thought for a better term. "Synthetic. I don't always understand why they have to pretend." She paused, the confession light and airy on her tongue, "I find vampires to be unsettling."

It was probably the first time she had ever admitted that out loud. And her explanation changed something in the way that Jasper was looking at her.

"Well, hello!" Both of them directed their attention to the crumbling walls. Alice graciously hopped through one of the holes, examining them amusedly. "I see today's session went well."

Jasper took one big step away from Bella and said nothing.

Alice barely seemed to register Jasper's presence. Her eyes were trained on Bella, and her smile was painfully wide. "Bella! Don't you worry. You will do amazing on your history final."

Her history final? Her gaze fell back to her notes, and the entire reason she was supposed to be sitting there in the first place.

"Does that mean I can stop studying?" Bella asked, half-jokingly.

"Somehow, I feel that even a guarantee won't stop you, Isabella Swan," Alice teased.

Jasper was slowly leaving Bella's field of vision as he directed himself to the stairs.

"And where are you going?" Alice asked, and he stopped immediately.

He turned back to the two women, and his face was entirely blank. The emotion and intrigue Bella could read on him just a few minutes ago was nowhere to be found. "Where should I go, Alice?"

"You should stay."

Except it didn't come out as a suggestion. To Bella, it sounded more like an instruction.

And perhaps it was, because Jasper—without hesitation—walked back over and sat on the side of the sectional that wasn't caving in, facing them.

And then came a frustrated voice that Bella hadn't heard in a week. "Emmett!"

It was Rosalie, and she also accessed the house through the destruction. "I can't believe this."

Jasper was staring loosely at the coffee table that was miraculously in one piece. "We weren't meant to be confined by concrete."

"Maybe not you." She placed her hands on her hips and assessed the damage. "I'm assuming Esme's on her way to fix this."

"She is," Alice reported. "It'll be fixed tonight."

"Good." She flipped around to face them. "It's supposed to rain later." And then, she seemed to realize. "Oh, hi Bella."

Bella knew that Rosalie could sense her from a mile away. The delay of acknowledgement failed to offend her, as always.

"Bella," Alice began, stepping into the open kitchen and examining the wine bottles. "Did you know that Jasper fought in the Civil War? He was on the Confederacy side. As a human, of course."

"Ugh." Rosalie groaned, walking past them and towards the stairs. "Controversial."

Bella looked at Jasper, who was still staring at the coffee table. It didn't seem like he wanted to be here at all.

"We all have such rich histories," Alice continued, walking back around to glance at Bella's laptop. "We've lived through history. Our family's probably been impacted by all that you're studying right now."

Bella regarded her, interested. "Are there vampires older than Carlisle?"

"Of course!" Alice exclaimed. "I would say Carlisle's relatively young."

"And that was… the 1600s?" Bella asked, feeling a little absurd for even speaking it out loud.

"Yes, and I believe, the oldest…" Alice thought for a moment, comically placing her finger to her lips.

"Amun Akil of the Egyptian Coven," Jasper spoke automatically. "2500 BC."

"Ah, yes," Alice agreed. "Amun."

Bella was probably gaping at this. "2500 BC?"

Alice grinned. "As I said, Carlisle would be considered young."

"That's unbelievable, and amazing."

"Isn't it?" Alice spoke proudly. "There are endless possibilities, endless lifetimes. Infinite choices, decisions, and experiences."

Speaking of experiences. Bella glanced over at Jasper, who seemed intent on examining every inch of that coffee table. "The Confederacy, Jasper, was it—"

But Jasper had his response locked and ready. "A mistake. With the lack of knowledge comes poor choices."

"But I bet you didn't think it was a mistake at the time."

Jasper didn't even look once at her. "Of course I didn't."

He had most likely been directly influenced by his environment at the time, much like how anyone young and inexperienced could be susceptible t0 others imposing their own will onto them. Though it wasn't easy for Bella to imagine a vulnerable, human Jasper.

"Lessons are learned over time," Alice agreed. "That's the beauty of it, Bella. You never stop learning."

Bella flipped through some pages in her notebook. "Though I could probably do without going through the U.S education system." She gave Alice a pointed look. "Again. And again."

Alice laughed, brilliant and bright. "Oh, no. That's just what we choose to do. You can choose to never step foot into a lecture. You can choose to live out in the woods. You can choose anything!" She leaned against the island. "It's always your choice, Bella." And then Alice gave her what she presumably thought was a reassuring smile. "You can do whatever you want."

It was only then that Jasper looked up, his eyes locking directly onto Bella's. There was something in his expression that seemed to challenge Alice's words. It was something sinister, foreboding, and cautionary, and it left a hollow feeling in her chest.

Her mouth felt dry when she responded. "That's wonderful, Alice."

This chapter: Esme's delight in human wine culture, Jasper's fresh meal, and Alice's curious dive into history.

Q: What do you think of Jasper's treatment by the various Cullens in this chapter?

Excerpt for next time:

Jasper paused. "Let's talk about chocolate—that had been a good comparison, had it not?"

Bella nodded, and he continued, "The Cullens are humans that have messed up their hunger cues with severe dietary restrictions. It has caused this incessant addiction to chocolate—to blood—that whenever they're around it, they simply cannot resist."

"It's an eating disorder," Bella said, understanding.

"That's my theory."

See you next week.

Chapter 15

Chapter Text

The stress started to creep in that Friday.

Their history final was in a week, and Bella's mental countdown had already begun. As their professor went over the practice exam that day, the room had been quiet—the students eager to soak in as much information as possible.

Bella needed to maintain above a 3.8 GPA. Anything less than a 3.5 in this class would jeopardize that.

As she left the lecture hall with Edward, she was partially, and unrighteously irritated at his light, care-free attitude. It wasn't that he had been distracting during class. He just didn't care as much as she did, and Bella knew that she wasn't being fair.

He was just a happy vampire on a cloudy Friday.

And why shouldn't he be? The Victoria threat had been eliminated, and it seemed like everything was poof—back to normal. He had no worries for any exams—his future was what he wanted to be, whenever he wanted it to be. Bella couldn't blame him for his freedom. After all, they had two vastly different lives.

"Come over tonight," he said. "Movie?"

Bella's response was automatic. "I need to study."

"You've been studying all week, and I was thinking of renting that new Tom Cruise movie."

She tried to keep her irritation at bay. "No Tom Cruise. No movie. Just me, and my lovely notes for the rest of the evening."

He pulled out his phone conspiratorially. "I have an idea. Let's just ask Alice how your exam will go if you choose Tom Cruise tonight."

Bella shook her head. Alice had already told her the outcome. "I won't feel confident if I don't put in the work like I always do. Really, Edward, it's fine."

He stopped them and gave her a bright smile as he gazed down at her. "We haven't had much time to spend together."

"Yes, and actually, neither has my father," she pointed out. "In fact, he was lied to for most of last week."

The subject was still a sore one for her. Edward had lied to Charlie on her behalf, and morally, it completely upended her. Had she been dishonest with her father before? Of course. She was once a teenager who hated both of her parents for no good reason. But now, she was an adult, and Charlie treated her like one. Honesty was just an unspoken rule at that point.

Besides the Cullens' vampirism, which was a secret entirely out of her control, she should have no reason to have to lie to her father.

"I know," he said placatingly. "It was necessary."

Not all of it was necessary. "You know, he wouldn't have had any issues with me staying over."

He shook his head. "I disagree."

"Edward, I'm twenty years old. My dad knows that you're my boyfriend."

He was still smiling, but there was tension in his expression. "You're unmarried."

Bella puffed out a breath. "It doesn't matter that I'm unmarried."

"It absolutely does. Just consider it from your father's perspective."

"It's 2022. I can stay over, and my father would just tell me to be safe."

He shook his head, chuckling as if she were absolutely ridiculous.

"I don't—" He cut her off by opening the car door for her, motioning for her to get in. "Edward, I'm serious."

"About what?"

"I respect your values, and I respect your past, but I don't think you're very… adaptable."

"Adaptable," Edward said plainly. "I adapt quite well, I think, given that I blend in with your kind and can maintain an acceptable composure."

Bella sighed, letting her shoulders drop. "You know what I mean."

"I don't, Bella. You say you respect my values, yet you challenge them."

They stood for a moment longer before he pulled the door open wider and gestured once more. Dejectedly, she got into the passenger seat.

They didn't talk during the drive. Bella's body language was on the defense, with her arms crossed tightly across her chest, and a glare directed at the sky above. More often than not, she found that she couldn't get through to Edward. He used his age and his experience to shadow her arguments and disregard her opinions. It wasn't healthy. It shouldn't be like this.

But then her arms loosened, because she realized that Edward had made the wrong turn. And Edward Cullen rarely made mistakes.

"You were supposed to turn right," she told him.

"I know where I'm going."

He was going to his house, not hers, like they had discussed during class. "No, Edward. I need to go home. I need to study."

"You can study at my place like you have been the last few days."

The car sped up, and Bella's heart began pumping just a little faster. The seatbelt across her chest felt unbelievably constricting. "Edward. Take me home."

"We shouldn't leave each other alone when we fight," he insisted with a hardness to his tone. "We should fix this."

The car snaked up the mountain road, heading up, up, and up, straight to the Cullen property. Bella watched the trees whiz by with alarm. What could she realistically do? Jump out of the car?

Once Edward parked in front of his house, Bella didn't get out. He pulled open her door.

"Will you take me home?" She asked him instead of stepping out.

"No."

"I don't want to be here."

"And I don't want to fight with you."

Bella stared at him. There was disbelief there, but also a layer of fear. A disagreement with a vampire felt, undoubtedly, scary.

Reluctantly, she peeled herself out of the seat, hyper-aware of her own movements. She decided to ask once more. "Edward?"

"Inside, Bella."

She flinched when he reached around her to grab her backpack. And then he shut her door, locked the car, and was already on his way to the front door. Her feet moved only when he turned back to look at her.

Bella didn't like the way his eyes darkened. She didn't like it at all.

When she stepped into the Cullen home, it seemed empty, but that didn't mean it was. Edward deposited her backpack on the couch and didn't say a word.

She should call a ride home. Edward stood between her and her backpack, and she needed her phone.

But something told her to stay put. Perhaps it was the tension in his neck, or the distinct way he was looking at her. When his eyes narrowed, she took one tiny step back. There was something off in the way he was examining her. Contemplating.

It was at that moment when Carlisle descended the main staircase. And with him, was Jasper.

"I'll need to report out next week," Jasper was saying, his voice echoing in the open space. "They understand the delay."

Carlisle chuckled. "They weren't very understanding a few centuries ago."

"If there's a reason, and it's not treason." There was a mischievous edge to his voice. "I'm told that's the Cullen way."

When they made it down to the living room, Carlisle greeted Bella.

"Carlisle," she greeted him back, feeling unusually thankful for his presence. His light golden eyes were so drastically different than Edward's at that point in time. When she looked over at Jasper, he was watching Edward.

Could they sense the tension? Bella realized that her hands had been fidgeting—pressing against her fingers, toying with her nails.

"She's fine," Edward said suddenly. "And I'm fine."

Carlisle co*cked his head to the side, and Jasper directed his attention to him.

"I will not," Edward insisted through his teeth. Bella took another little step back.

And then, Carlisle spoke out loud. "Go, Edward." He tilted his head up, his expression serious, and authoritative. "Go now."

That was when Bella noticed that they had been conversing through Edward's mind. It was only one-way dialogue, but conversing nonetheless.

Bella watched Edward. He wanted to argue—he had a clear tell on his face whenever he did. It was something Bella was getting quite adept at recognizing. His brows would dip, and his eyes would widen ever so slightly, clearly prepping his argument. And then his jaw would clench, followed by a swallow, and he'd be ready to tell you, You're wrong, silly Bella. You don't understand. I don't think you quite know what I know.

How patronizing it all sounded in her brain.

But Edward didn't say another word to Carlisle. He didn't even glance back at her and tell her where he was going. He simply left through the front door, his steps heavy and agitated.

After the door slammed shut, Carlisle turned to Bella. "Edward told me that you wanted to volunteer at the hospital. Are you interested in medicine, Bella?"

It took her a few seconds to truly process the question. She slowly tore her eyes away from the front door, and she swallowed, trying to ease some tension there—trying to ease the tension in her body as a whole. "It's more of a resume booster, if I'm honest. For my transfer application."

"Transfer application?" Carlisle asked.

"Yes, to the University of Washington. Next fall."

There was a weird pause before Carlisle stated, "Seattle."

"That's the one."

Bella turned her head to find Jasper looking at her. And then, his eyes darted away—so quickly that Bella found herself questioning if they had made eye contact in the first place.

"I'll speak with the hospital," Carlisle said eventually. "I'm sure the nurses would appreciate your help."

"Absolutely," Bella said. "I'd be happy to lend a hand. Preferably starting out over winter break. That's two weeks, starting December 19th."

"Noted."

Bella glanced once out of the front windows. "Is Edward okay?"

"He'll be fine," Carlisle said, rounding the brand new sectional and taking a seat. Bella couldn't even tell that there had been two gaping holes in the wall from earlier that week. The Cullens worked in perfection.

"Bella," Jasper said, and she turned to look at him. "Would you like to go home?"

His eyes were sharp. Knowing. And of course they were. With a sudden spike of embarrassment, Bella realized that anyone in the house would have heard their little scuffle outside.

But she merely pursed her lips into a tight smile. "Yes, I would very much like to go home." She walked over to her bag and dug around for her phone. "But I can call an Uber."

"Nonsense, Bella," Carlisle said. "Jasper can take you."

As if she were pre-programmed to say it, as if it were an excuse, she said, "Jasper doesn't own a car."

Carlisle grinned. "Thankfully, we have five others."

Was it really so insulting to politely decline help? Bella could still feel that her heart rate wasn't back to normal. She could use a little break from vampires today.

It wasn't even raining. Maybe she could walk; it would certainly clear her head.

She grabbed her backpack from the couch and put it on. "Actually, I should just walk home. I could use the exercise."

Carlisle and Jasper exchanged a glance.

"Ten miles?" Carlisle asked warily.

"It's mostly flat surface once I get down the hill."

"Jasper will go with you."

She began shaking her head. "It's really no problem—"

"Edward's hunting, Bella. I insist Jasper comes with you."

Bella hadn't heard that tone before—hard, and almost scathing. There was no arguing against it.

So, she wouldn't be getting a break after all.

Before Jasper led her out the door, she stopped by the kitchen and grabbed one of the dozens of sealed plastic water-bottles from the fridge. She also pulled open a drawer that contained neatly stacked granola bars, arranged by size and flavor. She grabbed two random ones.

"I could have found my way home," Bella muttered as they walked down the driveway.

"Carlisle's being precautious."

"What does that mean?"

"He knows his kin."

"Edward?"

"He hasn't hunted for a few days."

Was that it then? Edward Cullen was just… hangry? Could she blame his controlling attitude on the lack of blood? Could she blame his condescending tone on his meal plan?

They made it to the edge of the property where the downhill slant began. The road was pavement, but there was loose rubble on the side that they chose as their path. Bella silently wished she had picked shoes with better traction that morning instead of her Converse.

"Edward hunted…" she thought for a moment. "On Tuesday. It's only been three days."

"He didn't have enough. He should know better if he chooses to be around you."

They had been in class with other humans. They had been alone in his car. How risky were these situations now that she thought about them?

"And you're accompanying me now, because—"

"Because the boy easily frenzies with his bloodlust. Carlisle will not risk you falling and bleeding and drawing attention to yourself."

Falling and bleeding. She had some confidence that she wasn't that careless, but she also wasn't sure if a simple scrape on a tree branch would be dangerous. She didn't really want to find out.

"Well, thank you for the company. I hope it's not too much trouble for you."

"I have to circle the Cullen territory. You're not the only reason why I'd be out here."

There was a lot of circling going on in the vampire community. It was a miracle none of them got dizzy. "Is there an active threat?"

His eyes roamed the vast, thick wall of trees beside them. "Not to the Cullens."

Only to me, by my very own boyfriend. The situation was bizarre. And Jasper was here playing the part of a… safe escort?

She considered this for a moment, citing Jasper's skill with strategy and safety, his intuition with Victoria, and the sparring he seemed to be leading with Emmett. And of course, the fact that he was only kind of part of the family. This all led Bella to draw her own conclusions. "Are you a bodyguard of some sort?"

The trees were forgotten. Jasper's head snapped to her. "Explain your question."

"I'm asking if you work for the Cullens as a protector or something. You seem highly knowledgeable, and you've handled Victoria—"

"Perhaps," he said. "Though the Cullens don't necessarily need guarding given their numbers. They need something more like direction."

"So, you provide them with direction."

Jasper didn't say more, so Bella questioned teasingly, "Are you a salaried employee?"

"You're applying your human concepts to my world. It doesn't quite work that way."

"So, how does it work?"

"You might deal in money. We deal in blood and servitude."

Blood and servitude. That sounded pretty intense, and just a tad dramatic. "Well, how do the Cullens pay you in blood or servitude?"

Jasper sighed, his gaze roaming the path ahead. "They don't."

"Then—"

"You're asking a lot of questions."

Bella glanced at him. "Is that bad?"

Jasper didn't respond. There was a hardness to his face that Bella didn't understand. So, they kept walking, until he held out an arm to block her path. He listened for a moment, adjusted his stance, and waited.

And then he was gone. Bella looked behind her, and then straight ahead to search for him. It was mere seconds before he appeared, and they resumed their pace like nothing had happened.

Bella could only assume that he was scouting. For Edward, or for his own circling purposes—she wasn't sure.

"How long would it take for you to run me home?" She questioned.

"Less than two minutes."

Bella nodded, and Jasper added, "Just say the word."

But the oxygen was fresh, and the air was cool, and misty. Bella needed to study, but being out here calmed her nerves, especially after Edward's behavior.

It never felt okay when your choices were taken away from you, especially by someone who supposedly cared. Thinking about it depressed her, so she tried to focus on the present—the sound of her shoes on the rubble below, the feeling of the light breeze on her cheeks. The sounds of nature surrounding them.

As they kept walking, Jasper would occasionally disappear. Each time he reappeared beside her, it was slightly disorienting, but she tried her best to keep a straight face. Her heart-rate, unfortunately, would elevate without her control.

Jasper addressed this after a few times of the disappearing game. "Our speed is something you're not used to."

She took a deep breath, then let it out. "I don't like that I can't predict what you'll do next."

"Well, you aren't Alice."

"No, I am human." As if he needed a reminder.

After Jasper seemed to take a break from his disappearing, Bella tried some casual conversation." So, how long have you been with the Cullens?"

His answer was quick, and unhelpful. "A while."

"You know, you're very poignant with your words. Your details are insightful."

He glanced at her sideways. "You're much too chatty than what I'm used to."

"And what are you used to?"

"Silence."

After a few minutes of quieting down, Bella couldn't help herself. "I'm sorry, did you mean silence because the humans you're usually around end up…"

She couldn't really bring herself to say it.

But Jasper provoked her. "Finish your sentence, Bella."

"You know what I mean."

He was amused. Quite amused. "The human makes assumptions about things she can't possibly know about."

"What?"

"There's no reason for me to believe that Edward has shared anything substantial about our world with you."

Was it still that obvious? "He's shared some things." There was a moment of silence between them. "Do you know that Alice asked me if I wanted to change?"

His eyes snapped to hers. "If you wanted to change?"

"You know, become a vampire," she murmured. "I don't know."

Jasper seemed to not understand. "You don't know?"

"Well, I don't know enough, obviously. The Cullens are… more human than not, do you agree?"

Jasper seemed distant, as if he were gazing at her from over a fence. "What is your point, Bella?"

"My point is that I don't think I truly understand what being a vampire would be like. You know, a non-Cullen vampire."

"You're curious about those who feed on humans?"

"Those like you," Bella clarified.

"When you turn, you don't think you will follow the Cullen lifestyle?"

"I'm not saying that. I just—it seems that there are two paths here. Those who drink from humans, and those who prefer animals."

"Wrong," he refuted. "Both consume human blood. One voluntarily, the other involuntarily."

That was surely an interesting perspective. "You're saying the Cullens slip occasionally?"

"The Cullens believe that they have a choice," he explained. "But I don't believe so. Every cell in their bodies demands the nutrients from human blood. Yet, they choose to hunt animals. I believe that this restriction has caused a psychological shift in their ability to control themselves."

"Really?" That would certainly explain Jasper's control advantage.

He paused. "Let's talk about chocolate—that had been a good comparison had it not?"

Bella nodded, and he continued, "The Cullens are humans that have messed up their hunger cues with severe dietary restrictions. It has caused this incessant addiction to chocolate—to sugar—that whenever they're around it, they simply cannot resist."

"It's an eating disorder," Bella said, understanding.

"That's my theory."

Their shoes crunched on the loose stone as they made their way down the hill. "Edward said he doesn't trust your control."

Jasper's head tilted towards her. "Do you believe him?"

"No." The answer was so easy, it was almost unfair. Jasper had not once shown any sign of bloodlust, even when she had been outright bleeding in front of him.

"He struggles a lot," she said, kicking at a larger, loose pebble.

"And this scares you."

It did. It scared her more than she probably realized. "It's only natural, right?" She paused, considering. "Edward can be scary when he wants to be."

Jasper disagreed with her on that one. "There is nothing scary about Edward Cullen. You fail to measure up against him simply because you are human."

"That's it, then? The speciesism argument?"

"There is no argument here, Bella. There is only reality."

She stared straight ahead. "You're implying that I'm powerless."

"I'm not implying. I am telling you."

She didn't feel irritated or offended by this. Her acceptance was quick and solemn, because deep down, she already knew it. "Humans and vampires usually don't mix."

Jasper, with his hands clasped around his back, went back to watching the trees. "If you can't establish equality, then what do you really have?"

His phone began buzzing. Jasper placed the phone to his ear, but said nothing. And then, he hung up.

There was muted resignation in his tone. "Alice sends her regards."

"That was Alice?"

"She wants me to stop giving you relationship advice."

"What? Why?"

"It's what she wants."

Because she probably had a vision. "I wonder what she knows."

"Alice Cullen knows everything." And just when Bella thought he'd fall back into his silence, he gave her just a sliver more. "She's the most frightening creature I have ever met."

A/N: This chapter: Inexcusable toxic behavior, vampiric eating disorders, and unsolicited relationship advice.

An excerpt for next time:

And then she jerked up to sit when the phone screen blanked, and she was receiving an incoming call. From Jasper Whitlock.

She cleared her throat, her heart rate certainly elevated. "Hello?"

"Did Alice put you up to this?"

As a matter of fact, she had. "Maybe."

There was a pause on the phone, and then, "Use it sparingly."

The three distinct beeps told her that he had hung up.

See you next week.

Chapter 16

Chapter Text

Bella woke up to eleven missed calls the next morning. All within a minute of each other. All Edward.

Groaning, she stretched, feeling her joints pop and her muscles ache. She had hiked about ten miles yesterday—around three of which were mostly downhill. Jasper had walked with her for the first six, and then deemed it appropriate for her to finish the remaining on her own, since they had been mostly down to civilization, and further from the Cullen hunting grounds.

She felt the discomfort in her calves and thighs as she waddled around her room, waddled to her bathroom, and then finally, dressed for the day, slowly made her way down the stairs.

With each step down, she winced.

Charlie was sitting at the dining table, and he pointed his steaming mug of coffee at her. "You didn't get beaten up did you?"

Bella laughed through the pain. "I went on a hike."

"Yeah? I think you need to go back to bed. You should get your endurance up, girl."

What she really needed was to stretch out. And then, she needed to work on her endurance. She had told herself she would resume running, hadn't she?

Her phone buzzed to life with another call from Edward. She put it on silent and tossed it onto the kitchen counter. She grabbed some tasteless, boring, good-for-the-heart cereal and scattered some into a bowl. Why did her dad love this stuff?

The screen blinked open to another phone call. She sighed, pouring some milk, and watching it drown the little wheat particles. She felt distant. A little out of body. The phone call reminded her that she needed to deal with this, and she didn't want to deal with it at all.

Charlie said something, but she didn't really hear it.

And then, he tried again. "You're a little off today, kid. What's up?"

She placed the milk down. "Nothing really. Just Edward." She sat down beside him on their dining table and reached for the pot of coffee. "It's fine."

"Just fine?"

"Yeah."

He took a sip from his mug. "Alright." He paused. "Do I need to get out the shotgun?"

"You definitely should not do that." Mostly because it wouldn't work.

"Yeah, old tactics don't work in the new world. Now, I can probably send him a, what, angry twat? Tweet?"

Bella groaned. "Please don't say twat."

He chuckled and tapped a hand on the table. "So, what's going on?"

Controlling behavior. Involuntary abstinence. He was a bloodthirsty vampire who could kill her at any moment. "I just don't know if we're right for each other."

"Huh."

Huh was right. For starters, they weren't even the same species. "It feels like we're on two different planets."

"Huh."

That was the extent of relationship advice she was going to get from her father. She sipped at her coffee, shoveled bland cereal in her mouth, and listened to him talk about college football. It was a good Saturday morning, until Edward came knocking.

Bella opened the front door to soft pink lilies. They were blooming wide and proud in a pretty bowed vase. Edward held them out to her.

Their sweet scent felt just a little sickening. "Why did you come?"

"Good morning, Bella." He smiled that smile. He knew what he was doing.

"Why did you come?"

"I wanted to check in on you. And apologize. You haven't been answering my calls."

"Let the boy in, Bella," Charlie called from the kitchen.

Edward was lucky her father had such good manners. She bit back a sigh as he shuffled inside.

"Coffee, Edward?" Charlie asked as Edward set the vase down on the dining table.

"No, thank you, sir." He then sat awkwardly, alone, at the table, as Charlie and Bella loaded the dishwasher.

"Are you following the Huskies this year?" Charlie asked, always quick with the small talk. "Game's on tonight."

"No, sir. I'm not much of a football guy."

"I can see that," Charlie muttered, and he probably thought Edward couldn't hear him. How unfair. "I think Bella's not much of a football gal either, but she'll humor me sometimes."

Bella simply smiled at her father.

"How's Dr. Cullen?"

"Business as usual, sir."

"Your mother came by and brought a few platters of brownies to the station. Thank her again for me, will you?"

Of course she had. Bella looked down at the linoleum. A vampire had just casually walked into the Forks Police Station and delivered sweets and treats.

"I will let her know, sir."

"Right." Charlie gave him one nod, and then a quick, wide-eyed glance at Bella—an apparent good luck. Bella mentally grumbled at him for forcing her to deal with her own problems as she watched him ascend the stairs.

She stood in the kitchen and crossed her arms, though she felt she couldn't be too stern. Edward's behavior yesterday had been scary, and she wasn't exactly sure how to address him without pushing him into that state again.

She had to be cautiously diplomatic with her boyfriend. How ridiculous that was.

But he was the one to initiate. "Bella, I'm sorry. For yesterday." He got up from his seat and approached her in the kitchen. Bella felt herself press against the counter as he stood just within a foot. "I hadn't hunted enough, and it impacted my emotional reasoning. I wanted you close, and I didn't want you to go home."

Bella tilted her head to look up at him. "If you're having issues with your bloodlust, shouldn't I be as far away from you as possible?"

"I can control it," he said, perhaps a little too strongly. "I can."

Could he? The boy frenzies with his bloodlust.

When his hand reached out to her face, she involuntarily flinched. And that seemed like it burned him.

"Bella," he said softly. The tips of his fingers brushed her cheek, her chin. He was watching her closely, intently.

She placed a hand on his forearm to encourage away his touch. His fingers only retreated because he let them.

"I want this weekend to myself."

His tone lowered, disappointed. "Bella—"

"Please, Edward." She looked over his shoulder. "I need to prepare for this exam."

He considered for a moment, eyebrows drawn. "At least answer my calls." When she refused to look at him, she felt two cold hands on her cheeks, directing her attention to his face. His eyes were deep gold. "Okay?"

She could feel her pulse in her throat as she swallowed. "Okay."

When she felt his lips on her temple, her eyes closed tightly. She released a breath of relief when he retreated to the dining table. Her heart was beating wildly, the cortisol keeping her on high alert, ready for the threat

He gestured at the flowers. "These are for you. I thought they would look lovely in your bedroom."

She could only nod.

"Let me know if you need anything. You're going to do great on your exam."

She nodded again. "Thank you."

He then smiled at her, kind and sincere. It was so different from the way he had looked at her yesterday. When he got to the front door, Bella followed like a good host. He stood in the doorway and gave her a grand smile.

"I love you, Isabella Swan."

The moment the words left his mouth, Bella's gaze flew over his shoulder. "Have a good day, Edward."

That was when she closed the door. And the flowers never made it up to her bedroom.

She threw them into the garden.

More lilies were at her doorstep the next day. But instead of Edward, Alice Cullen was the vampire that accompanied them.

She looked too pretty to be standing in their front yard that desperately needed weeding. She was examining their rusty outdoor grill when Bella opened the door.

"Good morning, Bella," she called warmly.

"Morning Alice," Bella responded, just a little warily.

"I brought you some flowers." Her hand gestured to the vase of lilies on the greeting mat. "I see the other ones didn't work out."

Bella could feel a hot wave of embarrassment travel up her body as her eyes darted to the bunches of lilies that were haphazardly thrown into the weeds.

"It doesn't matter," Alice dismissed. "Now you have fresh ones."

Her smile was wide, and she bounced over to her with a gleeful kick in her step. Looking at her through Jasper's lens, at that moment, she couldn't really understand what was so dreadfully frightening about her. Her premonition was unsettling in nature, but she was generally more overly-pleasant than threatening. "Do you want to go on a walk?"

Bella glanced up at the cloudy sky and leaned her side against the doorway. "No, not really. We were just about to have breakfast."

Her smile was plastered on like pure concrete. "I can wait."

Moments later, Alice Cullen sat on their decades-old loveseat, her hands folded neatly on her lap, and her legs crossed tightly. Bella ducked into the kitchen and poured herself another cup of coffee as Charlie tried to coax a vampire into breakfast.

"We got pancakes, scrambled eggs, two buckets of coffee, potatoes…" Charlie counted off as he placed silverware on the table. "Help yourself, Alice."

"Thank you, Chief Swan, but I just ate."

Charlie grumbled teasingly. "It's hardly eight in the morning. And a Sunday! You young people like to get up before the crack of dawn and finish your entire day before I even wake up."

Bella brought the pancakes to the table and set her mug down. "I know no one who does that, dad."

"Another unrealistic standard."

Alice made surface level conversation with Charlie as they got through breakfast. Bella silently picked at her eggs, occasionally smiled at her dad, but mostly watched Alice.

The warmth she emitted shouldn't come so naturally to someone who was dead. Her breaths were calm and even, and she blinked at appropriate intervals. Her tone was light, and her jokes were funny. She kept the conversation about Charlie and Forks, Washington. Her curiosity came off as endearing, as she listened more than she contributed. She never once mentioned jetting off to other continents on a regular basis. Her red Porsche wasn't even parked in their driveway.

Alice Cullen carefully curated herself to be approachable, and it was a skill she consistently excelled at.

Soon enough, Bella was lured into walking down a hiking trail at the back of her house. She was once again alone with a vampire, heading deeper into the woods. If she was going to keep up this trend, she should probably get better hiking boots.

"Please don't tell me you're making me do this to talk about Edward," Bella said. The discomfort in her muscles didn't help the tension in her tone.

"I'm sorry about Edward, Bella," she said. "The way he's behaving is unacceptable."

Her words felt refreshingly validating. "I agree."

"I hope you understand that his reasoning suffers when he doesn't hunt enough."

"That shouldn't be an excuse."

"It shouldn't," she agreed.

"I should have no reason to be scared of him."

Her smile faded only slightly. "Right."

"A relationship should imply equality."

"True."

"And if we're not on the same level, then—"

But Alice seemed to have enough. Her smile vanished, replaced by a cool, stern gaze. "Bella, he's working on it."

They walked in awkward silence for a few moments before Bella finally questioned, "Why are you here, Alice? You're not here for Edward."

"No, I'm here for you. My brother's behavior is not something I will tolerate. It's good to see that you won't, either."

She had still defended him, though, hadn't she?

And then Alice's smile was back, and her warmth turned back on. "I wanted to come by primarily to see if you had given my question some thought."

"Your question?"

"If you'd want to change."

There wasn't much she could do about that decision at the moment. Bella stared straight ahead. "I don't know enough."

"What do you mean?"

"As I've told Edward, I need to explore what exactly I'd be saying yes to." The idea itself was still an incredulous one. There were so many things she had to consider, and she probably hadn't even scratched the surface on what it would be like to be a vampire. And what about her future? Her father?

"Well, that makes sense," Alice murmured. "We can give you an idea on what being a Cullen is like."

"Being a Cullen is just a subset of your world, from what I understand."

Alice didn't reply for a beat. She opened her mouth, and turned to her. "You've been speaking to Jasper."

"I can see why he doesn't join the Cullen baseball team."

"And why is that?"

Bella smiled back, a little smug. "He's not a Cullen."

"No," she mused. "He is not. And neither are you, Miss Swan." There was a twinkle in her eye. "I hope we can do something about that."

"What does that mean?"

"Well, Edward loves you, Bella. He's going to propose." She placed a slender finger up to her temple. "I've seen it."

Bella's anxiety hit her abruptly. "We haven't discussed anything like that, Alice."

"It just makes sense. The family loves you. Edward loves you. I love you."

She was going to say it. She needed to. "But I don't know if I love Edward."

"Not yet, you don't."

"Alice—"

"These things take time, sweet Bella. You're already beautiful. Could you imagine what you would be like as a vampire?"

"But, I don't—"

"And you will figure it out." She stopped them and stepped in front of her. A piece of paper was in Bella's palm the next second. "Here's Jasper's number. I think he's the best resource for you to get a more… holistic view of our world."

Bella looked down at her hand, and then up at her suspiciously. "Why Jasper?"

"Why not? You seem to know plenty about him already."

She felt she knew nearly nothing about Jasper. She didn't even know his last name. "Shouldn't Edward be my resource?"

Alice simply smiled as they walked side-to-side. "I wish he could be. Really, I do. He can't give you what you're looking for."

"Because he'd rather be human?"

It didn't seem like Alice had expected for her to say that. "He'd rather protect your humanity. And because of that, he would be a… reluctant teacher."

"And Jasper—he's the right teacher?"

"For the moment."

Bella stared down at her left palm— at the tiny square paper. But then her hand closed in a tight fist over it, because her right forearm was burning. It was a sharp, crushing pain, and Bella bit her lip to prevent herself from crying out.

But the moment she turned her head to Alice, the pain was gone, replaced by a dull ache.

She heard Alice's voice. "Bella, are you okay? I'm so sorry."

She looked down at her forearm and didn't want to move it an inch with the fear of that searing pain jolting up her arm. The skin felt raw. Soon, red marks the shape of slender fingers began to form.

Her eyes flew to Alice's, which were wide with caution as they darted across the marks on her skin. "I had a vision, and I grabbed you. I didn't mean—"

"It's okay," Bella wheezed. It didn't feel like her arm was broken, and she probably didn't need an X-ray.

"Should I call Carlisle?"

"No, no," she said, then mustered the courage to touch the area. Too much pressure definitely stung. "It'll bruise, but nothing's broken."

"Good, good," she was murmuring, staring uncertainly at her arm.

"What did you see?" Bella asked, lightly touching and prodding the skin at various places.

"What?"

"Your vision."

"Oh." Alice's eyes were still wide, still fixated on Bella's arm that was getting redder and redder with the marks of her fingers. "Nothing too important."

"Okay." Bella didn't think she had ever witnessed Alice have a vision before. "Do you usually have some sort of a physical reaction?"

"Sometimes," she replied. "Occasionally, I could lose my sense of balance. I'll grab onto something to steady myself."

"And today, that something was me."

"Unfortunately." Alice held on tightly to her own hands, as if afraid that they might do something unexpected. "Should we start heading back?"

"Probably. I'd love to get some ice on this."

"Sweater weather to the rescue," Bella whispered to herself as she pulled on an overly long-sleeved sweater, effectively shielding her arms from the world. The dislocated shoulder was easy to explain, but bruises of finger marks on your skin? That would be hard to get past Charlie.

Alice had left Bella at the door right before another round of apologies. And within the next ten minutes, Charlie entered her bedroom and delivered a few boxes of chocolates and another big bouquet of flowers.

"Edward appears to be very upset," he noted as he placed the big basket of treats onto her desk.

But it wasn't Edward, Bella knew. This was probably the only way Alice Cullen knew how to show human sympathy.

Bella laid her injured arm out beside her on the bed. Now, both of her arms had seen the wrath of vampires. Maybe her limbs were just taking turns. By this theory, she'd need to watch out for her legs.

She glanced at her phone that lay beside her, in which she had already inputted and saved Jasper's phone number. The contact she had created for him stared back at her, and it was incomplete.

She decided to shoot him a text. It took annoyingly longer than usual, with only one hand.

Hi. This is Bella Swan. Is this Jasper?

She let her phone drop beside her and stared at the ceiling. Her phone buzzed with a response soon after.

Yes.

The plainness of his response made Bella smile. What is your last name? Not Cullen. Obviously.

He responded, almost instantly. Whitlock.

Bella stared at the last name, and then updated his contact name.

Jasper Whitlock.

And then she jerked up to sit when the phone screen blanked, and she was receiving an incoming call. From Jasper Whitlock.

She cleared her throat, her heart rate certainly elevated. "Hello?"

"Did Alice put you up to this?"

As a matter of fact, she had. "Maybe."

There was a pause on the phone, and then, "Use it sparingly."

The three distinct beeps told her that he had hung up.

Bella typed out another text.

You know, Alice doesn't seem as scary as you make her out to be.

But as she shifted on the bed, her arm stung. And Alice's reddish-purple fingers on her skin persuaded her to delete it.

A/N: This chapter: Sickening lilies, teaching arrangements, and slender bruises.

A little taste for what's coming up:

Jasper put the car in drive. "Esme has a cabin just at the edge of town. If you'd like, I can bring you there."

"A cabin?"

"A sanctuary, if you will."

"For what?"

"Solitude. The Cullens are a clan of six. No house is big enough for the separation one might need."

Bella thought for a moment. "Would she mind?"

Jasper stared at her. He wasn't very visible in the dark car, surrounded by the black night. But even the alcohol couldn't blur his sharp, crimson eyes. "No."

See you next week.

Chapter 17

Chapter Text

When Monday came around, Edward was eager for Bella's attention. He had made well on his word of giving her the weekend. But now, the weekend was over.

"Would you like to come over today?" He asked her as they settled into their lecture.

"It's the library and then home for me this entire week." Bella pointed at the chalkboard ahead with the words in big letters, Reminder: Exam on Friday!

"I can help you study."

"No, you'll just point out inconsistencies with my learning, because you have a huge bias against this professor."

Edward rolled his eyes teasingly. "Is it really about the grade or the quality of knowledge, Bella?"

"It's about the grade. The U.S education system wants to see a number. I don't think they've ever cared about the quality."

The lecture was another review, and Edward followed Bella to the library after.

Wednesday was another repeat of this. Bella would study quietly beside Edward following the lecture, and then he would drop her off at home.

It was now the early evening when they got into his car. Bella felt just a little more confident for Friday. She would do a final review tomorrow, and finish the quarter.

In the passenger seat, her phone buzzed to life multiple times. It was a group chat that consisted of some girls in their class. It was blowing up all week.

You would think that the topic of conversation would be about the exam on Friday. No. It was about the party that would follow after, since the end of the quarter usually commenced a slew of house parties.

"Monica's throwing a post-exam thing on Friday," Bella said casually. "You know Monica, right?"

"Monica Larson. She thinks obsessively about Cody Bridger."

Bella shrugged. "She's too good for him."

"I don't think she realizes that." Edward glanced at her. "What is this post-exam thing?"

"Just a house party. It's our way of forgetting all that we learned in a quarter."

Edward's eyes went back to the road. "Sounds irresponsible."

"It's good fun."

"Alcohol?"

"Naturally."

It was a few more moments before Edward spoke. "I don't think you should go."

"Why not?"

Edward swallowed. "People have vile thoughts at those places."

And when he meant vile, he just meant premarital sex. Bella tried hard to change the subject, but Edward pressed on. He asked about who was invited, the time and location of the party, and how long Bella had known Monica for. Bella stepped out of the car feeling like she had been through an intense interrogation.

Edward walked her to her door. She turned to him, and straightened her spine.

"I'll go," she said decidedly. "I think I deserve it."

She turned away momentarily to dig through her backpack, but she didn't get very far. With a sharp intake of breath, she felt that all-too-familiar sensation jolt up her arm. Crushing pain. Bella swallowed, her eyes watering. And Edward didn't seem to realize.

"I think you deserve so much more than that," he insisted, his hand clamped around her left forearm, trying to grab her attention. But he was grabbing onto way more than that. Alice had colored her right arm. And now, Edward seemed intent on leaving his mark on her left.

The words fought to leave her mouth. "You're hurting me, Edward."

His grip was gone almost instantly, and he seemed startled. "Are you okay?"

Bella lifted her sleeve up past her elbow. The red marks were already forming, and the bruise would follow. This one would be more prominent—thicker fingers and more surface area. Bella breathed out a shallow breath, the pain now manageable, but entirely uncomfortable.

"I didn't realize—" Edward cut himself off when Bella lifted her other sleeve, showcasing the bruise that had morphed into various colors. "What happened?"

"Don't you know? Alice had a vision, and we were walking. She grabbed a little too hard."

He shook his head, gritting his teeth. "I didn't know."

"I thought you would read her mind."

"I don't just go around invading people's minds, Bella. There are things I don't need to know." But then, his tone softened, and he kept his hands to himself. "I'm sorry."

And that was all he could say.

Bella blotted her lipstick on three separate tissues before she was satisfied.

Concealer covered the circles under her eyes from the late night before. A long-sleeved dress was her solution to the glaring bruising on her arms. And now, she felt a new sense of confidence as she ran her hands down the fabric that hugged her body.

She knew she had aced that exam, and she was ready to celebrate.

It was around 10 PM that Charlie drove her to Monica's house. He had made no comment on the length of her dress, or the height of her heels. He only warned her to keep her drinks in sight, and wished her a good night.

And it was a good night. Starting with the fact that Edward hadn't reached out after he dropped her off after their exam. He had been agitated at the mention of this party. His face commanded her to stay home, but his words didn't come to solidify the order.

She wouldn't have listened to him anyway.

She deserved a night like this to celebrate. She deserved many nights like this.

Even before Bella stepped out of the car, she could feel the bass as it shook the air around her. And now, her ears worked to adjust to the blaring music as she navigated the crowd inside. Familiar faces greeted her as she made her way through room after room, and finally ended up in the kitchen. The girls she was looking for were semi-circled around an island with lots and lots of bottles and tiny multi-colored glasses.

Bella had taken two shots of tequila within the first two minutes of stepping into the kitchen, and now, she just felt divine.

The girls stumbled over each other, yelling and screaming the lyrics to the latest top 40. Dares were made, truths were said. Bella didn't even feel the ache in her feet from her heels.

Three shots, four. She caught the stares of some of the guys along the walls. She could read desire when she saw it, and it felt good to be desired. She knew what they wanted to do to her, and she had wished for so long that Edward would act the same.

She forced her eyes away. It wasn't the kind of attention she needed.

It was at that moment that she got a phone call. She was staring at Edward's name when Monica grabbed her arm. She was numb enough to not feel her hand squeezing the bruise her boyfriend had blossomed.

Monica's long, dark hair swayed as she moved her hips to the music coming from upstairs. "You should answer. Edward Cullen is so hot."

Bella burst out laughing. "Hot, but dangerous."

"That makes it even hotter."

Monica grabbed the phone and answered it for her, drawing out her greeting. "Why hello. Bella Swan is unavailable right now. She's actually making out with the tequila bottle. Please try again later."

Bella giggled fiercely and fought for her phone.

"What's that?" Monica asked, and then made a face. She put the phone down for a second, grinning. "He sounds mad."

"Give it to me!"

"Your girlfriend is too sexy right now for your tone," she said into the phone pointedly. "No! I think the question is, what are you doing? You're leaving this beautiful woman alone? Shame on you." Monica stuck the phone into Bella's hands. "I'm already done with him."

She then proceeded to grab one of the tequila bottles along with a handful of limes, and disappeared.

Bella pressed the phone to her ear. "Hi, Edward."

"Bella, what are you doing?"

She leaned casually against the island. "I'm… at Monica's."

"I can barely hear you. How much have you had to drink?"

"I don't know, but I feel great."

"I'm coming to pick you up."

She instantly frowned. "No. I'm not leaving."

"Bella—"

The alcohol gave her so much courage that it was probably dangerous. "I told you I wanted to come. You were more than welcome to join me."

There was a pause on the phone, and it was clear that he was holding back more that he wanted to say. "It didn't seem appropriate."

"For me or for you? Never mind, don't answer that. I've been to many parties before, and I'm not stopping because you have an outdated opinion. Goodbye!"

She hung up on him, and that action alone made her giddy. Standing up to Edward felt great, and she should do it more often.

She hunted the girls down for a round of beer pong.

After three more hours of drinking games and sloppy dancing, the party was beginning to disperse. The girls took a final shot of vodka before collapsing onto a large couch. One of the girls fell asleep.

"How's Edward in bed, Bella?" Angela, one of the seniors, asked. "I bet he's vicious."

Bella rolled her eyes and let her head fall back on the couch. "I don't know."

Monica leaned forward quickly. "What! You haven't had sex with Edward Cullen?"

She murmured her reply softly, "He wants to wait until marriage."

The whole couch of girls were instantly caught up in a round of laughter. So much so that Bella couldn't help but join along. Her lips hurt from smiling so hard. It was truly and unexplainably ludicrous.

"Just my luck," she added.

"So that's what's wrong with him!" Maddie, another girl from history, exclaimed before bursting into giggles. "There had to be something wrong with him."

"Oh, come on girls," Angela coaxed. "It could be endearing."

Monica shook her head. "You can't just commit to someone for the rest of your life before test driving."

Bella agreed wholeheartedly. "But there are also some guys that believe in test driving a car that isn't even theirs."

Monica kicked at an empty bottle and watched it roll across the hardwood floor. "Like Justin?"

"Like Justin," Bella agreed.

"He was disgusting," Monica said. "I can't believe he slept with the both of us."

Bella really didn't want to think about it. He had hardly been a boyfriend. And now, he was halfway across the country, chasing fame in New York City. He certainly had the face for it.

"Well, you've had both extremes now." Angela's head fell on Bella's shoulder.

And both were entirely undesirable, weren't they? Bella got up to pee, and when she left the bathroom, she slapped her phone against her ear.

Please pick up, please pick up, please pick up. She really didn't want to have to take an Uber home at night.

Charlie didn't pick up. Glaring at her phone, she saw the time, and immediately could guess why.

2:31 AM.

He had most likely fallen asleep.

What about… Edward? "Hell no," she whispered to herself.

As her finger hovered over the Uber app, she changed her mind.

On her recent calls, at the very bottom of her screen read the name, Jasper Whitlock.

She blew a breath out and tapped his name.

The call was answered so quickly that he might as well have been standing beside her. "Bella."

"Hello?" She asked.

"Yes."

"Jasper, hi." Her head spun only slightly. "I might need a ride."

"Where are you?"

"Um." She had a text with the address somewhere, right? She finally found it and read the address aloud slowly, and hoped she wasn't slurring.

"I'll let Edward know."

"No!" She exclaimed into the phone, and she wasn't quite aware of her vocal range at that moment. "Do not tell Edward."

The line was silent for a few moments. Bella checked to see if the call was still active. And then finally, he responded. "I'm on my way."

Bella and the girls moved to the porch, where they all stood, shivering slightly in the cold. Monica had let Bella borrow a coat, and she tugged on it every few minutes to warm up.

"None of you are taking Ubers, right?" Angela asked.

"No," a girl grumbled. "Nothing will convince me that getting into a stranger's car at almost three in the morning while intoxicated is okay."

Monica launched into a self-defense story from her kickboxing class, eliciting oohs and ahhs from the crowd. But the girls quieted down very quickly as a car pulled up by the curb.

A luxury silver convertible with the top up. Bella simply stared, and then looked around at the girls. No one was getting ready to shuffle towards it.

"Whose ride is this?" Monica asked.

And then Bella realized, it was hers. Jasper got out of the driver's side and stared at her, motioning for her to hurry up.

The sunglasses were a bit much, but Bella could understand their necessity.

But Monica didn't. "The sun won't come up for another three hours. Can someone remind him?"

Angela elbowed her, a smile forming. "No one say a word. I think he pulls it off quite well."

"I agree," Bella said quickly, making her way down the porch steps one at a time, so as to not embarrassingly tumble down in front of a vampire. How graceful that would be.

"Wait, Bella!" That was Monica. She whisper-yelled, "Who is that?"

"Just a friend!" She called back before opening the passenger side door. Jasper lingered outside for a moment before joining her.

Once she got settled, and the car interior stopped spinning, she opened her mouth to ask—but Jasper seemed to already predict her question.

"It's Rosalie's."

Of course it was. The leather seats felt premium as she put on her seatbelt and then slumped properly, letting the headrest support her. The car peeled away from the curb, and soon, she couldn't see Monica's house anymore.

"Thank you so much, Jasper."

It was only after a while of driving that he questioned, "Is your inebriation a tantrum for Edward?"

"What? No." She ran a hand down the tight skirt of her dress. "I can have fun, and he can't. That's the problem."

He pulled off his sunglasses and threw them on the dash. "Is that the only problem?"

She sighed heavily and responded dramatically, "There are so many problems." And then she let her head roll towards him. "Can vampires get drunk?"

"No."

"Not even a little bit?"

"No."

"Thank you."

"For?"

"Picking me up."

Jasper made a turn. "You've already said that."

"I know. I just really appreciate it. I really didn't want to take an Uber. Am I slurring?"

"A little bit."

"A little bit is better than a lot, do you agree?"

"It depends on the context."

Bella closed her eyes and felt the vibrations of the car throughout her whole body. The engine was powerful. "This is a very nice car."

"If you feel nauseous, you need to let me know as early as possible."

Bella giggled. "Don't worry, I don't need more reasons for Rosalie to hate me."

"She doesn't hate you."

"Are you sure?"

"Empath."

"Well, she doesn't like me."

"Yes, but she doesn't hate you."

Bella placed a palm on the window beside her. The cool felt so good. "That's nice."

Jasper eventually stopped in front of her house. Bella didn't even consider how he knew where she lived. She simply opened her purse and dug around for her keys.

"Oh, no, no." Her fingers were carelessly digging around the various contents, climbing over lipgloss, tampons, and her phone. "No."

When she looked up, Jasper was watching her. "Is something wrong?"

"I don't have my keys."

His eyes roamed her house. "Your father is home."

Bella sighed, a pout on her lips. "I know that."

He paused, listening. "He's asleep."

"I know that too."

She squinted at her house, thinking. "My bedroom window is locked." She had locked it because it was the clearest sign to Edward that she wanted him out. "But I suppose I could break in." It wasn't a very sober thought.

"In your state? Just wake your father."

She chewed on her lip. "I shouldn't. He works early."

"What is your alternative?"

Bella stared at her front door. "Is Edward home?"

"Yes."

So, not an option. She sighed again. "I guess I could get a hotel room for the night."

Jasper put the car in drive. "Esme has a cabin just at the edge of town. If you'd like, I can bring you there."

"A cabin?"

"A sanctuary, if you will."

"For what?"

"Solitude. The Cullens are a clan of six. No house is big enough for the separation one might need."

Bella thought for a moment. "Would she mind?"

Jasper stared at her. He wasn't very visible in the dark car, surrounded by the black night. But even the alcohol couldn't blur his sharp, crimson eyes. "No."

In another twenty minutes, ten of which were spent on a dirt road that led into the forest, Jasper parked Rosalie's car right before a quaint, one-story structure. It wasn't a cabin in the sense that it was rustic. On the contrary, it looked surprisingly modern, with an electric outdoor fireplace, and tall, square windows. The pathway to the front door was smooth, hugged closely by colored rubble and occasional flowers.

And as Bella took little steps towards the door, the lights came on one by one—motion activated. She paused on the little porch, right before the door, and waited for Jasper. He eventually towered behind her. "It's open."

And it was. There really was no reason for a family of vampires to lock any doors. Humans couldn't go undetected, and a simple door wouldn't stop a vampire.

Once inside, she was greeted by a very big, fluffy white couch. Happily, she let herself pop down and sink in. The pressure from her heels eased, and she let her eyes close. Her brain felt like it was on an unstoppable carousel ride. The spins were terrible.

Slowly, she opened her eyes and blinked them hard. And it was then that the scent of fresh flowers hit her. It wouldn't be something she usually noticed, but these flowers smelled way too familiar.

She craned her head towards the kitchen area to see blooming lilies of various colors in a large vase, placed delicately on the kitchen counter. Suspiciously, she got up and did her best to walk as straight as possible in those heels. Bracing herself on the counter with one hand, she found a note tucked away by some petals.

Have a good night.

Even through the alcoholic haze, her pulse began to race. "Is this from Edward?"

"Yes."

He knew she'd be here. And the only way he knew had to be through Alice. Bella's head turned to Jasper, who was leaning against the closed door. "How much of this night is pre-planned?"

"All of it."

There was a slight tremor in her hand as she held the note. What she was feeling was unease. And then, she did something incredibly impulsive. Without much thought, her hand swiped across the counter and toppled the glass vase down to the floor. It smashed into pieces, the water leaking out. The flowers landed limply on the ground.

Jasper didn't even flinch. He watched her as she crouched low, placing tense hands on her knees.

She stared at the destruction. "I bet Alice didn't see that."

"Maybe. Maybe not."

"Impulsive, instant decisions. That's how Victoria did it, right?"

Jasper stood in front of her then, and she rose to standing. He examined the broken glass pieces. "It isn't easy to get around Alice. You shouldn't even try." He looked at her. "It's more important that you ensure that she's on your side."

"What if you can't tell what side she's on?"

Jasper didn't answer that, but the way he looked at her made her feel like she had asked the right question. And she really wanted to understand why.

But he moved on quickly. "Give me a list of what you need."

"A list?"

"Yes."

She blinked a few times at the kitchen counter. "Um… a toothbrush. Probably a lot of water."

"What else?"

"A charger. Carbs. Gatorade."

"Gatorade?" He pronounced it strangely, which made Bella giggle.

"It's a sports drink, but I have a suspicion it's used more for a hangover cure than anything."

"Anything else?"

Her eyes roamed the open layout. There was a door that was closed, and she guessed it was the master bedroom.

"Is there a shower?"

Jasper led her to that door, and once he opened it, Bella's mouth fell open at the large, plush king-sized bed with probably twenty unnecessary pillows. The room had a soft blue color scheme, and it was so very inviting. And of course, there was an offshoot into a bathroom.

"Still larger than my bedroom," she said, mostly to herself, as they entered the bathroom. Her eyes roamed the giant tub in the middle of the room. "Esme loves the egg-shaped ones doesn't she?"

Jasper opened a tall cabinet to reveal dozens of white towels. He then peeked into the shower in the corner.

"You should have everything you need."

She snorted. She didn't have any doubt about that. "I bet there are toothbrushes under that sink."

Jasper knelt down and opened the cabinet beneath the sink to reveal a collection of toiletries. It was stocked all the way from piles of makeup to deodorant. And yes, there were toothbrushes.

Bella laughed. "Oh, Esme. I'm not surprised."

"Neither am I."

She shook her head, grinning. "I don't think this is normal."

"It isn't."

When he looked back at her, the corners of his lips were tilted up into almost a smile. Mini-smiles were nice. So nice that she took a few steps forward and plopped down on her knees beside him on the cool, bathroom floor. She pulled off her heels.

"I also bet that these floors are heated." She shivered slightly, looking around the walls for a switch. She smiled at him teasingly. "You said warmth was not a necessity, but that it was still nice."

He was still on one knee before the sink, and he shifted to sit properly. Her proximity didn't seem to bother him, and it only made it better when he agreed, "Warmth is nice."

"Exactly! Why shouldn't vampires and humans mix? You like warmth, and we like cold if we're too warm. And you make perfect ice packs. I think it's a fair trade."

Bella nudged him with her shoulder and rummaged around in the cabinet, pulling out q-tips, cotton balls, and make-up removers.

After a while, Jasper said quietly, "We can trade, but fairness is very hard between us."

His tone changed the mood. Bella sighed, deep and heavy, her hands pausing on the various cleansers and creams. Her brain was dragging her back to Edward. Back to her problems. "I wish that weren't the case."

"Once you change, it won't be."

"Once I change," she said, almost ominously. "You're very pro vampire-Bella."

Jasper didn't respond.

Bella shut the cabinet. "Edward's not. I would know. I've already asked him." She paused, considering. "It's actually quite embarrassing."

"Embarrassing?"

"I was planning my classes for next quarter. I have big university plans, you know. Anyway, I point-blank asked him if he was going to change me. What a silly, stupid question. Desperate. Immature, probably." She cringed at herself. "I know nothing about any of this. I think I barely know Edward." She glanced at him. "And I'd be committing my forever to him, wouldn't I?"

She turned to rest her back against the closed cabinet door, extending her legs out in front of her. Her tights were slightly sheer, and she began admiring them.

"Edward doesn't want to change you?"

"No, he likes his little human." She stared down at the smooth floor, polished to the point that she could vaguely make out her features. "But isn't being human also fun? Look at me. I'm loopy on poison, and my actions have real consequences. I could die at any moment."

Jasper ignored that. "Edward will not change you?"

Bella shrugged, letting her head fall back.

And then, the floor vibrated. Her face contorted into concentration as she tried to understand the stimuli. But it seemed that it was just Jasper. He pulled out his phone from his pocket.

"Let me guess." She closed her eyes lazily. "Alice."

When she opened her eyes, he had his phone to his ear. He hadn't said a word into the speaker. And then, seemingly ending the call, he tossed it onto the ground in front of him. But as he did so, Bella caught the way the soft lightening highlighted his forearm.

"What are these things?"

She scooted closer until her right leg brushed his knee. Her attention was fixated on the marks on his arms.

When he didn't respond, she tilted her head up and saw him watching her just as closely. Only then did he answer her. "Scars."

"Vampires can scar?"

"Yes."

Her eyes traced them all the way up his arm. "They look like bites."

"They are."

There wasn't any hesitation in her movements as she let one finger rest on top of one—right on his forearm. "Does this hurt?"

"No."

"Did it hurt at the time?"

And again, he only answered when she finally looked up at him. "Yes."

She considered the scars on his forearms. She wondered if he had more hidden underneath his shirt, though his arms were covered in plenty. You just needed good lighting to really make them out.

Her finger tapped the scar closest to his wrist. "When did you get this one?"

"1865."

Bella's eyes lifted to his. "No way." She looked back down at his wrist. "I sometimes forget how old you are. How did you get it?"

His answer was simple, as always. "Battle."

It made sense. "That's why you're so good at it." She used one of his favorite words. "Experience. You need to fail to succeed."

"Who said I had failed?"

"Well, these are—"

He lifted his other arm to direct her attention there. "Some were due to carelessness, I'll admit. But sometimes, you'll let someone bite you to distract them. Just when they think they have the upper hand, you encircle their neck, and… they're done."

"But getting the scar still hurts, no matter if it was intentional, right?"

"It's the harshest pain we know. Venom bites. It's worse than being torn apart."

"Torn apart?" Bella leaned closer. "You mean dismemberment?"

"Dismemberment, disarmed. We can be torn apart into a million pieces and still be put back together."

Had she not been dizzy on alcohol, she would have been horrified. "There's so much I don't know. And I don't know why I don't know it. Does that make sense? I should know more by now." She sighed, pulling herself back. "What did Alice want? You should have told her that I'm getting sick of the lilies."

Jasper's eyes darted from his phone on the floor to her face. He co*cked his head to the side.

She caught his stare and lifted a hand up to her cheek. It was never not alarming to be watched so closely. "You can just tell me if I have something on my face, you know. Or in my hair. I was blasted with a confetti popper, and I've probably sucked on two whole limes tonight."

His eyebrows popped up. "Limes?"

"Tequila. Long story." But it really wasn't. She nudged his knee with her leg. "What does Alice want? Is Edward mad? Actually, I can answer that. Yes."

Jasper grabbed his phone and stood up. "Alice said that you should shower."

"She can smell through her visions? I didn't think this could get any creepier."

"She can't. You smell fine."

Bella grabbed onto the counter behind her and lifted herself up. "Just fine? I know, the alcohol is probably completely unappetizing." She paused, then looked up at him. "I'm really rambling, aren't I? I'm sorry."

Bella found that she really liked the amusem*nt in his eyes. It wasn't something she saw in them when he was around the others.

She went to the tall cabinet and grabbed a towel. "Was that all Alice said?"

There was an unmistakable pause before he answered—his voice distant and strange. "No."

But when she turned around, he was already gone.

A/N: This chapter: Colorful forearms, 3 AM sunglasses, and Esme's cabin of wonders.

A little taste for what's coming up:

"I wish you would just talk to me. You're a little bit better than the Cullens, but truthfully…" She sighed, considering his one-liners. "…not by much."

Jasper's shoulders tensed slightly. "I'm better enough. You're still partially bleeding, by the way. In case you weren't aware."

Bella dug her heel further into the ground, on the paper towel.

"And you can sit there without any fear that I'll kill you because of it." He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, and he turned his head to the side to look at her. "And talking is information. Information is currency. We have no trade between us."

His eyes darted to her bleeding heel, and then back to her face. "I'm not incentivized to give you anything."

See you next week.

Chapter 18

Chapter Text

Bella found some loose sweatpants and a t-shirt in the large closet of the cabin's bedroom. She figured Esme would be okay with her borrowing. After a calming shower, the last thing she wanted to do was to get back into a tight dress and heels.

When she walked out into the main room, Jasper pointed towards the kitchen. "Water. Carbs. Gatorade."

He lingered around the living room area as Bella ripped into a large pack of bottled water. She then eyed the 24-bulk-pack of Gatorade with slight amusem*nt, and grabbed one out of the packaging. Next to them were two giant loafs of bread. Carbs. She supposed it fit the requirement.

She ripped a corner-piece off with her fingers. Sourdough. Without anything on it, it was dry, but manageable. She followed it up with sips of Gatorade. It certainly soothed her stomach.

Jasper came over, pocketing his phone. "There are chargers in the bedroom."

"Great. Thank you."

Jasper's eyes went from her face down to her exposed arms. And that was when Bella jerked back, suddenly wanting to cover up.

But he was quick to guess. "Edward?"

Sighing, she held out her left arm, showcasing the various colors that had blossomed on her skin. "Edward." And then she held out her right. "Alice."

Jasper examined them. "Do you usually bruise easily?"

"No, not really."

"Women usually do. Your blood vessels are more fragile."

"Is that what they teach you in vampire school?"

He only stared at her like she had said the most incomprehensible thing possible.

Bella grabbed her water and sat on the couch, sipping at it slowly, facing the tall windows.

Jasper was moving around in the kitchen behind her. "Why are you avoiding Edward?"

"He didn't want me to go to this party. And I didn't want to deal with him."

His tone was light. "And yet, I have to deal with you?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry."

"Why? I think you're perfectly delectable when poisoned."

Bella's face heated just a little bit as she turned back to face him. "Delectable?"

Jasper appeared on the armchair in front of her, his ankle on his knee. "Take the compliment, Bella."

"I will. Am I only delectable when I'm poisoned?"

He pulled out his phone and stared at it. "You certainly seem to be more honest with yourself."

Was that true? She felt the cool bottle press against her left bruise, which she could feel more and more as the alcohol began to dissipate. "I think Edward sucks sometimes. And Alice's visions are creepy." Her tone softened, her voice in a daze. "I also think I might want kids. That's not something I'm ready to give up just yet."

That was when his eyes flicked to her. There was a pause before he said, "You're bleeding. I suggest you don't get it on Esme's upholstery."

His eyes darted to her heel, which was cut open with a thin layer of blood on the surface.

"Oh, sh*t," she whispered. Jasper was in front of her in the next instant, offering a paper towel. She grabbed it and dabbed at her skin. She must have cut herself on the broken glass. "I didn't even feel it."

Jasper was back at the armchair. "You broke the vase."

"It was more of a statement," she muttered as she put pressure on the wound.

"You should realize that a lot of your injuries involve your own decisions. You're not a careless woman, Bella. You should start acting like it."

Not all of her injuries were a result of her own decisions. "The vase was my fault, but I didn't ask to be grabbed."

He leaned forward, a challenge in his eyes. "Edward lured you into this world, and you didn't expect any consequences?"

She straightened her spine and met his gaze head on. "My bruises are from vampires who couldn't keep a good gauge on their strength. You're saying it was my fault that I was just standing there, waiting to be hurt?" Bella felt incredibly sober at that moment as she dug her heel into the paper towel. "That's very tasteless, Jasper. I'd probably slap you if I didn't know better."

"I'm happy you know better. You don't seem like a violent thing."

She frowned defiantly into the dark night through the windows, blinking several times to keep the spins at bay. She sipped at her water once more, and then let the bottle fall into her lap. She winced when the it hit her arm.

Her body tensed when Jasper appeared to her left, but she didn't look at him. "I'm not careless, and I won't let you tell me otherwise."

He didn't respond, and the silence grew to fill in the empty space as she felt his eyes on her.

When she turned her head to him, his attention went from her face down to her arm. "May I?"

"May you what?"

She felt his hand wrap around her forearm, and her body coiled in anticipation of the pain. But it never came. Instead, his fingers were curled gently around where Edward's hand had stained them.

The cold touch felt like relief. It was only a moment later that she noticed the wetness in her eyes. She hated the bruises, and she hated that when it came down to it, she had no power to stop them from reappearing.

Jasper watched her. "I've made you angry. You're also afraid."

Angry and afraid. Her two best companions. She blinked her eyes rapidly to dissipate the tears. "Maybe I'm learning that a vampire's touch is dangerous, and yours shouldn't be an exception."

He withdrew his hand. "It would take a great loss of control for me to hurt you."

Bella hoped she would never experience that. "The blood, I kind of understand. But touch—how is that easier for you?"

"Compared to Alice and Edward? I'm older. Carlisle's better than me at touch; he deals with humans almost daily."

The dark night provided a mirror-like effect on the windows—a shadow image of them on the couch. The only striking colors were Jasper's eyes, and paler complexion. The rest was bland, and predictable.

Bella hugged her arms close. "You're older. Are you saying that it gets better with time?"

"Change happens over time. For better or worse—I can't generalize that answer."

"I'm just asking that if I stick around, will I still have arms?"

Jasper opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He leaned back on the couch instead. It was mildly alarming that he just didn't say yes.

"It would be hard to not have arms," she murmured, and then peeked at him. "I wish you would just talk to me. You're a little bit better than the Cullens, but truthfully…" She sighed, considering his one-liners. "…not by much."

Jasper's shoulders tensed slightly. "I'm better enough. You're still partially bleeding, by the way. In case you weren't aware."

Bella dug her heel further into the ground, on the paper towel.

"And you can sit there without any fear that I'll kill you because of it." He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, and he turned his head to the side to look at her. "And talking is information. Information is currency. We have no trade between us."

His eyes darted to her bleeding heel, and then back to her face. "I'm not incentivized to give you anything."

The next morning—really, closer to the afternoon—Bella woke to Edward. He greeted her in the kitchen, stuck a steaming cup of coffee in her hands, and made her breakfast. Had they not been so on-edge recently, the morning would have felt wonderful. Her grogginess from poor, alcohol-induced sleep and the ache at the forefront of her skull didn't help.

The broken vase from last night had been cleaned up and replaced. The lilies in them were pure and white, and they loomed over her for the entirety of breakfast. Her headache seemed to get worse every time they fell into her line of sight.

Edward, surprisingly, seemed to avoid the topic of last night's party. Whether it was because he realized his overbearing ways, or he simply chose to let this one slide, Bella couldn't tell.

"I'm assuming that Jasper left already," she said, taking small bites of her scrambled eggs.

Edward sat beside her. "He left a while ago. Was he a good host?"

"He was fine."

When she looked up from her plate, Edward was staring at her arms. This time, she didn't feel any urgency to hide them. "Like a painting, huh?"

His tone was pure regret. "They're terrible, Bella."

"A careless work of art."

"Stop it."

"Do you think they're my fault, too?"

"Did Jasper tell you that?"

She took a sip of her coffee. "He seemed to say I should expect such consequences."

"No," Edward said firmly. "None of this is your fault."

"Yeah," she said, staring at the lilies. "What other consequences are there, Edward?"

His lips twitched uncertainly into a smile. His hand, hesitant at first, lifted to her face. His touch felt jarring, like a surprise splash of ice water. "None."

Placing a gentle hand on top of hers, his expression was as pure as the lilies. "I promise you, I will mitigate this. All of this."

The quarter was over, and Bella had two weeks to kill before classes resumed in January. And in those two weeks, Carlisle had gotten her the approval to begin volunteering at the hospital.

Monday, the first official day of winter break, Bella walked into the Cullen home with Edward. She had plans to carpool with Carlisle, but as she entered the living room, she felt just a bit like she was intruding. Jasper and Carlisle seemed to be in a silent debate. Only when Bella approached them did Carlisle stand up and welcome her.

Jasper had some papers scattered on the coffee table. He picked them up.

"Hi Jasper," she greeted.

His eyes slid over to her, then to Carlisle. He began organizing the papers into a neat stack. "Bella."

She tried peeking a little at the papers, but the way Jasper held them made it impossible to see.

Carlisle extended out an arm towards the door. "Shall we?"

Bella eventually walked into Forks Hospital and collected her volunteer badge. She filled out endless paperwork and got two extra vaccinations at the lab. Flu and Tuberculosis.

"It's more for the patients," the lab nurse had told her before stabbing her with two needles.

For the rest of the day, she followed around a skinny, overworked nurse as she explained tear-down procedures. Bella, it seemed, was going to take responsibility of renewing rooms in-between patients. She was also there for moral support.

"Hell, we could all use it," the nurse, Susan, had grumbled.

It was only at the end of the day that she finally saw Carlisle again. He was a doctor in-demand, and it seemed he was mainly situated in the Emergency area.

"How was your first day, Bella? I hope Susan didn't scare you off."

"Susan just needs twelve more hours of sleep."

Carlisle didn't even laugh. His smile was small. "A lot of them are overworked. We simply don't have enough staff." He paused, lowering his voice. "If I wasn't forced to take breaks or go home, I could provide more support."

If only Carlisle didn't have to pretend he needed sleep, food, or rest. "That's admirable, Carlisle. I wish you weren't put under such restrictions."

"I wish, as well. It's just not that simple."

He didn't elaborate on that, but Bella prodded. "Is it because of vampire law?"

He threw her a grin. "It is. All convoluted and messy."

"Messier than U.S. politics?"

"Ah, I don't know," he murmured, gazing out at an empty corridor. "Different."

Carlisle brought Bella back to the Cullen home. When they got out of the car, Esme greeted them outside.

"Hello, hello." She immediately clung onto Carlisle, her arm wrapped around his waist. "I'm stealing him for a hunt."

Bella smiled at them. "Aren't you going on that Alaska trip soon? That's a hunting trip, right?"

"More of a bonding trip," Esme clarified.

Carlisle pulled out his phone. "I'll let Edward know you're back."

Bella held out a hand. "If he isn't home, that's okay. I was just going to say hi to Jasper if he was here. And then I can Uber home."

"Jasper?" Carlisle questioned.

But Esme tugged on his hand. "Let her make friends, husband. Jasper's in his library, Bella."

And then, she was dragging Carlisle out towards the edge of the forest. "Will you come over tomorrow, again? Please! I have many desserts I need you to try. If not, I'm sending Edward over with trays."

Bella watched until they disappeared into the woods before she headed into the house. She deposited her backpack onto the couch and soon found herself in front of Jasper's library. She could already smell the faint scent of burning candles.

Knocking was polite, but Bella already knew that she had asserted her presence quite effectively by just being in the house. When she entered, her eyes immediately went to the long curtains that were drawn at the back, brushing the elaborate carpet beneath. She wanted to see the windows someday. She imagined that they were tall, staring out at the side of the house into a sea of green trees.

Jasper was sitting at his large desk. He didn't look up from what he was writing when he asked, "Where is Edward, Edward's Bella?"

"Why?" She asked immediately as she arrived at the center of his library. "Why 'Edward's Bella'?"

He set his pen down and looked at her, and there was remarkably both amusem*nt and impatience in his expression. "Why are you here, Bella?"

Bella sighed, momentarily flustered. It was always Edward, Edward, Edward. "I'm not here to see Edward."

"Well, that's good. Seeing as there's nobody home."

That was something Bella, as always, could never tell. "I'm here to see you."

Jasper folded the piece of paper he was writing on and neatly placed it at the edge of his desk. "Me."

"Let me just start off with: I know you really didn't have to show up last night. I appreciate it. Thank you."

"You came all the way here to thank me?"

"It sucks dealing with stupid, drunk girls, and I understand."

Jasper intertwined his hands on the desk, waiting.

"And," she continued, "Alice said it would be helpful if I spoke to you. About vampirism. And I have way too many questions that I don't even know where I should begin."

Understanding crept up onto Jasper's face slowly. But then, it disappeared. "Edward should be helping you."

"Edward hates being a vampire. He's not helping me with anything."

Jasper regarded her coolly. "So you've decided, then. You're changing."

"No. I'm learning. I can't make a decision without all the details. As someone very wise and old said, with the lack of knowledge comes poor choices."

Jasper's eyes widened ever so slightly. "You're calling me old."

"And wise."

"And what are you attempting to learn from this arrangement?"

Bella sat at one of the wooden chairs facing his desk. "The ins and outs of your world. The changing process. Diets. Unspoken Rules. Laws… everything. I want to know as much as I can."

"Diets. Unspoken Rules. Laws," he repeated slowly, considering.

"Among other things."

Jasper glanced sideways at the piece of paper at the edge of his desk. And then he procured a new one. Blank. Smoothing out the page in front of him, he grabbed a pen, and began writing.

Bella wasn't quite able to see what he was jotting down. "What are you doing?'

Jasper remained silent as his pen danced across the page again, and again, completing and beginning sentences.

"My only question for you, Isabella Swan, is…" he said, as he seemed to be nearing the end of his thought. With one tap indicating that he had just ended a sentence with a period, he put his pen back down. "…how will you pay for this information?"

"How will I pay?" Bella didn't understand as she leaned forward.

"Nothing is free." He ran a hand down the page as his eyes lifted to hers. "How will you pay?"

"I don't understand. Do you mean money?" But the moment the question left her mouth, she knew it was a stupid one. Jasper had already told her the currencies he worked with. If not servitude, then—

He took hold of the other folded piece of paper that he had placed to the side. Its color was warm cream against his pale complexion. And then, he held it to the flame of a nearby candle. The parchment ignited at one corner, and it began to disintegrate. "Money? No, Bella." Once the folded paper was burned to a crisp, his attention was back on her. "With you, I would only deal in blood."

The smell of burnt paper waded through the air.

"Blood," Bella repeated, and suddenly felt the intensity of his gaze—on her, on her skin. At that moment, she was prey. It was disturbingly clear.

"Why should I spend my time here, teaching you, when I could be productive elsewhere?" Jasper asked, his eyes wide, and attentive, watching for her next move, her next breath.

What productive things did a vampire need to do anyway?

He co*cked his head to the side. "What is my incentive?"

There was that word again. I'm not incentivized to give you anything.

"Blood. You want me to give you blood."

His eyes unmistakably flicked down to her left wrist, and then back up to her face. "Correct."

She had a billion more questions now, starting with, "Why?"

"Why? It's a transaction, much like anything."

"How does that work? I mean—are we measuring in pints per hour of conversation?"

"No," Jasper said, and there was a hint of a smile on his face. "I take what I need, when I need, but not enough to harm you substantially. And we can talk—as much as you'd like." He slid the piece of paper he had just written on closer to the edge of the desk, towards her. "We contract it, like any transaction."

Bella scooted forward in her seat, but she still couldn't read it. She stood and approached the desk.

The paper read as so, in elegant print:

This contract hereby states the arrangement between Party I and Party II.

Clause I. CURRENCY.

State the currency of payment between both parties:

Party I: Blood.

Party II: Mentorship, including time, and availability of mentor. Information trade to the best of mentor's ability.

Clause II. TERMINATION.

Termination is permitted at will by either party. Contract must be burned upon date of dissolution.

Signed, Party I ________

Signed, Party II ________

As her eyes read the words, she felt her nerves, which meant Jasper felt them, too. "And the Cullens?"

"What about them?"

"I mean, it's—Edward would never be okay with this."

Jasper slid the paper back towards himself. "This is a transactional agreement between us. It involves no other party."

Yes, this is an entirely professional, business transaction. She wanted to roll her eyes at the incredulousness of it all.

"Ideally," he continued. "The Cullens wouldn't know."

"How would they not know?" Bella almost wanted to laugh. "Wouldn't it be pretty obvious?"

"Why would it? There are precautions."

"Precautions? Edward can read your mind."

"He can't read yours, and I can protect mine."

The psychic. "Alice will see this."

"She's already seen it."

"What? And she's okay with it?"

The look on his face was grave. "Alice Cullen would make it known very clearly if she wasn't okay with it."

She looked at him a little defiantly. "Well, Edward can read Alice's mind."

"Alice is probably more adept at shielding her mind from the boy than I am."

Bella swallowed, eyes darting down to the paper. "This is insane."

Jasper raised his eyebrows at her. "Is it?"

"Are you kidding? It's borderline incomprehensible."

"Perhaps that's because you barely know anything about my world. That's why you're here, aren't you?"

She clarified incredulously, "I give you blood, and you give me information."

"That is the contract."

She sat down on the chair, and her knee bounced. She glanced around the room—at the candles that were lit, at the books piled high in a corner, and the shelves that housed many more. She took a deep breath, but it seemed to catch in her throat. Why was it so dusty in here?

"You're stalling," Jasper noted.

"Edward's my boyfriend, Jasper. I don't keep things from him."

"But doesn't he keep things from you?"

"What?" She leaned forward, her pulse uncomfortably fast. "What do you mean?"

"I don't meddle in romantic relationships, Bella."

"What is he keeping from me?"

He stared at her for a long moment. "This entire world that you seem to know nothing about."

Well, he was right about that. "You seem very interested in our arrangement. Why?"

"It benefits me greatly to have easy access to blood."

In other words, she would be a quick and easy meal. "I don't know if I can keep this from Edward."

"Your loyalty," he mused, "is outstanding."

"He's my boyfriend."

"Sure," Jasper said, his eyes darting around the room, as if the conversation had started to come to a slow, and he was losing interest. "It's up to you. But know that it will cause some tension between you two, and within the family, if you agree to our arrangement and not protect my suggestion of confidentiality." He tapped on the paper. "Read this again. Tell me your concerns."

Bella swallowed. "Either of us can end this arrangement?"

"Correct. The broadness in that statement implies that whenever either party feels unsatisfied, or the other party cannot provide their form of payment, they may wish to terminate the contract."

"Why do we need a contract in the first place?"

Jasper picked up his pen and flipped it around so that the tip faced Bella. "Because it gives us both a clear understanding of what the other wants, and provides us with evidence of it." He tapped on the pen once, his eyes flicking to her face. "It also emphasizes consent."

Bella stared at the document, and then, "I—"

Jasper immediately took the pen away, and the contract was now folded in half, the writing covered. "You'll think about it."

He must have felt her hesitation. No, more than that. He must have felt the fear and uncertainty bubbling beneath her skin.

Jasper stood, and handed the folded contract to her. "Take it."

The paper felt smooth in her hands. "And, Edward—he shouldn't see this?"

"I don't necessarily care if he sees it. It would just be easier if he doesn't."

Somehow, there was an automatic path forming between two crucial dots in her brain. She considered him. The ease at which he proposed this to her, the expertise he had regarding its documentation. She thought about his role within the Cullen family—not as a son, or a brother, but as a sort of trainer, protector, and bodyguard.

She unfolded the paper and read it once more. This had to be it. "Jasper, what kind of a contract are you in with the Cullens?"

When she looked up, he wasn't behind his desk. He was beside her, barely a foot away. His head tilted down, and there was a distinct sort of wicked pleasure in his eyes. Was it due to her considering the contract, or the question she had just asked?

"You have questions, and I have answers," he said enticingly. "We make the trade."

A/N: I just want to note that this story is very aptly named.

This chapter: Pure white lilies, volunteer work, and a blood contract.

A little taste for what's coming up:

Couldn't she steal a few blood bags to give him from the hospital? It was such a terrible thought. "I'm still thinking."

"The Cullens won't give you what you want. I'm offering you an alternative."

"Pressuring me to make a decision is not going to help you, Jasper."

There was an impatient edge to this tone. "I need to plan a hunt if you're not going to give me what I need. This isn't just about you."

See you next week.

Chapter 19

Chapter Text

Edward had driven her home and had decidedly stayed for dinner.

The contract that Jasper had written up burned a hole in Bella's back pocket as she sat beside him and Charlie at their dining table.

Her father served up some rice and grilled chicken. "How was your first day as nurse's aid?"

"Lots of hand sanitizer," Bella murmured, a little distant.

"What about you, Edward? What are you doing the next two weeks?"

Edward took a weird sip of his water. "My family is heading up to Alaska for half of it. Besides that, I don't have much planned."

"Alaska. Huh. Does your family have property up there? Pricey."

Bella tuned out the rest of the conversation.

I take what I need, when I need, but not enough to harm you substantially. And we can talk—as much as you'd like.

She wasn't blind to her own fear. What Jasper was proposing scared her, even if he showed unwavering control around her blood. There was always a risk that he could kill her, and she shouldn't ignore that. Doing so would be careless.

The contract wasn't easy to process. There was nothing she could compare this to, and Jasper couldn't convince her that this was just a regular business deal. No normal business deal was negotiated with blood.

After dinner, Edward pulled her outside into the dark night. Bella thought he said some intellectually romantic thing about the moonlight, but she wasn't quite there. They ended up lingering by his car.

She dug her hands into the backs of her pockets and took a step back from him when she felt parchment brush her fingers. A swallow graced her throat.

"What are you thinking?" He asked gently as they leaned against his car.

She took a rough breath and looked at him. She avoided his question. "You leave in two days, right?"

"Yes. The family's long overdue for a group hunt."

Her mouth felt dry. "Is Jasper going?"

"No. But he will be here if you need anything."

Bella averted his eyes. She felt just a little sick. She wasn't this person who was purposefully devious.

He frowned at her. "You seem uncomfortable. Have I done something to—"

"No, Edward, no," she murmured. "Maybe this time will be good for us. Some separation."

"Separation?"

"We haven't been doing too well, have we?"

Edward seemed to want to touch her, though he hesitated. His hands were always tentative around her now. He had hardly touched her in the past few days—ever since he had bruised her purple and yellow.

"You're everything to me, Bella. I won't have you say that."

And then, his aversion to touch suddenly dissipated as Bella was pulled into a strong embrace. She could barely move against him as he held her close.

He repeated, his voice intense, "You're everything to me."

Bella's schedule at the hospital was as full as it could be. Even though she only wanted to volunteer for a few hours a week, she had extended her hours during the two weeks of winter break. Once classes resumed, she would have to reduce her commitment.

During her lunch break, she stepped outside into the drizzling rain and shot Jasper a text.

Can I have Alice's number?

He responded with a plain text of her number in the next few seconds. And then, he was calling her.

She placed the phone up to her ear, still feeling like she was wading through water. Ever since their conversation yesterday, she felt just vaguely out-of-body.

Jasper went straight to the point. "Have you given the contract any thought?"

"Yes."

"I don't know what you're feeling Bella. You need to be clear."

She sighed into the phone. "Yes, I'm thinking."

"And?"

Couldn't she steal a few blood bags to give him from the hospital? It was such a terrible thought. "I'm still thinking."

"The Cullens won't give you what you want. I'm offering you an alternative."

"Pressuring me to make a decision is not going to help you, Jasper."

There was an impatient edge to this tone. "I need to plan a hunt if you're not going to give me what I need. This isn't just about you."

Plant a hunt. Bella told herself that the shiver that ran through her was from the cold rain. "When do you need an answer by?"

"Tomorrow."

"How convenient for you," she said mockingly. "With the Cullens gone, you get to play with their human."

His tone was entirely unamused. "Wrong. I don't play with my food."

Had he seriously just said that? "You know, that doesn't make me want to talk to you."

"Was that too tasteless for you, Bella?"

Now he was teasing her. "It was. Who even knows if I'm tasty enough to be food?"

There was a short pause on the line. "I certainly hope you'll let me find out."

This was all entirely insane. "Have a good day, Jasper."

Bella sat on her porch that evening, watching the rain slam down onto the town. The cup of tea in her grip made it just a little comforting, but not by much.

She dialed Alice's number, and wasn't surprised when she answered fairly quickly, "Hi, Bella."

Of course, Alice Cullen knew that she would call. "Hey. How are you?"

She didn't respond for a few seconds. It was clear that she was running. "Oh, just preparing for our trip."

How much preparing did they really have to do? "I wanted to ask you…" How could she really word this? "Jasper proposed something to me."

"The blood contract."

She blew out a breath. "So, you do know."

"Yes, he mentioned it. It's a very Jasper thing to do."

"I don't understand."

Her voice was warm. "I wouldn't expect you to."

Bella took a sip from her tea, letting it heat her throat. "Does Edward also know? What about the rest of the family?"

"No one knows besides you, me, and Jasper. I expect it to stay that way."

"But, Alice—"

"What Edward doesn't know will not hurt him. Blood is a sensitive subject for my brother. I wouldn't push it, Bella."

"It's a sensitive subject all around. Jasper is asking for my blood."

"Which you have plenty of."

She nearly knocked her cup over on the porch railing, her hand flailing around. "I don't understand how you're so okay with this. If Edward wouldn't approve, then why—"

Alice sighed heavily on the phone. "It's transactional and official. It's in Jasper's nature to clearly define the terms and put words on paper. Edward wouldn't understand, but I do."

"You're saying that this is truly a business deal?"

"Isn't there a transactional aspect in every relationship, Bella? Jasper is transparent enough with his intentions and what he wants from you. It's a very simple arrangement."

Bella watched tendrils of steam emanate from her tea. "This is so insane."

But Alice seemed to be ready to hang up. "Sign it, Bella."

"There's a risk he could kill me, right?"

"With that regard, Jasper is the least of your concerns."

She took another sip of her tea. The rain had intensified, pattering on the roof incessantly. "It's still insane."

"Have you read the contract?"

Bella reached into her pocket and pulled out the piece of paper. She unfolded it. "Yes."

"Are there terms for termination?"

"Yes. At will by either party."

Alice laughed once. "That is a very generous contract, Bella. Sign it. Get your questions answered." She paused. "Edward will be by soon. He will come with brownies and cake, courtesy of Esme."

Bella stared at her cup. "Tell him to skip the lilies this time."

Charlie was her ride to and from the hospital the next day. There was a blood drive happening just outside the front entrance, and Bella scurried inside to avoid staring too hard at the willing participants lined up to have their blood drawn.

That's what you'd be doing, Bella. Just donating blood.

When she got home, she found another vase of lilies on her doorstep. Alice hadn't delivered the no-lilies memo to her brother. The card that accompanied it simply read, I'll miss you.

Edward was probably halfway to Alaska by now. He hadn't even been on her mind the entire day. It was a guilty feeling to realize that.

"Will he also get us another cupboard to store these vases?" Charlie grumbled as he stared at the bouquet.

Maybe she should just break some more and solve their storage issue.

She ducked into her room and launched herself into her bed. She knew she could have attempted communication with Jasper the whole day, but she hadn't. She knew she was stalling.

Her phone was beside her on the bed. She had a text from Edward, giving her a play-by-play of every major city they had passed on their way to Alaska. Responding to him fell into the stalling category, so she didn't. Instead, she texted Jasper.

I have some questions.

And instantly, she got a phone call.

"Hi," she squeaked.

"I would rather answer them in person."

She looked around her room. "I'm home right now."

"Are you in a position to take a… an Uber?"

Bella couldn't help the laugh that escaped her lips. So absurd. "I am."

She left for the Cullen home. Once the Uber pulled up to the house, she could already feel the eerie quietness of the residence.

When she entered the house—the door always unlocked—it felt entirely desolate. She found Jasper in his library.

He stood when she stepped in. "Bella."

"That's Edward's Bella, to you," she teased, though she really hated it.

"Sit." He gestured towards the desk, at his own chair.

Once Bella was seated, she pulled out the contract, but Jasper's hand came down and prevented her from unfolding it. "Your questions."

Right. She clasped her hands together on the fine wood. "How is this going to work? Can you explain to me… how the blood part will work?"

Jasper walked around the desk and stood beside her. With his finger, he pulled at her hand to face her left wrist upward. "Right here. You let me have your wrist, and I grant you access to my experience and knowledge."

She hesitated. "How much will it hurt?"

"You've given blood before?"

"Unfortunately, yes."

There was a little smile on his lips, as if he just remembered something funny. "Is pain your concern?"

"Well, it's not my only concern."

That was when he reached over and unfolded the contract. "If you don't have any other questions, I want you to sign this. After that, I can demonstrate the pain threshold." He reached down and tapped her wrist once. "If it's not a suitable level for you, you burn the contract."

She looked up at him. "You can demonstrate now."

"Sign first."

"I don't understand how it matters if I could burn it anyway."

He shook his head. "I am not tasting a drop of your blood unless I have your written agreement."

She reached forward and picked up a heavy pen from the corner of the desk. She let it hover over the paper. "Will you need some tonight?"

"It depends."

She raised her eyebrows at him, but he was fixated on the paper. "Sign, Bella."

And so, with her best cursive, she did. Jasper quickly leaned in, grabbed the pen from her hands, and signed his own name beneath hers.

Then, he turned to her. "Do you faint easily?"

"I've never fainted in my life."

"Good. On the desk."

"What?"

He knocked on the wood. "Quickly."

Bella got to her feet, then lifted herself onto the desk. Her feet dangled, hitting the chair. Jasper stood to her left.

"Do you have a wrist preference?" He asked her.

She shook her head, no.

He reached for her right hand and brought her arm up towards him. At this angle and height, her wrist was easily accessible, though she had to twist her body for it to be comfortable.

His grip was light, pushing up her sleeve. "Look away if you have to. This is just for you to feel."

Bella's pulse was high enough that she thought Jasper wouldn't even have to make much effort. Her heart would gladly pump it all out at a dizzying speed.

"Breathe. It's just a bite," he told her. "And I'm not influencing you."

"Maybe you should," she told him, feeling a little out of breath.

"I would like for you to get an honest feel of what this is like."

She nodded quickly, pressing her chin into her right shoulder, so as to directly avert her gaze. She felt her arm lift, and then—

It stung, for perhaps a second.

"Breathe, Bella." She felt his breath on her wrist as she turned her head back.

"Is it done?"

"How did that feel?"

She swallowed thickly, the fear still lacing her voice. "Fine." Her wrist finally landed on her lap and she could see the bite very clearly—imprints of two rows of teeth in her skin, punctured by two canines. Her wrist was… "Tingling. Why is it tingling?"

"The venom has a numbing effect in lower doses. It'll help with the pain, and it'll help with the healing."

Her eyes fixated on her skin—on the dewy look of the venom coating the wound. It seemed to glisten in the candlelight. Two small dots of blood began to surface at the puncture points, but the wound seemed pretty contained. The venom kept everything in place, like a bandaid.

She kept staring at it, part of her in entire disbelief. "Maybe this is cliche, but don't vampires bite necks?"

"That's more intimate. Probably not appropriate for our situation."

She paused, then looked up at him. "Oh."

"And with your wrist, you can have all eyes on me. You know where my hands are. You know where my mouth is."

But Bella's face only continued to heat.

He handed her the contract and gestured to a large candle nearby, leaning forward on the desk beside her. "Is our arrangement still valid?"

Her skin still tingled from where he bit her. "Yes."

Jasper straightened, plucked the piece of paper from her hands, and set it in a drawer. "Second one from the top, if you ever need access to it."

Bella pulled her sleeve down, the bite mark sensitive to the fabric. She looked at him uncertainly. "You need more, right?"

"A lot more. But it depends on you. First, have you eaten dinner?"

"No, not yet."

"When was your last meal?"

She co*cked her head up to think. "Lunchtime. Noon."

Jasper was by the door in an instant. "I need you to eat. I won't take more until you have."

Bella jumped down to the floor, her knees just a bit wobbly. The wave of dizziness she felt probably wasn't from the minuscule amount of blood she lost. This entire situation made her head spin.

Downstairs in the kitchen, Jasper listed off a few food groups: "Meat, poultry, fish. A healthy dose of vegetables—leafy greens, preferably. Something to regulate your sugar."

Bella dug around in the fridge. There wasn't anything fresh. No greens, but she found some chicken in the freezer. The fruits on the counter were all fake.

"If I got you ingredients, would you be able to make something?" Jasper asked.

"Sure. I'd probably make a salad if you got me the vegetables. I can boil this chicken—there's really no need to get more." While boiled chicken didn't sound that appetizing, Esme had a whole pantry rack devoted to spices. She could probably make do, since she didn't have time to defrost it.

Jasper vanished.

The mental image of him at a grocery store was a funny one. Part of her wanted to go with him just to experience it. She dug around the kitchen for a pot, brought it to boil, and slipped a chicken breast in.

Jasper was back in less than twenty minutes, in which she had already spiced the boiled chicken breast.

On the counter, he laid out little plastic bags of vegetables—spinach, kale, carrots, bell-peppers…

"You got the whole produce aisle, hm?" Bella murmured as she dug through the bags and pulled some out. After washing and drying a select few, she pulled out a knife from the knife block. Her eyes met Jasper's.

"It's a little ridiculous that I'd be scared to cut myself, isn't it?"

"You shouldn't be chopping anything in the Cullen home. Tonight's an exception. Don't make it a habit."

She chopped away, putting in the kale and spinach into a bowl, followed by the carrots. She put in a dash of olive oil and salt. No real dressing, but she wasn't going for an exceptional meal.

Jasper lingered in the kitchen, watching her occasionally.

She began eating on her feet. "I think it's admirable that you make sure that I eat."

"My intention is to not harm you. Your health, if kept stable, proves useful for the both of us."

She munched on her salad. "I don't assume a lot of vampires care about that, right?"

"No."

She rolled her eyes. "Come on, you can give me more than that. No more one-liners."

"Our contract says nothing about one-liners."

"Jasper," she said, her tone nudging him along.

He seemed to relent easily. "A human's health and well-being aren't priorities to most vampires, but we have to be careful. We might not make sure that you had eaten, but we certainly would keep track of how often we feed from you."

"And why is that?"

"It used to be easier to kill. Technology has made it so that vampires are restricted in their ability to feed. We can't kill mindlessly. Not anymore. It would draw too much attention. Additionally, draining completely is one thing, but taking too much, too often, can also lead to illness. And potentially, death."

Once Bella scraped the last of her salad with her fork, and into her mouth, Jasper asked, "Can you stay the night in the guest room?"

"You're saying I'll be out of commission after this?"

"I don't anticipate so, no. Just for tonight. I'd like to keep track of your vitals."

Bella licked her lips clean, hoping she didn't have any greens stuck in her teeth. "I'll text my dad I won't be home." She watched him. "You take my health very seriously."

"I have to." He grabbed one of the two apples he had purchased. "Come."

Bella deposited her plate into the sink and followed him upstairs. Instead of his library, he led her to the guest bedroom she had previously stayed in.

Her heart rate started to accelerate the moment they both entered. Her body could already tell what was to come, and it wasn't surprising that it tried to prepare her to run.

Jasper gestured to the large bed. "Make yourself comfortable."

Bella unconsciously drew her sleeves up as she stared at the bed. She took a few calming breaths. She should trust Jasper. She had bled right in front of him twice now.

She slipped off her shoes and climbed on top of the bed. Resting her back against one of the gigantic pillows, she closed her eyes, willing her breathing to even.

Nothing could prepare her for this.

She felt the bed shift beside her and her eyes opened to red ones. Jasper was to her right. As he sat, facing her, his eyes danced around her face, down to her neck, her shirt, and all the way to her feet. There was an intense kind of scrutiny with the way he examined her eyes, and then his hands reached out. Before he touched her, he said, "I'm going to feel your throat. Permission?"

Bella nodded quickly.

Her back straightened when he put two fingers from each hand right on her lymph nodes. He exerted slight pressure. "Tell me if I'm hurting you."

But he wasn't. His fingers trailed down to her collar. And then his hands took a hold of hers, bending her arms, and examining the bruising.

"Show me your teeth. Smile."

Bella did, but it was probably very weak. "What is this for?"

"I want to be as sure as possible that you're not sick."

"Am I?"

"No."

The apple he had brought with him rested beside Bella. "Is this my donation snack?"

"Yes." Jasper took her right hand and turned it over so her veins were open to him. "You will now have two bite marks that you will need to cover until completely healed. It may take a full day." His other hand landed beside her, palm up. "I want you to squeeze if you feel faint."

"How faint? Like, just barely dizzy, or about to pass out?"

"Squeeze if your vision darkens. Keep your eyes open."

Bella placed her free hand in his. "Okay."

"Breathe. You're terrified."

"It's normal." She cleared her throat, looking up at him. "Right?"

He watched her. "You will get used to it."

"I hope so."

Before he pulled her wrist closer, she stopped him. She couldn't believe she hadn't thought of this. Her pulse spiked instantly. "Jasper, wait."

He paused, his eyes lifting to hers.

"This won't turn me, right?"

It was probably the most important question of them all.

Jasper stared at her wrist. "No, Bella."

"Okay," she whispered after a while, and let him pull her wrist away.

As his teeth sank into her veins, she fought to keep her eyes open. She took deep breaths as the initial shock of the sting faded, and then it was just silence. She didn't dare look over to her right.

Time wasn't coherent. Her other hand rested lightly on his palm as she felt her body relax into a rhythm. She could tell how Jasper drew from her in increments. When her head began to spin, she was prepared to squeeze his hand, but he withdrew first.

Her wrist fell beside her. The first thing she saw was the apple that Jasper was handing her.

"Eat this. Don't fall asleep."

She took the apple with her left hand, and then she was alone. Her eyes fluttered to a close as she bit down on the fruit. She chewed, swallowed, and bit again.

"Bella."

She peeked them open, and Jasper had returned. He handed her a glass of water.

"Drink."

She felt lightheaded as she tipped the glass down to her lips.

"All of it."

She drank all of it. "I feel light."

"Normal. Lean back."

She let her back rest against one of the large pillows, both of her wrists exposed to the open air—both tingled, though the one he had bitten felt more sensitive. Jasper was gone again.

She took a few deep breaths, though everything felt hazy. There was warmth in her body—in her arms, in her shoulders, her torso. She finished her apple and set the core on the bedside table.

Then, Jasper was back, and he was touching her. She felt his fingers on her arms, pushing her sleeves up higher.

Tape and bandages. He was wrapping her wrists. There were sounds of tearing and the feel of rough cloth against her skin.

Once her arms were left alone, she let them fall on her lap. "Thank you."

"Thank me?" Jasper asked. "Thank you."

"How nice of you." She smiled lazily. "Am I going to be okay?"

"Your weakness is normal. Your body will replenish."

"What time is it?"

"Just around seven."

"Can I sleep?"

"Yes."

"Okay." She didn't even make the effort to get under the covers. She scooted down until flat, and then closed her eyes.

She barely heard it when he told her, "Goodnight, Bella."

A/N: Perhaps she gave in a little too quickly. We can't deny that part of Bella is incredibly fascinated by all of this.

This chapter: Guilt, transactional relationships, and fulfilling one end of the blood contract.

A little taste for what's coming up:

Bella shifted in her seat. "So, how have you been hunting?"

There was a certain wickedness in his eyes that he didn't hide. "I'm not so sure you'll like my answer."

She leaned forward with a smile. "Not much can throw me off at this point."

"I have a girl. In the city. About your age."

The smile fell off of her face. "The city? Seattle?"

"Yes."

"So, you're already in an arrangement like this?"

"No. She doesn't know I exist."

See you next week.

Chapter 20

Chapter Text

When Bella woke, she was entirely disoriented. She couldn't tell if it was late night or early morning. Panic filled her veins, alerting her to her surroundings that she momentarily didn't recognize. The sky outside was dark, the only faint light seeping in from the hallway.

When she got to her feet, she took a moment to steady herself. She was rested, but just a little woozy. After slipping on her shoes, she entered the hallway. Realizing that the light was coming from Jasper's library, she veered towards it. She had never seen the door left so glaringly open before.

Inside, she found Jasper sitting at his desk. Two books lay open in front of him along with a pile of papers.

His expression was pleasant when he greeted her with a simple, "Bella."

Once she stepped further into the room, he got up and appeared directly in front of her. Suddenly, Bella felt a hypnotic sense of stillness at the shade of red in his eyes that seemed so stark and lively. It was probably her blood that swirled in there, after all. She wasn't sure if she should feel disturbed or intrigued.

Jasper's face morphed into concentration as he looked down at her. "Tilt your head up more." And then, he put up a finger, moving it from one side to the other. "Follow."

She followed with her eyes, noting that she was being examined again. "Am I okay?"

He lifted his hands, palms up. "May I see?"

Bella pulled up her sleeves, revealing his wrap-job from the night before, and then rotated her arms to mimic him. She placed the backs of her hands in his palms as he gazed at the bandages.

There wasn't any visible blood that had soaked through the fabric.

"Does it hurt?" He questioned.

She touched her right bandage, and with a little pressure, she noticed the soreness. "A little."

"That's fine." He gestured at one of the armchairs by his desk. "Take a seat. Tell me your symptoms."

But when she went to sit down, Jasper was gone. He was back in the next few seconds, and he was handing her a glass of water.

"You need to remain hydrated."

Bella nodded, taking a sip. She pulled her legs up and got more comfortable in the armchair.

Jasper took the other one. "Symptoms. Blurry vision, nausea, headache?"

"Nothing, I feel fine." The stillness of the room was calming. The soft patter of rain consisted of the only sound beyond the drawn curtains. "What time is it?"

"Just after three in the morning."

Great. "You've single-handedly ruined my sleep schedule."

Jasper didn't smile. "I might have taken too much. You shouldn't have needed that much sleep."

"How do you know when to stop?"

"I don't. At least, not at first," he explained. "It varies from body to body. I would need more experience with yours to be able to gauge good timing and flow."

"So, the most ideal case would be to drink from the same body until you're accustomed to it?"

He disagreed. "The most ideal case, I wouldn't have to stop."

Bella disagreed with the term ideal. "And I would be dead."

"That is correct."

"But that's not an option."

"Not a consistent option."

Bella contemplated that. "So, when vampires hunt, what do they do? They can't kill all the time."

"There are options." He ran a hand on the arm of the chair. "You and I certainly aren't the only ones who have gotten into similar arrangements."

"But that would imply that the human knows of the vampire's existence."

He raised a hand toward her, acknowledging her point. "It's not a very common arrangement."

Bella shifted in her seat. "So, how have you been hunting?"

There was a certain wickedness in his eyes that he didn't hide. "I'm not so sure you'll like my answer."

She leaned forward with a smile. "Not much can throw me off at this point."

"I have a girl. In the city. About your age."

The smile fell off of her face. "The city? Seattle?"

"Yes."

"So, you're already in an arrangement like this?"

"No. She doesn't know I exist."

"What does that mean? Then, how—" She cut herself off, her eyebrows drawn in thought.

Jasper watched her closely before responding. "She wakes up occasionally with a small wound on her neck."

What he was implying settled into her brain. Bella crossed her arms, wincing slightly at the faint ache in her wrists. Her tone was accusatory. "She can't consent."

"Watch your tone. I'm not harming her."

"That doesn't make it okay."

"You asked, and you have an answer."

Bella stared down at the carpet, not quite a fan of his answer. "You said you had to plan a hunt if our contract didn't work out. So, that wasn't true?"

"It was true. Planning a hunt is different from hunting prey. I need to take the same precautions—if not more—as I've had to take with you. It takes strategy, effort, and time."

She stared down at her wrists, covered by her sleeves. "You bite her neck."

"Is that a question?"

Her eyes lifted, and she tried again, feeling heat splash against her cheeks. "It wasn't. I was just stating the obvious. Are you in an intimate relationship with her?"

"No."

Bella felt weirdly that she had to explain herself. "I just asked because, well—you said necks were intimate."

"Necks are preferred. They're more discrete, and the angle makes it harder for the human to notice. In our arrangement, I don't have to hide the bite from you."

Unconsciously, her hand lifted her to her own neck, feeling the side. Her pulse thrummed gently beneath her fingers. "Does it hurt more or less?"

"She doesn't feel a thing, Bella. She's asleep." He shook his head, more to himself. "You care so much about a human you know nothing about."

"It's just a vulnerable position to be in. I suppose you wouldn't understand."

"Do you have any more questions, or are you going to sit there and feel sorry for her?"

That spiked a jolt of anger in her. "You can be nicer. This is all new to me."

Jasper simply looked away, his eyes darting to the long curtains.

"Human drinkers have a designated target? How do you pick?"

"Younger bodies have the most to give with minimal risks."

"How young?"

"Preference."

"Does gender matter?"

He still wasn't looking at her. "Preference."

"What do you prefer?"

He took a moment to regard her fully. "You fit the criteria."

"So, females in their twenties?"

"Thirties are fine. Forties, the bite takes too long to heal, and their health is less reliable."

"But you choose females, regardless?"

"Preference," he repeated.

An image of Jasper drinking from a beautiful, unconscious girl flashed in her brain. She asked, her voice small, "Do you know her name? The girl in Seattle?"

Jasper angled himself more toward her. "Yes, though your jealousy doesn't make sense to me."

"Jealousy? Maybe you're confusing it with concern."

"Don't tell me how my gift works, Bella."

She crossed her arms. She wasn't jealous—not even remotely. But asking more about the girl was just going to hammer in his point, so she was ready to drop it.

But Jasper seemed to enjoy her discomfort. "Ask, Bella. Your feelings on the matter shouldn't prevent you from learning."

She huffed. "What is her name?"

"Christine."

"Do you know her last name?"

"Yes."

The silence that followed only irritated her, but her last name didn't quite matter. Just the fact that Jasper knew it was interesting enough. "How old is she?"

"Twenty-one."

"And she doesn't notice weird bites on her skin?"

Jasper flashed his teeth in a smile. "No. She heals quickly."

Bella wanted to check for marks all over her body. "This feels wrong. Have vampires been drinking from me while I'm asleep?"

"Most likely not. The bite would wake the human unless they were induced."

Bella didn't understand. "Induced? Drugged? You drug them?"

He brought a finger up to his temple. "Empath."

She gave him a flat look. "So, you do drug them. With vampire magic."

"Are you asking, or judging?"

The glare she shot towards him only seemed to amuse him even more.

"Harsh," he murmured. "Good thing you're saving poor Christine from her dire fate with your own blood."

Bella felt her skin crawl with unease. Her silence brought forth Jasper's mocking question, "Are my answers not to your satisfaction?"

She glanced at him. The candlelight softened the look of his skin—a certain warmth to the pale. The more she watched her own blood stare back at her within his eyes, her prey instincts came out to play—along with a terrible realization. "I'm a blood bag."

"Ah, but not against your will."

"Right," she muttered. "At least I have a choice."

"You've signed your consent. You're a willing participant."

"Does this mean you're done with her?"

"As long as that contract stays in my desk, unharmed, I have no use for Christine." He then appeared by his large bookshelves, his attention on the spines of the books. "And I surely hope you have more interesting questions than these."

"I'm an easy snack for you. Did I get that right?"

His hand came up to pull out a book from the shelf. Then, he slid it back in. "What else would you be?"

She feigned offense, placing a hand to her chest. "You at least should have the decency to acknowledge that I'm a sentient being with feelings and a brain."

"Well, you certainly have feelings."

Now she was offended. "I can't tell if you even remotely like me, Jasper."

He turned to her with a challenging smile. "I don't understand the hostility."

"You're an empath. Figure it out."

He turned back around to the bookshelf and began flipping through a book. "You aren't brainless, though your choices in company are questionable."

"Edward?"

"Vampires."

"Right. You think I'm an idiot for hanging out with vampires," she stated flatly.

He shrugged, his back still to her. "Most days, I think you're just oblivious."

She dropped her head on her hand and stared at the back of his head. "Enlighten me, then. I've already paid my dues in blood."

In a flash, he was by his desk, and he dropped a large, black book on it with a loud thud. He glanced at her. "What exactly is your question?"

"Why does Jasper Whitlock find Bella Swan oblivious?"

He flipped open the book, his eyes roaming the pages. Eventually, he said, "You don't give me the impression that you want to die. I don't understand what exactly you seek from your relationship with the Cullens."

"I don't seek anything, and I never said I wanted to die."

He flipped another page, partially disinterested. "If you didn't want something out of this, you wouldn't let the Cullens play human with you."

Isn't there a transactional aspect in every relationship, Bella?

"You're right." She straightened herself. "No matter how unsettling vampires are, there's a part of me that's captivated by them." Before he could interject, Bella added, "And that could be because of your inherent nature to draw humans in. Or maybe I'm just entirely suicidal."

"Suicidal?"

"I'm not blind to Edward's issues with control. I take a risk each time I choose to spend time with him."

"Do you choose, or does he choose for you?"

Bella watched him, fully anticipating his next words "You're going to tell me I'm powerless. Yet again."

"Just a reminder."

Bella rubbed at her face, squeezing her eyes shut momentarily and suppressing a yawn. "Well, by your argument, the only way I'd have any upper hand would be if I were a vampire."

"Yes," he murmured, shutting the book. "For your sake, I hope you work to balance the power dynamic at that point."

"If we even get to that point," she murmured.

His head turned up to look at her. "What future do you anticipate with the boy, Bella?"

She didn't love the man, so the answer should be simple. But it didn't feel like it was. There was a foreboding feeling that nestled itself tightly in her chest.

She rubbed at her eyes again, the sleepiness creeping back into her. When she opened them, Jasper was standing directly in front of her. "Your answer speaks volumes."

"I didn't answer."

"You certainly did." He held out his hand. "Kitchen. You should eat something."

She stared at his palm. "I don't understand."

"Food, Bella."

"No, I don't understand what you mean."

He motioned with his fingers for her to move. She eventually accepted his hand and hoisted herself up. The room spun for the slightest of seconds before she headed towards the door. Jasper appeared a few paces in front of her, leading her down the hall, and onto the staircase.

As they descended, Bella said, "My future with Edward is clear. I'm hopefully going to be heading to Seattle next year, and that'll probably be our ultimate demise. He said he would move with me, but I wouldn't make him do that."

He tilted his head back to her, his eyes curiously examining her.

Bella continued, "It's not the greatest revelation in the world that we're not exactly right for one another. Maybe you agree."

Jasper didn't say anything as Bella's gaze fell on his back. She questioned, "What do you anticipate my future will look like?"

He stopped in front of her and Bella almost crashed into him. She vaguely thought about just how much that would have hurt. Catching herself on the railing, she prevented herself from toppling over entirely.

He was just a few steps below her, yet still seemed to possess a commanding height.

"Your future with Edward is immensely clear," he began, his tone pragmatic. "You'll change for him. You'll become his mate. And then, you will both gladly live out this Cullen nightmare for the rest of your miserable lives."

Stunned, all Bella could do was stare. Her brain took in his input and attempted to process it, and there was no coherent output.

"My answers don't seem to satisfy you. You can't tell me that I've caught you off guard."

He had. He was saying things that were absolutely— "Crazy. You're joking."

"Jokes? I don't think I'm very good at those."

He made it down the rest of the way, leaving Bella on the stairs. Her eyes traced him in disbelief until he disappeared.

"Come in here and eat," she heard him call from the kitchen area. "You're expending too much energy feeling unnecessary things."

Unnecessary things? Bella carefully made her way over to the kitchen. A glass of water entered her line of sight and she took it with a slightly trembling hand. The glass was cool against her lips as she took a sip, but it went down the wrong pipe. Soon, she was choking.

Bracing a hand on the kitchen counter, she coughed powerfully into her elbow to clear out her windpipe. With tears in her eyes, she finally looked at Jasper, who was rummaging through the pantry.

"Jasper—"

"There is bread. What jam do you prefer?"

She coughed once more, wrapping a hand around her throat. "You need to explain everything that you just said."

"Strawberry, blackberry." His hand swiped through a few items. "Apricot."

She made her way over to him and took his hands off of the shelf. Jasper himself seemed stunned at her audacity. He faced her, the feel of his fingers cool in her grip.

"Explain," she commanded.

Jasper lowered her hands down to her side, and then side-stepped around her. He pulled down a plate from a top cabinet, and then arranged slices of bread and dollops of jam. "Eat."

The tension in her tone wasn't something she had heard often. "You first."

His head tilted slowly. "Eat? I already have."

She shook her head once. "No. Speak."

"That's not a question, Bella."

"Why do you think I will turn?"

Jasper stuck the plate in her hands. "Edward is your future. Wasn't I clear?"

"Edward is nothing. I decide my future."

"No. I believe that is Alice's job."

Bella set the plate down on the counter next to her, miraculously not smashing it into pieces. It clattered relentlessly before settling down. A few pieces of bread flew out onto the granite surface. "I never said I would turn." When he was quiet, she pressed, "What makes you think that I would?"

"You're in a relationship with a vampire. We're frozen in time, and you age every second. It would never work otherwise."

Forcefully, she shook her head. "And the mating thing? What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Jasper carefully picked up the stray pieces of bread and put them back on the plate, brushing off the crumbs on the counter. "I did anticipate that we would need a mating lesson."

Edward had mentioned mates—specifically in the context of James and Victoria; the two vampires who had both sought to end her life. "I'm Edward's mate?"

"It doesn't work that way. Soulmates are a human construct." He nudged the plate closer. "We make our own destiny."

Bella placed her fingers onto her forehead, massaging gently. Her feet began to pace, her mind racing with clashing thoughts, ideas, and questions.

And then, in the next second, she collided with Jasper—and yes, it did hurt. His expression was plain, and stolid as his hands curled around her upper arms, steadying her.

"Finish this plate," he told her, pointing sternly at the arrangement he so carefully laid out for her. "And then ask me about our ritualistic, irrevocable concept of mating."

A/N: This chapter: Dining in Seattle, a question-answer game, and Jasper's direct insight into Bella's fate.

A little taste for what's coming up:

"Will you take me home?" Bella asked.

But Jasper didn't respond, and after about a minute of driving, Bella finally paid attention to her surroundings. They had just made the turn down her street.

Jasper stopped the car in front of her house. "Get inside and calm down."

"Calm down?" She hadn't intended for it come out so forcefully, but her nerves were absolutely fried. "My boyfriend kills his girlfriends."

"You exchange your blood for the information he doesn't give you." He stared at her unemotionally. "There are more problems here than you realize."

See you next week.

Chapter 21

Chapter Text

Bella made herself some coffee as she munched on the jam and bread platter. Once she all but licked it clean under Jasper's watchful gaze, she poured herself a streaming cup and followed Jasper back up to his library.

It was almost sunrise, but the long curtains remained drawn, preventing the room from seeing the grace of natural light. Instead, Jasper took great care in lighting various candles around the room. It seemed almost habitual for him to do so.

Bella roamed the library with her cup of coffee cradled in both hands. When Jasper finally sat at his desk, she began with, "Mates."

"Phrase it as a question."

He was always very particular. She shot him a small smirk. "Let's start with your own definition. How would you define a mate?"

Resting his elbows on the table before him, he steepled his fingers. "A mate is an equal."

Simple, okay. "Can you have more than one?"

"No. There can only be one bond."

She turned her back to him, eyes absently scanning the spines of the countless books that lined the walls. "Alright. So, a monogamous relationship?"

"Correct."

"You said that you get to choose your mate. How does that work?"

"You do just that. You choose. If agreed by both individuals, there's a simple ritual that is performed that binds the two together."

She took a sip from her cup. "Just like getting married, right?" Although she quickly remembered that Edward had told that mates went deeper than simply marriage.

"No," Jasper refuted. "Marriage is nothing but a written contract that can be easily broken. When we mate, we mate until death."

"'Til death do us part." She turned around with a smile. "Sounds like marriage to me."

He shook his head at her. "You cannot divorce a mate."

"Well, what if you can't work it out?"

"The bond only breaks upon death. If one partner dies, the bond is dissolved."

Intense. Bella kept moving from shelf to shelf, barely recognizing the titles. There were some classics in there, but she saw book titles in Spanish and French. And a few in… Italian?

Placing her cup safely on shelf, she stopped to pull out some books. She didn't understand most of them at all; they felt ancient in her hands, as if she were touching texts that were centuries old.

Pushing a volume back in, she asked, "So, if you don't end up being compatible, you're just stuck together?"

"It would do you well to test your compatibility before agreeing to such a bond."

She peeked at him, a dark idea forming in her brain. "Has a mate killed the other to purposefully break the bond?"

Jasper seemed genuinely surprised by her question. "I've heard that it's not easy to intentionally put your mate into harm's way. I imagine it wouldn't be an easy task."

It wasn't easy to comprehend, perhaps because she had never experienced anything like it. "It sounds like it's an unconditional type of relationship." Bella had slowly made her way to the shelves behind Jasper. "Are Carlisle and Esme mates?"

"They are mated," he confirmed. "As are Rosalie and Emmett."

"Is there a way for an outsider to tell if someone is mated?"

As Bella passed right behind him, she gasped when Jasper snatched her wrist, tugging her closer until she stood by his side. At once, he began to unwrap the bandage on her right wrist, and then her left. Dazed momentarily by his cool fingers working expertly against her skin, she watched him work methodically. There was a slight pink hue underneath the cloth he unwrapped, cast aside neatly on the desk. She had bled a little after the bites but not significantly. Faint, raised bumps dotted both wrists from where he had bitten.

"Aside from their persistent presence around one another," Jasper explained, "a mated pair will have matching scars on their skin. There are two mating rituals. One of them involves venom exchange."

"Venom exchange?" She still stood before him, his fingers lingering on her wrists. "Do you mean they drink each others' venom?"

After a while, he released her. "Yes. That is when the scars form."

She rubbed at her skin, feeling the bumps itch. "What is the second ritual?"

"Words of promise. A series of sentences meant to devote loyalty and respect."

She smirked at him, her brain automatically forming patterns, as human nature intended. "Okay, so we have our vows—these words of promise—and the venom exchange is just… feeding each other cake. I think we have a wedding." She spun back around to face the books. "Is there a ceremony? With people, and music, and—"

"No. None of that. It's an intimate ritual, meant only for the mated pair."

Intimate was the last word she would ever use to describe her relationship with Edward. That was a stark realization. "Edward's never mentioned that he would ask me to be his mate." And weirdly, that felt like a relief.

"You have no venom to give him. You wouldn't be mated until you turn."

Her forehead creased. "Why do you think I'll agree to that?"

"You won't?"

"No!" She exclaimed incredulously. "Would you decide to marry someone within just a few months of knowing them?"

Jasper leaned back in his chair. "Am I correctly understanding that you would reject Edward's mating proposal?"

Bella shook his head at him, scratching at the bumps on her wrists. "Has Alice seen this? Is that why you're even asking?"

"I don't know what Alice has seen." In a flash, he appeared in front of her, his long fingers curling around her forearms to prevent her from messing with her wrists. "I only know that this is the Cullen way."

"The Cullen way—?"

One of his thumbs ran over her veins, eliciting a light shiver up her forearm, and rudely cutting her off. When she looked up at him, he had amusem*nt in his eyes; he could see the goosebumps rising all over her skin.

"You heal quickly," he murmured with pleasure, observing her wrists. "But you should avoid scratching."

"Why does it itch?"

"It's the healing process." His thumbs caressed the bumps once more before he let go. "Thank you for the blood, Isabella Swan. You've saved me a lot of trouble."

She crossed her arms, raising her head high. "And I've at least saved one poor human from this mess."

"Does that make it better for you, Bella?" He stepped closer, his demeanor challenging. "Does that absolve your morals of the fact that you have signed a blood contract with a vampire?"

Absolve? No. It did kind of suck to hide this from her boyfriend who also just happened to be a vampire. Her head spun from the ridiculousness, or maybe it was just from Jasper standing too close for comfort.

The boldness of his actions wasn't lost on her. His proximity, and how freely he seemed to roam around her; it was all evidence enough. Jasper Whitlock was getting comfortable around Isabella Swan.

"I believe I asked you a question," he taunted.

"You might have to repeat it. You're dazzling me with your natural abilities." She turned from him, angling herself towards the shelves. "Edward does this all the time."

"I'm not doing anything."

"So Edward claims, as well."

This seemed to oddly displease him. "Have you considered just how much your relationship is based on vampiric charm?"

She turned her head to look at him, a certain confidence in her tone, "I have."

"You have?" Jasper stepped closer, interested.

"The charm is temporary—that's what I've realized. Whatever feelings come out of them tend to fade in Edward's absence. That's how I know they're not real."

Jasper didn't respond, seemingly in thought. Bella's eyes lingered on a book in front of her. Absently, she pulled it out to stare at the cover. L'Étranger, the title read.

"Albert Camus," she read the name of the author. "The philosopher, right?" As she flipped through the pages, she wasn't surprised to see it was entirely in French. "What does the title mean?"

"The Stranger."

"Ominous. What is it about?"

Jasper took the book from her hands, and Bella smiled when his hands brushed over hers, because it felt entirely purposeful. Or she was just being charmed.

"Absurdism," he replied.

"Ah, fitting."

He flipped through the pages once. "Camus argues that the only certainty in life is the inevitability of death."

A coldness swept over her skin, and it wasn't because of the vampire standing near. "It's a depressing thought."

"It can be depressing, or it can bring you peace." Jasper placed the book back on the shelf. "You can try to fight the inevitable, but the effort would be futile."

Bella leaned against the shelf, staring vaguely at a candle by the door. "Edward's going to be very disappointed by Camus. If he could stick me in an ice box and preserve my beating heart, he'd probably do it."

"The boy is delusional."

She had a distant notion that she was constantly in over her head. "Yeah, but so is Edward's Bella."

Jasper walked over to his desk where that big black book sat regally at the edge. "Edward's Bella." His face blank, he picked up the book and appeared a few paces from her. He pushed the book in an empty spot on the shelf, murmuring, "Perhaps not so much, anymore."

The days leading up to the Cullens' return were quiet. Bella hadn't heard from Jasper ever since that morning he had unwrapped her bandages, and she hadn't made any effort to reach out to him.

Bella followed her routine at the hospital until the weekend came around. After a pleasant breakfast with her father on Saturday, she decided to hold herself accountable on her fitness promises. There was unreleased tension in her body that she hadn't truly felt until Edward had left. Putting on her old running shoes and a windbreaker, she headed out for her first run in ages.

The crisp air sliced at her cheeks and forehead as she took the trail at the back of her house. Leaping over protruding, thick roots, and ducking under skinny branches, she pushed until her sides ached. Only when she let herself slow to a jog did she feel the rush of adrenaline and the endorphins pumping through her body.

And only when she let herself lean against a tree to catch her breath did her thoughts begin swarming.

How had her life taken such an absurd turn? Vampires, the thought of immortality, and a blood contract. She felt that if she so much as blinked, it would all dissipate into a long-forgotten dream.

But there was no forgetting the way Jasper had bitten into her skin. She couldn't ignore how he drew out her life force to feed his own. His interest in her health and well-being had been unexpected, and there was a gentleness to him that she hadn't seen before. He hadn't bit her neck, but there was something undeniably intimate about their exchange, and the guilt of that rested heavily on her chest.

So, when Edward came back the next day, she wasn't sure how to react. He had entered through her open bedroom window, and immediately pulled her into an embrace.

When she hugged him back robotically, her hands came up from underneath to rest on his shoulders, flashing her own bare wrists. She stiffened at their sight and jerked away from him. If Edward had noticed her odd behavior, he hadn't said anything.

Their conversation was light—mostly stories from the Cullens' hunting games in Alaska. Edward seemed in high spirits as he described the Alaskan scenery and wildlife. Somewhere along the way, he switched topics to the upcoming holidays. Bella hadn't realized that she had zoned out until he stepped into her field of vision. "Bella?"

"Sorry. What were you saying?"

His brows pinched together. "I was saying that I hope Charlie's alright with letting you spend Christmas evening with us."

"Is Christmas a big event for your family?"

Edward grinned. "Esme's already setting up the trees."

"Trees? Multiple?"

He gave her a knowing look. "Never underestimate Esme Cullen."

With Carlisle back from the trip, the hospital staff seemed to take a collective breath of relief. It seemed unsustainable just how much they relied on his efforts to keep the hospital in order.

Bella left her shift early on that Monday afternoon, since it was Christmas Eve tomorrow. The moment she got home, she immediately pulled on her running shoes. She never realized how much good she had been denying herself by not giving her body an outlet to release her feelings.

Her breaths came out in fast pumps as she reveled in the feeling of her muscles burning, pushing her harder, and harder. It was a wonderful half an hour before the music in her ears cut off abruptly with a phone call. Leaning against a tree, she answered, breathless, "Hello?"

"Bella." It was Edward. "The girls just left for Port Angeles to shop for some decor. Esme wants you to taste some samples from her Christmas menu. She told me she wanted your feedback by tonight."

Bella fought hard to roll her eyes. "Christmas menu, Edward? I'm the only one eating."

"It's her favorite holiday. Let me pick you up and we can get this over with." She could hear the mirth in his voice. "Where are you?"

"I'm a few miles from my house. Actually—" When she rose from her tiptoes, she could vaguely make out the town's grocery store through the trees. "I'm by Jim's. If you want to come by, I can meet you in the parking lot."

"What are you doing there?"

"I was out on a run, Edward."

There was a pause on the phone. "Alright, I'll be there soon."

Bella sighed, momentarily annoyed at the interruption. She made the rest of the run to Jim's, bouncing on both feet to stay warm as she waited outside.

Finally, Edward's car showed, crawling to a stop in front of the store. Bella jogged towards it, but soon realized that the person in the car wasn't Edward. She opened the passenger-side door and was greeted by none other than Jasper.

"Where's Edward?"

"Not here. Get in."

Bella lingered by the door, her breaths forming ephemeral clouds around her. "I don't understand, I was just on the phone with him."

Jasper inhaled deeply, which was a little odd. "Alice sent me instead. Are you going to get in, or would you like to walk the rest of the way home?"

His tone definitely could have been gentler. She hadn't seen him for a few days. Huffing, she got in, and settled into her seat. When the warmth of the car eased her body temperature, she felt a stinging on the back of her leg. Glancing down, she understood why.

"I'm bleeding," she said automatically.

"Yes."

She should be more careful out in the woods. How had she scraped herself and not even noticed?

The situation began to fit together in her mind. "Alice sent you, because she saw that I was bleeding?" So Alice also appeared to have no faith in Edward.

"No," Jasper said. "Alice sent me because she saw Edward ripping out your throat."

Bella blinked at the windshield in front of her, but she barely saw it. A natural reaction of panic bloomed in her chest.

"Edward's girls don't survive this long," Jasper went on. "I really don't see why you're an exception."

Bella wasn't this prone to injury, and had he just said—? "Edward's girls?"

Jasper sighed. "He consistently dates humans, and they consistently die."

None of this helped ease the tightness in her chest, and the fear that lingered. "Are you telling me that all of his past girlfriends… he's killed?"

"As far as I know, yes."

Bella knew Jasper could have calmed her through this, but she felt that none of her discomfort and fear eased. He was letting her feel this through and through.

She wasn't even sure what to say besides, "He's never told me."

"Unsurprisingly."

Edward hadn't ever mentioned any previous relationships, only— "He had said he killed a young woman a few months ago."

"Olivia Levi."

"You knew her?"

"Not personally. The Cullens needed to ensure her death was appropriately covered, and I provided help." He watched her from the driver seat. "It's the reason they soon transitioned to Forks."

Bella swallowed, the lodge in her throat refusing to move. "How many has he—"

Jasper put the car into drive. "A vampire's death count shouldn't surprise you."

Her voice was small. "But the Cullens don't kill humans."

"Edward has killed more humans than I have in the last decade."

Disbelief swarmed her as she let her head fall back on the seat behind her.

"Will you take me home?" Bella asked.

But Jasper didn't respond, and after about a minute of driving, Bella finally paid attention to her surroundings. They had just made the turn down her street.

Jasper stopped the car in front of her house. "Get inside and calm down."

"Calm down?" She hadn't intended for it to come out so forcefully, but her nerves were absolutely fried. "My boyfriend kills his girlfriends."

"You exchange your blood for the information he doesn't give you." He stared at her unemotionally. "There are more problems here than you realize."

Bella put her face in her hands, because she didn't think she could process any of this. She opened the car door and got out, and somehow made it to her front door. Before she could do anything else, Jasper appeared in front of her.

"Your father is home. I suggest you don't alarm him."

Bella tried to get past Jasper, but he blocked her path. She blinked away frustrated tears. "I'll be fine."

"You don't seem fine."

She glared at him. "Did you expect me to be?" She looked around them before whispering harshly, "Edward Cullen kills his girlfriends. I am his girlfriend."

"Edward Cullen frenzies. It doesn't mean it's intentional. His control is a problem, and you already know this."

Bella didn't know where to put her hands. "How long will I last?"

Jasper narrowed his eyes at her, as if her question were entirely ridiculous. He took a step back from her and gestured at the front door. "Get inside and sanitize your wound. Edward won't be by unless you've taken care of it."

"Tell him to stay away from me." She moved past him, but he grabbed her wrist, and she almost sobbed at the anticipation of the crushing, bruising pain.

But of course, his touch was only firm enough to keep her in place. "Refusing him will only make him angrier, Bella."

The helplessness that surrounded her felt debilitating. "So if I avoid him, he gets angry, and then kills me. As opposed to, what, killing me a little later?"

Jasper pulled her closer, demanding her attention. "The Cullens have thus far prevented any harm to come to you."

She gritted her teeth, her voice dripping with sarcasm, "Well, I suppose that should make me feel better."

"No," he told her lowly. "No, it shouldn't. You should question anyone who has this much interest in keeping you around."

A/N: This chapter: Mating unveiled, Camus's absurdism seeping in, and Edward's questionable past.

A little taste for what's coming up:

"Bella, I'm starving," he rasped. He was stalking towards her. "Tell me yes."

Instinctively, she took a step back. "Yes—?"

And then, they collided.

See you next week.

Chapter 22

Chapter Text

A/N: Yes, I'm late. And yes, you're getting a mega-chapter.

Charlie looked up from the TV when the door opened. He hadn't turned on any lights, and Bella was grateful for the darkness to shield most of her expression as she came up behind her father. She leaned down over the back of the couch, and gave him a quick hug.

"Hi, dad," she murmured, digging her face into his shoulder.

"Hey, kiddo. How was your run?"

"Just great."

He held onto her arm and twisted a little in an attempt to see her better. "Are you doing okay?"

Not at all. "Fine. I'm going to go shower."

He patted her hand before she unwound from him, and made her way upstairs. Silently, she opened her door to her bedroom, and didn't quite react when Jasper stood in the middle of it all.

"Let me see your leg," he insisted.

Wordlessly, Bella shut the door behind her and crawled up on her bed, wanting to crawl into herself entirely. She felt the dip as the bed took on Jasper's weight.

She pulled up her right thigh to her chest and angled it such that she could see her calf. There was a nasty red gash; a couple of inches of tear in her skin. Diagnosis? Probably a low hanging tree branch. She wasn't bleeding anymore, and she could hardly feel the sting.

"You should wear something longer if you're going out to the woods," Jasper told her, his eyes running over the cut. "And you should go clean it. Now."

Bella pulled her other knee to her chest, joining them. She let the silence prolong for a moment longer as her thoughts swarmed her brain.

"Bella," Jasper pressed.

"I know, Jasper," she said quietly, pulling out her phone from her windbreaker's pocket, and composing a text. "I'm telling Esme that I don't feel well." The last thing she wanted was to be subjected to a feeding by Esme Cullen.

"Edward will want to see you."

She stood, grabbing a change of clothes from her closet. Her tone was bitter when she asked, "Do you think I want to see him?"

She shut her bedroom door behind her and stalked to her bathroom. The fear and agitation mixed into an emotional co*cktail that she didn't care for. Once she stepped into the shower, she told herself to focus on the water pounding against her muscles, and the steam that enveloped her in a warm cloud.

Begrudgingly, she cleansed her wound with soap, suddenly incredibly grateful for Jasper. And, she supposed, Alice. If it weren't for her visions, she would've been dead twenty minutes ago. Who knew just how many times she had brushed death's door this way? How many times had Alice intervened?

You should question anyone who has this much interest in keeping you around.

Wasn't it generally a nice thing to keep someone alive? Having somebody to watch your back was generally a good thing, right?

No matter how creepy Alice's foresight could be, it was keeping her alive.

The deep breaths she took felt suffocating as the steam consumed her. Her skin flushed beneath the hot water. Only when her fingers were wrinkled and the spray turned lukewarm did she step out.

Pulling on sweatpants and a long-sleeved top, she toweled her hair all the way back to her bedroom. Jasper had left.

Her pulse began to race as she sat on her bed and stuck her phone to her ear. Each dial sequence made her heart leap.

And then, finally, Edward picked up.

"Bella," he said, his tone concerned. "Are you okay?"

"Hi Edward," she said softly, trying her best to keep a good composure, even though her hand trembled violently in her lap. "I already told Esme that I wasn't feeling well. I think I'm going to rest."

"Running out in this cold is not such a wise choice," he agreed, seemingly root-causing her symptoms. "Do you need anything? What can I get you?"

"Nothing," she said, perhaps a little too forcefully. "Nothing at all. I just need some rest."

"Should I come by—?"

"No, no. I won't be too entertaining in this state."

"Well, alright," he relented, and then a smile found a way into his voice—the tone so eerily familiar from a time that had once made her stomach flutter. "Happy early Christmas Eve, Bella."

Tears rolled down her cheeks as she took a deep breath. "Happy early Christmas Eve, Edward."

She pressed a hand firmly to her lips as a sob shook her, the phone tumbling down onto the bed. Reality felt warped as she tried to sort through it all, her mind reeling with the thought of Edward's previous girls. She had known so deeply that something was off. Ever since Edward had taken a sip of that amber wine and told her he loved her. And how perfectly okay he seemed when his feelings were unrequited. How long had he expected her to last?

She felt the tears fall on her lap as her face grew hot with unrelenting emotion. The panic in her chest constricted her breathing and she shivered with the wave of helplessness. Edward was a vampire, for God's sake. What the hell did she expect?

And then, she felt nothing but a headache at the base of her skull. The warring emotions in her chest dissipated as her spine straightened at the strangeness of feeling… empty.

The void was cold and unfeeling, and when she turned her head to Jasper beside her, she didn't react at all. She couldn't. There was nothing to feel.

And immediately, she knew what he was doing. She had only felt the impact of Jasper's abilities a handful of times, but she had never felt it in this force. If she hadn't been so empty as a result, she would be amazed beyond belief.

Letting herself fall on her back, she stared at her bedroom ceiling. The numbness felt comforting enough for her to easily admit, "I need to break up with him."

And then, she felt everything. Her fear and panic rushed into her, spreading across her chest and throughout her whole body. She felt her heart rate accelerate as her breaths began to come in short, anxious puffs. Rising up to sitting, she breathed in deeply, choking on the air.

Jasper was now roaming her room, paying no mind to her struggles.

She reached for the glass of water by her bed, feeling entirely wronged. "Was that necessary?"

"Yes. It seems you need your feelings to function, after all."

"What?"

He fixed her with a glare. "Breaking up with Edward Cullen is a rash decision."

"A rash decision? Did you even hear a word of what you told me today?"

"Do not make him angry, Bella."

"Well, why are you angry, Jasper?"

He stared at her, unblinking and icy. "Because you are not a woman who will make this mistake."

"What mistake is that?" She challenged, her fear morphing into deep anger. "Saving my own life?"

Jasper turned around, away from her, as if he simply couldn't tolerate this. His attention was on her desk, and then her closet, with its doors thrown wide open. He didn't touch anything as he glanced over a stack of papers that consisted of lecture packets, and a neat arrangement of novels against the wall. Her clothes were organized and folded—the blacks, burgundies, and browns of her winter wardrobe in full view. It was then that Bella realized—Jasper hadn't truly been in her room before.

"See anything that you like?" She asked, her tone a mix between annoyance and curiosity.

Jasper's eyes turned to her, lingered for a while, and then said, "The Cullens value their Christmas. You will attend with a straight face."

"Excuse me?"

"As alluring as your backbone is, this is not the time for it."

Bella got to her feet, her entire body buzzing. As she approached, his red eyes were as serious as she'd ever seen him.

And his tone was equally as so. "It's not wise to make such rash decisions."

Her mind filled in the part he didn't say out loud: Because Alice is watching.

The chill started from her shoulders and ran straight down to her toes. She shivered, as if spiders began crawling all over her.

"Jasper—"

She was cut off by the sound of the window sliding open. A second later, a knock came on her bedroom door.

Jasper was gone, and Bella was left staring out to the trees when Charlie called, "Can I come in?"

"Come in," she said absently.

"Hey, kid—" He seemed to stop mid-sentence. "You okay?"

She ran a quick hand over her face and shut the window forcefully before turning around. "Hey. Yeah."

Her father braced a hand on the doorway. "Your mom called. She asked what you were doing for New Year's."

She sighed deeply, her thoughts already running rampant, and unfocused. "Why? Is she coming?"

"San Francisco, she said. Maybe you should call her."

The moment Bella woke up the next morning, she called her mother.

Renee was coming to the West coast—San Francisco, California, to be exact. And she wanted her daughter.

"It will be so fun," her mother told her on the phone. "Phil's team is renting out a whole floor of the Palace Hotel, and I'm sure we can convince them to spare an extra room."

"It's so last minute," Bella said uncertainly.

"Let me know, and Phil will book your flight. It's just that simple."

She didn't want to leave Charlie alone on New Year's, but before she could say more, Renee added, "You'll let me know, okay? Merry Christmas Eve, honey."

"You too, mom."

Bella was still in bed that morning, and a sense of dread sat heavy on her chest for Christmas Day tomorrow. It was suffocating enough that she just stuck herself deeper into her comforter and squeezed her eyes shut against the sunshine filtering through the window.

"Bella!" She heard her dad call.

"I'm not hungry!" She called back.

She didn't hear a response, so she snuggled into the warmth once more. Until she heard him right outside of her door. "You have a visitor."

She ripped the covers from her face, too alarmed for eight in the morning. "Who?"

Not Edward, not Edward, not Edward.

"Mrs. Cullen is here. With what I must say is an impressive amount of food."

"Hi Bella," she heard Esme's voice from the hallway.

She didn't like that her father was standing in their hallway with a vampire. She didn't like it one bit.

Pulling a robe on, she opened her door, and Esme Cullen beamed at her brightly, shoving a large glass platter in her face. "Good morning!"

Charlie was beside her, staring hungrily at the casserole she was holding.

"I know you said you weren't feeling well, so I brought over some samples for you to try," Esme quickly explained. "I would really just like your input for tomorrow."

Bella's eyes slid to her father's, and then back to Esme. "Let me get ready, and I'll be down."

"I can provide input," Charlie volunteered as he followed Esme down the stairs. Bella didn't miss the wide-eyed look he gave her as he descended.

Before she left for the bathroom, she grabbed her phone and shot Jasper a text.

So, what do I need to know about Esme? Does she kill puppies? Is she slowly drugging me with all this food?

She checked her phone after she got through her morning routine, and scowled at what he responded with.

Would Esme killing puppies really change your situation?

Dressed properly, she carefully made her way downstairs. Her phone buzzed in her back pocket with a second text from him. Still, avoid cutting yourself.

Esme and Charlie were laughing about something when she approached them in the kitchen.

"I really hope you're feeling better," Esme said, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder.

Bella unconsciously tensed at her touch as she eyed the numerous Tupperwares laid out on the kitchen counter. "Are these all for tomorrow?"

She tapped a closed plastic bowl. "No, these are for today. Based on what you think, we'll see about tomorrow."

There was enough here to feed at least eight people. Charlie seemed to pick up on that too. "You'll be eating this for the next few days, Mrs. Cullen."

Esme grinned, the smile tight around the edges. "We are a very big family, Chief Swan."

He raised a finger. "That is true."

Except the only person who would be eating all of the food would be Bella.

Esme began opening up a few dishes—pulling off tops and unwrapping aluminum foil. "Now, I know it's not really breakfast, but…" She pulled out a few plates and silverware from a big bag—gold trimmed, and too sophisticated for their little kitchen. Bella had half the mind to grab their own chipped and bent cutlery.

Serving up some mashed potatoes, chunks of turkey, and casserole, she placed a smooth plate into Bella's hands. She handed a similarly arranged one to Charlie.

"I don't understand," her father said through bites of food. "Bella's not much of a foodie. If anything, I should be consulted on these matters." He took another bite of the casserole. "This is delicious, Mrs. Cullen."

"Esme is fine," she told him kindly, standing near as she watched them devour their very odd breakfast.

Bella felt suddenly exasperated by the amount of food that sat there, and she knew it would all go to waste. "Esme, I think you should just pack this up and serve it for tomorrow. There's really no need to make any more."

Esme swatted the thought away. "We will have it all fresh. The turkey will be out of the oven the moment you step foot in the house, sweet Bella."

A whole Turkey? Her current bite moved way too slowly down her throat.

"Speaking of," Esme continued, "if you wanted to come, Chief Swan, you are more than welcome to join us tomorrow."

Bella's grip tightened on her plate as her eyes flew to her dad. "I don't think so. He usually goes into the station."

"On Christmas Day?"

"The law doesn't care what day it is, I'm afraid." Charlie shrugged apologetically. "Lots of drunk driving on the holidays."

Relief surged through Bella.

A phone began to ring, and Charlie excused himself upstairs. Bella waited for her father to go before turning to Esme. "You don't have to do any of this."

Esme watched Bella with nothing but softness in her eyes. "Of course I do, Bella. It's what I do." She leaned forward and gently touched the back of her hand to Bella's cheek. "Please, let me take care of you. Are you feeling okay this morning? I have a lot of soup recipes we could try."

Bella swallowed, her eyes darting to the food. "You do enough."

"What did you think of the turkey? I had to let it thaw for almost a week. Can you believe it? For tomorrow, we'll have a vegetable stuffing, with carrots and zucchini. I hear the sage really brings it together." She glanced happily down at Bella's plate. "Well?"

Bella thought she wanted none of it. The overabundance was excessive and entirely wasteful. As her lip curled downward, she wanted to tell Esme just that. "I just don't think this is necessary. It's too much." She looked at her, her tone low, and mild. "And, honestly, it's all too extravagant for just one person, and—" She stopped herself when she saw Esme press a hand to her lips.

The shift in her expression was stark. Her calm, easy-going demeanor had suddenly morphed into something closer to sorrow. It was such a sudden deflation of her personality that Bella didn't exactly know how to address it.

"Did you not like the food?" Esme asked quietly, her hands finding the Tupperware lids. "I can try something else. Anything else."

The air was static around them. The quiet only made it worse.

"Anything you make is always delicious," Bella said as she felt both a sudden urge to pull Esme into a hug, and also to take three steps back. "I didn't mean to upset you."

Esme's smile was shaky at best. "You could never upset me, Bella. How can I make this better for you? What would you like?"

Bella watched her closely. "Maybe just a little less. I'm one tiny human."

"Less?"

She laughed uneasily. "I can only consume so much food."

Esme looked down at her dishes. "Edward said how you admired large families—because you've never had one for yourself. He's talked about the family gatherings you've never gotten to experience. And food is such a big part of it all, right?" She paused, her eyes roaming the platters. "I've always wanted you to feel welcome, Bella."

"I do, Esme." She swallowed again, eying her cautiously. "I always feel welcome with you."

And then, Esme finally smiled—another sudden shift. But Bella couldn't help but notice how her eyes remained distant. "You're right. Let me take some of this back, and we can reheat for tomorrow."

Bella nodded earnestly. "That sounds great. I'm sure my dad would gladly eat whatever you leave behind."

She watched Esme gracefully pack up most of the dishes into one large bag. Bella helped her scoop some into their own Tupperwares as leftovers.

Before Esme left, she said to Bella, "Thank you for letting me do this."

"Do what?" Bella asked, walking her to the door.

The smile she gave her was sweet, yet timid. And the sorrow came back twofold. "Pretend."

Christmas Day was a whirlwind.

Bella spent the morning with her father. They didn't exchange gifts; it wasn't something they usually did, and this year wasn't anything special. Instead, they had a very long and lazy breakfast by their little fake tree that had an entirely mismatched color scheme.

Edward came by in the late afternoon just as the sky was beginning to darken. He was wearing a dark knit sweater, and looked dashing standing in the doorway. Instead of the butterflies that usually swarmed her belly, her stomach dropped with alarm.

Bella didn't want him to linger in the house, especially with Charlie chopping vegetables in the kitchen for his annual Christmas chowder he would prepare tonight.

"Tell your family Merry Christmas, Edward," her dad called. "And thank your mother again for all of the food she left yesterday."

"Will do, sir," Edward called back as he guided Bella outside.

The feel of his hand on the small of her back brought a wave of dread. Her back was tense with trepidation—as if a hard brush of his fingers would break skin, and she would lie dead in her front yard just seconds later.

The car ride to the Cullen home was silent. Bella squeezed her hands together on her lap, trying to will her fight-or-flight response to a standstill. Halfway there, she had a glaring, incredulous realization at how stupid this was.

There had to be a way to separate herself from the vampire beside her without risking her life. Edward had been unreasonable a handful of times, but not always. If she could convince him that they were simply not compatible, why shouldn't that be a solution?

A joyful Christmas station on the radio played tune after tune, and Edward's smile never left his lips. His head turned to her. "You're going to be blown away by the house."

"Am I?" She asked quietly.

"It's the most wonderful time of the year," he said cheerfully.

He was oblivious to her nerves, and Bella was grateful. Surely, he felt the beat of her heart and how it accelerated beyond baseline. Perhaps he attributed it to excitement.

Truthfully, there was nothing she wanted more than to be out of the car. The space felt constricting, and she felt hyper aware of her every movement. An accidental scratch, and she would bleed openly; a very unintended invitation to be sucked dry.

A swallow graced her throat when Edward pulled up on the driveway.

The Cullen Christmas was bright, expensive, and extremely unnecessary. Bella couldn't quite believe that they had accomplished such a feat in the time that they had returned from Alaska.

Red, white, and gold. Lights, ornaments, and figurines. Christmas had thrown up all over their enormous plot of land. Bella was convinced that any plane flying overhead would be able to make out their home with the amount of light that emanated from the property.

The holiday spirit followed her as she stepped through the front door. Inside, elegant sculptures and festive trees of every color imaginable adorned the hallways. Esme greeted them by their gigantic tree in the living room with a steaming cup in her hands. Bella didn't need to taste it to know it was hot chocolate, given the heaping pile of whipped cream on top. Carlisle joined them soon after, along with Emmett and Rosalie. Alice came down last.

For the next hour, Edward didn't leave her side. They sat together on the loveseat, right beside the tree that towered over them. The dining table was decorated with snowflakes and a long, blue table runner. Plates of food were laid out, but Bella was slightly relieved to see the familiar arrangement from yesterday. The uncut 18-pound turkey, though, was still a sight that made her nauseous. Maybe she could convince Esme to visit a food shelter on the regular.

Even though some of the courses were recycled from what Esme had brought over yesterday, the desert options were new and countless. On the perimeter of the dining table, there were little cakes with sprinkles, adorned with decorations of snowmen and igloos. On the coffee table, there were cookies—frosted sugar and chocolate chip. The kitchen island was littered with holiday confetti, dotted occasionally with colorful dishes filled with custards and puddings.

The excess made Bella's head spin.

Once her cup of hot cocoa was finished, Edward got her water, and then cookies, and then a huge plate of food. The dining was never ending, and in no particular order. Her appetite wasn't there, but she tried to eat. It appeared to delight Esme, and Bella felt strangely obligated to fuel her spirits, especially after that sharp shift in her disposition the previous day.

So, she took another bite. And then another. Her body was on autopilot, going through the motions. Perhaps it was the fear. Perhaps Edward constantly hanging over her right shoulder scared her enough to obey. To keep the spirits high. To pretend that everything was as it should be.

At some point, Edward left her side, and it was relief that soared through her as she watched him walk away towards the elevated platform. It wasn't long before the piano filled her ears, as Edward jazzed up the evening with holiday classics. Alice ended up pulling Bella from her seat and guiding her to sit beside him on the piano bench. Edward nudged her playfully, reaching in front of her to get to the higher keys.

The fireplace—fake, yet beautiful—crackled through its speakers as Edward played song after song. The Cullens didn't exchange gifts, which Bella wasn't surprised by. Money didn't have real value to them, and they could purchase anything they wanted regardless of the holidays.

Carlisle pulled Esme up for a dance, and then eventually, Emmett did the same with Rosalie. It was all so eerily normal. As if their son hadn't killed a woman months ago. As if she wasn't next.

As Carlisle spun Esme, Bella thought if Edward had also been through a similar Christmas with the girl before her.

Olivia.

Had she sat on a piano bench with Edward Cullen and let herself be whisked away by his gentle melodies? Had he shown the same gentlemanly restraint—letting a kiss be their limit, bordered by conversations of boundaries and marriage? Had Olivia known the mistakes she was making?

Had she tried to get out?

Had she even known that Edward and his unsettling family were vampires?

And then, she felt herself slump against Edward. He turned his head to her, curious, as he let her lean against him. A blanket fell over her as her heart rate began to slow, and her thoughts grew faint, and almost absent.

She knew and recognized this feeling quickly, and her eyes found the culprit near the curtains across the room. Jasper's eyes were directed to the slit between the curtains as he looked outside.

How had she not noticed him before? Had he been standing there long?

He must have felt it all, she realized. She was probably freaking out in a room of vampires who could easily predict her surface-level emotions. Just the cadence of her pulse and the hue of her skin gave her away.

As quickly as the blanket of calm was wrapped around her, it was pulled away—as if it were just a gentle reminder for her to stop losing her mind. Taking a deep breath, she scooted away from Edward and automatically gave him a little smile. He returned it, and turned his attention back to the keys.

When she looked back over to Jasper, his eyes were directed at her.

The tingle she felt in her wrists was certainly psychosomatic.

And then, he was gone.

The frown on her lips was small, but noticeable. Esme came by with bright eyes, handing her a glass of wine. "It's finally late enough for this, isn't it?"

Bella nodded, thanking her.

"Edward, I'd like to steal Bella for a second," Alice said as she offered Bella a hand. Uncertainly, she accepted, and Alice had her sit back on the loveseat. Edward's fingers stopped dancing on the piano, and he turned to face the room.

In her long burgundy dress, Alice looked simply stunning.

"Now, I know that we said no gifts," she began, batting her eyelashes lightly. "But I will have no arguments about this."

She produced an elegant velvet box and placed it directly on Bella's lap, grabbing the glass of wine in exchange.

Before Bella could even argue, Alice repeated strongly, "No arguments."

The box felt heavy and entirely too luxurious as she ran a hand down the top. When she looked up, all eyes were on her, and she immediately felt a prey-like swallow run down her throat. Golden stares tracked her as she lifted up the top, willing her hands to stay stable and calm.

It was a necklace. Silver, white gold, or platinum—she didn't have the eye or expertise to tell, but the sizable pendant that hung from the chain grabbed all of her interest.

Forehead wrinkled, she examined it and concluded that it looked very familiar. The lattice pattern that surrounded its exterior seemed regal, and the fierce image of the lion at the very center looked like it was on fire. The banner of clubs at the bottom, right beneath the animal reminded her of…

She looked up instantly. Carlisle's ring.

Bella hadn't closely examined it before, but Carlisle seemed to always make a point of touching it in conversation. Yes, this was the emblem on his ring.

The entire room was quiet as she unhooked the necklace from its straps in the gift box. And then, Alice was seated right beside her, her eager eyes first on the necklace, and then her. Slowly, her nimble hands took it from her, grinning delightfully. "This, Bella," she began proudly, "is the Cullen Crest."

And when Bella watched Alice as she admired it in her hands, she saw the bracelet that hung on her wrist with the same fiery lion. She felt it brush her shoulder as Alice placed the necklace around her neck—the weight of the amulet cold and harsh against her chest. After clasping it at the back, Alice gripped her shoulders and held her at arm's length.

Her smile was pleased as she handed back the glass of wine.

Edward, still at the piano, had a fond look on his face. "It looks lovely on you, Bella."

Bella tentatively reached up to touch it, meeting the stares of the rest of the family. Even the sneer on Rosalie's face was replaced with indifference.

Finding her voice, and her politeness, she addressed Alice, "Thank you."

"No, thank Carlisle," she told her warmly, her eyes darting to him.

Carlisle smiled at Bella. "You've always been part of the family. Ever since Edward brought you home, you've been one of us."

It was such a nice thing to say, wasn't it? It should be pleasant to be invited and accepted by an entire family.

But beside Carlisle, Esme wouldn't meet her gaze. It was as if she were off in her own world, not quite present at all. She was fixated on a spot on the tree, towards the lower branches, not looking at anything in particular. Her smile was constant, but tense. And when Carlisle put a hand on the small of her back, there was a hardness to her face, as if she were frozen in ice—permanently, and painfully smiling.

Edward was in front of her now, offering his hand. Placing her wine down, she took it and was pleasantly surprised to feel that her arm remained in its socket as she was pulled up. He twirled her, letting her necklace twinkle among the festive, colored lights.

He spun her once more and pulled her into a hug. And over his shoulder, back at the same spot he had been before, Jasper stood. His attention was entirely on her. Though his expression was unreadable, Bella didn't miss the slight shake of his head as his gaze dipped down to the necklace, and then back up to her face.

She didn't need to hear him say it.

She could feel his disapproval just from the way his crimson eyes burned into the emblem.

Edward wasn't happy about it, and Bella never expected him to feel any differently given the news of Renee and San Francisco. But he hadn't fought her too hard when she told him that she would be leaving tomorrow.

Bella had a suspicion that he'd already known of her decision.

She had called her mom on Christmas evening—following the sickeningly sweet and bright Cullen Christmas—and Phil immediately proceeded to purchase a roundtrip flight to San Francisco, California.

Getting on a plane and flying far away from Edward Cullen felt like a bandaid solution at best, and Bella accepted that. She wasn't fixing her problems—she was just delaying their resolution.

And now, the very morning after Christmas, she was boarding a plane to run away. Only when she settled into her seat did she finally feel like she could breathe.

The Cullen amulet… crest… or whatever it was—she had left abandoned in her jewelry box in her bedroom. It felt too pricey for her to wear it anywhere, and the look on Jasper's face had definitely been a bad omen.

And weirdly, she felt guilty for it. The Cullen Crest obviously signified a familial bond, and she didn't feel deserving of such a sentiment given that there was not a chance she would ever be a Cullen. Marrying Edward was out of the question, and the fact that the Cullens seemed to be so… convinced of the fact was bizarre. Had Alice truly seen it? Was Edward going to propose?

She would say no. How would she not say no?

When her plane touched down, she stepped out into the cool, foggy Bay Area with an even foggier brain. The crisp air woke her up and blew at her relentlessly as she waited outside the airport. A car was honking, advancing in her direction. She approached it, pulling her carry-on luggage and bracing herself for the wild storm that was her own mother.

Renee ran out from the car and greeted her with hugs and kisses as Phil waved enthusiastically from the driver's seat. Soon, she was tucked away into a warm car, and they were on the way to the grand Palace Hotel.

"It's been years since we've done this!" Renee exclaimed from the passenger seat of their rental car. She lowered her voice conspiratorially, "And if anyone asks, you're basically twenty-one."

"Basically?"

"Well, mentally, you're about thirty-five."

"Thanks, mom."

When they got to the hotel, Renee directed Bella to her very own room, equipped with a mini-bar that her mother encouraged her to devour—alcohol and all—and a coffee machine that looked way too expensive. The massive king bed in the center was inviting as she launched herself into the sheets. Renee joined her.

"I'm the fun parent, aren't I?" She sighed happily.

"Sure."

"You mean it? If not, we're taking a shot right now."

Bella understood exactly how the next few days would go.

Edward called her every few hours. Where was she? What was she doing? Who was she with? Still, dealing with him hundreds of miles away was infinitely easier than trembling with fear in his presence.

This couldn't go on. There was no way. Her relationship wasn't a relationship.

No matter how many times he told her missed her or loved her, Bella's response was always the same.

Thanks.

Maybe if she played it cool, he would eventually realize that she wasn't interested. That was better than directly breaking up with him, right? Perhaps he would kill her a little less painfully if he just got bored of her.

It was the night before New Year's Eve, and it was their fourth night going out in a row. Renee claimed that they had to build up their endurance for the main event tomorrow night.

Their mornings were filled with lavish breakfasts at the hotel. In the afternoons, they acted like tourists in the big city, and in the evenings, they ventured out into the night life. Phil and his team joined them for the nighttime activities, and they would hop from spot to spot, until they'd ultimately end up in a random fast-food joint at three in the morning, all congregated at the counter looking to chase off their case of drunchies.

It was around four in the morning now, and Renee burst into Bella's room with Phil, blurting the lines of Hotel California at an inappropriate volume. Bella got up from the vanity and ushered them in, quietly shutting the door behind her. She had been in the middle of scrubbing off her makeup.

Renee kept singing as she lowered herself onto the ground, flailing her arms about to the beat of her singing. Phil sat beside her, watching his wife, and grinning like an absolute idiot. Eventually, Renee crawled over to Bella, who sat at the vanity, blotting cotton balls on her eyes.

Renee leaned her head against her daughter's calf. "I am so happy you're here."

Bella was entirely sober at that point, unlike her mother. "Yeah?"

She snuggled into her leg. "Absolutely. You're my favorite daughter."

"Favorite, and only."

"That's right, my sweet girl."

And then, Bella's phone began to buzz on the vanity top. She glanced over at the screen, and instantly straightened at the name.

"Oh," Renee said with a grand smile. "It's him! What was his name? Edwin?"

"No, mom, it's—"

"He's rich, right? I think you told me he was loaded."

"Renee," Phil scolded, standing up and then gathering his wife. "We'll leave you to it, Bella."

"Goodnight!" Renee exclaimed and let her husband drag her out of the room.

The moment the door clicked shut, Bella quickly answered the phone. "Hi."

"Bella," the voice said, and Bella anticipated the goosebumps on her arms before they came. She shivered, sitting back down on the stool by the vanity.

"Hi, Jasper."

"You don't sound asleep."

"No, we don't tend to sleep here," she murmured.

"Sleepless in San Francisco," came his voice—low, and inviting.

She stared out from her windows, vaguely making out the Golden Gate Bridge, and laughed. "Wrong place. I think you're thinking of Seattle."

She had texted Jasper when she had first gotten to her room a few days ago, letting him know that she was in California. He hadn't responded to that text.

"When are you coming back?" He asked, and she could hear a quick burst of air.

"I fly in late New Year's Day."

Another burst of air. Bella guessed that Jasper was running. Eventually, the elements settled down, and he quipped, "Don't you think that it's a little inconsiderate that you would take away my blood supply?"

Oh sh*t. Bella stood up quickly. "Do you need blood?"

"Yes, I sure do."

Bella counted on her fingers. It had been almost two weeks since he'd drank from her. "How long can you go between feedings?"

"Longer than this. Another week would be pushing it." She heard the sound of running water. "But I just fought off three nomads."

"Oh my god." Bella placed a hand over her mouth. "Are you okay?"

He ignored her question. "When are you back?"

She winced. "In two more days." There was a deep sigh on the phone, and Bella quickly asked, "Can you find blood?"

"I can wait."

"Are you sure? Well, what about—how long would it take for you to come here? Let's see, it would be about a half a day to drive…"

There was a tinge of regret in his tone. "I can't, Bella."

"You could probably run it in just a couple hours, couldn't you?"

"Yes."

She started pacing with a sudden burst of… excitement? "Great! If you start running now, you'll probably be just in time for me to wake up." She looked around the hotel room, searching for a room service menu. "Though I really should eat, huh? Champagne probably doesn't make for good blood."

"Bella," he started, and the silence lingered for a while. The sigh that came from the phone was aggravated. "Go to bed."

"Are you coming?"

"No. What time will you be back on New Year's Day?"

Disappointment laced her tone. "I should be home by 8 PM."

"Eat before then. Fruits, leafy greens. Water. Lots of it."

"Right. Got it." Bella sighed, spinning around an empty champagne bottle on the bedside table. "Are you hurt too badly?"

"Nothing dire."

"I'm sorry that I'm not there. Am I voiding our contract?"

Distant amusem*nt found its way into his voice. "Maybe. There's an imbalance. I can't take what I need, yet you can ask away."

"You can take what you need, Jasper. You only need to run for a few hours."

That was when he fell quiet, like he always did. But before she could press, he pressed instead, "Why did you run away, Bella?"

Her voice was small. "I wanted to see my mom."

And he saw right through it. "You're brave—running from a vampire."

"I'm not trying to run away. I was invited." Bella looked up at the dark night, the moonlight beaming through the windows. "I'm just… scared. I'm really, really scared."

Jasper was silent yet again, and it was mildly irritating with the fear suddenly pounding through her chest.

"The Cullens have crowned you," he said after a time. "They would be stupid to let Edward kill you now."

"You're talking about the necklace."

"I'm talking about their crest. Do you see what's happening here?"

Unconsciously, her hand came up to rest on her chest. "They want me to marry Edward and take his last name." She paused with a swallow. The next words didn't come out as confident as she would have liked. "It's a shame. That necklace looked expensive."

When Jasper didn't respond, Bella suggested quietly, "You should come and take a break from the Cullens. God knows I needed it."

He sighed dejectedly. "It's all really a shame, isn't it Bella?" And then, his tone was sharp. "Enjoy your break. Goodnight."

The last few days had been ones filled with blissful ignorance. Between the alcohol and the New Year's cheer, Bella's mind had solely been focused on swaying endlessly to music, taking way too many pictures of dim-lit clubs, and devouring overpriced San Francisco cuisine. The escape took her mind off of vampires.

Though as she had walked in the cold, early morning streets with a whole group of partygoers, she couldn't help but feel the chill settle in her bones. Her eyes would dart to dark alleys and she would feel a sense of caution as she searched for unusual eyes. There were more vampires than just the ones she knew. Why shouldn't they be out on the prowl?

But she never saw anything out of the ordinary.

When Renee and Phil dropped Bella off at departures around noon on New Year's Day, there were tears. Renee hugged her daughter close, as if she were the single most important thing in the world. And she was. But only for that moment.

Bella knew her mother. If it wasn't in front of her, it didn't matter. When she got on her flight—out of sight, out of mind—she knew with absolute, solemn certainty that she wouldn't hear from her for at least the next month.

Bella drank enough water on the 2-hour flight home that she had to get up and pee four times.

Her father picked her up from the airport, and the moment he turned the car onto their street, her nerves began firing up.

She had maybe a minute to herself after she shut her bedroom door. She felt her muscles tense at the shift in the air. Realistically, she should have been watching out for Edward. But all thoughts of Edward dissipated the moment she saw Jasper standing by her window. It was early evening, and Forks was cool and damp. There was rain in his hair.

And the look on his face stilled her as she greeted him with a small, "Hi."

The red in his eyes was almost a maroon. "Tell me you've eaten."

She stepped forward cautiously. "I have."

He watched her like a lion watched an antelope. "Water."

"More than enough," she confirmed, the hesitation in her voice evident. "Are you—"

"Bella, I'm starving," he rasped. He was stalking towards her. "Tell me yes."

Instinctively, she took a step back. "Yes—?"

And then, they collided.

Her back hit something hard—her bedroom wall. Jasper had pinned her right arm above her head, and gripped her left hand beside her.

He left no time for thought. She gasped against his chest as she felt his teeth tear through the delicate skin on her wrist. The initial sting, as always, faded quickly, and then all she could feel was the rapid rise and fall of her breaths.

She felt his hand squeeze hers tighter, and she was reminded of its purpose. Hadn't he also wanted her eyes open? But her vision fluttered to a close as she felt Jasper slip into a rhythm. She barely registered his hand in her grip as she let herself be lulled into his pace.

Back and forth, and back and forth, she felt Jasper sway as he drew from her. He smelled like tall, overbearing trees. A fresh breeze. She inhaled deeply, and let her head fall back to the wall. The haze began to set in as her mind blanked—void of thoughts and feelings. She was simply present.

His hand squeezed hers once more—demanding, almost, for her to pay attention. But she slipped her hand away and rested it on his lower chest, unable to truly fathom this creature of the night. She could feel the lack of heat through his shirt, and she couldn't find a heartbeat. How bizarre this all was. How strange, this creature of the night, claiming her life source as his.

Grabbing onto her hand once more, she felt him unlatch his teeth and shift away from her wrist. She leaned more firmly against the wall, determined to stay up straight.

"Open your eyes."

And so, she did, and her vision tunneled. Immediately, Jasper lifted her from her feet—an arm beneath her knees, and another cradling her back. His body felt hard and unforgiving against her until she fell into softness. Her bed.

With an odd smile on her lips, she savored the transition, curling into her blanket.

"Let me see you," she heard him say, and then felt cold fingers on her neck, her pulse thrumming wildly beneath his touch. The sound of scratchy tape filled the room as he wrapped her wrist.

"Open your eyes." When she peeked them open, his scrutiny continued. "You didn't eat enough. You shouldn't be this tired."

Her words were barely a murmur. "Maybe you were just really hungry."

"I am aware of how much I took."

Her wrist tingled, and it wasn't unpleasant. She peeked at him, feeling her bandaged wrist with her fingers. "Are you healing properly? "

When he didn't respond, Bella crawled up to sitting. If she squinted hard enough, she could see the cracks that had climbed up from the top of his shirt, and onto his neck. But with each passing glance, they seem to fade.

"Is that all?" She asked, her fingers reaching out tentatively to feel, but she stopped herself when she met Jasper's gaze.

He pulled at the collar of his shirt, exposing more skin towards his right shoulder. The cracks were more pronounced there, but still actively healing.

"Three nomads?" She questioned, and then her voice lowered. "Are they dead?"

He gave her one firm nod. "The Cullens don't like to be bothered. Carlisle gave the kill order soon after Emmett came upon them."

"Why? What did they do?"

"They got too close. Vampires are inherently territorial."

Bella slowly laid her head down to her pillow. "They had to die because they overstepped into Cullen territory?"

"They were warned, and they chose to ignore it." He lifted his chin. "Unless you're invited, you are a threat." He went over to her window and took one look outside. "You should expect him soon."

Edward.

Bella groaned, cradling her wrist beside her. "Tell him he's not invited. And that therefore, he's a threat."

Jasper came forward and laid down a small roll of medical tape and a small stack of bandages beside her. Then, he reached down and pulled on her sleeve, covering her wrist. She looked up at him as she felt a pleasant jolt run up her arm.

"Thank you for the blood," he murmured quietly.

Before Bella could respond, a buzz filled the room. Jasper reached into his pocket and glanced once at the screen.

The room spun when she pushed herself up, her heart in her throat. "Alice?"

"Yes. Air out this room. Edward will be by in a few hours." His eyes lingered on her wrist. "You've already stopped bleeding, and the venom will seal the wound. Replace the bandage within the next half an hour."

She watched him, frustration evident on her forehead. She couldn't give a damn about the bite at that moment. "What do I do? With Edward, what do I do?"

"What do you do?" He considered. "Nothing. You can't do a thing—not as a human." And then, he smirked at her. "Though I suggest you take a shower. Edward's going to be very confused if all he can smell on you is me."

A/N: This chapter: An unsettling Christmas, running away from your problems, and a more... needy feeding.

Can I get a round of applause for my BETA, glowingivy, who got through all 8K words in record time?

A little taste for what's coming up:

"Ask me if you have a choice."

She shook her head, tears welling up in her eyes.

"Ask me, Bella."

See you next week.

Chapter 23

Chapter Text

Winter quarter at Peninsula College started swiftly. Bella could feel the mild depression from the students in the hallways following the holidays, but she couldn't be happier. Given her last meeting with the school's counselor, she had pushed out Calculus II to Spring quarter, which meant she had no classes with Edward.

But that didn't mean avoiding him was easy. He would offer to drive her to and from campus on the weekdays, which she would give in occasionally on the days her father couldn't give her a ride. When she had to fulfill her new weekly four-hour commitment to the hospital, Edward would be the one waiting for her after her shift. And on the weekends, he would insist that she spend time with him at the Cullen house.

Bella wasn't sure if he noticed her withdrawal from him. Surely, he could sense their prolonged silences, and the lack of initiative on her part to actively seek his presence.

And now, as Edward sat at her little desk in her bedroom, and Bella tried her hardest to focus on the textbook in front of her, she felt his eyes on her. Lifting her head up, she was met with an affectionate smile.

"I love how studious you are. Have I told you that?"

Bella shook her head, no, and then forced her eyes down to the paragraph she had read over four times.

She didn't look up again when she heard him shift. And now, he was beside her on the bed. His hand landed on hers against the comforter, and Bella took a deep, hard breath.

His other hand reached out and gently grabbed onto a strand of her hair. The words she was staring at blurred until she felt a tear release, a droplet splattering onto a Bohr model of a Nitrogen atom.

"Oh, Bella," he coaxed, his hands immediately finding her face, directing her to look at him. "What's wrong?"

She watched the concern on his brow, and it only made her lower lip quiver. The conflicting personalities of Edward Cullen were making her feel insane.

"I don't know," she whispered breathily, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment to dispel the tears.

"You don't know?" He scooted closer, which only accelerated her pulse. "Bella, tell me what's wrong."

"A panic attack," she wheezed out. "That's it."

He watched her closely, the concern so pure and evident. How could this man pose such a huge threat to her life when he appeared so broken by her reaction?

Bella scrambled out of bed and opened her window, breathing in the cool, winter air. When she turned back to Edward, he seemed entirely… sad.

"Bella, am I scaring you?"

With wide eyes, she asked, "What?"

His tone dipped into something bitter. "I know fear when I see it."

She couldn't say anything. She simply stared, and that just invited him closer. He got to his feet, approaching her slowly. She might have thought he was being cautious, but Bella couldn't help the feeling of being stalked like prey. "Talk to me."

Her voice was low, and raw. "You had said you killed a human a few months ago. A girl."

The emotion instantly wiped from his face. "What about her?"

"It's just been on my mind." Uncomfortable silence ruled between them until she asked, "Did you know her closely?"

"Olivia," he said distantly. "Yes. We were together for a few months."

His honesty was unexpected, and refreshing. "That must have been hard for you, then. If you were close."

Edward looked away sharply. "I didn't intend to kill her."

"I'm not saying that—"

"Olivia wanted to die, Bella. She baited me. She cut herself deliberately."

So, she had known he was a vampire. "She wanted you to… turn her?"

His gaze unfocused. "It was all she was interested in. Immortality."

Bella watched him closely—the way his golden eyes were just a shade darker, the way his anger was palpable by the tension bracketing his lips. And then, his attention snapped back to her, scanning her body in front of him, as if he had just realized she was standing there.

"She wanted to die," he insisted vehemently.

Bella wasn't even sure if he was telling the truth. The incredulousness of it all sunk deep in her bones, and she shivered, merely two steps away from him.

Tears burned her eyes as she whispered, "But I don't want to die."

And then a switch flipped, and Edward's anger blew away like smoke. She was pressed to his chest, suddenly very scared to breathe—to not move, or make a sound, lest he squeeze the life out of her right then and there. But she still couldn't help the sob that she released into his shirt.

"Oh, Bella Swan," he murmured softly. "You deserve to live."

But he didn't tell her that she would.

Sitting in the Cullen living room, Bella took another bite of a biscotti as Esme refilled her cup of coffee. She was on the sectional, doing her best to keep the crumbs on the plate, while also trying to balance the laptop on her lap. Edward had left her at his house abruptly that Saturday morning, an unexplained tension in his expression. Bella noticed that his smile had faded very quickly after a phone call, and Bella knew with utmost certainty that it was due to his psychic sister. But she hadn't said a word when he had gotten up and left. There was a large part of her that was always grateful to be distanced from Edward Cullen.

Her transfer application for the University of Washington beamed at her on the screen of her laptop—complete, with her transcripts and essays. She only needed to submit it. Just a few weeks from the deadline, she had been preparing for this moment from the day she stepped into Peninsula College. Her hand hovered over her trackpad, hesitant. The foreboding feeling returned to her chest whenever she thought too hard about her future.

She looked up at the sound of footsteps on the stairs, and was momentarily distracted by Jasper, who was looking noncommittally at a piece of paper. She hadn't even known that he was home.

He saw Esme in the kitchen and asked, "When is Carlisle home?"

"In about three more hours," Esme replied kindly, a dishcloth in her hands.

He nodded once, appearing before Esme and sticking the paper into her hands. "Tell him I'm waiting on his signature."

Bella eyed their exchange. "Hi, Jasper."

He turned to her, entirely aware of her presence. "I have a book I want you to read."

"A book?" She asked, intrigued.

Jasper's eyes lazed down to the snacks Esme had laid out on the coffee table. "Perhaps you can take your meal in the library."

Just a few minutes later, Bella dragged her backpack and a plate filled with cookies up to Jasper's library. Esme followed her with a fresh cup of coffee.

"Let me know if there's anything else you need," she told her warmly and shut the door behind her.

Jasper waited for a few seconds before stating, "Sugar is bad for humans."

Seated at one of the chairs facing the desk, Bella dipped a biscotti into her coffee. "Esme is trying to kill me, and I've made peace with that."

Jasper didn't seem to find that funny. He circled his desk, eying papers and an open book, seemingly in thought.

When Bella finished her cookie, she licked her lips. "Do you know where Edward went?"

"Alice called him."

She had already figured that one out. "He didn't seem very happy." She paused. "You know, I talked to him about Olivia."

"Not surprising," he murmured, his eyes flicking up to her, "since you've seemingly made peace with death."

"He was angry, but not murderous," she told him, and took a sip from her coffee. "He told me that Olivia wanted to die."

His eyebrows came together. "The girl was far from suicidal. She understood vampire superiority, and decided that was what she wanted." He looked down at his papers, shrugging. "Edward refused her."

"And so she cut herself?"

"Not too bright, that one."

Bella's lips pursed tightly. "I'm assuming that Edward brought her home?"

"Not frequently. Edward liked to keep his interests to himself."

"But the Cullens—they didn't protect her?"

The emotion on his face was pure disinterest. "They didn't want her."

"What does that mean—they didn't want her?"

"They didn't want her the way they want you." He sat at his desk, folding a piece of paper with handwriting on it. "You're aware of your shield. You're aware of how you block their mind reader."

Her mind was impenetrable. "Edward says I'm gifted."

"You are. It's very rare that a human shows such gifts prior to their turn."

Bella watched him. "Though your gift still works on me."

"My gift manifests physically. We don't believe you're a physical shield at this point, but a mental one."

Bella leaned forward. "At this point?"

"From past gifts similar to yours, a shield will usually have both a physical and mental component." He peeled open another piece of paper, scanned it, and then folded it back. "I believe you're both, but your physical shield hasn't yet manifested."

Bella slowly placed her cup of coffee down onto the side table and looked at him. "The Cullens know that I'm gifted, and that's why they're protecting me? As opposed to Olivia?"

"It would be a mistake to waste a gift."

Her gift was the only thing keeping her alive? "If I didn't show my shield as a human…"

Jasper stood, appearing by his bookcase. When he spoke, his tone was flat. "If Alice didn't see your worth, she would have let Edward get you roses instead of those lilies you so hate. She told me about this persistent vision of you cutting yourself on rose thorns from a bowed vase. Charlie would come home to your dead, bloodless body on the kitchen counter almost every time."

"Oh my god." She cleared her throat, suddenly feeling it constrict. She coughed once, her hand coming up to rest on her chest. "That's insane, Jasper."

"Is it?"

The pieces were falling into the right places, but Bella consistently refused to fuse them together. She countered weakly, "But I'm useless as a human. I'll die in a few decades, and I'll be…"

"Wasted. You'd be wasted as a human. The Cullens know this."

Her heart was suddenly beating very, very quickly. She heard the sharp slide of a thick, hardcover book as it was yanked out from the shelf.

In the next second, Jasper was dropping that big black book she had seen before onto his desk. "This is what I want you to read."

Bella swallowed with trepidation. "Philosophy?"

"Law."

She got to her feet and approached the book, her eyes sizing up the volume. "It must be like five-hundred pages."

"There are two pages I think you will find intriguing. The rest you can read at your own time."

Her fingers reached out to touch it—the edges rough, and clearly seen way too many years. The front cover was hard and unyielding—so black that the light seemed to disappear into it. But before she could lift it open, Jasper's hand came down on top of hers.

"Do not make any decisions," he told her, his eyes a warning.

She felt the pressure of his hand and looked up at him. Law, he had said. And he couldn't have meant the United States Code of Law.

"This is vampiric law?" She asked, her voice a whisper.

He nodded. "A copy. It contains our most fundamental principles and laws."

Jasper stepped away from her as she opened the book.

"Page sixty-two," he told her, and she flipped through, noticing the occasional stain and rip in the pages.

"How old is this book?" She asked.

"Much older than you."

If she hadn't felt so tense, she would have laughed. Jasper was roaming the back shelves when she finally got to page sixty-two, which was largely empty except for the title and a few sentences centered at the middle.

"The Law of Exposure," she read, the familiarity instantly jumping out at her. "You've mentioned this."

"Read Clause I."

She placed a finger on the writing. "It's the only clause."

"Read it."

And she did, out loud, "The vampire shall not expose themself to the human." And then beneath it, in a smaller, less daunting font, "See exceptions and further details in the subsections." Her eyes lifted to his, already vaguely aware of this concept, because Edward had spoken about it. Bella's involvement with his family was a strike against them. But seeing it in writing—official, and binding—was an entirely different situation. What were the real consequences? "The Cullens are breaking this law."

"Not quite. At least not right this moment," Jasper said, his hands clasped behind his back as he paced by the shelves. "Next page."

Bella flipped. Sixty-three. The subsections of the Law of Exposure. As she skimmed the several items, she said slowly, "It goes into detail regarding kills and their proper disposal…"

"Read the exceptions."

Her eyes flew further down the page. "Law of Exposure: Exception I," she read, "The vampire exposes themself through the natural process of feeding. If feeding is successful to completion, the exposure misconduct is mitigated." She looked up at him again. "So, death. If a vampire exposes themselves due to feeding, they just have to continue until they drain the human entirely?"

"Correct. The human keeps the secret, because they are dead."

"Edward's been good about this, then," she muttered lowly, with disbelief.

"Read the final exception," Jasper ordered.

She took a deep breath. "Law of Exposure: Exception II. The vampire desires the human as a mate or a companion. The human must make the transition within twelve months of exposure."

The last few words came out more slowly as they settled into her brain. Her eyes darted sharply to Jasper. She repeated, "Within twelve months of exposure."

"It's been about four months, has it not?"

Her mouth dried, her eyes skimming the exception again, and again. She hadn't even heard his question. "No."

"No?"

"Vampirism is the last thing Edward wants for me."

Jasper appeared in front of her and slammed the book shut. "Edward Cullen exposed himself within a few weeks of meeting you. By that count, you have about eight months to live, if you choose to maximize your time as a human."

Her hand shook as it rested on the book. "Edward would sooner kill me than turn me."

"Carlisle would sooner turn you than kill you. In this coven, Carlisle's word goes."

As he took away the book, Bella followed him. "Edward reveres my humanity." You deserve to live. She blinked rapidly. "Edward loves my humanity."

They were by the back shelf, and Jasper slid the book back into place. "Edward's wants and needs do not supersede the law."

"That's not—"

He turned to her quickly. "Ask me if you have a choice."

She shook her head, tears welling up in her eyes.

"Ask me, Bella."

Her voice wavered, her brain concluding swiftly, "Alice is keeping me alive just to kill me."

"That's not a question."

She barely heard him, her voice distant. "The Cullens are going to kill me, regardless of my choice?"

"The Cullens are going to kill you, because you don't have a choice."

Delusion and denial threatened to overtake her, her feet pacing on the carpet, her pulse racing. Twelve months. No. Eight. She had eight months to live?

This was madness.

A bolt of anger lanced through her. "Why now, Jasper?" She stared at him. "You can't just casually drop this on me like you didn't have a chance to tell me before."

"Alice," he said plainly.

"Alice?"

"She didn't want me to meddle, and so, I didn't." He raised his head high. "And then, she got tired of waiting for Edward to reveal your fate, so she delegated the task to me."

Bella pointed forcefully towards the direction of where she knew their contract lay—in that damned second drawer of his desk. "We had an agreement. I ask, and you tell. I asked you about my future—"

He didn't seem bothered at all by her tone. "I told you your future was Edward. I told you that you would change. You cannot blame me when you ignore my counsel."

"You withheld information."

And that was when his anger truly showed. "Do not expect everything to be spelled out for you, Bella. The evidence was in front of you the moment you walked into the Cullen home. You refused to acknowledge it."

"Edward said he doesn't want me to give up my humanity. Alice even asked if I wanted to change. She didn't tell me I would. She asked."

"The illusion of choice." He waved a hand. "The Cullens would rather you comply on your own accord. The alternative is much harder and emotionally taxing for both parties."

"And if I don't?" She asked dangerously. "If I refuse to change?"

"Your only option is death, Bella. You either live afterwards, or you remain dead. The sooner you accept that, the easier it will be."

"Who enforces the laws in that book? Who is your governing body?" She questioned harshly, her eyes searching for the big, black book in the shelves beyond. "Who would even tell them?"

Jasper went forward and sat at his desk, folding his hands in front of him. At that moment, with his piles of books and wooden furniture, he looked regal enough to be a highly ranked congressman. The contracts and paperwork, and—who even owned a copy of any laws?

His next words were spoken simply, and factually—and they didn't quite shock her, because suddenly, it all made sense.

"I would," he said nonchalantly. "I would tell them."

A/N: This chapter: A new quarter, a book of laws, and illusions of choice.

A little taste for what's coming up:

Her fever was not going to get better soon. In fact, it was probably going to get worse.

He sat on the side of her bed, and Bella felt a cool hand on her forehead. Her face scrunched up and she tried to get away. Cold. Way too cold.

"Stay still."

But she was freezing.

"Bella."

See you next week, and happy holidays!

Chapter 24

Chapter Text

The air was tense in Jasper's library. The dust and candle soot tickled Bella's throat as she stared at the man at the desk, who simply examined her in return.

"You would tell them," Bella stated flatly. "Who are you, Jasper?"

"Who am I? Elaborate on your question."

She sighed sharply. "How about an observation? You're one of them. Whatever governing system you have going on in your vampiric world—you're a part of it."

One of his hands snatched up a nearby pen and began twirling it in his fingers. "An unwilling participant."

Bella picked up her coffee mug and swallowed a mouthful of cold caffeine. "I don't know what that means. Tell me."

"Be specific about what you're asking."

The mug came down onto the side table with more force than she had intended. "Who is your governing body?"

"The Volturi," he answered easily. "A court that revolves around our three kings."

"The Volturi," she pronounced, the name harsh on her tongue. "European?"

"Italian," he elaborated. "Based in Volterra, Italy."

"And they rule the whole vampire world?"

"For the last three-thousand years."

Bella was pacing in front of his desk. "You mentioned three kings. Seems a little archaic for the modern world, don't you think?"

"Yes."

She glared at him, his directness suddenly infuriating. "So, what association do you have with the Volturi?"

"I have a contract with them."

"Like you do with the Cullens?"

"Similar, but different."

The reluctant manner in which he spoke told her he was dodging her question. Bella stepped closer to him, her hands splaying on his desk. He had been staring distantly at a small, ticking clock at the corner of the table, and now his attention shifted to her.

"You just told me I have eight months to live, Jasper. You can tell me more."

His red eyes were hard when he stared back at her. With him seated, and her looming over the desk, the power dynamic felt just a little different.

"What contract do you have with the Volturi?" She pressed.

His eyes left hers, trailed up to her hair, then down to her cheekbones, and then lips.

"You're very pale," he said slowly, his gaze now at her neck.

That was expected. He had just sentenced her to death. "Jasper."

His name brought his focus back to her face. "The Volturi sentenced me to two-hundred and fifty years of servitude."

Her shoulders immediately fell back at his words.

"I served them for forty-two years until Carlisle Cullen took over my contract."

Bella found that she couldn't move from her place. Her body seemed stuck, and her mouth felt uncomfortably dry. "Why were you sentenced? What law did you break?"

"The kings claimed that I'd broken our exposure law, and I was tried accordingly."

She stared down at her hands, beside all of his paperwork. "What did you do?"

"I was involved in some wars that drew too much attention. Human attention."

Wait. "Wars—vampire wars?"

"Correct. Territorial wars."

"Were you part of a coven?"

"I wouldn't call it much of a coven." He leaned back slightly. "It was an army created by one who wanted to take over the American South."

The entire American South? "That's… a lot of land."

"Yes it is," he murmured. "She wasn't successful. And, to my knowledge, she still roams free."

Bella pushed away from the desk, pressing her hands into each other. "It sounds like she should have been sentenced, if you were."

"She gave me up so she could run." He stared at a point beyond her. "I don't blame her. I would have done the same." And then, harsh eyes met hers. "What other questions do you have?"

"You said servitude, but I don't understand what that really means. What did you do for the Volturi?"

"Servitude, plainly, is the loss of freedom, Bella," he explained, vaguely hollow. "You don't have a choice in who you serve, what you do, or where you go. For the Volturi, I worked as part of their court. I dealt with everything from coven politics to the justice system. They valued my gift enough to not send me out to the field, which is typically what servitude means for the ungifted."

"The field?" Bella asked.

"The Volturi's dirty work. Hunting rogues, keeping an eye on covens, and punishing those that are out of line."

"Instead of that, you served directly in their court system?"

"I did," he confirmed. "My gift was useful for the trials, and my experience in the south gave them more insight into the territorial battles."

The concepts were so abstract to Bella that it wasn't easy to comprehend. "So, when did the Cullens come in?"

"Carlisle visits court on occasion. He's one of the higher standing coven leaders, despite his diet," he added, just a little mockingly. "He is an old friend to the kings, and he came looking for someone to serve his coven in the means of protection. The nomad problems have been increasing in the past century, and he wanted his coven to be well prepared against any territorial attacks." Jasper placed the pen down. "The Volturi indulged him with me."

Silence fell as Bella's eyes rested on his desk. A solemn air overtook the room when she finally looked at him. "You would tell the Volturi about me because you still indirectly serve them."

"Indirectly," he affirmed. "But more so, I would tell them because I won't risk anything that could extend my sentence."

He would play good with the law until he was free. "How long do you have left?"

"One hundred and fourteen years, Bella," he said heavily. And in that dim light, and with that tone, he seemed uncharacteristically tired. There was a weight to his body that held him down as he ran a hand over his jaw.

"That's an incomprehensible amount of time."

"Not for a vampire." His eyes scanned her again. "Use your next eight months wisely."

The reminder was like a slap in the face, so much so that she let herself collapse onto a nearby chair. Pure despair was what she was feeling, and she didn't care one bit if Jasper sensed it. If she hadn't felt so drained, she would have bawled right there in front of him. Shoulders hunched, she wanted to curl up into herself. Gifts, vampirism, immortality… it had all seemed like such a distant dream from the moment she had been welcomed into their fantastical world. Now, it all just felt like a nightmare.

Her eyes widened only slightly when Jasper was suddenly in front of her. She felt fingers on her chin as her head was tilted up, but her eyes refused to leave the carpet. Her face was guided to the right, and then to the left.

"Look at me," he said impatiently.

And when she did, his eyes narrowed, searching hers. "You're getting sick."

"I feel sick," she gritted out, batting his hand away. Jasper took a step back when she stood from her seat. Grabbing a hold of her backpack along with the empty mug and plate, she headed directly out of the library and began descending the main stairs.

She had anticipated Esme to pop out from the kitchen, but was grateful when she didn't see her. A sense of betrayal lingered beneath in her chest, and she didn't think she could take seeing a Cullen.

Jasper was there beside her when she placed the dishes in the sink. Her voice was cool, and borderline uncaring when she asked, "Esme left?"

"She did." He was staring out the front windows. "She couldn't bear to hear your reaction."

The next morning, Bella could barely get out of bed. The moment she had managed to drag herself to the kitchen, Charlie ordered her to march straight back up to her bedroom.

Jasper had been right. If the faint soreness in her throat and the chills meant anything, her health was on a quick decline.

After the very solemn and silent Uber ride home yesterday, Bella had felt mentally exhausted. Her dad hadn't been home to see her trudge through their living room and up the stairs, as if she were wading through thick, unforgiving water. Her steps had felt weighted, and each bout of exertion threatened to drag her to her knees.

Only once she had made it into her shower had she truly let the sobs take over. Wave after wave, the hopelessness hit her, along with the denial. It felt as if she had been diagnosed with a terminal illness, and reality hadn't quite set in. Crawling into bed that night, she had only wished for a quick and dreamless sleep.

Now, it was the afternoon, and she was still in bed. Her thoughts were incoherent with the throbbing headache that overtook her, along with a fever that was gradually getting worse.

Charlie came in with some contraption and set it on her bedside table. Bella soon recognized it as a humidifier. "Your mother always swore by these things." He set the setting to low and let the cool mist blow out into the room. "I was going to dig up her chicken noodle soup recipe, too, but Esme Cullen called, and—"

"No," Bella groaned, turning her head into one of her three gigantic pillows that were keeping her upright—for her congestion, her father had said.

"No? Bella, be kind. She's bringing over some soup. It'll be good for your throat."

She merely sighed, which induced a thick cough. "I'd be fine with some tea."

"What you need is a hot soup with nutrients. Take a nap. She'll be by soon."

Bella eventually woke to Esme walking into her room with a large tray. Kicking the door closed behind her, she smiled at her warmly. "Hi, Bella."

Bella hadn't had the energy to even protest her presence. Rising up to a seated position, she leaned against her pillows. "Esme."

She scooted closer to the edge of her bed so Esme could place the tray on a section of the mattress. She could feel the heat of the soup as the warmth seeped through the sheets, next to her legs. "Did Alice tell you I was sick?"

"No," Esme told her. "Jasper mentioned you appeared ill, and I immediately got to work."

She scowled inwardly. "He's very observant."

"That he is." Esme scooted the tray closer to her. "I used actual chicken broth—it's supposed to be better for you."

"Great."

But Bella didn't make any moves to begin eating. She merely watched the steam as it danced out of the bowl, little bits of macaroni bobbing up.

Esme sat at the corner of the bed. The smile on her face thinned, and the glee vanished quickly. "I know you don't want to see me, Bella. But, I…" Her words faltered, as if it was hard for her to find the right ones.

But Bella suddenly wanted her to find the right ones, her tone challenging as she asked, "Why do you think I don't want to see you, Esme?"

Esme's mouth opened and closed a few times before she pressed her hands together on her lap. Hesitantly, as if she was also convincing herself, she said, "Edward will be good to you. He is a good boy, Bella. He will take care of you, protect you, and give you a home. I know how much he loves you."

Bella couldn't give a damn about love. The headache pounded at her relentlessly, and she couldn't tell whether the tears were from the frustrating pain, or the words that came out next.

"I don't want to die," she whispered brokenly, her throat dry, and hurting.

When Esme took the napkin on the tray and reached out towards her to dab at the tears, Bella flinched away. "Tell me this is wrong." She searched her golden eyes that were so filled with sorrow. "Tell me you don't want to kill me. Please." Bella reached out to grab her hand, a pillow tumbling down to the ground from behind her. "Tell me this is a mistake. Tell me Jasper is wrong."

With pursed lips that failed to hide her dismay, Esme said quietly, "It's the law."

"It's my life." Bella's eyes were pleading, her voice hoarse with emotion and sickness. "I have a father, and a mother, and a future. You must understand. Please."

"I understand that hope makes it harder." Esme's eyes were downcast. "I didn't have that. One moment, I was dying, and the next, I wasn't. I didn't even know what a vampire was until I became one. There wasn't much of a… choice."

"Jasper says that I don't have a choice."

Esme went back to staring at the tray. It seemed hard for her to look at Bella. "Edward should have told you all of this, not Jasper. My boy doesn't believe you should have to give up your humanity. He disagrees fundamentally with it all."

The feeling of relief was foolish, and to associate it with Edward Cullen was stupidity. "He told me that he wants me to remain human. He insisted, even when I asked him about changing. He doesn't want me to become a—"

"Don't." Esme caught her tone, and tempered it. "Do not speak like this in front of Carlisle. Please. Edward upsets him with it, and it's not good for us." Her voice remained stiff; it was such an unusual tone to associate with Esme Cullen. "And you need to speak with Edward. You need to convince him that this is what you want." With a steady hand, Esme reached out and kindly touched Bella's cheek. But she drew back sharply at the heat that emanated from her—the fever strong, and unrelenting.

"You should rest," she said, suddenly not sure what to do with her hand.

No matter the delirium that threatened to descend on her, Bella stood her ground. "I don't want this. I'm not convincing Edward of anything."

"You are the only one who can," she said sadly. "It's easier, and less painful this way, Bella. Don't you see?"

"No, I don't see." Her bottom lip wobbled, and her emotions suddenly felt out of control. "Please, Esme—"

Esme only nudged the tray closer. "Drink this while it's hot, okay? I brought a whole pot, and it's in the fridge."

Bella clawed at her flawless, porcelain hands when she could sense that she was about to leave. "Don't do this. I don't want to die."

"Yes, you do," she said, her eyes glossy. "Tell yourself that, and everything will be perfect."

And then, Esme vanished. Her vampiric speed was unexpected, and it was the first time, Bella realized, that she had seen her use it.

Night descended, but her temperature remained on the climb. The shivers were now persistent, the tremors in her body not letting her rest. Charlie came in occasionally to measure her temperature. It wasn't yet at a level that required a trip to the hospital.

"We'll keep an eye on it," he told her as he placed a fresh mug of honeyed tea by her bed. "Maybe you should go take a cold shower, kiddo. It would be good for your fever."

Bella shook her head forcefully. There wasn't a chance she was leaving her bed.

Charlie sighed, relenting. "If it doesn't break by morning, we can see about the doctor."

Bella nodded against her pillows, burying herself deeper beneath the three fluffy blankets. Her thoughts roamed wild and free amidst the fever—because nothing mattered more than her body burning her up to kill whatever infection had invaded her defenses. She fell in and out of sleep, waking to harsh coughs that rattled her brain.

The next time she opened her eyes, it was around midnight, and the house was quiet.

Shivering, she pushed herself up and winced through a few forceful coughs. Her phone buzzed beside the empty cup of tea at her bedside, the light from the screen annoyingly bright.

She had a few texts from some girls in her class, but the most recent message was from Jasper.

Let me know when you're awake.

She fell back on the bed, groaning at the way her head pounded at the impact. She typed out a reply quickly, You were right. I'm sick. Very sick.

Barely five minutes went by before a knock came on her window.

"It's open," she mumbled into her blanket, and then heard the window slide open. The cool breeze it brought in was absolutely unacceptable.

"Close it. Please," she breathed, feeling the tremors come back with full force.

The slam of the window echoed throughout the room, and the sound exasperated her headache. Her eyes had been closed against the shivers and aches, but now she peeped them open to see the one vampire that—somehow—didn't instantly activate her fight-or-flight response.

"Hello, Jasper."

"You're ill."

"You don't have to gloat." She couldn't see him that well in the darkness of her room, but she could sense him doing just that. "If you're smiling, you're a jerk."

"I'm not smiling." Then why could she hear it in his voice? And then, his tone dipped. "You don't look too well, Bella."

"I don't feel too well, either."

Her fever was not going to get better soon. In fact, it was probably going to get worse.

He sat on the side of her bed, and Bella felt a cool hand on her forehead. Her face scrunched up and she tried to get away. Cold. Way too cold.

"Stay still."

But she was freezing.

"Bella."

She did her best to fight off his hand, but the energy she exerted only made her head pound more. "You need to go sit in a fire or something," she grumbled.

"You're burning."

"It's called a fever."

He placed his hands on her face, but Bella tried to stick her head back under the blanket to get away.

"Let me feel," he murmured, his hands trailing down to her throat. "Swollen."

She jerked away from him, squeezing her eyes shut. "I could have told you that."

But he pulled her back towards him. His fingers found her skin again, this time rising back up to her cheeks. He tapped below an eye, right on her cheekbone. "Open."

She opened her eyes and glared directly at him. "You're cold, and I want to sleep."

He stared into her eyes, eyebrows pinched together. "You're right. I am cold."

She didn't even have the time to react when the blankets were peeled away from her, and then replaced. But now, she was ice.

"Oh my god," she breathed, as she felt Jasper's freezing body beside her. One of his hands was plastered on her forehead as her teeth chattered.

"A few more degrees, and your fever will cross into the life-threatening range," he explained lowly, scooting closer.

"This is your solution?" She groaned between bouts of shivers. "God, you're a glacier."

He sighed. "Turn around, Bella."

Her bones aching, she somehow managed to do just that.

Jasper pressed against her; his rough jeans against her soft leggings, and his hard chest against her back. An arm naturally snaked between her and the blankets, resting lightly over her waist. It felt just a little embarrassing to be shivering against Jasper Whitlock. But even realizing that added a new level of embarrassment.

"There's no reason for you to feel that way," he murmured, his breath on her ear.

Her eyes were wide as could be. "It's just a little… odd."

"Is it?"

"You drink my blood, so I guess there are weirder things," she mumbled. "Oh, and speaking of, I don't think I can afford to give you blood right now, if that's why you're here." She trembled, shifting to look back at him. "You should come back in a few business days."

He was on one elbow, watching her. "Noted."

She nestled back into him, unconsciously searching for some heat. "I'm surprised Edward didn't come."

Jasper was quiet for a moment before telling her, "He sent Esme instead. Edward doesn't do well with sickness."

"Oh. Right. The Spanish Influenza." Bella considered, her thoughts hazy. "That must have been hard… almost a century ago. No good medicine, or healthcare. So many dead."

"Pandemics and wars," Jasper said. "Humanity's biggest killers."

"Still," Bella said. "For a man who claims to love me, I'd still expect him to pop in, you know? He doesn't have to come too close."

Jasper's voice was a soft whisper in the dark. "Edward Cullen doesn't love you, Bella."

His words settled into her brain, but only vaguely. "I'm dying for a man who doesn't even love me? How depressing."

"It's interesting to me how your emotions remain stable. Your fever calms their irregularity."

"That's because my fever doesn't care about Edward Cullen; he's not some virus it can smoke out." And then, she grinned. "But wouldn't that be funny? If I could rack up a fever and burn him to a crisp?"

"Pyromancy. I know a few gifted like that."

Bella frowned. "An offensive gift sounds useful."

"Give yourself some more credit," he told her, and Bella shivered at the way his breath ghosted over her neck. Or perhaps it was just the fever. "One day, you could block a pyromancer with your defensive shield. You could even block me."

She twisted her head back to him, her voice filled with awe. "Really?"

"I've told you this. Shields come in pairs: mental, and physical."

Bella stared back at her bedroom wall, a mysterious edge creeping up in her tone. "That sounds… useful."

"You'd like to hide from me, is that it?"

"Your gift is invasive. If I'm embarrassed, I should be able to hide it."

"But your human tells give you away." The arm that he had thrown over her waist receded, and then she felt a few of his fingers against her hair, lodging some strands behind her ear. "I look for your blush before I have to resort to your emotions." A wondrous tone. "But now, you're sick and pale enough that you might as well be dead."

"My body is prioritizing more important things than blushing, Jasper," she said annoyedly, but she didn't shrug away his touch, which was once so cold and unforgiving. Now, the gentle rhythm against her hair felt soothing.

Eventually, his fingers stopped, and the same hand found her forehead, lingering and feeling.

"How is it?" She asked.

"Better."

When he moved to pull away, Bella grabbed his hand and kept it there, pressing his palm more firmly against her brow. "That feels so good. My headache is terrible."

Bella felt a low chuckle behind her. "Ice pack, hm?"

"If I think of you as a mobile ice pack, you're less scary." Then, she flipped towards him, pressing her head against his chest, letting his body steal away her warmth, and cool her temple. "You smell like pine trees. Ice pack and air freshener all in one."

She felt an uncertain, hesitant arm wrap around her, pulling her tighter against him, securing her head against his chest. Sleep was a slow, languid blanket that began to drape over her. But before she was covered entirely, she whispered to him, "I'm sorry you have to serve the Cullens."

It took Jasper a moment to respond. "It's better than the alternative."

"Is it?" She asked tiredly, mumbling out, "You're still a prisoner for a hundred-or-so years."

Her body gave out, and Jasper held her until the shivers subsided to occasional tremors. She didn't feel when he put his hand on her forehead, feeling for a fever. She didn't feel his fingers glide over her throat to gauge the severity of the swelling. She didn't feel him press closer, tucking her head beneath his neck to cool her skin.

And she didn't hear him when he whispered solemnly, "A hundred and fourteen years." It was a long while before he added, "And you'll serve them for much, much longer."

A/N: This chapter: Servitude, fevers, and just a dash of hopelessness.

A little taste for what's coming up:

"Jasper will help you." Carlisle stood, effectively making the decision. "In fact, I insist. I think this is a brilliant idea."

Merry Christmas & happy holidays.

See you next year.

Chapter 25

Chapter Text

Gradually, Bella's health stabilized. The sickness had taken her out of her classes for two days, which was something that would have bothered her under different circ*mstances. But school was slowly beginning to feel like a lost cause.

When she opened her front door that morning, Edward was there to greet her. Seeing him first thing in the morning had been so unexpected that she had lost her grip on her cup of coffee, smashing it to pieces on the front porch.

Distantly, she had a notion that this moment was her last. The ceramic would cut her open, and Edward would first drain her, and then move inside to finish off her father.

But Edward merely stood there, brushing away the broken pieces with his polished shoes. He didn't even acknowledge that he had startled her when he beamed, "You're better. I'm so relieved, Bella."

She stared down at the broken pieces of her cup, watching as the coffee leaked through the porch boards. "Good morning, Edward."

"You're going to class," he told her jovially. "And I'm taking you."

It wasn't an order, but it might as well have been. And she didn't argue. She merely went back into her house to grab her backpack and give Charlie a quick hug. She found that she couldn't hug her father for more than a few seconds without risking a complete breakdown, so she compromised with a side-hug and a kiss to the cheek.

"Careful out there," her father called after her. "It's icy. Say hi to Edward."

Bella didn't say hi to Edward.

In fact, she didn't initiate a single word to Edward Cullen during the whole ride to campus. She didn't bring up his glaring absence when she had been stuck in bed, fighting her fever and a swollen throat. She didn't care enough to point out that he should have been there as her so-proclaimed boyfriend. Beyond not caring, she had been relieved that he had stayed away.

"I want to apologize, Bella," he now said, partway to campus. "I want you to know that illness is not something I can be around."

Bella didn't respond.

"I care for you, but it's hard for me to see you that way."

She nodded faintly.

"I hope you understand." And when she remained silent, she felt his hand on her arm. She winced prematurely. "You're upset."

Bella placed as much empathy in her voice as she could, but it fell flat nonetheless. "No. I understand. You were dying from the flu, Edward. It makes sense."

If Edward heard anything off-putting in her tone, he didn't mention it.

After her classes that day, he drove her not to her home, but to the Cullen residence. Bella was already used to the fact that she had little say in this, so she trudged out of the car and in through the front door. Lifelessly, she stared at Esme Cullen who welcomed her from the kitchen.

"Bella, you look so much better."

But she felt so much worse. "Thanks."

She placed her backpack down on the floor near the dining table and pulled out a notebook along with her laptop. Studying felt useless, and her transfer application still mocked her from the corner tab on her screen. Everything felt bleak. Vaguely, she could feel the depression before it cascaded over her entirely.

Edward was in the kitchen, chatting gleefully with Esme as Bella stared down at a blank page in her notebook. She should be balancing the chemistry equation on her laptop screen, but her mind refused to make the effort. What was the point of any of this?

And then, the loud click of heels echoed throughout the open space. Bella looked up to see Rosalie descending the main stairs, her eyes on her phone. The red jumpsuit she wore looked entirely unfair on her.

When she made it to the kitchen, she eyed Edward. "Where is Jasper?"

"He left this morning," Esme replied. "He's been called to report in."

Rosalie scoffed, the sound of her heels loud on the hardwood as she approached the living room. Esme laughed at something Edward said, and then followed him outside. Through the large windows, Bella could see her showing him an empty plot of grass, describing something she couldn't hear.

Grimly, she envisioned they were discussing where they'd bury her. It certainly seemed appropriate.

"I'm told you and I are meant to be family."

Bella didn't even jump at Rosalie's quiet presence at the seat beside her. She was momentarily mesmerized by the way her golden eyes complimented the shade of her hair. "Who told you that?"

"The giant ring box Edward's been parading around."

Pure panic ran through Bella's veins—the first real bout of emotion to grace her body that day. "What?"

A knowing, harsh smile graced Rosalie's lips. "So surprised?"

Well, Edward loves you, Bella. He's going to propose.

Alice.

The panic deflated quickly into nothing. Because of course, it was all planned out. "No, I'm not surprised."

"No?" She leaned her elbows on the table. "You intended on marrying my brother the moment you stepped foot into our home?"

"I've learned that what I intend doesn't really matter."

"So morose."

She stared down at her notebook. "And Edward's not your brother."

"No," Rosalie mused. "He really wasn't meant to be." A hand came up to rest on her own shoulder, and Bella could faintly see the mark there. It reminded her of Jasper, because it was a scar. But this one had a different origin.

"Does Emmett have one too? On his shoulder?"

Rosalie's hand came down, her eyes staring fondly at her skin with the only blemish. "The human knows about mating."

"The human is learning." And the more she learned, the less she wanted any part of it. "I heard that getting a scar hurts more than being torn apart."

"Yes, but your mate should strive to make the experience as pleasurable as possible."

The blush failed to warm Bella's cheeks. "Why did you choose the shoulder?"

"I found the neck to be cliche. The angle at the time, as well…"

"Got it."

Rosalie merely smirked at her.

"What made you pick Emmett?"

"His strength."

Bella waited for her to add on more, but she didn't. "Just his strength?"

"It's what Carlisle wanted."

Weird. "You're mated to Emmett because it's what Carlisle wanted?"

"Well, initially, I was meant for your Edward."

Bella's eyes darted to the windows to find that Esme and Edward were gone. "I don't understand."

"Why would you understand, silly girl?" She sighed. "I was meant to end Edward's loneliness. But he refused me, like he refuses anyone without a beating heart."

This was all so, so jumbled. "So, you loved… Edward?"

"What? What does love have to do with anything?" She shook her head, as if Bella had uttered the most ridiculous thing. "Carlisle saw my human beauty and decided that I was the one for his son. You know, Edward is his golden child—his first."

"Carlisle turned you to be Edward's mate?"

She shrugged, running her thumb over her nails.

"I'm sorry, Rosalie, that's just…"

"Awful? I'm not exactly upset that I missed out on Edward. He has peculiar interests that I don't agree with."

"Peculiar interests," Bella repeated. "I'm assuming you know about Olivia, and the rest of—"

Rosalie's hands slammed on the table. "Unspoken rule, Bella. It's not something we talk about."

"Because you know it's not okay," she challenged.

"Because Edward is Carlisle's favorite, and he gets free passes just as long as he stays within the law."

Perhaps it wasn't good to bait a vampire, but Bella already felt like she had little left to lose. "You watched him parade these women around your family, knowing the outcome and did nothing?"

She rolled her eyes, sneering, "They all end up dead, anyway. And you're not any different, so I really don't understand what sets you apart enough for Edward to go to Harry Winston and buy you a stupidly gorgeous diamond ring."

"Maybe around me he finally gets some peace and quiet," Bella muttered bitterly. "I am gifted, you know."

The slight twitch in Rosalie's face was something entirely unexpected. Bella didn't even think vampires were capable of flinching.

"I hear you're walking around the Cullens like a corpse."

Bella placed a finger on a line in her book and looked up to find Jasper's crimson gaze. Her bedroom was dim as the sun was almost down for the day. She immediately noticed the sprinkling of rain on his shirt and in his hair. "A corpse. Fitting, isn't it?"

"You've accepted your fate so quickly."

Rain was getting in through her bedroom window from where he had entered. She got up from her bed and forcefully slammed it shut. "Don't mock me, Jasper. I'm not in the mood."

"Apparently not. I thought there was more fight left in you."

"You've scared me out of making any decisions. Reacting is a mistake. Thinking is a mistake. Distractions are all I have left."

It was true. She had read two books in the last three days just to keep her mind busy. She didn't need to think about a dreadful ticking clock that kept winding down and down until her humanity was drained out of her. She especially wanted to block out the fact that her father could be daughterless in a matter of months. Just the faint thought of that brought tears to her eyes.

So she did her best to push it all away, because she could guess exactly why Jasper was here.

Brushing past him, she motioned for him to follow. "It's been a while since you've had blood. But first, come downstairs and let me eat."

Wordlessly, Jasper followed her downstairs. Her dad had been called into the station, so the house was entirely quiet.

Bella reheated some leftovers and sat at the dining table, watching Jasper as he roamed the living room, eying the framed pictures on the walls.

She saw him pass her childhood photos. "I barely remember who I was back then."

Jasper examined them. "You look nothing like this little creature."

Stoically, she asked, "Did you know that Rosalie was supposed to be mated to Edward?"

He didn't even miss a beat, straightening from where he had leaned over to look into a picture frame. "I did. She disappointed Carlisle heavily."

Weird, again. "Just because Edward didn't want her? That's harsh. I felt sorry for her."

"Carlisle thought she'd be gifted. Her human beauty was unusual, and he mistakenly assumed she would be a siren."

Bella could guess the general description of that gift. "A siren, like from the Odyssey?"

"Similar. Irresistibility, charm, and powers of seduction. Rosalie is beautiful, but she isn't a siren."

Perhaps that was why her gifted comment seemed to strike her so deeply. It was an old wound that Bella had probably pried open.

As Jasper continued to walk around their bottom floor, Bella faintly acknowledged that he hadn't been there before. Her room was probably the only place in her house that he was familiar with. She watched as he perused the long, skinny bookshelf—so small in comparison to his own that spanned multiple walls. He opened the cabinets below their TV only to close them after merely a glance.

Normally, snooping in this manner would get a guest kicked out. But this was Jasper. Bella decided that he had a very peculiar way of showing interest.

"You're so unfeeling that I'd say you got your shield working," he said, pausing beside her. His eyes still roamed the living room.

Bella swallowed her current bite. "My shield? You mean my physical shield?"

"Yes," he said, his eyes now scanning the kitchen. "I suggest you do everything in your power to attain it. Talk to Carlisle. He would be stupid to not allow you to strengthen a gift as a human. It will present stronger once you're turned."

"I don't understand. You want me to talk to Carlisle?"

That was when he looked at her. "You're in quite the unsavory situation, Bella. Take my advice. Get as strong as you can with what you have." And then, he began walking. He was in the kitchen, opening cabinets and peering into them. "Alice will object, but Carlisle will be ecstatic." His eyes cut to her, his following words a repeat of before, "And Carlisle's word goes."

"Why would Alice object?"

"Because if you get your shield working, you can block me. And if you can block me, you can block Alice. Blindsiding her without a shield is possible, but very hard. You would be her one kryptonite."

"And also… yours?"

He looked back at the dishes in the cupboard. "And Edward's, currently."

Bella got up and put her dish in the dishwasher, squeezing past Jasper as she did so. "What will blocking Alice get me? A little more privacy?"

"A little more freedom—something you shouldn't take for granted."

"But it won't prevent me from dying," she stated. "Correct?"

"I thought you had already accepted your fate."

Bella released a harsh laugh, because it was all so absurd, and depressing, and hopeless. Her emotions faded into nothing, that numbness returning, blanketing the agony. It was her safe space, if she just didn't feel. Besides, she had blood to give.

She stood before Jasper, gesturing vaguely for him to get on with it.

He regarded her for a second and, after a silent question for her permission, began his examination. His hands came up to her face, lifting, lowering, and maneuvering side to side. Fingers felt up and around her throat.

"You seem tired," he commented.

"More emotionally than physically."

His proximity should have pumped adrenaline throughout her body. She should have felt just a little bit of fear at the thought of bleeding in front of a vampire, even though it was just Jasper. Her survival instincts usually didn't care that it was him; they almost always prepped her body for flight.

But the numbness overtook her. It was a new, and strangely welcome feeling. She wanted to curl into it. And she knew it wasn't Jasper's doing.

"I told you to use your eight months wisely," Jasper said, his fingers beneath the sides of her face, tilting up her head. "This is certainly not what I meant."

Her voice was low, barely a murmur. "I don't know what you mean."

"You're going to feel worse if you let these days waste away, Bella. You may not have a choice in your death, but you can make the most of what you have."

She sighed heavily, as if she had no energy to even debate this very subject. She stuck her arm up, pressing her wrist against his mouth. "Drink, Jasper."

But he didn't. Bella didn't feel the sting of his teeth, even as she prepared herself for it. She only felt his grip on her other arm as he pulled her a step away from him.

The more he stared at her, a sense of agitation washed through her. She knew he was scrutinizing her emotions, so she stepped closer and raised her arm up once more. "Bite."

This time, he did. She felt his teeth sink into her wrist as one of his hands came up to hold it steady. Gradually, she found herself being pushed back until her lower back hit the kitchen counter. And now, her body finally reacted. Her heart raced frantically at the notion that she was trapped between Jasper and the granite counter.

That familiar rhythm of the back and forth eventually fell into place as Bella closed her eyes, her forehead occasionally brushing his chest as he drew, and drew, and drew.

She took in his scent that smelled of trees—fresh, inviting pine. The aroma of rain clung to him, and it reminded her of when he had shown up amidst her terrible fever.

She thought about him under her covers, how his body had been cold and rigid, plastered against her. She thought about his wonderings, his voice, and the way his fingers had pressed over her skin to assess her health, similarly to how they were now firmly holding onto her wrist.

She thought of how she had felt. Embarrassed. She had been so embarrassed—so sick, and helpless in her bed; shivering, her body on overdrive attempting to rid her of the virus, bacteria—or whatever it had been. And he had felt her embarrassment. All of it.

But hadn't she been right to be embarrassed? Since when had Jasper ever been that close to her besides the feedings? He hadn't hesitated for a second to join her in bed. She recalled how good the coolness of his skin felt against her body that had been burning up.

It was inappropriate, wasn't it? It should have been.

But she had relished the feeling of his fingers on her forehead, his arm so casually draped over her waist that it had felt perfectly normal. Natural. Despite how it all now felt distantly like a fever dream, she remembered the feeling of his breath on her ear, and his chest against her back. And vaguely, she recalled facing him, with his hands in her hair, and on her face. But she also remembered being pressed closer. She had opened her eyes to darkness—and still, he had been there, her body molded tightly against his, her head nestled beneath his neck—

Jasper pulled back immediately, and that was when she noticed how one of his legs had gradually snaked between hers. Part of his weight was on her, pinning her against the counter. He still held her wrist as he gazed down at her. His lips were reddened, and Bella stared at them with grim wonder. That was her blood.

And then, Jasper disappeared—but only for a moment. He returned with tape and bandages, and proceeded to wrap her wrist.

The only sounds were the rain pattering lightly outside and the scratch of tape as he tended to her wound.

"Thank you," he said quietly.

"Thank you for being there when I was sick."

He patted her bandage once before withdrawing his hands. "A human's emotional state will eventually reflect on their physical body. Your body keeps score of how you talk to yourself and what you let yourself feel."

Bella puffed out a breath. "You're saying unhappiness makes me more prone to illness? That doesn't sound very scientific."

"With how you're feeling right now, there's a good chance you'll neglect your needs. Nutritious food, exercise, and your overall well-being. There's a correlation, Bella."

"Thanks, doctor." She moved to pass him, and instantly felt a wave of vertigo. She gripped the counter. "What is your take on losing a few pints of blood every few weeks? Perhaps not too healthy?"

She could sense his arms hovering around her, probably with the intention to carry her up to her bedroom. But she held up a hand. "It's okay. Let me."

Slowly, with a hand massaging her forehead, she navigated her way, taking her time going up the stairs. When she finally sat down on her bed, Jasper was in her room, offering a glass of water.

She accepted it and began sipping lightly, watching him as he stepped forward to the window, eyes scanning the trees.

Then, he turned to her. "Regarding Carlisle," he began, "you should be careful of your wording, your hesitation, and your emotions. By proposing to work on your shield, you're implying very heavily that you're agreeing to turn."

Bella carefully placed the water glass down by her bedside, because her hands were beginning to shake at the thought of her reality. "Forced into acceptance is different than agreeing." Releasing a troubled breath, she asked, "Why do my feelings matter at all? Why hide them from Carlisle?"

"Because Carlisle has built his coven on a false sense of belonging. Most of his coven had no choice in their deaths, but a common understanding of peace has kept everybody complacent. That is what Carlisle wants and expects in exchange for his protection."

"Protection from… nomads?"

"Nomads, covens, and our kings," he listed out. "Our world is a vicious game of numbers and status, Bella."

"What does that mean?"

"Numbers imply that you have bodies to throw to a fight. A high status means you have resources to attain those numbers. Carlisle has both."

"And the more gifted, the better," Bella added, frowning. "That's where I come in."

"Carlisle wants you," Jasper told her. "And he will kill you to add to his numbers, regardless of what you feel."

"So, fighting is futile?" she asked solemnly.

He grabbed her hand and pulled her up to her feet. "Work on your shield. Twist this into an opportunity to get stronger." He went over to her open jewelry box, picking up that dreadful necklace.

"And wear the crest." He held it up to her, eyeing it distantly. "He will be pleased to see it."

Carlisle's office was hidden away at the far corner of the Cullen home. It was large, with portraits and paintings that seemed to be dated back centuries; they contrasted heavily with the large, sleek gray desk at the center. The room seemed to be designed to incorporate both classic and minimalist decor—an elegant clash of the new and the old.

"Bella," Carlisle said invitingly, seated at his desk. "Come in."

"Carlisle." Bella closed the door behind her. There were wooden chairs at the front of his desk with leather padding, and she picked one to sit on. The chandelier above them glittered with what seemed like a thousand crystals, the gems reflecting light onto her. Bella saw how Carlisle's interest piqued at the sight of the pendant on her chest.

She didn't miss the approval that ran across his face. "What can I do for you?"

Bella cut straight to it. "I've been learning more about gifts, and I wanted to talk to you about my shield."

"Your shield," he repeated, interested.

"Edward can't read my mind, so that makes me a mental shield," she began, touching on common ground. When he nodded, she continued, "But I've also learned that shields tend to come in pairs. Is it also possible that I have a physical shield that I haven't developed?"

"It is possible," he said thoughtfully. "It's already miraculous that you show your gift so strongly as a human."

Yes, thank goodness, or Alice wouldn't have batted an eyelash as Edward ripped me to shreds. "I'd like to learn if I could develop it. Jasper told me that the more a gift is present in the human years, the more powerful it will present as a vampire."

"Jasper is correct." He didn't hide his fascination, confirming, "If you develop a twin physical shield as a human, it will present stronger after you're turned, whether that be its radius or structural stability."

"Doesn't that imply that I should be working towards it?"

"Yes," he drew out, his hand grabbing for a pen. "Bella, let's discuss a timeline."

She kept her face blank. "A timeline."

"From my understanding, my son isn't very… excited at the idea of changing you."

"Edward loves my humanity," she said diplomatically.

"And what are your thoughts?"

My thoughts are that I don't want to die. "I am familiar with your Law of Exposure."

Carlisle seemed genuinely surprised by that. "So, you are aware that you simply knowing of my family requires for you to make the transition."

Bella swallowed, rough. "I am aware."

"Good," he said simply, his eyes falling to some books in front of him. "Have you heard of our kings in Italy?"

"I have."

"They are generous. They understand an immortal's desire for companionship, and they allow a grace period of one year after exposure. This gives the human the time to settle any last human wishes and arrange their death."

Her throat was tight. "Very generous."

He pulled out a piece of paper from a drawer, and began writing. An image of Jasper doing the same flashed before her eyes.

"Eight months is your remaining grace period, but that is not a hard commitment. If you choose, we can pick a sooner date."

"No," she said quickly, attempting to swallow the panic in her tone. "I'd like as much time as possible."

"Understandably," he murmured, his pen scratching on the paper. "Late September is what I'll allow and declare to Italy."

He eventually put his pen down and folded his hands before him. "Now, regarding your shield," he said, bringing them back to the main topic at hand. "I have discussed this with Jasper. He agrees that you have a great potential in demonstrating a physical one. You will have to work diligently. You see, gifts are like muscles, Bella. If you don't actively work them everyday, they weaken. And you need to strengthen yours."

All Bella could do was nod.

"Your proposal wasn't something I had expected, truthfully. With Edward's reluctance to turn you, I had thought it was because of your own hesitation."

"Edward's reluctance doesn't sway the law."

"No," he agreed, and then a fond look appeared on his face as his gaze traveled down to her necklace. "You will be good for him. I can already see it." He smiled warmly. "You will make a fine mate to my son, Isabella Swan."

She took a sharp intake of breath. "Mate?"

"Pardon my forwardness." He chuckled. "I will, of course, leave you both to discuss such details. Though I should tell you that Edward remains old fashioned with his commitment to marriage." He had a knowing look on his face, as if he were revealing some great news to Bella. "He will be good to you, and you to him. I am sure of it."

He would be terrible for her. And for eternity? Unimaginable. With her hands pressed together to prevent them from openly shaking under his gaze, she got to her feet.

She tried her best to keep her voice even. "Thank you, Carlisle. I should talk to Jasper, then?"

"Yes." He clasped his hands. "Please work with him. He has the most appropriate physical gift for you to practice with. I have some literature I'll share with him for shielding techniques."

"Okay."

He stood from behind his desk. "Though, before you leave—I've gotten word from the hospital staff that you've terminated your volunteer work. Did something happen?"

Your family happened, Carlisle. "I just didn't quite see the point, anymore."

A sense of understanding came upon his face. "The nurses wanted me to tell you just how much they appreciated your time."

And she told herself not to cry. "I don't need the volunteer hours anymore. I'm not going to Seattle."

"University of Washington." He contemplated. "Perhaps a few years after your change, you might consider again."

She didn't quite comprehend how she made it to the door. It opened before she could even touch the handle, and there was Jasper. His gleaming red eyes were soft as they scanned her once from head to toe before stepping to the side, and letting her pass. "Bella."

Her bottom lip trembled. "Jasper."

And the door shut gently behind her.

A/N: This chapter: Rosalie time, Bella's despondency, and a shield proposal.

A little taste for what's coming up:

But before he could take another step towards her, Jasper blocked his way. Edward snarled, "Leave, Jasper. This does not concern you."

Jasper's voice was level. "Isabella Swan is under Carlisle's protection, and therefore, mine."

"You serve Carlisle, but you also serve me," he growled. "And I am ordering you to leave."

A/N: Welcome, 2023.

Chapter 26

Chapter Text

A/N: I'm putting a trigger warning on this chapter for abuse.

Dust flew in all directions when Jasper plopped down a big binder on top of his desk.

Beside Bella, Edward shifted, his eyes darting from the desk to Jasper. "Carlisle wants this?"

Jasper merely gave him a look, flipping over the cover and sorting through loose sheets of paper.

After a few tense moments that had Bella taking a few steps away from Edward, he fumed, "No. This is ridiculous."

He didn't even look at her before stalking out of the library.

Bella watched him leave. "Where is he going?"

"To upset Carlisle, once again." Jasper motioned for her to come closer. "I've been studying different accounts of shield work. These are copies from various books Carlisle lent us, and I've made some notes on some key strategies we can try."

When Bella stood beside him, she saw stacks and stacks of papers with yellow highlights and black ink. "Why is Edward going to upset Carlisle?"

"He doesn't seem to understand the point in working on your shield."

Because he didn't want her to die. Her death was the only subject she and Edward agreed on.

Jasper's fingers paused on the pages, his gaze unfocused. Bella realized that he was simply listening to whatever commotion was happening downstairs—whatever she couldn't hear.

She looked down at the notes, her eyes skimming charts and sketches of big, round orbs, lengthy texts and Jasper's handwriting in the margins. There was a paragraph with the brief description of a shield, and likely familial origins. There were sections on mental and physical shields, detailing—

Crash.

Bella jumped, startled, eyes flying up to Jasper.

But he seemed unfazed. "Edward just learned that Carlisle declared your existence to Italy." He pushed another paper forward. "Here's the most interesting, and perhaps useful, piece of information. Visualization is a core technique that spans many gifts—both offensive and defensive." His finger lingered on a diagram of various three-dimensional shapes. "We can start here."

"So, I need to mentally visualize a physical shield?"

He went over to his chair at the desk and pulled it out for her, nodding at her to sit. "Correct."

Bella sat, eying the papers in the binder. She reached out and grabbed the one with the diagram. "I can start with a sphere."

"And start small. Focus on covering just your body, and don't think about expansion."

For the first ten minutes, Bella sat there, her eyes closed, imagining a pulsing sphere around her head. Every few minutes, she would feel just a little insane for even attempting such an odd feat. The supernatural seemed unreal at moments like this; she felt like a child attempting to use telekinesis on a doll.

And she couldn't help the laughter that burst from her lips. Her hands came up to her mouth, her eyes flipping open. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

Jasper was by his bookshelf to her left. "Why are you sorry?"

It was like she couldn't control her laughter. "It just feels ridiculous. Shields, vampires… like magic that shouldn't exist."

And then, she grew entirely still, a coldness washing down her back. Spine straight, she looked right at Jasper. She couldn't move—not really. She felt frozen in place. Frozen in fear.

"Now," Jasper said, his eyes hard, as he approached her. "Fight."

"What?" She breathed, her back aching from its stiffness.

"Fight, Bella."

Spheres, spheres, spheres. Big, large, blue, purple. Pulsing, dotted, and lined. She thought of everything she could to protect her mind and her body.

Jasper was beside her. Watching, waiting. She saw his hand twitch beside him.

It felt like minutes of dread and fear and terror—eating her up, and pumping adrenaline throughout her body. Run, run, run it told her.

And then, Jasper turned away. Her hands fell on the desk to support her weight as she collapsed forward. The chill evaporated, and she breathed in deeply to calm her racing heart.

She straightened herself, her eyes finding him with a newfound hesitation.

"Again," he commanded when he turned back around to her. "Ready?"

"I—"

Ice water splashed over her, filling her veins and shaking her to her core. She vaguely registered the library door opening, but couldn't focus enough to discern who it was. Squeezing her eyes shut, she tried to tamper down the panic that surged through her body.

A shield. A solid, electric shield. A sphere. Guarding, protecting…

Bella fell forward again, gasping, shivering at the feeling of the heat returning to her body. She looked up and saw Carlisle watching her.

"Again," he simply ordered.

Jasper co*cked his head towards her, and it began again. The fear was a snake that slithered through her veins, electrifying her nerves, and preparing her for a fight. Her breaths were shallow, and she was sure her eyes were dilated beneath her eyelids.

Her body relaxed once again when Jasper's influence let her go.

"Nothing?" Carlisle asked.

"No," Jasper replied, roaming the back of the room. "You're too paralyzed in the moment, Bella."

She placed a hand on her chest and twisted to glare at him. "I can't possibly imagine why."

"Jasper knows what he's doing," Carlisle said. "Fear is the best motivator."

And so, for the next hour, Carlisle lingered in the library as Jasper hit her with wave after wave of his gift, some worse, and some more mild than others. Towards the end, Bella could tell he was reducing the severity, probably because of the exhaustion that was gradually descending on her.

The fear, no matter how synthetic, manifested physically, which in turn took a very real, physical toll on her body.

"Let her rest," Jasper eventually said, and Carlisle seemed to agree. "We can try again tomorrow."

Bella pushed herself off of the desk, her standing legs weak and wobbly. Jasper didn't move to help her. In fact, he was at the very far end of the room, distant, and cold.

That was when Bella noted that in Carlisle's presence, Jasper was different. He was as detached as the first day she had met him.

Bella had missed three out of five days of school that week. Not because she was sick or unable to attend, but because she simply couldn't bring herself to try.

So when Edward arrived in her bedroom on Thursday morning, she was showered and ready for the day, but not with any intentions to head to campus. Instead, she was expected at Jasper's library for more shield work.

Edward took one look at her and frowned. "You're missing your classes. Let me drive you to campus."

She had a headache and faintly thought of coming up with an excuse to skip the training today. Rubbing at her forehead, she sighed irritably. "No, that's okay."

"Are you sure? Chem lectures are required, and it's Thursday. Have you even been going to lab?"

"No, not really," she murmured. "It just doesn't matter."

He shook his head, coming closer. "Of course, it matters. Your grades are going to slip."

"No one is going to care about my grades."

"You care. You always do," he insisted, offering a hand for her to take.

Hesitantly, Bella placed her fingers in his palm, but scrambled out of bed herself to avoid any unnecessary yanking on her shoulder joint.

He stood beside her, pulling her close. His neck bent as he trailed his nose down her cheek, to her throat. She felt him inhale deeply as she held her own breath, a chill spreading through her; not so different than the artificial fear Jasper had been instilling in her.

"Have you submitted your transfer application?" She felt his breath against her neck, and it should have sent a bolt of desire through her like it used to. But now, all she wanted was for him to take his hands off of her.

"No." Her voice was clipped as her breath hitched in trepidation.

He pulled away. "No? We said Seattle. We said we would move."

That conversation had been ages ago. Did Edward still truly believe that she was going to pursue her humanly dreams?

Tempering her sadness, she said softly, "I'll go after."

"After?"

"After I'm changed."

"After you're changed," he said, his voice taking on an edge she didn't like.

"I have eight months—"

"Eight months," he repeated, jaw clenched. "Where did you hear that?"

"Jasper, Carlisle…" She hesitated. "You have laws, Edward."

There was a hollow look in his eyes. "You want to become a monster, Bella? You want to become like me?" An eerie silence overtook the room until he finally scoffed, repeating, "Eight months."

And then in a heartbeat, Bella's back was against her bedroom wall, and Edward's forehead was against hers. "Eight months. Is that what you want?"

You need to convince him that this is what you want.

Heart in her throat, she replied through a shaky breath, "Yes."

"Yes?" He asked, disbelieving. "Yes?"

Bella would give anything for Jasper's synthetic fear at that moment instead of the very real threat in front of her. She swallowed, staring back at him.

His finger was on her chin, gripping harder than was comfortable. "I know you don't want to die," he said, his voice chillingly gentle. Slowly, he shook his head. "You can't hide that from me."

Her voice was so, so small. "It's the law."

"f*ck the law."

Bella straightened—at his tone, his inflection, and his surprising vulgarity. And then, his touch was soft against her face, and deceivingly comforting; so opposite to the strength of the words that had left his mouth. "You deserve to live."

"But I will die," she said, almost pleadingly. "Eventually. No matter what. Of sickness, of old age—"

He shook his head, seemingly not even registering her words. "You deserve to live."

"And I will." She tried to embed even a twinge of hope into her tone. "I just won't be human anymore."

Edward's eyes narrowed at her, and his fingers came up to rest against the rapidly thumping rhythm on the side of her neck.

"This is what Olivia said, you know." He looked down at her with a coldness that felt uncharacteristic—so unlike the Edward Cullen she had once known. "She said that she wouldn't be dead; she would just be different."

Noting the darkness in his eyes, she didn't dare say a word.

"And I could see what she envisioned for herself. Because I could read her mind. But you," he said, his breath puffing against her face. "I could never tell what you wanted. You told me that you would learn more about my wretched world. So let me ask you, Bella. What horrors have you learned that have convinced you that this is what you wanted?"

Bella placed a tentative hand on his chest, but knew better than to try to push him away.

"Power? Immortality? The way we were designed to bait, and lure, and kill?" He demanded through clenched teeth.

She was trapped between him and her wall, and all she could think about was keeping her mind blank, and her breathing even. "Edward—"

"Don't you know how beautiful you are?" He said, his voice softening. He watched his fingers as they splayed on her neck. "Your blood, your life, your soul?"

"Edward, I don't have a choice—"

And then, his fingers tightened around her throat, burying her words there. A sudden fury in his voice. "How do you expect me to love a monster?"

She wanted to scream the same thing back at him, but her airway was closing quickly. In just a few more seconds, her vision began to darken. Her body thrashed, searching, begging, pleading for air. I need to breathe, I need to breathe, I need to breathe.

"Because I would love you, Bella. I would love you if you killed ten, or ten-thousand." His voice was distant now, a tad quieter, because her senses were beginning to shut down. "But don't make me do that. Don't make me see you like that. Don't."

She closed her eyes, because this was it. No more foolish hopes of life, and no more possibilities of eternal death. No more future, and no more vampires. No more—

"Edward," came a firm voice. "By Carlisle's orders, you will let her go."

Bella fell to the floor as she was released, grasping at her neck as she took in large, fitful breaths, chasing away the darkness at the corners of her vision.

Edward turned around in a crouch, as if intent on protecting her against whoever had dared to interrupt. There was a long moment of silence as he stared at the figure by her window.

And then, he snarled, "You're the one filling her head with these useless thoughts."

Jasper. It was Jasper. Relief flooded her instantly at the sight of him. "Useless? Don't let our kings hear your opinions on our laws. They can be quite unforgiving."

With sudden horror, Bella watched as Edward stepped forward with every intention of striking him, but Jasper merely dodged out of the way. Edward tried again, hitting air each time, until a swipe of his hand landed on the side of her small bookshelf, splintering the wood.

Jasper made no move to retaliate.

"Edward," Bella choked out, her hand around her throat. "Please. Please stop."

After another unsuccessful attempt, Edward turned to her, and Bella momentarily thought how stupid he was for turning his back on Jasper. Yet still, Jasper made no move against him.

But before he could take another step towards her, Jasper blocked his way. Edward snarled, "Leave, Jasper. This does not concern you."

Jasper's voice was level. "Isabella Swan is under Carlisle's protection, and therefore, mine."

"You serve Carlisle, but you also serve me," he growled. "And I am ordering you to leave."

"Given that Carlisle has declared Bella as a future member of your coven, she is under my contract. Her safety, much like yours, is my responsibility." His face was unreadable—blank, but Bella couldn't miss the fury in his eyes when they cut to her. "And you have hurt her, Edward. You threaten her safety."

Edward glanced back once at her, and Bella caught the flash of shame in his expression. "Bella."

She looked away. She wanted him gone. She wanted him gone so badly, because the dull ache in her throat was going to get worse, and she would have the stains of his fingers as a reminder soon enough.

She felt the rush of air, and only when she was certain he wouldn't return did she let her head come down forward, resting her forehead on her carpet, attempting so desperately to calm her body and her breathing.

And barely a moment later, Jasper was crouched by her, lifting her head, his fingertips lightly brushing the angry spots forming on her neck. "Does it hurt to swallow?"

Bella tried, and winced.

"Should I call Carlisle?" Came an unexpected voice. "Jasper?"

"No," he said quietly, his eyes fixated on Bella's skin as he felt up the swelling. "She's fine."

When Jasper shifted, she could see Alice standing by her window—her cool, golden eyes assessing her.

Jasper sighed, flattening his hand against her throat, no doubt attempting to help the inflammation with a little bit of cold.

He murmured lowly, "He goes too far."

Alice came forward, her arms crossed tightly across her chest. She regarded Bella for a long moment, but remained silent.

Jasper examined her further, peering into her eyes, running his fingers down her cheeks, feeling around her skull. Finally, his hands returned to her throat.

"Edward's just very passionate, isn't he, Bella?" Alice's voice was light, heavenly—but underneath remained an eerie threat. "He loves you so much, he can't bear to see you dead."

"So he would rather kill me himself?" Bella rasped angrily, her throat protesting painfully at the movement of her vocal cords. She wanted to say more. She wanted to tell Alice just exactly how she felt about her brother. But Jasper's eyes were wide with a silent warning as he shifted a hand against her neck, covering more surface area.

"Edward's temperament is a problem we all deal with," Alice replied simply. "But you will love him enough to see past it, won't you?" She crouched prettily beside Jasper, not a wrinkle on her navy slacks. "Well, you obviously can't love him now—I'd want to scratch his eyes out myself, if I were you. But once you're equals, he won't be able to do this anymore. Our skin doesn't bruise."

This was more than just about bruises. "He doesn't want me as an equal."

"He will," Alice insisted sharply. "This has gone on for long enough. His human expectations are unrealistic." She glanced at Jasper, and snapped, "If she's fine, take your hands off of her. You need to be more careful with your scent."

Instantly, Jasper's touch disappeared, and he straightened to stand.

Alice offered her palm to her. "You're fine, aren't you, sweet girl? We won't have to mention this to Carlisle."

Because Carlisle could never know about anything being amiss in his perfect little family.

Bella's eyes searched for Jasper's but they seemed insistent on looking anywhere else. Finally, she reached for Alice's hand and let her bring her to her feet.

Making it to her desk, Bella let herself fall into her chair, one hand firmly wrapping around her throat to comfort the soreness.

Alice surveyed Bella's bedroom once over, and then her eyes landed on Jasper. "Make sure she covers that up before coming to the house. Makeup. Scarf. A turtleneck."

Bella protested. "No, I don't think I should—"

Alice sauntered over to her window, giving her a curt look. "You should, and you will. Carlisle expects you to be working on that silly shield of yours." She snapped her fingers at Jasper. "Cover it up."

Without another word, Alice was gone.

Silly shield.

And she certainly wasn't happy about it.

Tightening her grip on her throat, Bella risked a swallow, and instantly regretted it. But there were no tears, because the shock of the progression of events hadn't faded—though every time the pain sliced her throat, she had the evidence.

Jasper came by and hovered near her, his eyes going to the bookshelf that now needed a replacement. Bella didn't even know what she would tell her father.

"What a nightmare," she breathed in horrific awe, grimacing at the soreness as she spoke.

Shifting to stand by her side, Jasper's hand returned to her throat, brushing hers away in favor of his own. His tone was disapproving. "This is the true nature of Edward Cullen when he doesn't get what he wants."

"I—"

"The more you speak, the more you hurt yourself, Bella." Jasper's other hand brushed a part of her hair back and away from her neck.

Bella fell silent, shaking her head. She felt sad, and furious. Everything was entirely out of her control.

She resorted to whispering so as to not exasperate the pain, "Thank you for coming when you did."

"Thank Alice." Jasper removed his hands. "Thank Carlisle."

Bella cleared her throat, her voice hoarse, and breathy, "I'm under your contract now?"

"You are an unofficial Cullen, given that your change has been reported under Carlisle's signature." A corner of his mouth lifted, amused, but solemn. "It seems I serve a human, now."

"No," she refuted. "You serve Carlisle, who has it in his best interest to prevent Edward from killing me."

Jasper watched her, his eyes running up and down her person. "Do you prefer a scarf?"

And now, Bella wanted to cry. "I wish he took it out on my arms. They were easier to hide."

Jasper tensed, but quickly turned away, heading to her closet. He opened the doors and stared at the clothes, and then pulled at a piece of fabric.

It was a purple wool scarf. When he came back to her with it, his eyes wouldn't meet hers. "Here. We're to meet Carlisle at noon."

Bella didn't take the scarf. Instead, she stood before him. "Does it look terrible?"

Jasper's eyes finally—almost reluctantly—returned to hers. They gradually inched down to her throat. "Terrible."

He wrapped the scarf around her, carefully dropping the fabric on her shoulders.

She reached up to grip at the wool, fighting down the irrational thoughts that wanted her to rip through it in protest. Anger was always easier than sadness.

Instead, she made the quiet observation, "You didn't fight Edward."

Jasper remained silent, watching her with stark, red eyes that seemed to be filled with… an apology.

"Because per your contract, you have to ensure his safety, too," she finished for him, blinking away the wetness in her eyes. "Jasper, if I develop a physical shield, I'll be more vulnerable. Without her visions, Alice can't protect me the way she does."

There was a quick, and noticeable change in Jasper's demeanor. An odd gleam in his eyes. "And that will keep Edward at a distance. If Alice can't see you properly, she will order Edward away on Carlisle's word. If she's smart, she'll only let him near you when you're around anyone that could intervene." He reached up and wrapped a final loop around her neck. His voice was quieter, and softer, "If not for anything else, work for that. Work for keeping Edward Cullen away from you."

Bella cleared her throat, shaking her head at the pain. "I can't hide this from Carlisle. He'll know when I speak."

"You're sick. You lost your voice." His hands came up to adjust her scarf properly, cool fingers brushing beneath her chin. "Do you really think Carlisle cares about the details of your excuse? Just as long as you have one."

"Why even need the excuse? I should just march up to him and tell him exactly what type of a man his son is."

Jasper sighed. "Because diplomacy requires a degree of civility. And you want to be diplomatic in our world, Bella. As a human, you don't have much of a choice."

"Then I can't wait to die," she said, fueling the anger in her chest. "If Edward even attempts to lay a hand on me, he won't get it back." But then, the anger burned out and she let herself fall back into her chair, her head in her hands. "I can't wait to die?" She sobbed out a laugh. "When will you finally tell me that this is all just a cruel joke?"

Jasper said nothing.

"And he expects me to marry him? You're right. He's delusional. Absolutely—"

His voice was odd. "Marry him?"

"Rosalie said he has a ring."

Silence.

She looked up at him, her hands on her throat, putting on mild pressure. "What? Is Carlisle going to disapprove if…no—when I reject his son?"

"No." Jasper shook his head, his eyes on her scarf. Quietly, he said, "Carlisle doesn't care about marriage."

The next morning, Bella woke to a dozen vases in her bedroom. Yellow, pink, white, orange. Lilies. The sweetness of their scent was enough to choke her.

She took a look around her room, at her fixed bookshelf—replaced, and almost identical to her own—and at the blossoming flowers that taunted her with each pass of her eyes.

Her hand coming up to her throat, she took one deep breath.

And then, finally, though the pain, and through the misery, she cried.

A/N: This chapter: The beginnings of a fearful shield training and Edward's cycle of abuse.

I wanted to address a few things:

Firstly, the abuse is problematic and unacceptable. I know it. You know it. The world knows it.

Secondly, I've been getting a lot of good theories from all of you regarding Bella's shield. And that's all I can really say about it.

A little taste for what's coming up:

"We don't have to do this today."

Bella pointed a bold finger at her throat. "Because of this?"

"Because you need a break."

"No. The sooner I get this shield working, the sooner—"

Jasper's hand was over her mouth in an instant. And he held it there for a few seconds before letting it drop. He leaned over her, and whispered so softly in her ear that she could barely hear him say, "You forget that you're in a house of vampires."

See you next week.

Chapter 27

Chapter Text

Begging, pleading, groveling.

Edward Cullen was a bipolar, abusive bastard.

It took Bella everything in her to not slam the front door in his face. If Charlie hadn't been behind her eating breakfast, she would have thrown one of his vases at him.

She closed the door behind her to prevent her dad from noticing something too out of the ordinary. Edward on his knees was not something he needed to see at seven in the morning.

"Bella, I will do anything. Anything for your forgiveness." He stood to standing, but when he came closer, Bella took a step back, hitting the door behind her. He expressed sadly, regretfully, "I do not deserve you."

No, you don't.

She stared at him, and then her gaze lifted to the front lawn where Alice Cullen stood, her face impassive. She co*cked her head to the side when Bella's eyes found hers.

"Say something, please," Edward said, taking another step closer.

Bella held up her hand, immediately tensing—her body coiling to prepare her for an attack. And when he noticed this shift in her muscles and stature, it seemed to wreck him.

"Perhaps another time, Edward," Alice called. "Come."

"I don't know what I was thinking. I don't know what I was doing. I never, ever want to hurt you."

Bella looked at Alice as her hand came up to the neck of her turtleneck, her tone empty. "But you did. I'm scared of you, Edward."

Alice crossed her arms. "Edward, come."

He promptly ignored her. "Tell me what to do. Anything and everything you want, Bella. You will have it."

Bella tugged down the fabric at her throat, revealing the purplish blotches. He looked at her as if she had just slapped him in the face.

"I need this to heal. Until then, leave me alone." She passively glared at Alice as she spoke to him. "I think that's reasonable, and fair."

And then, she went inside.

Bella met Jasper at his library later that day. As if on auto-pilot, she failed to even greet him as she beelined straight to his desk. Once seated, she closed her eyes and braced herself for the fearful manipulation.

"Carlisle is out of town," she heard Jasper say from a distance away.

Bella kept her eyes closed, waiting.

"Bella."

She opened her eyes to him at the other end of the desk. "Get on with this, Jasper."

"We don't have to do this today."

Bella pointed a bold finger at her throat. "Because of this?"

"Because you need a break."

"No. The sooner I get this shield working, the sooner—"

Jasper's hand was over her mouth in an instant. And he held it there for a few seconds before letting it drop. He leaned over her, and whispered so softly in her ear that she could barely hear him say, "You forget that you're in a house of vampires."

She rose up to her feet, and on her toes, one hand on his shoulder. She said back into his ear, not at all silently, "The one I'm really supposed to pretend for isn't even here."

He regarded her for the briefest of moments, and then his fingers came up to fold down the fabric of her turtleneck, his eyes downcast as he stared at the marks on her throat.

Bella swallowed, lightly testing the pain, which wasn't as bad as yesterday. "When I saw it this morning, I wasn't even afraid. I wasn't sad, either. I was just angry." She glared at the door of the library. "He had the audacity to show up at my door."

"I heard."

"He replaced my entire bookshelf and left me with an obscene amount of lilies. All while I was asleep." She let the shiver shake her shoulders.

"That was Alice. She didn't want him near you."

Should that have made her feel better? "Well, Alice probably saw him attempting to finish what he started." Her tone was bitter, but the fear remained. She would never be free of this. Her privacy was a joke, and she could be killed in her sleep any night. "If it wasn't him, where is he?"

"Drowning his sorrows in animal blood." He wrinkled his nose. "Torturous."

She suddenly found herself admiring his bright, red eyes. This close, she felt lost in the endless swirls of crimson. Her blood, she reminded herself. Hers. "Does Carlisle expect me to stick to the same diet once he kills me?"

Jasper pulled the fabric back up on her throat, his fingers lingering longer than they should. "Yes."

"I'll refuse."

Intrigue appeared in his eyes. "You'll refuse?"

If she would be forced to become a creature of the night, she would do so on the terms that were natural and intended. "Their diet puts others at more risk, and it seems to cloud their thinking. I'm not excusing away Edward's behavior, but I'd like to meet him again when he has his fill of a human. Maybe he's less of an asshole." She paused, incredulous. "He could have killed me yesterday."

"He would have."

Bella sat back down at his desk. "But say what you will about him," she said, her voice taking on a haunting tone. "He reads me well, even if he can't read my mind." Her gaze flicked to his. "He said I couldn't hide it from him. That I didn't want to die."

"Then want it."

Bella scoffed.

"It's a gift. You should see it as one. Most of your current weaknesses are a result of you being a lesser species."

She rolled her eyes. "A lesser species."

"Recognize our superiority. Speed, dexterity, memory, and time; all the time you could imagine."

"You're dead, Jasper."

He turned to her. "And do you like me less for it?"

That gave Bella pause. "No, but I haven't known you otherwise."

"Otherwise?"

"How much of your human-self do you remember?"

Jasper appeared on one of his chairs at the front of the desk.

"You know what I remember?" He asked after a while—distant, and contemplative. "The feeling of recoil on a gun; the first time I had ever felt blood on my skin. I recall that first wave of nausea—the warmth and stickiness had been so unexpected." And then, a faint smile was on his lips. "Now I just want to bathe in it."

He had been a soldier. Violence and gore had been embedded into him from the start. "Do you remember anything else?" Preferably less bloody.

"I remember discrete details, but nothing holistic enough to craft a full story. My mother's name was Layla, but I don't know if I even liked her. Her eyes were blue and her hands were rough, but I couldn't tell you anything else."

"What about your father?"

"Henry Whitlock. He smelled of liquor and pain." He then had a light smirk on his face, and the ease at which he spoke with her brought lightness to her chest. "Even then, I think I was apt at emotions."

"You presented your gift as a human?"

"We all do in some way," he said, lowering his head pointedly towards her. "Some present stronger than others."

"But you don't remember why your father was in pain?"

"No," he said simply. "I remember how the scent of blood was thick in our home. Metallic, and uninviting. I've concluded that he had been very ill."

"Metallic and uninviting." Fascinated, Bella propped her chin on a loose fist. "Do you remember the taste of food?"

"The one distinct sensation I remember is the crisp, juicy bite of an apple. I've thought about it often enough that apples were probably my favorite as a human." He fell silent, distant again. "I've never been able to replicate it."

The wondrous look on his face was, simply put, intoxicating. "You make me feel like I'm taking apples for granted."

"You are human. It is in your nature to ignore what you already have and chase after the next thing you don't."

Bella straightened as his words fell on her. "Does vampirism change that?"

"Endless time," he mused. "What are we chasing, when we have endless time?" He stared at her. "The scarcity that time imposes on you fills you with the need to taste, feel, and experience everything before your life is taken away from you. Your nature demands that you do the most with what you have, or else you remain unfulfilled. Depressed."

Bella thought of her once-upon-a-time plans for Seattle, for school, for a career in medicine, or research. She thought about the goals she had set, and the ages she had defined for the specific milestones. She had a journal somewhere, didn't she? One filled with dates and times and checklists. She always had a purpose. She always needed to know what was next.

"If you don't have the scarcity of time," Bella said slowly, "what entices you?"

"Nature," he said simply.

"Really?"

"It is ever changing while we remain constant. If you stop, you can watch life unravel, and it will never cease to amaze you. I believe that the invention of the moving picture has given humanity just a glimpse of this. You can record the progression of a story and rewind, pause, and slow it down. Humanity is merely just that—a story—a chapter, in a larger book. There is so much in this world that was, is, and will be."

Bella smiled. "You must have traveled a lot."

"No. Not as much as you'd think," he said with not a hint of a smile.

His servitude. "Texas, obviously. But you've been to Italy, too."

"And a few spots in Europe during my initial time with the court."

"Carlisle won't let you take some time off?" She asked, only lightly teasing.

Jasper was grim. "I have to reside in whatever state or territory my contract owner deems home."

"What do you mean you have to? You can't leave the state?"

"Not unless I have Carlisle's approval."

And then, it clicked. "When you didn't come to San Francisco, it was because—"

"I couldn't."

A sense of sorrow filled her chest. "Jasper, I'm sorry."

"You shouldn't be sorry for things that aren't your fault." He looked away from her. "I've been serving since before you were born."

Something about that bothered her. "Suddenly my age gap with Edward seems entirely inappropriate."

"Yet you remain more level-headed than a vampire a century older than you."

"Was that a compliment?"

Jasper merely looked at her, and Bella smiled.

"Still, I don't understand why you have to remain in Washington. Yes, you serve the Cullens, but why impose these boundaries?"

"Not every contract imposes such boundaries. Mine does, because the kings know I would go searching."

Bella's forehead wrinkled. "Searching for what?"

"A way to terminate, if not reduce my sentence." He sighed and glared sharply towards the long curtains that shielded windows. "I know she's somewhere."

The one who had sold him out. The woman who had gotten him into this mess. "What is her name?"

"Maria."

Bella stated understandingly, "The contract confines you to a territory so you don't have the chance to search for her."

"She would be a distraction," he said mildly. "My priority should be serving the Cullens, not finding a way out of it."

"If you were to find her, you would take her to your kings?"

"I'd rip her apart first," he said, quite unemotionally. "And then I'd bring the pieces to Italy. They can put her back together, sentence her for her due, and reduce her years from mine."

Bella's mouth dried. "You would rip her apart?"

"Do you think she would come willingly?"

No. But Bella also couldn't imagine punching a vampire, let alone dismembering one. "Did you have a close relationship with her?"

"Somewhat."

The tension in his body told her that Jasper didn't quite like this topic. Bella got to her feet, mindlessly roaming the stacks of shelves. "Are there other ways you can reduce your sentence?"

"Yes."

"I won't be stupid and ask you if you've exhausted the list. I'm sure you have."

He only said, "The list is short, and the outcomes are all unsatisfactory."

She stopped in front of the large, black book that had been the source of her troubles. The spine was thick, and its darkness felt like a terrible omen. Yet she pulled it out anyway.

"Can I borrow this?" She questioned.

"Yes, but the book doesn't leave this house."

She would have been discreet, but she understood the caution. "Okay."

Bella plopped it down onto his desk, and sat, flipping open the pages. The Vampire, read the first section's title.

And then, she read. For the next half an hour, her eyes flew from paragraph to paragraph, detailing the composition of a vampire and their venom. Mostly, it felt like she was reading a fantastical, fictional text. She found diagrams and visuals—the vampire, so alike to a human in shape and form, yet so many organs said to be unused. She read about how other parts of their body were enhanced for the purpose of hunting, feeding, and defense.

"Jasper?" She said after a while. "Let me see your teeth."

"My teeth?"

Bella got to her feet, carrying the large, heavy book with her, eyebrows drawn. She stood before him at where he sat in front of the desk—where he had remained the entire time she had been reading. "Open."

"Open?" He challenged lightly.

"Your mouth. Or a smile works."

And smile he did, teeth and all. It was momentarily destabilizing.

When she finally got her mind to cooperate and dig through the haze that was inevitably the vampiric charm, she squinted at Jasper's teeth.

"It's right," she said, her eyes going back and forth between the page and his mouth. "They don't look elongated at all." She placed a finger on a sentence. "Canines, contrary to popular belief, do not lengthen upon the transition. The canine length as a human is ideal for the distance between the skin barrier and the vein." She glanced once more at him. "But they are definitely sharper… Yes, it does say, the venom idealizes and prepares the transitioned body to accept the blood of a human, giving canines the sharpness they require to easily pierce human skin and tissue."

Balancing the book against her arm and torso, her other hand unconsciously went up towards his face. But she caught herself before her fingers reached him.

Jasper's eyes were on her hand, which now hung limply by her side. "Looking to feel, Bella?"

"Scientific brain," she said quickly. The process naturally required her to experiment and apply her learnings. But you didn't just go around feeling people's teeth. "Sorry."

"Sorry? You've felt my teeth on your skin. What more do you need to prove?"

Heat remained on her face, her eyes wide and darting to the door.

Jasper seemed to understand. "The house has been vacant for about twenty minutes."

Bella closed the book against one arm and began to retreat to the desk. She winced at the embarrassment when she felt him stop her—a casual hand on her wrist.

"Ask your question."

She turned to him, and he stood. He took the book from her, as if it weighed nothing at all.

"Teeth sharpness," she said briskly. "Are we talking sharpened Japanese kitchen knives or a dull blade?"

"That isn't your question."

Screw his gift. "It is."

The corners of his lips tilted upward. "It is not."

She ran her teeth over her lower lip, because she always smiled at inappropriate times. "Edward would never let me… explore. Would I cut myself if I…" How could she best word this? "How easy would it be to cut my tongue on a vampire's teeth? That would explain Edward's caution, and—"

Jasper stared at her in a way that she had never seen before. He was openly enjoying this. The heat, the blush, the everything. Bella had to look away, and she instantly felt like she was sixteen again, foolish and babbling. This was not her.

"Out of all of the questions you could have asked me after reading the first few pages of our tome, Isabella Swan..."

Her full name felt like a caress as he uttered it, and she found that she didn't even mind the extra letters.

Bella knew that there were vastly more intelligent questions she could have asked him. But her own playful curiosity surprised her, and it didn't seem to deter him one bit. "Well, it doesn't tell you," she defended, as best as she could. "This book has no consideration for a human audience."

"Ah, a human audience who also happens to be romantically involved with one of us. I believe you used the term dating." He said the word so mockingly, Bella crossed her arms in annoyance. Because he was right. Humans didn't date vampires; they were simply manipulated by them.

"Dating is an embellishment. Imprisonment is more like it."

The book vanished quickly, and Bella heard it slide into the bookshelf at the back of the room. And then Jasper returned, her wrist in his grip. He pulled it up towards his lips. "Shall we experiment and see if I draw blood?"

With wide eyes, she watched as he opened his mouth against her skin and lightly scraped his bottom canines against her veins. The behavior should have been entirely animalistic, but he carried it out with mesmerizing grace. She expected the sting of the cut, but when he gave her wrist back, she only saw two thin white lines—barely scratches. They were fading quickly.

"Does that answer your question?"

She was still staring at her wrist. "Yes."

"Lie."

Bella glared at him, albeit playfully. "No. But I'm not volunteering my tongue for the experiment."

"I wasn't volunteering my teeth, either," he teased. "Shame that you will have to remain forever curious, as Edward's idea of intimacy is, as you've proven, lacking."

"Not lacking," she said, and she kind of hated herself for even defending the man. "Just cautious."

"I wonder if he talks to Alice about just how far he's allowed to go with you."

"How far? He always said he wanted to wait for marriage. You know, ancient, colonial values."

Jasper grinned slowly, and it was a sight to behold. "Is that what he said?"

"Yes, he told me a whole thing about his values, and—"

"What else did he tell you, Bella?"

One look at his face, and Bella sighed—a deep, and tired one, because she was so very foolish. "He lied, didn't he? His values are bullsh*t aren't they?"

"He still has values, I'd presume. But not the ones you're thinking of."

Bella shook her head, an incredulous smile on her lips. "Unbelievable. Who would have thought? Edward Cullen is not a virgin." She supposed he hadn't told her that he had been in the first place. But the purity he presented was still misleading.

Then, she looked at Jasper. "Do I even want to know how you know this information?"

Jasper smirked in mock-thought. "Well, there was this one death of his in particular that—"

Humans. She cut him off instantly. "Okay, no. No. None of that. I need to hear none of that."

"What's more surprising to me is that you believed him."

She clenched her hands into fists, along with her teeth. "He won't touch me—which, believe me, I am so glad about now, but…" She shook her head, the images forming entirely disturbing. "He's disgusting."

"Is sex disgusting to you, Bella?"

"No!" She exclaimed. "But Edward, and humans, and… the track record. He has a deadly f*cking fetish."

Jasper grinned once again. "You are lovely when you curse."

She groaned into her hands. "Stupid is what I am." She threw them up in one motion, frustration evident. "Of course. He's a hundred-and-some years old. If anyone had to go that long without—" She sighed sharply, and turned her eyes to his. "I'm just a fool, and I'm thoroughly disgusted."

"Fascinating," he said, watching her way too closely. "Ask me more questions."

"I think I'm done."

But he wasn't, if his intrigue wasn't evidence enough. "But aren't you curious about Edward's alleged escapades? How sex would even work between a vampire and a human? If it would work at all?" He paused, the mirth so, so infuriating. "You are."

"Another reason why I need this damn shield to work. Your gift is insufferable."

He shrugged nonchalantly, but the amusem*nt shone in his eyes. "It's just science, Bella."

She scoffed at him. "It's just horrific." Her hand came up to rest on her covered throat. "Maybe Edward should ask Alice's permission before touching me at all. Maybe it would prevent him from almost crushing my windpipe."

Jasper's eyes instantly danced away. "Some decisions are split-second enough that they will be in her blind spot. A lot of the planned intimacy, however, has most likely been green-lighted by Alice."

She rolled her eyes, muttering, "And here I thought he was just inexperienced."

Bella began advancing towards the door, entirely flushed and ready for some fresh air. But before she turned the knob, she twisted back to Jasper. "I want to read more of that book."

Jasper was now seated at his desk, and he pointed a swift finger at where the black book was nestled in the shelf. "You know where it is."

She gave him one nod. "Thank you."

"And regarding the teeth," he said, "Edward was right to be cautious. There is a high chance that you would cut your tongue."

His eyes, with something so deliriously wicked in them, flicked down to his desk, to his books and papers. She was dismissed, but not without the gentle hum of words that followed her all the way home, "Though personally, I don't quite see the issue in that."

A/N: This chapter: Continued cycle of abuse, a lighter tone, and Edward Cullen's alleged escapades.

Virginal vampires never really made sense to me. Maybe it's just me.

A little taste for what's coming up:

Bella's eyes darted to Jasper, who seemed entirely unaffected. "The Volturi are coming?"

Alice scoffed. "Just an uninteresting part of them."

"Only you would call Demetri uninteresting, Alice," Jasper murmured, his eyes roaming the spines of his books.

"He's the least interesting of all." Alice turned her golden eyes to Bella. "I don't understand why they're sending him. Carlisle has already declared your shield; it's not like Demetri would be able to catalog you, anyway."

See you next week.

Chapter 28

Chapter Text

Esme was sautéing vegetables when Bella entered the Cullen home the next day. She hadn't gone to class, and she also hadn't gotten out of bed until noon.

"Hello, Bella," Esme greeted with bright, delighted eyes. "Welcome."

Bella's eyes merely darted up the main stairs. Before she moved towards them, Esme came around the kitchen. "We have a guest coming tomorrow evening. Carlisle has requested that you come."

"A guest?"

"Yes." She glanced back towards the kitchen. "Around 6 PM, I would say. And let me know when you're ready for lunch—or dinner. Whenever you're done today."

"Who's coming tomorrow?" Could she expect a vampire, or a human? With the Cullens, she really couldn't predict.

"A friend of Carlisle's," Esme replied. And then, she smiled, retreating back to the kitchen. "That scarf looks lovely on you, by the way."

It was a burgundy one that felt light across her skin. Her voice wasn't lovely when she told her, "You can thank your son for it."

When Bella arrived at Jasper's library, he wasn't alone.

Alice was leaning across his desk, gazing at some papers with scrutiny. She didn't even look up when Bella entered.

Jasper was at the other end of the room, flipping through a large book.

"Not very interesting," Alice murmured. "The Danish clan gained two members, but reported only one? How boring has court gotten."

"It was always dull." Jasper slid the book back onto the shelf. "They'll still be punished for it. The unreported one was gifted."

"What gift?"

"Telekinesis."

Alice made a noncommittal sound, stacking the papers together and sliding them to the side. She was still examining the top-most one when she said lightly, "Bella. How wonderful to see you." And then, she glanced up. "That scarf does look lovely on you. Though perhaps ease it a little with the snark. Esme is a sensitive woman." She made her way around the desk to stand before her, waving her delicate fingers at Bella's throat. "Well, let's see."

The scarf? Bella awkwardly pulled down the portion that was wrapped to hide the bruises. And then, Alice's fingers were on her skin. Her touch had been so unexpected that she jerked back.

A trauma response, perhaps.

"I won't hurt you," Alice scolded as her fingers felt around her throat. "No teeth on your neck, right Bella?"

Bella immediately tensed. Esme was downstairs. Her eyes darted to Jasper, but he was turned away. Alice's fingers shifted as a swallow pushed down her throat. "No."

"Good." Bella's spine straightened when she felt a fingernail scrape down the side of neck. "Teeth are sharp. We don't want any more damage here, do we?" She tugged the scarf back up and adjusted it neatly. Prettily. She looked into her eyes for a moment, and then announced, "All done."

Alice went back towards the desk, and Bella sat numbly at one of the chairs in front of it. The examination was unexpected, and so jarringly similar to when Jasper touched her before a feeding. "Esme said there would be a guest coming tomorrow."

"Yes, the Volturi love to keep tabs," Alice replied with mock cheer as she lifted a piece of paper, turning it over. "Just sit there and look pretty. You don't need to do anything."

Bella's eyes darted to Jasper, who seemed entirely unaffected. "The Volturi are coming?"

Alice scoffed. "Just an uninteresting part of them."

"Only you would call Demetri uninteresting, Alice," Jasper murmured, his eyes roaming the spines of his books.

"He's the least interesting of all." Alice turned her golden eyes to Bella. "I don't understand why they're sending him; Carlisle has already declared your shield. It's not like Demetri would be able to catalog you, anyway."

"Catalog me?"

Jasper flipped through another book in his hand, then returned it to the shelf. "Demetri Volturi is a specialized tracker of the Volturi's Guard. He can track the essence of your mind and locate you at a whim. For him to be able to do that, he has to catalog your essence—once, when he meets you in person." He glanced at Bella. "We predict that your shield will hide you, hence rendering his attempt at cataloging useless."

"Oh, he won't be able to stand it," Alice said giddily. "He'll beg for you to lower that delightful shield of yours."

"When have you ever heard Demetri beg, Alice?"

She threw him a mischievous smile, but addressed Bella. "You seem confused, sweet girl."

Because she was. "I can't lower my shield. I've tried. Edward had me try."

"Oh, Edward," Alice sighed, shaking her head. "You can lower your shield, Bella. You just don't know how."

Jasper appeared by Bella. "We can work on that, too. But we would need Edward."

"Or Demetri," Alice chimed in. "Or Jane. Perhaps Alec." She looked at Bella, distant. "You'd drive them all crazy, wouldn't you?"

Bella didn't even know who these people were, but lowering her mental shield was not a priority. If having it gained her any sort of advantage over a vampire, she wouldn't even think about letting it go.

"Jane and Alec," Bella said, "are they also part of the Volturi?"

Alice barked out a laugh, eying Jasper. "You've taught her nothing. I'm beginning to think your contract is deliciously one-sided."

Jasper seemed to ignore her. "They are, Bella. They're two of the most gifted offensive weapons in their Guard." A hand tapped the back of her chair. "Let's get started."

Alice sashayed by them, heading towards the door. "You just can't wait to get off my radar, can't you?" She turned her head back to Jasper. "What did Demetri like, again? AB positive? So dreadfully basic."

Jasper was at his desk. "Carlisle wouldn't approve of human blood in the house."

Alice swung out a hand towards Bella. "He approves of her just fine. What blood type are you, Bella?"

Was it embarrassing that she couldn't remember? "I don't know."

"O-negative," Jasper answered smoothly, and then began sorting the papers on the desk.

"Boo. In some covens, it's customary to offer a human to a guest."

"Alice," Jasper warned.

"What?" She asked innocently. "Bella deserves to know how good she has it here. Has Jasper mentioned some of our European covens? They favor blood dungeons."

"Blood dungeons?" Bella asked, both dangerously curious and borderline terrified.

"Ah, it solves the homelessness problem quite well, doesn't it?" Alice mused. With a shrug, she closed the door behind her.

"Blood dungeons?" Bella repeated, staring at Jasper.

But he didn't reply. His eyes were on his desk. Waiting.

And then, just half a minute later, he looked up. A spark in those eyes. "You frustrate her."

"I barely said anything."

"You don't need to." He stepped around his desk. "Your emotions are muted. And I bet you're blurring out of her visions."

A jolt of energy ran through her, and it shot her up to her feet. She searched his face. "Is my shield working?"

His smile was small, but noticeable. "You should keep practicing."

Yes. Bella immediately sat back down and let the situation sink in. The positive feedback was encouraging, and she suddenly found the drive to work for hours, and hours. "I don't feel it though. Am I supposed to feel my shield?"

Jasper's head co*cked to the side, and then his hands were on that big binder, flipping through papers. "You should feel something," he said after a while of reading. "It's physical. It should feel like a second layer to your skin."

She frowned. "No. I don't think I feel anything like that."

"It's probably not consistent enough. Your emotions are muted, but they're still there. I still feel them."

Bella smiled. "Do you really think Alice is frustrated?"

"I don't think. I know."

She leaned back in her chair, just a little satisfied. "Do you want to take a walk and do this outside today?"

He was by the door in an instant. "There will be external stimuli. Just don't let it distract you."

She wouldn't dream of it—not with this promise of progress.

And so, in the next fifteen minutes, they were walking into the woods. Bella zipped up her windbreaker to battle the climate, and Jasper… was in a t-shirt and jeans.

The rain was merely a sprinkle, glittering down through the thick clouds on occasion. Bella only felt it on her forehead when the trees shifted.

"Alice seemed nicer before." She sneaked a glance at him. "And now… I don't know. Has she always been this way?"

"What way?"

"Mocking? Intense? A little threatening, maybe?"

Jasper's head tilted up. A bitter smile, but a smile nonetheless. "Always."

"She seemed so different to me. Until…"

He looked at her, firm. "Alice Cullen doesn't care to play a part with you anymore, Bella. She would have rather had your full cooperation, but you're not giving her that. She banked on you falling in love with Edward and throwing yourself at his feet. She predicted that you would be easy."

She rolled her eyes. "Well, that's a little offensive. Has she even met her brother?"

"It doesn't matter. You're human, and she expected Edward to charm you thoroughly. He didn't succeed." He stared at the trees above. "You didn't come to her begging to be turned so you could be with him. You didn't embrace immortality like she wanted you to. Alice has no reason to play to your nice side anymore."

"A little two-faced, much?"

"Understatement."

She definitely would have fooled her. And she probably had. "I wonder when she finally saw that I wouldn't be swayed by Edward. I don't think I ever loved him."

Jasper's response was easy. "You didn't."

The grassy opening they reached wasn't too big, and the sun flitted through the thick, gray clouds periodically. They sat on damp grass facing one another.

For the next hour, Jasper drowned Bella in unrelenting terror. The session was similar to many before, where her body was paralyzed by a fight-or-flight response that she had no control over. No amount of deep breathing had ever worked against it, and her shield was only vaguely protecting her, if at all.

Now, she cradled her head in her hands, breathing deeply to calm her body. She had taken off her windbreaker a few rounds ago, and the sprinkle of rain did nothing to help cool her down.

"Should we try something other than fear?" Bella questioned through labored breaths. "What other things can you do?"

Jasper's eyes were on the grass, and then they flicked up to her. A challenge. "Are you ready?"

She straightened her spine. "For?"

And then, she felt a light tickling in her belly. The sensation was odd, and unexpected. It traveled up her abdomen and her chest until the laughter erupted from her lips. She covered her mouth with her hands, trying to suppress the giggles.

"No," she groaned through her glee. "You can't just—this is unfair."

Jasper leaned back on his hands. "I don't even think you're fighting anymore."

She clutched her torso and fell back onto the grass, smiling up at the gloomy sky—which, at that moment she absolutely adored.

After a few moments of delirious glee, she closed her eyes and envisioned protection. But the laughter bubbled up her throat every few seconds no matter how many shapes she envisioned around her body.

"It's not working," she complained with absolute joy. It was mildly sickening.

The grass sighed beside her when Jasper laid down. He seemed perfectly content with letting her suffer as he stretched out, a hand tucked beneath his head. He didn't even need to look at her to send her giggling mercilessly.

This was a different type of torture. She hadn't felt real glee in a long while, and this synthetic feeling was just lying to her. It was an odd sense of betrayal of the senses. When the laughter overtook her, all she really wanted to do was cry.

And perhaps Jasper sensed that. "Would you prefer the fear?"

"Maybe," she admitted between fits of laughter that was undoubtedly strengthening her abdominals. When Jasper finally let her go, she panted lightly, pressing her palms down onto the cool grass beneath her, stabilizing her body.

She turned her head towards his, which lay just a foot away. "You could warn me, you know."

"No one will warn you before they use their gift on you. Why should I?"

She shook her head, the grass rustling right beneath her ears. "Relentless laughter. Fear. What else can your mighty empath powers do to me?"

"Sorrow. Would you like to cry instead?"

God no. "Next."

But Jasper kept staring at the sky, and instantly, Bella felt it happen. The tears came so quickly that they immediately burned her eyes, wanting so desperately to be let out. When they began streaming down her face, she rose up and pulled her knees into her chest. She wanted to be as small as possible with the despair that was beginning to slice her open.

"Make me stop, Bella."

Tucking her head into her knees, she wanted it to stop. She willed for it to stop. Pulsing. Pulsing. Pulsing. Blue, pink, red. Any damn color you want to be. Protect me, damn it. Just protect me.

But at least this felt like a more natural state of mind.

She hadn't fully processed her death—what human ever could? But occasionally, when she had calm mornings with her father, or when she saw children out in the winter cold, bundled like marshmallows, she felt the despair before it crept up onto her. She'd make it to someplace quiet before the tears would come, and they'd wreck through her. And after, she'd press a cold towel to her face, because the evidence was damning. Her father couldn't see. No human could see. Because she could never talk about it; any explanation would be breaking vampiric law.

Now, her shoulders shook through the sobs… until they didn't. Hope soared through her instantly at their absence, and she wiped away her tears, drying her face with a sleeve. "Did it work?"

"No," he said quietly, "you're muted, but you still aren't fighting my influence." He turned his head to her, still on the grass. "Anger?"

She pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes. "Give me a second."

Breathing deeply, she wanted to calm her nervous system down before another assault. There was likely an unhealthy amount of inflammation in her body due to the intense bouts of emotions.

When she lowered her hands, Jasper was sitting. There was an unmistakable amount of admiration in his eyes. "Ready?"

She nodded once. And then, she wanted to burn the world.

Red hot anger flamed up her chest. Her hands clenched into fists immediately and she—quite unreasonably, and perhaps stupidly—wanted to punch something. Anything. Her thoughts morphed, wanting to target reality. The anger she felt sought to find a reason. Something to hate.

She found it very easily.

Every look on Edward's face was permanently etched into this book of fury. It made her want to rip the dirt from the ground and slam her fists into the trees around them. His golden eyes, once so pure, now only represented death and destruction. She wanted him to hurt, and she couldn't feel an ounce of regret for it.

How dare he throw her into his world, fully knowing the consequences? How dare he keep the details from her? What gave him the right to dictate her life, and her death?

"You're letting it fuel you," she heard Jasper's voice. "You should be doing the opposite."

"I hate him."

"Focus."

Her teeth ached from how hard she was keeping her jaw shut. Edward didn't matter. The Cullens didn't either. It was just her. It would always be just her. Because after they did their worst—after they took her life away from her—she would be on equal ground. She would be strong enough to fight back.

Who was to say she wasn't strong enough already?

From nothingness, she conjured the faint, red orb. She expanded it, contracted it. She let it pulse and engulf her. Protection, protection, protection.

And then, her mind blanked. She focused on that nothingness—the darkness that she found in her eyelids, hiding the world around her. Her senses dulled, devoured by that calm, inky dark. The only light was the red orb, and she tied her breathing to it. Each inhale, it expanded. Each exhale, it retracted.

Nobody but me can keep me safe.

"You're tempering me."

"What?" She seethed, the anger still pulsing through her.

"Keep going."

His voice was a distraction. With it came light, chasing away that soothing darkness where she found protection. She lost control of the orb; it fizzled out entirely, and she was left with a pounding headache—one that seemed to intensify with each second. "I need to stop."

Immediately, Jasper's influence was pulled back, and Bella let herself collapse onto her back. She fought for every breath as her arms came up to rest on her forehead, willing the aches away.

When it subsided enough to be barely annoying, she blinked her eyes open. "I did something."

Jasper was watching her intently. "You did."

"You said I… tempered you? What does that mean?"

A smile. And then, he was seated way closer, brushing away her arms. He placed his own hand lightly on her forehead. The cool was very, very welcoming. "You lessened the impact of my influence. Whatever you did, Bella, hone in on it. Do not forget the process."

"Okay," she breathed, trying to burn that darkness into her brain. The red. The orb. The breaths. "Okay."

"Headaches are normal," he continued. "Almost all shields experience them in the beginning. The more you strengthen your physical shield, the better your body will become accustomed to it. It will eventually feel natural—not like an external entity you need to conjure up."

Bella reached up and placed her palm on top of his hand, applying more pressure. "What's next?"

"Are you sure that you still want to continue?"

"I did something," she said, eyebrows drawing together. "With this very, very dark place, and a red sphere. I want to try it again."

He pulled his hand away from her head, and instead offered it, palm up. Bella let him hoist her to sit.

She counted on her fingers. "Fear, glee, sorrow, anger."

"Disgust."

Her eyes widened. "Can we actually veto that one? I'd like my food to stay in my stomach."

Jasper quietly agreed to that. But then, he narrowed his eyes in thought. "Desire."

That didn't sound too terrible. And her smile instantly formed, because she detected the mischief in his eyes. Squaring her shoulders, she straightened her spine. "Okay."

Warmth cascaded down her body, and Bella took a deep breath, envisioning that bright, red, angry shield around her. Breathing out, she imagined it forming, binding, and strengthening. The darkness had already swept in.

But when the warmth lingered and progressed, accelerating her heart, and parting her lips, her eyes fluttered open, inviting in the light. There was wind in her chest, and pure want in her veins. She looked at Jasper, and she realized she had risen to her knees.

She closed her eyes again, but she desperately wanted to pry them back open. Another look. Just one more. Of those red eyes that sparkled wickedly. Of that jaw. Of his lengthened hair that always looked both so tamed and savage at the same time. She was already on her knees. All she needed to do was to crawl.

Darkness. Beneath her eyelids, even the reddened hue of sunshine that filtered through the skin was gone. It was pure and unrelenting night. And within the night, she saw the red orb that sought to encase her.

Sensation interrupted. Prickling, on her palms. Damp, and soft. She realized with distant horror that she was touching grass, and she was advancing forward.

Crawling.

Shield, shield, shield, shield. Keeping her eyes shut, she focused on the darkness. The orb. Red worked. Red had worked! She focused harder. She grew it, shrunk it. She gave it dots and filled it with bubbles. But she wasn't focused. Her breathing wasn't even. Erratic.

By the time she opened her eyes, she was inches from Jasper's face. On her knees, she was level with him sitting.

He was smiling at her, and she closed her eyes again, her brow furrowing.

Heart beating wildly, she felt entirely out of control. She hissed at herself, demanding her body to cooperate. But her hands were on him. On his shoulders, her fingers were slow, and explorative.

"Bella," she heard her name. The breath a cool caress against her face.

Utterly frustrated, she tightened her grip on his shoulders to prevent her hands from wandering.

"I can't stop it," she breathed, her voice deep, and husky.

"You can."

Something was in her hair. It was a hand. But not hers. She felt her curls brush against her shoulder as he toyed with them, tugging gently, and electrifying that small area of her scalp. Her own hand flew up from his shoulders to latch onto his fingers, stopping them entirely.

Every little movement and touch was otherworldly. Addicting. Jasper's gift could be terrifying, but it could also be alarmingly intoxicating.

"Focus," he said, but his tone was deep. Chocolatey. She melted at the sound.

And there was such a big part of her that didn't want to focus at all.

"You're letting go." His voice was wondrous. "Remember, it's—"

Her other hand left his shoulder and pressed against his mouth. Eyes still closed, she needed him to be quiet. The tone of his voice was too inviting. Too distracting.

She felt a soft breath against her palm. She felt it again. Gripping his fingers near her shoulder, she tried to ground herself.

Another puff of breath against her palm sent a jolt of energy all the way up to her elbow, and—

"Stop breathing," she snapped softly, and marveled at the incredulity of those words. "You don't need to breathe."

She felt him straighten and shift. And then, she paid no more attention, because the darkness was seeping in again. It surrounded her mind, and it isolated her from the world. All sensation lost, she gave in.

And in that unrelenting shadow, she found her orb.

She was untouchable.

Her muscles relaxed, easily letting go of Jasper's fingers, her other hand dropping from his lips. With a smile on her face, she opened her eyes. But suddenly, the air shifted around her. She felt a tight grip on her wrist, and another hand cradled her back as she was lowered onto the grass.

Her smile fell when she looked up into Jasper's eyes. Darker. Maroon. Was it anger she saw there as he hovered over her? She felt his thumb brush over the veins on her wrist, and she knew easily that the electricity she felt wasn't his influence. Distantly, she could see the haze of her orb—pulsating, and present. A second skin.

And in the next moment, he dropped her wrist, and his hand slithered out from beneath her. With her skin flushed and her body entirely too warm, she knew she was feeling the aftereffects of Jasper's gift. She gulped down some cool air and rose to sit.

After a few deep breaths, she noticed that Jasper's eyes still hadn't returned to the regular bright crimson. Quickly, she did the math to give reason to their color. "You fed pretty recently, right?"

He was silent, his eyes averted, staring distantly at the grass below.

"Jasper?"

He held up one finger.

She gave him a minute. And then two. The sky was darkening, she realized, and they should be heading back soon.

Eventually, with an odd strain in his voice, he said, "Your shield not only protects you, but it reverses the influence. You bounced back whatever I threw at you."

Bella's eyebrows rose. "That's impressive." Now, it was her turn to smirk. "It doesn't feel great, does it? A taste of your own medicine."

But he wasn't fazed one bit. Instead, a wolfish smirk immediately drew her attention to his lips. "You aren't an undesirable woman, Bella."

"Delectable?" She asked, thinking of a time of alcohol, broken vases, and bleeding heels.

And then, he was seated right in front of her, his knees pressing into hers. He lifted up her right wrist. "Incredibly." He ran a finger over the veins, seemingly utterly mesmerized by their pattern. "A taste?"

Bella's lips parted. "You're early."

"Just a snack, perhaps."

His tone—so alluring. The rasp and timber of his voice was music, and she still wondered if he was getting through to her. But from the corner of her vision, she could see the orb. Could he see it, too?

Her wrist was already just a few inches from those lips, but Bella realized he was waiting. His eyes were still darker than usual, yet he waited for her permission.

"Just a snack," she agreed, a little breathless. "Are you still influencing me?"

But she knew he wasn't. He couldn't.

"No." He tugged her wrist closer, and the spell broke momentarily when he said, "And I wouldn't influence you during this. Not unless you asked me to."

Bella absorbed the sincerity in his eyes. "Don't you need to do your whole examination thing?"

His eyes were fixed on her veins distractedly. "Alice already did."

Alice.

And then came the bite.

Eyes closed, she let herself be lulled into that familiar rhythm. She let go of the orb and the darkness. She didn't need it.

Seconds in, his other hand grabbed onto her free one. She squeezed back gently; it was his way of knowing that she was still okay.

It was hardly a minute before his teeth unlatched. Just a snack. He turned her wrist, palm up, and Bella could see the two dots of blood slowly starting to surface. "Wait here."

The night was setting in, and Bella immediately felt the eerie isolation in Jasper's absence. The woods were quiet, but that only added to the goosebumps on her skin. But Jasper was back quickly with the appropriate materials to cover her wrist. Seated before her, Bella watched as he wrapped the bandage.

"Does Alice have experience with this sort of thing?" She asked.

"What sort of thing?" His fingers were light and lingering, each movement with intent. The goosebumps were now for an entirely different reason.

"You didn't do your normal examination. You trusted hers from earlier."

"Any vampire should know how to care for a human."

She watched his face as he worked on her wrist. "Only if they feed from humans though, right?"

"Sure." Securing the bandage with tape, he pressed his palm against the covered wound. The cool seeped through. "But Alice wasn't always a Cullen." Gently placing her wrist back into her lap, he said, "Let me take you home."

"I think Esme was expecting me for dinner."

He frowned, as if what she was saying was improbable. "Your wound is still fresh."

She teased, "Well, you didn't think that one through did you?"

Jasper went utterly still for a moment, and Bella questioned if she had said the wrong thing. A blink, and he was standing. "Come."

And he ran her home.

This chapter: The looming presence of the Volturi, a (successful) shield field trip, and a peculiar exchange of desire.

A little taste for what's coming up:

"You are as delusional as he is."

Her face twisted into something ugly. "In one phone call, I can have Renee Dwyer's spine snapped into two. Better yet, I can do it myself. You're forcing my hand here, Bella."

See you next week.

Chapter 29

Chapter Text

Charlie drove Bella to the Cullen home the following evening after making sure to facilitate her transportation to and from campus earlier that day.

Perhaps she had made it too obvious that she wasn't attending her classes. Perhaps she stared blankly at her food each night during dinner for too long. Maybe her smiles weren't as bright, or gleeful. Maybe her jokes were off, and awkward.

Whatever Charlie truly noticed—he didn't show it. And part of Bella was grateful for that. Because what, really, would she be able to say in response?

Opening the front door, she walked into an impossibly more immaculate living area. She didn't understand how the Cullen's residence could get even more primed, polished, and perfected.

Annoyedly, her eyes did their usual search for a speck of disorder; something that inevitably should be missed, or out of place. She found the perfect symmetry of the chairs at the dining table dizzying, along with the rarely used coasters on the coffee table that undeniably matched the trimming on the sectional.

When she looked up from her scrutiny, Esme Cullen was walking towards her eagerly with an elegant, black, knee-length dress. The neckline was open, and the skirt flowed beautifully as she held it out on a hanger. "I'm so happy you made it. I wanted to see how this fit you."

Bella only stared at the dress.

"For tonight," Esme elaborated, grinning softly, almost embarrassedly. "We all tend to dress up for these things."

The Volturi's visit. Bella averted her eyes as her fingers came up to her turtleneck. "I can't wear that."

"Why not? You don't like the cut?"

"The neckline."

Esme paused, looking between the dress and her. "What about it?"

Harsh, intentional footsteps echoed at the top of the stairs. Alice. "Leave it, Esme." Her gaze darted to Bella. "I have something for you to wear."

Alice turned away, and Bella robotically headed for the stairs. But not before Esme grabbed onto her elbow. Prematurely, Bella winced—as she always did—at a vampire's unanticipated touch.

Esme's demeanor changed instantly, her voice barely above a whisper when she asked, "May I see, Bella?"

"No."

Her expression tightened. Bella welcomed the pain she could read on her face. "On his behalf, I am very sorry."

Bella's voice, dead. "He's sorry, too."

"But not sorry enough."

"Never enough," Bella agreed simply. Finding the courage that brought a layer of tears to her eyes, she yanked the fabric down from her neck. Another brutal painting. "You told me he would be good to me."

Esme took a small, but noticeable step back as her eyes darted between Bella's exposed neck and her face. "Bella—"

Her surprise only angered her. "Are you regretting those words now?"

Suddenly, Jasper was beside Esme, who looked like she was about to burst into tears. An impossible feat for a vampire, though a wicked, scorned part of Bella wanted to see it.

Jasper held out a hand towards the front door. "Esme, please."

Her pained eyes were the last thing Bella saw before she disappeared.

Bella glared up at Jasper as she felt a steadying hand on her arm, noting momentarily that she didn't feel at all threatened by his touch. She shrugged it off, and smoothed the fabric up her throat.

"Esme is the last person you should take this out on," he told her quietly, and turned towards the stairs. "Come."

Following him upstairs, she found a momentary bout of relief that they'd be entering his library. She found that it was the only place in the Cullen home that didn't suffocate her entirely; a place where dust and clutter were allowed to exist. She appreciated that the natural laws of entropy applied to it.

But much to her dismay, they swiftly passed it by, heading for Alice's room instead. Jasper opened the door and motioned for her to go in.

Alice's back was to them. When she turned around, she was holding a pure white dress with a neckline that ended right beneath her chin.

A bandaid to a gun wound, Bella thought bitterly as the turtleneck constricted around her throat.

The dress was long sleeved and ribbed like a sweater. Alice ran a hand down the skirt that would brush just above her knees. "What did I say about Esme's sensitivity, Bella?"

"She asked."

"Did she?" Uninterested. Alice was entirely uninterested. "Here." She tossed the dress in her direction. "This should do." She picked up a box and opened the lid to reveal soft pink heels. "And these as well."

Jasper was examining the dress in Bella's clutches, and that was when she noticed the button-up and slacks he had donned. "Is dressing up required?"

"The Volturi love formality," Jasper murmured, then titled his head to the side, his red eyes sliding to Alice. "White, Alice?"

"Edward loves her in white," she cooed.

"White," he repeated, his gaze running over Bella. "Untouched, and unbitten."

Bella blinked. "What?"

Alice only laughed brightly. "Ironic."

Eyebrows drawn, and with a little hint of disgust, Bella asked, "Is there some sort of color code that you assign to your humans?"

Alice came up to her, grabbing the dress and holding it up against her. "Sometimes it's necessary. With so many humans, it can be hard to keep track."

At the wide-eyed, horrified look on Bella's face, Jasper explained, "It's a very old Volturi custom—a method of organization, if you will. There are a lot of humans they need to process through given the size of the coven."

"And vampires can be picky with their food," Alice mused, gaze resting lightly on Jasper. "We can be very particular in our tastes."

Bella found all of this to be entirely disturbing. "The Volturi color-codes humans."

Alice shrugged, admiring the dress on her. "Don't you usually tag and color-code your cattle?"

Jesus. "And white represents…"

Alice stuck the dress back in Bella's hands. "Purity."

"But that's not—"

—true, she was going to stay.

"Does it matter, Bella?" She tapped her nose, almost lovingly. "Edward adores you in white." And then, she motioned for Jasper to move. She craned her neck around to Bella with a final, "Get dressed."

They closed the door behind them.

Alice came in soon after to twist Bella's hair into something presentable, and patted her with light makeup. Bella noted how her lipstick was the perfect shade to match those four-inch heels, which she begrudgingly slipped on.

Dressed like the doll she was—and covered in all the necessary places—Alice led her to the stop of the grand stairs.

Bella locked up immediately when she noticed his presence down below.

Edward glanced up from the couch, and she instinctively looked away.

"You didn't bring your necklace, did you?" Alice asked her, and Bella flinched at the feel of her fingers smoothing out a portion of her hair. "We can borrow one of Esme's old ones."

And in the next moment, she felt the cool metal of the Cullen Crest through the fabric of the dress. It felt unbearably heavy. She took a ragged breath, testing the weight of it against her chest.

And then, she was tugged down the stairs, on display for anyone below. She dared a glance at Edward, and he was on his feet, watching her intently.

Alice extended Bella's hand out towards him when they reached the base. "Isn't she absolutely lovely?"

He approached with a soft smile, but Bella jerked her hand back, holding onto it protectively.

"Edward," she greeted him icily.

His tone—soft, dreamy. "You do look lovely."

Untouched, and unbitten.

She side-stepped by him and headed for the sectional, but Alice cut off her path. "One more thing. Make sure to keep your shield down for me. I'd like to make sure this evening will go accordingly."

From the corner of her eye, she saw movement in the kitchen. Jasper and Esme were there, and Jasper looked at her for a long moment before saying something to Esme. Uneasily, Esme nodded, and turned around, busying herself with whatever was on the counter.

"My shield has been down, Alice," Bella told her lowly, and then situated herself on the sectional.

"Wonderful."

Edward came over and sat about a foot away, turning to Bella. "Can we please talk?"

"No."

"Please," he insisted.

"I already told you. There's a reason this dress is choking me, and until that's over, I don't even want to see you. Tonight is an exception."

He seemed to gradually sink deeper into himself. But Alice only smiled at him. "It will be well, Edward. Bella's just a little feisty, but we love that about her. Don't we?"

Bella attempted to swallow the anger that thrummed beneath her skin. But before she could say anything, Rosalie and Emmett arrived through the front door—Rosalie in a beautiful, lavender dress, and Emmett in dark slacks. They lingered by the kitchen, chatting with Esme. Jasper remained beside them, listening, but silent.

Alice disappeared momentarily, only to return with a dashing black dress of her own.

There was a casual hum of chatter that Bella wasn't usually accustomed to. A lot of the Cullens, even though they called this place home, were rarely here altogether. Bella didn't think she had seen Emmett in a long while.

And he must have caught her looking, so he came over.

"Bella," he greeted with an easy smile. "You look great."

"As opposed to…" she trailed, teasing.

He gave her a look, and then held out his arms. "So, what about me? Have I impressed?"

"You're asking a human?"

His eyes gleamed. "Alright, so you don't like the shirt."

Bella laughed lightly, her eyes skimming over the cream fabric with buttons that strained whenever he flexed an arm. "Well, I am doubting its structural integrity."

She then noticed the watch clasped around his left wrist. She hadn't looked at it too closely before, but now she could see that its face wore the same symbol that was etched into her necklace. When she glanced around the room, she was sure every member of the family displayed the crest in some sort of fashion.

"Two minutes," Alice called, perched at the edge of the loveseat.

"That's my cue," Emmett whispered conspiratorially, glancing at Rosalie. But then, his expression smoothed, his eyes softening as he regarded Bella. "Good luck."

The next whole minute felt like a lifetime as the chatter died down to murmurs. Edward leaned forward beside her, and it took all of her willpower to not scoot away at the reminder of his presence.

"You will be okay, Bella," she heard him say.

No, she wanted to say. No—in the end, I really won't be.

Bella's eyes focused on the front door, and surely enough, it opened in the next few seconds. Carlisle—who she hadn't seen in days—walked in first, followed by a vampire who was unknown to her.

Red eyes, and a long coat of night. Demetri, she presumed. The flash of the pendant around his neck, a metallic and bold V, told her all she needed to know.

Alice appeared by the door, poised, with eyes dancing with mischief, as if she knew something no one else did—which was Alice in her most natural form, Bella decided.

"Alice, as beautiful as ever," Demetri addressed her formally, planting a chaste kiss on the back of her hand.

"Demetri," she acknowledged smoothly.

He then greeted each member of the Cullens by their name distantly, but politely.

"And this is Isabella Swan," Carlisle introduced, when Demetri's eyes at last landed on Bella.

"Isabella Marie Swan," Demetri said, his voice deep, and rich. Bella straightened, feeling that warning at the base of her spine as he approached. "Soon-to-be Isabella Marie Cullen. Hello."

He stood before her with narrowed, amused eyes. He offered his hand, and after a brief scan of the room, Bella took it, letting him pull her to her feet. She was guided to the center of the living area, the skirt of her dress dancing airily around her thighs.

He circled once around her, examining. "It's a shame you keep that pretty neck hidden."

No one said a word at that. Jasper merely glanced away when Bella searched for him.

"You are a ghost," he concluded, his tone a mix between appreciation and irritation. "A shield."

"Yes," she replied quietly.

"A mental shield, is that right?"

"We are submitting an amendment to Carlisle's declaration," Jasper interjected from the furthest corner of the room. "Her physical shield is recent."

"Oh?" Demetri acknowledged pleasantly. "Edward Cullen and I aren't the only ones who have some frustration with you, it seems."

Bella remained silent as he stared at her some more—the concentration on his face enough evidence that he still tried to catalog her. He circled her once more.

"Aro would love to meet you," he purred, pausing in front of her. "Would you like to meet him, Isabella Swan?"

"Who?" She asked, clutching her hands together.

"Who?" Incredulous, Demetri laughed. "Who indeed." He flicked his gaze to Carlisle. "She has much to learn, but they all do, don't they? But I'm sure you'll bring her to Volterra once she's turned." He reached out a hand, hovering just beneath her chin. "Show off what a prize you've found."

Demetri then turned to Edward. "She is intended for you, is she not?" He grinned knowingly. "I do hope you follow through this time."

Swallowing, Bella searched for Jasper's attention, but his gaze was fixed on Demetri.

Edward smiled easily. "She is my everything."

"I'm sure," Demetri murmured. "Come. Let me see the two of you together. For Aro's own amusem*nt."

Edward stepped forward, and Bella looked away when he stood close. Her stomach trembled when she felt his hand brush her waist, pulling her to his side.

"Smile, bellissima," Demetri encouraged, as if taking a picture. It was the first time she noticed any hint of an Italian accent from him.

Bella tried to smile, and she hoped she did.

Alice came up to Demetri and pressed a small piece of paper in his palm. "For our kings," she said graciously. "While I have their messenger here, I figured I would use him."

"Dearest Alice." He tasted her name and looked at her with wicked glee. "Unfortunately for you, I deliver messages, not love letters."

"Love plays no part in court," she quipped, and then turned her head in dismissal. "Jasper, the Visitation."

Jasper stepped forward and handed him a larger document "Visitation. All coven members were present, and all coven members have signed," he said, indicating at something that was written with a finger.

"Ah, paperwork," Demetri said distastefully. He folded it and tucked it into the inner pocket of his coat, along with whatever Alice had given him. He turned to address Carlisle. "Congratulations on your newest addition. We hope she smoothly transitions within the next eight months." He glanced swiftly at Bella."Lovely to meet you, Ms. Swan."

Bella said nothing. She merely watched as Demetri's red eyes politely scanned the room, acknowledging the presence of each member of the family. Jasper and Carlisle walked out with him, and Bella was left standing as Rosalie and Emmett disappeared upstairs.

When she turned around, she found Edward to be gone as well.

Lingering in the kitchen, Esme asked tentatively, "Would you like anything, Bella?"

Bella approached her and leaned against the island, suddenly feeling entirely exhausted. Her hand went up to her chest, where the necklace dug into her chest. "I borrowed this." She picked up the pendant, the weight so unusually heavy. "Am I crazy, or is it… weighted?"

"Ours are weighted," Esme confirmed, her hand tapping her own necklace, which was identical to Bella's. "We'll barely feel it otherwise."

Bella reached back to unclasp hers. It took her a minute to finally fumble through the chain, and she laid it flat on the counter.

When she looked up at Esme Cullen, there was despair in those golden eyes as they stared at the pendant. "I am sorry, Bella."

Emptily, she responded, "It doesn't hurt anymore."

"Maybe not physically." Esme's fingers toyed with the necklace. "You know, he can hardly look at me."

"Edward?"

"He's ashamed."

"As he should be."

And they seemed in quiet agreement.

The next day, Bella met Jasper in his library for more shield practice. Jasper didn't want to lose their momentum, and insisted that they work diligently to ensure that her physical shield was consistent, and that she was able to raise and lower it on demand.

Bella sat at the chair in front of Jasper's desk and flipped through her Chemistry textbook, mindlessly reading through paragraphs to maybe have a semblance of what was going on in the class. If she showed up for the midterm, she figured she should at least avoid completely flunking it.

Occasionally, she would feel an unusual emotion thrown her way—entirely without warning. She would be expected to protect herself as quickly as possible. Fear, anger, glee, despair. A hurricane of emotional influence.

This went on for a few hours.

"Carlisle seemed very pleased," Bella said absently, flipping to another page.

Jasper flipped a page of his own; he was reading through a thick binder at his desk. "You're giving him a lot to brag about."

"A prize," Bella said, thinking of Demetri's words.

Jasper seemed to agree. "The gifted are cherished, prized possessions. Your name's probably being thrown around all over court."

"Is that where Carlisle was the last week? Court?"

Jasper's gaze connected with hers. "Yes. He has more of an incentive to visit now that he has declared a gifted addition to his coven. You give him a little more leverage when it comes to playing politics."

And then, Bella remembered, pronouncing the name awkwardly, "Aro—he's one of your kings, I assume? Demetri had mentioned him."

"Our three kings. Aro, Caius, and Marcus."

Marcus was the most bland name out of the three. "And why would I meet Aro?"

"Tradition. When a high ranking coven leader adds a gifted, everybody talks. And Aro certainly would want to meet anyone stirring the conversation. It's his court, primarily."

"But there are two other kings."

"Power of that sort can never be truly and evenly split, Bella. There will always be an outranking king. And that king is Aro—his gift is the strongest and most... effective in a court setting." He thumbed through a stack of paper, and before she could ask, he answered, "He can read your mind—but not just your current thoughts. He can read every single thought you've ever had, and experience every moment you've stored in your brain."

Even the idea of that made her feel entirely naked. "Wow." But then a smugness kept up onto her. "But… would it work on me?"

A small smile spread on his lips. "Always the exception. No, I don't believe it would."

"So, if Aro's gift lets him see through every thought and experience… there would be nothing you could hide from him."

"Hence why our justice system is dictated by his gift alone. You cannot commit a crime and escape Aro's clutches. If he gets a whiff of it, he can grab the evidence through just a touch."

"Just a touch," Bella repeated. "He has to touch to read minds?"

"Correct."

The door behind her opened, and she twisted to see Alice dancing in. A smile on her face.

She came forward and knelt by her, and Bella suddenly felt like she was in primary school again, a teacher crouched at her level.

"Bella," she sang in delight. "How are you?"

Bella's eyes went up to Jasper first, who was pointedly scribbling something down. And then, she looked down at Alice. "I'm okay."

"Just okay?" Her gaze fell to Bella's fingers that rested on her book. She snatched her hand, examining her fingers. "I think we should get your nails done."

Bella tried to yank her hand back. "Why?"

Mischief swirled in those golden eyes, a knowing stare. "Edward is thinking Valentine's Day."

And immediately, Bella knew what she meant. "You're insane."

From the corner of her vision, she could see that Jasper's hand had stilled, the thought forgotten.

Alice simply glanced down at the fingers in her grip. "And you don't moisturize your cuticles or use any polish. When Edward slides that gorgeous rock onto your finger, you're going to want these looking flawless." Bella shot to her feet, the textbook tumbling down. Alice blocked her way. "Don't be so shy. I see you saying yes."

"Your visions are lying to you."

She only grinned. "Do you know why you're saying yes?"

Bella tried to get around her. "I'm going to say no."

"You're saying yes, because you love him so, so, so much."

"You are as delusional as he is."

Her face twisted into something ugly. "In one phone call, I can have Renee Dwyer's spine snapped into two. Better yet, I can do it myself. You're pushing my hand here, Bella."

Color drained from Bella's face. And at that, Alice's features returned to their effortless grace. "Now, when Edward gets down on his knees and asks for your hand, what will you tell him?"

Bella swallowed, her voice weak, and wavering. "Don't do this, Alice. You're already killing me."

She lifted a shoulder casually. "Edward is old fashioned, what can I say? He's stubborn, too." She sighed prettily. "I have to do what I have to for my brother's happiness."

"I hate your brother."

Amused, Alice's gaze slid to Jasper. "Does she?"

That was when Jasper placed the pen down. His tone—level, and diplomatic. "Somehow, I don't think that matters to you."

She grinned, feline.

"Why push for this?" Bella demanded. "Why?"

"As I said, Edward is old fashioned." Her face tightened, her lips thinning. The impatience was evident. "You've refused him enough."

"He almost killed me."

"Almost!" She chirped. "Though you just might pass out when you see that ring. The cut, the quality… oh, Bella, you lucky girl."

Lucky?

"Alice," Jasper said, and there was barely a hint of a warning there; a hand outstretched towards the door. "Enough."

"Oh, watch your tone," she crooned in return. "You forget you're talking to a Cullen."

"Cullen," he considered. Unspoken words danced between them until finally, the tension in Jasper's shoulders eased. "Apologies," he relented, "Alice Cullen."

Satisfied, Alice sauntered to Bella. "Baby pink. Your nails will be baby pink, beautiful Bella. They shouldn't outshine the sparkle of those three carats." She patted her head, as one would do to a good pet. "And plaster that pretty smile on your face. Edward can't read your mind, but he's not blind."

A/N: This chapter: Color-coding your food, a Volturi visitation, and a questionable soon-to-be proposal.

A little taste for what's coming up:

"Mating is a two-way ritual. You told me this. I would never say those words to him, and I would never complete any ritual."

Jasper paced back to his desk. "When have you ever had a choice in anything when it comes to the Cullens? Bella, don't be ridiculous."

See you next week.

Chapter 30

Chapter Text

Bella took one deep breath and felt that she was choking.

She was taking in too much air too quickly, with her chest rising and falling rapidly—uneven and unregulated. The symptoms were easily diagnosable, and ones she had experienced a handful of times before. Breaths too shallow, and not enough to satisfy her lungs, she knew she was hyperventilating. A panic attack.

Alice had left not five minutes ago, yet her fading, dominant aura still suffocated her. The chair beneath her dug into her spine, and the library walls seemed to close in on her. She wanted to beg someone to rip open those long curtains and let in some fresh air.

Jasper's presence barely registered when she saw him kneeling before her. And he was speaking. "In times of fear, you put up your shield. Have you realized that? That's very good, Bella."

Good? This was good? She could barely breathe.

A hand was atop hers on her lap, firm, and grounding. His voice was a welcome distraction. "Yesterday, during Demetri's visit, you did the same. The moment Edward stepped up beside you, you built up your shield. Why do you think Alice rushed through the Visitation? She wanted Demetri out of there as quickly as possible, because suddenly, someone turned off the lights." Jasper glanced down at their hands. "Breathe, Bella."

"I'm trying," she whispered hoarsely.

"When we were out in the clearing," he continued, "Alice didn't know where I was." He shifted until he could pull his phone out of his pocket. Tapping on it a few times, he faced the screen to her. She could make out his call log, in which there appeared to be multiple missed calls. When she squinted down, she could see it was just from a few days ago—all from Alice, and all around the time they would have been practicing her shield in the woods. Jasper said with just a hint of satisfaction, "She doesn't take her blindness lightly."

Another deep breath. "My shield was around you?"

"No. I don't believe you've gotten strong enough for expansion yet. I'm not even sure if it's something you're capable of—as a human, at least. But with the way Alice's visions work, our timelines blend when we interact. And if she can't see you, she can't see our joint timeline."

Once she focused on it, she could feel the raw thrum of power that was her shield. And it peeked at her from the corner of her vision; pulsing, and red.

Bella closed her eyes, the faint beginnings of a headache creeping in. "She hasn't seen this conversation? She… can't?"

"Alice? No."

"And the house is empty." Not a question, but a statement.

When she opened her eyes, Jasper was studying her. "How do you know?"

A deep breath, and another. Her shoulders relaxed, and she squeezed his hand tighter. "Because you'd never be this close to me otherwise."

The amusem*nt she saw on his face was comforting. "It wouldn't be appropriate for me to be this close to Edward's bride-to-be, would it?"

"Stop."

He straightened to his feet, his hand slipping away. "Alice is entirely too fixated on you."

"The matchmaker from hell," Bella murmured, trying to find her calm and hold onto it. "She wants me to marry Edward… just for Carlisle's sake? Why? You said he didn't care about marriage."

"It's Edward's prerequisite."

"For sex?" She knew that wasn't true.

His eyes cut to her. "What matters to us, Bella? If not marriage, then what?"

Instantly, she knew the answer, but it was eternally damning. She immediately refuted, "They can't."

"They can't?" He challenged.

"Mating is a two-way ritual. You told me this. I would never say those words to him, and I would never complete any ritual."

Jasper paced back to his desk. "When have you had a choice in anything when it comes to the Cullens? Bella, don't be ridiculous."

And then, her heart was sinking—deeper, and deeper.

You will make a fine mate to my son, Isabella Swan.

The fear brought her to her feet. The adrenaline, without warning, pumped through her body. Meeting Jasper's eyes, she said, "That's what they want." She didn't control the power in her voice. She couldn't. "That's what they f*cking want. If I'm mated to Edward, I am stuck with him until I die." Her hands clawed at her hair. "Edward will remain loyal to the Cullens, and so will I."

"Forever," Jasper added grimly. "Carlisle has two goals. The first is to kill you, and the second is to force you through a mating ritual so that you are permanently tied to his coven. Alice has been tasked from the very beginning to facilitate your safety so you are able to transition before Edward has any chance to kill you."

Her breaths were shallower again. "You couldn't tell me this the moment I walked into this goddamn library two months ago?"

"No."

"Why?" She demanded, and her pulsing shield at the corner of her vision gave her the answer. "Because of Alice?"

Alice Cullen knows everything. She's the most frightening creature I have ever met.

Features tightening, she accused, "You stayed quiet because you were afraid of Alice?"

"I stayed quiet because it wasn't my place. The Cullens will recruit the way they do, and I have no say in their procedures. On the contrary, I'm expected to support it."

"So you took one look at me, and thought, this is fine?"

His tone was both tame and thunderous. "I took one look at you and saw myself."

Her heart fluttered uselessly as the injustice wrecked through her. "A prisoner."

His silence only affirmed it, and then he swiftly moved on. "We've established Carlisle's motives."

Bella's lips curled downward as she numbly lowered herself back to the chair. "Kill me, and then mate me."

"But Alice's behavior is rooted into something else entirely. Her fixation on you is… unusual."

The answer was easy, wasn't it? "She's supporting Carlisle's motives."

But Jasper disagreed. "Alice wouldn't go this far unless it directly benefited her."

"It benefits her to strengthen the coven."

He shook his head, firm. "Vampires are solitary creatures. We'll band together for protection, but we will always serve ourselves first. Carlisle's direct order was to protect you, not emotionally manipulate you into a relationship with Edward Cullen." He studied her. "Alice's loyalty is to herself—she's a Cullen only by name and diet."

"But she is a Cullen. More so than you."

"She bears the last name, and she's given up human blood. She'll obey Carlisle's orders for the sake of appearances, but don't think for a moment she'll go one step beyond for anyone but herself."

He spoke so bitterly that Bella couldn't help but want to question their history. Obviously, Jasper knew a great deal about Alice if he felt that he could judge her this way. But he continued without pause, "Most will not see beyond your shield. It's too valuable, and too enticing. That's all Carlisle sees, and it's certainly all Italy and the rest of the coven leaders will see. You aren't a person anymore, Bella. You are a shield and a weapon to wield in battle and politics. And Alice… she sees something there that she can twist to her advantage."

"And you?"

He'd been in thought, but Bella caught the way he stilled. "What about me?"

"And how are you using me?"

"How am I using you?"

Bella dug her fingers into her knees and stared at him. "Besides my blood, what are you gaining from this?"

He braced his hands on the top of his desk. And then, something glimmered in his eyes when he averted her gaze—something hopeful, but pained. Something wild, yet forcefully reserved. It made Bella's heart beat faster as she rose back to her feet and slowly approached him. She was at the other side of his desk, suddenly terrified. Any answer he would give her would entirely break her, wouldn't it? He was the only one in this mess that she could say she trusted—and even that was a stark realization of its own. The vulnerability she felt at that moment was crushing.

Say something, she pleaded silently at the same time she wanted to tell him, Don't you dare open your mouth. Don't you dare snap my world into two.

And then, the room spun in one dizzying motion as the backs of her thighs collided with the desk, and Jasper leaned in, trapping her. A low, firm demand, "Raise it. You dropped your shield."

In times of fear, you put up your shield.

Correlation did not, in fact, equal causation.

Hardly breathing, she immediately closed her eyes, letting his fresh scent of pine wash over her. Her hands were supporting her on the desk behind her, and when she shifted them, she felt the coolness of his own hands nearby.

The headache was now a dull pain that pressed behind her eyes. But she pushed on—searching, floundering in her mind to stabilize that darkness. The misty haze locked together to solidify the night beneath her eyelids, and finally, she found her orb.

"Very good," Jasper praised.

She didn't even want to open her eyes.

"Now, look at me."

She shook her head, feeling the heaviness in her chest. The foreboding prediction of betrayal. Helplessly, she only said, "Just tell me."

She felt fingers on her chin, and his words brushed her face gently, "There are many self-serving things I could do, Bella. Too many."

When he didn't speak again, her eyes popped open unwillingly, and stared into his red, calculating ones. A fearful, light whisper. "Like what?"

His other hand came up from the desk behind her and ghosted over her temple, and down the side of her face, catching the wisps of hair and smoothing them to the side. "You're very afraid."

"You can't feel me."

"I don't have to feel you."

Bella gritted her teeth, his mere presence an inch away dizzying. "Self-serving things," she repeated. "Explain."

He watched as her hair curled around his fingers. "Stealing a Cullen bride, for one." There was pure mischief in that gaze. "Plucking her out of this mess and throwing her into mine." He then looked at her, and there was the wickedness she had been searching for; the wickedness that terrified her. Yet, his tone remained quietly wondrous. "No one would sense, Bella. No one would have the foresight to know that you would be gone. It would be too late by the time anyone realized that you were hours away—already burning, already changing. For me. My venom, smoldering through your body, shaping you into the creature that I need."

His words sounded damning, because they should be. But the allure peaked out from beneath, and unexpectedly, Bella didn't feel so terrified anymore.

The tips of his fingers traced down her jaw as his other hand came up to pull away the scarf that had been tightly wound around her, exposing her throat.

"Do you know," he asked suddenly, "how sire loyalty works?" He then smiled at her, incredulous. "You don't, because why would you? You haven't even breached half of our Tome, yet." His eyes traced her skin, down to her neck. "Maybe you should just ask me. It's only fair, per our contract. I'll save you some reading."

Bella found her voice, and she watched as his eyes widened ever so slightly as her throat bobbed. "What is a sire bond?"

He bowed his head in acknowledgment, bringing their faces closer. "Your sire takes your life and gives you death, power, and strength—all through their venom. As your own venom develops and binds with theirs, it provides you temporary strength, and that's what we call the newborn phase. And until your own venom completely overtakes theirs in your body, you will feel the bond between you. It will force loyalty, respect, and submission."

Unblinking, she asked, "How long does that take? For the body to be rid of the sire's venom?"

"You're asking how long it would take for you to be free?" He seemed to like that question, his eyes dancing across her face. "A couple months to a year." His fingers were at her throat, fingernails so sharp and rigid down the side of her neck, where Edward's own fingers had faded, but not quite gone. "Alice said no teeth on here, but she can't see this now, can she?"

Bella felt the immediate need to search for her shield. And she did, ensuring it was up—strong, and protecting. Breathily, she asked, "Necks are far too intimate, even for Alice?"

"Yours, certainly." Darkened eyes stared at her jugular. "I've thought about this often. Right here. On my desk."

Oh, lord. "Often?"

He murmured, "Just more self-serving things."

"And Edward doesn't hear those thoughts?"

"Would you like for him to hear them, Bella?"

His hand had trailed down to her neckline, thumb brushing over her collarbone. Bella swallowed, feeling his hand shift. "Is this… what is this? Dazzling?"

"I'll call it shield training. You're blocking me beautifully." A lazily smile graced his lips. "Plausible deniability."

"What for?"

His face slowly dove into her neck, and she anticipated a bite, but only felt his words brush her skin, "Whatever this is."

He inhaled, and Bella bit back a moan from just how tightly he was pressed against her.

"Whatever this is," she breathed in response, her head light, and airy. Dizzying, disorienting. Vampires. And then, somehow finding a sliver of sanity, she took them back to their previous conversation. Stealing a Cullen bride.

Boldly, and more firmly, she asked, "So, what's next? You take me, and then you turn me."

She could feel his lips just hovering over her neck. "In that order?"

"What?"

She went still when his mouth came down on her skin, and she braced for the pain. But there were no teeth; she only felt his smile. "I take you, I turn you, and I gain your loyalty."

"And then?"

"And then…" He pulled back enough to look at her, the longing so evident, and new. "I'd hide behind your shield for the rest of my goddamned life."

Under his gaze, her curiosity only bloomed. Bella wanted to know more. She wanted to understand the changing process—the duration, the sensations, and her ultimate fate. She wanted Jasper to talk about all of the self-serving things he could do that, at that moment, sounded like it would benefit her more than anything. If any of those things got her far away from the Cullens…

"More," she whispered. "Tell me more."

"More," he said levelly, soberly, and his smile vanished. There was a hollowness to his eyes that dissipated the ease between them. "There is no more, Bella. The plan is foolish."

He stepped away from her, and she had to catch herself on the desk behind her to keep from falling forward. She hadn't truly realized just how close they had been, how much she had relied on him to keep her upright.

"I don't think it's foolish," she said.

He stood before her again, but this time, with ample space between them. She unconsciously leaned into his fingers that came up to her chin. The gentleness in his voice evaporated as he told her methodically, "Your shield might not hold when you're actively changing, and we'd be caught within hours—if not the Cullens, then Demetri. He couldn't catalog you, but he certainly knows how to find me." He looked away then. "And even if we managed to avoid that, once our sire bond dissolves, you'd realize very clearly what kind of a life I'd forced you into. One where we can't stop for more than a few days at a time, where we're constantly hunted, and on the run—in which case, you'd likely give me up the very next chance you got."

"I would?"

His face was grave. "Absolutely."

Bella brushed a hand over her neck, where she had felt Jasper's mouth just moments before. His words settled into her brain—the what ifs, so useless, and pointless. Because none of it would come to fruition, she knew. Deep down, she knew it so well that the knowledge didn't even have the time to crush her soul before she said, "You would never do it anyway."

"No?"

Bella looked down, glaring at the carpet, almost angry; the odd desire, lust—whatever it was, floated away like smoke. "If my shield held through my change, and if I swore I wouldn't give you up in the aftermath… you still wouldn't take me away, would you?"

Jasper watched her, silent.

"You wouldn't," Bella insisted, "because it wouldn't make sense." She took a step closer, invading his space, this time. "See, the difference between us, Jasper, is that if Alice is successful, my sentence to the Cullens extends for eternity. Yours will end. And you're better off waiting it out than risking it further." Defiantly, she leaned forward, eyes locking with his. "So, it's actually more self-serving for you to completely ignore me."

Jasper tilted his head up, looking down at her. "Is it?"

"Yes."

"You are an intelligent woman, Bella."

The praise did nothing for her because suddenly, she felt entirely alone. "Perhaps not intelligent enough to be caught in this trap." She went around him, walking to the door. "Thank you for helping me with my shield. I know there isn't much you would do, and I can respect that." She turned to look at him once more. "After all, for you, it is the most self-serving thing to do nothing."

In one phone call, I can have Renee Dwyer's spine snapped into two.

Bella listened to the dial tone on her own phone, part of her praying, hoping that she would pick up. Bella hadn't given Alice any reason to act against her mother. She hadn't seen Alice in days.

But why wasn't her mother picking up?

Bella tried again, the anxiety pumping through her veins. By the third try, the dial tone ended abruptly.

"Oh, sweetie, I was just about to call you," her mother said excitedly.

Even though Bella knew that was a lie, she tried to respond with some semblance of cheer, "I guess I caught you first."

"You did, honey. How are you?"

How was she? She was in bed, and it was six in the evening on a Monday. Her emotions were running too high for comfort, and she felt her throat constrict before she could even speak. "I just wanted to hear your voice."

"My voice—" And it was too obvious, wasn't it? The despair, and the crack in her tone. "Bella, are you okay?"

"No," she told her truthfully through a partial sob. "I am not."

Renee's tone softened. "Is it a boy?"

She wished. She so wished it was something petty and stupid like that. It was only now that she realized how she took those things for granted—those simple non-problems that she had made into problems.

But what could she tell her mother? "Life has been… hard, lately."

"College applications stressing you out? Honey, I know you'll get in."

She hadn't even applied. Sniffling, she asked, "How are you and Phil?"

Renee sighed as she thought for a second. "We're good—great, actually. Nothing especially new." She paused. "I should see you. Soon! Let's get away for a weekend, just like New Years."

New Years. Her eyes flashed to her bedroom wall—the one where Jasper had against after he'd been starving in her absence. It certainly was a better memory than the one with Edward attempting to squeeze the life out of her.

"Sure. I just—mom, will you promise me something?"

"Anything, honey."

"Be safe, okay? Just be safe."

The words that should have been comforting, only scared Bella more when she uttered them. There wasn't any way a human could be safe in this scenario. Defenseless, weak, and useless.

"Phil takes good care of me," she said soothingly over the phone. "And I'm barely old."

"You're younger than me most days," Bella attempted to joke, but the words dried like ash on her tongue. "I love you, and..." Even if we aren't that close, and even if you don't think of me most days. "...I just love you."

"I love you so much, my sweet girl."

After they hung up, Bella wiped at her eyes, and headed downstairs. She gave her father a hug in the kitchen. As his warmth enveloped her—calm, and secure, like no force could tear them apart—she thought, if not for mom, you would be next. She didn't doubt for a second that Alice would use everything Bella held dear to get her to comply.

Alice wouldn't go this far unless it directly benefited her.

But it benefited the coven, so it benefited her. Jasper's observation regarding her lack of loyalty only threw her in for a loop.

But Alice wasn't always a Cullen.

She felt a comforting hand down the back of her head as Charlie placed a quick kiss on her forehead. "You're okay, Bella."

She hadn't even realized she had been crying. "I'm sorry."

He pulled away, face gentle. "You'll tell me when you're ready." The trust she saw in his eyes only broke her just a little more. And maybe he sensed that, because he added, "Or you won't. You're an adult—more of one than I am, I'm sure." He glanced at the stove. "Mac-n-cheese for dinner for three nights in a row. You need to stop me."

Bella laughed against his chest, a couple of tears flowing and disappearing into his shirt.

Once they were finishing up dinner, Charlie at last told her, "Whatever's causing you this much pain, just know—not one feeling, or one moment lasts forever."

Bella stared down at her half-eaten plate. She didn't know how to respond. The sentiment was so pure, and simple, and human. Forever didn't exist for mortals, so why would we even bother? "Did you read that on a fortune cookie?"

"You don't seem like you believe me," he said, grabbing her plate. "But it will pass, Bella. Like anything and everything else. Like me, like your mother. Nothing is constant."

How untrue, and naive, Bella thought. The mortal innocence she once possessed now ceased to exist.

A/N: This chapter: A mating nightmare, self-serving things, and foolish plans.

A little taste for what's coming up:

Another text came in, Are you teasing me, Isabella Swan?

Bella bit back a smile and told Alice, "I should eat." And she typed back, Were you lying when you told me you thought often about feedings on your desk?

Alice left the kitchen and headed towards the front door. "We'll go see Edward tomorrow," she called.

But Bella barely heard her as she read Jasper's response, I wasn't lying. The door slammed shut, and a second text followed, And I never said anything about feedings.

I will be on travel the next two weeks, so anticipate a delay for the next one.

Chapter 31

Chapter Text

The bruises on Bella's neck were barely noticeable by the end of the week.

Part of her wanted to continue the ruse of them: wear the turtlenecks and scarves for the rest of these remaining months so Edward would continue to stay away. But Alice showed up unannounced at her front door that Friday afternoon, grinning pleasantly at her neck as if she had anticipated and tracked her gradual healing to the day, hour, and minute.

As Bella stared at Alice, she felt the raw thrumming force of her shield covering her, the red flashing distant at the corner of her vision. The distinct tightness on Alice's face told her that she was blind, and Bella felt a warm smugness that helped her face this eerie vampire her boyfriend called a sister.

Boyfriend. What a disgusting joke.

Future fiance? A worse, unending nightmare.

Even with this slight power Bella had over Alice, she didn't exactly feel that she had the authority to deny her entry. The incredulous vampire lore regarding having to invite vampires in through your threshold to permit their entry didn't apply. And, much to Bella's great disappointment, vampires also didn't spontaneously combust beneath the sun. Maybe all of that would have given humanity too much of an advantage. Maybe vampires were truly meant to rule this world with no adversaries.

Why hadn't they enslaved humanity yet?

"Bella."

Alice's impatient tone had Bella taking a step to the side, letting her glide into the home. After curling her lip at the unwashed dishes in the sink, she approached Bella. "Scarf, please."

Bella felt that this was coming. Reluctantly, she unraveled the loop around her neck, and met Alice's pleased gaze. She gave her no warning before her fingers were on her throat. Cool, purposeful, and methodical. Bella couldn't deny that Alice had expertise here similar to Jasper's.

"Edward will be so happy," she purred, feeling all the way up to her lymph nodes. "He's been so excited to spend time with you."

Bella remained quiet.

"What's on your mind, Bella?" Alice asked as she smoothed Bella's hair around her shoulders. "You've been away from the house most of the week. You're making yourself missed." A pout. "Are you still upset about my comment?"

"Threatening my mother isn't something I take lightly, Alice."

"Stop trying to wiggle out of your future, and there would be no threats. It's really that simple. And is Edward really that bad?"

Alice smirked at her as if she knew exactly how bad he was, and Bella didn't feel she even deserved a response.

After being thoroughly poked and maneuvered this way and that by Alice Cullen, Bella finally patted her hands away. "You've done your examination. Will you leave?"

"I've protected you this entire time, and this is how you show your appreciation? You're welcome, by the way, for keeping Edward away because of this shield nonsense."

Bella brushed past her and headed for the kitchen. "At this point, I'd rather you let him kill me."

The silence that followed gave her pause. She peeked into the living room, where Alice stood completely still, a hand clenched into a fist.

And then Bella jumped. Alice appeared directly in her face, with a quiet warning, "Don't you dare ruin this for me, human."

Heart in her throat, Bella stared back. "Maybe Olivia had the right idea. Maybe she baited Edward for the right reason. Surely, anything would be better than being mated to him for eternity."

Instantly, Alice's fury vanished as a cool, contained smile appeared on her face. "Mating is just… a formality, Bella. Is this what you're so upset about?"

Pure rage filled Bella's veins. "I want nothing to do with him, and you expect me to be compliant with an eternal bond?"

"Eternal bond." Alice rolled her eyes. "These dramatics are pointless. Your life with him won't be much different. Sure—you'll feel your petty loyalty, and your respect, but do you really think Edward's going to stop playing with his humans once he's mated to you? Carlisle is such a dreamer."

"And so are you," Bella pointed out, "if you think Edward is going to care about me at all once I lose my human appeal."

"You know what I think? He has displeased Carlisle for way too long, and he'll have to play along just as you will." She swiped a quick finger down Bella's cheek, as if noting how cute she was. "Your mate is the golden child, and he has to meet his golden expectations."

"Tell me why you want this. You're not doing it for Edward, and you're not doing it for Carlisle."

She co*cked her head to the side. "I'm not?"

"What's in it for you?"

"Do you always ask your opponent to see their hand? You're a cheater with a piss-poor strategy."

The insult merely washed over her. "Are you not going to threaten me with my parents if I don't go through with the mating ritual? This is your end-goal, is it not?"

Alice examined her distastefully. "Narrow-minded, and predictably short-sighted. Once you join my world, you'll learn to play the long game, Isabella." And then, she began admiring her, fussing with her hair, and straightening out her shirt. Bella was transformed, momentarily, into the doll she so loved. "I have a dress for you—a gorgeous one that'll bring Edward to his knees. Literally. And now that your neck is healed, you can actually wear it."

"I don't want your dress."

Alice didn't even seem to hear her. "Your ring came back from the jeweler's today—sized, and impeccably polished. Edward left it out in the living room for the whole family to gawk at." Frowning at her face with scrutiny, she continued, "We'll need some blush for those cheeks. You're too pale." Her fingers pulled at her strands. "And you wash your hair too much. You've stripped away all its goodness." She sighed dramatically. "Come, Bella, we'll make a bride out of you yet."

Bella's phone buzzed on the counter. Both women looked over at the screen.

It was a text. Jasper.

Where are you?

Alice merely smiled at the phone. "Oh, Jasper's especially moody today."

Bella grabbed her phone, sarcasm heavy in her tone. "Why? Did he not like the ring?"

Alice laughed heartily, as if she were ridiculous. "No, Bella. I suspect he's just a little peckish. Go see him."

"Go see him?"

She rolled her eyes. "You have a contract, don't you?"

Bella texted back, I'm home. With Alice.

And now that she thought about it, it had been a long while since Jasper had a full feeding. Immediately, Jasper responded, Brutal.

Merely that acknowledgement made Bella smile.

"Ah yes," Alice praised. "That's the smile I want when Edward slips that solitaire onto your pretty, manicured finger."

A pleasant chill ran up her spine at the words that came on her screen. I want to see you.

"I'm surprised that you ever supported this contract," Bella said, texting back, Hungry?

The phone trembled in her hands, Terribly.

"Jasper was and still is your best resource," Alice said, scraping a fingernail over something on the counter. "Besides me, of course—but I have no patience for this incessant teaching." And then, she leaned in, so dangerously close to her neck. "And at least one of us should get to enjoy you in the meantime." She smiled, teeth and all. "If only Edward had a modicum of self control. Both of you would have so much fun together."

Bella flinched away. "Fun? Feeling my blood drain from my body isn't exactly pleasurable, Alice."

She hummed enticingly, her thoughts seemingly elsewhere. "It could be. Perhaps we'll let Jasper near your neck before you turn. Just once."

The blush crept up her cheeks at her words. She thought about when she was pressed into Jasper's desk, his hands on her face, his lips on her neck. There was something undeniably alluring about— "Necks. They're intimate."

She felt the instant desire in her veins as the room only grew slightly hotter. Her fingers texted a response, because she just couldn't help it. I recall you saying something about a desk. I can come over soon.

"Necks are deliciously intimate," Alice agreed, and it all the more made Bella wonder just how long ago Alice had joined the Cullens. How long ago she'd been with her golden eyes. Because none of the Cullens spoke this way. Humans were sacred, meant to be untouched. According to the Cullen doctrine, anyone who drank from them was sinful.

Another text came in, Are you teasing me, Isabella Swan?

Bella bit back a smile and told Alice, "I should eat." And she typed back, Were you lying when you told me you thought often about feedings on your desk?

Alice left the kitchen and headed towards the front door. "We'll go see Edward tomorrow," she called.

But Bella barely heard her as she read Jasper's response, I wasn't lying. The door slammed shut, and a second text followed, And I never said anything about feedings.

Bella walked into Jasper's library just half an hour later, her body buzzing with some weird anticipation. "Anyone home?"

Jasper was writing something at his desk, and his attention immediately flicked to her neck—bared open for the whole world to see. "No."

"It seems no one ever is. What's the point of this gorgeous house if they're always gone?"

Jasper smiled knowingly at the question. "The same reason why Esme's cabin exists."

"If they can't all fit in here, they need a bigger house."

"As I've said, vampires tend to be solitary creatures. There's simply never enough space."

Approaching him, Bella sat at her usual chair and clasped her hands together. His attention was still on whatever paperwork was in front of him, hand moving swiftly as he crafted words and finished sentences. When he was done, he placed the pen down and intertwined his fingers before him. There was something cool and distant about his tone when he asked, "Is our contract still valid?"

"Why wouldn't it be?"

He reached down, pulled open a drawer, and grabbed the paper that had tied them together for the past few weeks. Laying it flat, he slid it forward towards her.

Eyebrows drawn, Bella examined the familiar writing. "I have no reason to dissolve our agreement."

Jasper merely watched her, the silence between them suddenly awkward. Soon, the realization dawned on her that he probably didn't know how to function properly without his gift. Her shield greeted her from the corner of her vision, and Bella decided to throw him a bone. "I'm not upset with you."

"You should be."

She gave him a look. "Don't dig your own grave."

"I'm already dead, Bella."

"And do you think I like you less for it?"

A forlorn smile came and went, and Bella found that she didn't want to breach this topic. She was tired of it. There wasn't any way Jasper could help her beyond giving her the skills to work on her shield, and teaching her about immortality. Anything beyond that could jeopardize his own situation—and who was she for him to risk his freedom?

She got to her feet and approached him, fingers trailing the side of his desk, noting the darkness in his eyes. As she came around, his hand automatically latched onto her wrist, and he murmured, "Inexperienced as you might be, you understand the intricacies of my world." His thumb caressed her veins, contemplative. "We all serve ourselves, even if we appear to serve others."

"Selfishness and cruelty aren't traits exclusive to vampires. And what we have is a transaction—much like any other relationship. You won't save me from the Cullens, but I still need your guidance. I can't save you from your sentence, but you still need blood."

Approval gleamed in his eyes when his attention switched to her face. "A transaction."

"On paper, and in practice."

"With that mindset, you would do well in court." Another stroke of his thumb against her skin brought sparks up her arm. "How are you feeling, Bella?"

Something prideful crawled over her chest at the simple fact that she was entirely immune to Jasper's nosiness. But the pride vanished the moment she realized that her shield could do nothing for her besides keep her future blank, and emotions hidden. Just because Alice couldn't see what she would choose for breakfast tomorrow morning didn't mean she wasn't going to eat breakfast.

"Do my feelings really matter?" She asked through a sigh. "Let me kindly remind you that I'm a thing to possess, not a person. Edward's Bella. Edward's bride. Edward's mate."

"Carlisle's shield," he added.

"Jasper's blood bag."

He laughed at that, his fingers tapping on her skin delightedly. "The only part of you that you trade with me is your blood. That is true."

Was that true? Bella immediately doubted that as he tugged her closer with one pull. She was glad for her stance, because it would have been far too easy for her to topple down onto his lap. To her right was his desk, and she could practically see herself pinned to its other side as she had been just a few days ago.

Feedings? No. Jasper had other things in mind.

"Your shield is remarkable," he told her. "But your heartbeat always gives you away."

She had been staring far too long at a piece of wood that couldn't be interesting for any other reason. "What am I giving away?"

He only smirked at her, bringing her wrist up to his face. No bite. He was simply admiring his meal—its scent, its scenery—before he would soon dig in.

His chest moved in an inhale. "Tell me you've eaten."

"Salad and chicken." She shivered as he breathed her in again. "If that's to your satisfaction?"

"My satisfaction?"

Playful, she continued, "As a blood connoisseur, perhaps you can guide me on my diet. What do you like, and what can I do to improve?"

He paused, light reprimand in his tone, "You shouldn't offer things not clearly defined in our contract."

"What?" She laughed softly. "You could have dictated my meals, but you didn't?"

"I could have told you that your daily diet could only consist of lean meat, fruit, greens, grains, and water." He eyed her pleasantly. "No caffeine. No saturated fat. No artificial sugar."

"Cruel. How specific can these contracts get?"

"As specific as we'd like."

She turned to the side, her gaze catching on their contract on the desk. "And they are law-binding?"

"They are," he confirmed. "Contracts can be written up for any agreement to serve as proof for either party. If a contract is broken, it can be brought before court for trial."

"So if I don't give you enough blood, you'd throw me before your kings and seek justice?"

He chuckled, the sound so warm, and inviting. "Luckily, you could dissolve the contract before I even reach Italy. And then I would have no basis to hold you accountable."

Bella leaned against the desk, her wrist still in his grip. "You could have made it harder for me to dissolve the contract, but you didn't."

"Yes. I could have listed penalties. I could have dictated recurring dates for feedings. I could have done many things." His thumb still caressed her skin. "But our trade is simple. If I don't get blood from you, I get it somewhere else."

Basic economics. "You're saying I don't control the market."

"If you happen to be the only human left on this planet, maybe I'd lock you down properly."

Her free hand rested on the edge of the desk, drumming lightly. "And if you're smart, you'd siphon as much as you could and sell to the highest bidder."

"Money is irrelevant—especially in an apocalyptic situation such as that."

"I never said money. Maybe you'd gain some minions. Blood or servitude is your currency, right?"

He smiled. "No minions. Just freedom."

"And you'd trade me away in a heartbeat." Her tone was teasing, but she knew that there was an underlying truth to those words. Jasper's grip slipped away and she used both hands to hoist herself up to the desk behind her, feet dangling. "Was there ever concern of vampires dwindling the human supply?"

"At some point, yes." His eyes slid over to the stack of papers at the corner of the desk. "Now, killing is harder. And we have strict population control, which is why Carlisle had to go through a grueling process to announce your change. An influx of vampires would increase the demand for blood and naturally reduce the supply."

Bella hummed, and then asked the question that had been looming at the back of her mind, "Why haven't vampires just taken over the world? Your weaknesses against us are nonexistent."

"Why haven't we taken over the world?" He mused, pensive. "We're too late."

"Too late?"

"Humanity is at a stage where their technology will pose a real threat. Their defense systems are the main concern. Had the kings wanted, they could have made their move centuries ago, before the advent of advanced weaponry."

"Weaponry? But a gun couldn't kill a vampire."

"No," he agreed, "but a nuclear strike definitely could. Though the problem wouldn't be that they would try to use their nuclear systems against us—it would be that they would try to use them at all." His face was grim with the words, "They would destroy us, but they'd also destroy themselves, and the rest of this planet."

In that case, the cure would indeed be worse than the disease. "That's terrible."

"Hence why our law of exposure has been strengthened and reinforced over the years. Most Western countries have a nuclear arsenal. It's mostly for deterrence at this point, but imagine if humanity meets an opponent they simply cannot kill without resorting to that extreme."

"It must be avoided at all costs," Bella decided immediately. "There is no recovery from a global nuclear war."

"And our kings agree with that, and hence why they take exposure very seriously."

Bella looked directly down her left shoulder, her eyes landing on their contract. Her eyes scanned the words again, marveling at their simplicity. She brought them back to their previous conversation. "So, you didn't restrict me to a diet. It seems you also never specified that you'd only drink from my wrist."

Something glimmered in those eyes as he stood, prowling closer. "Correct."

"But you could have."

There was no hesitation as his hands rested on either side of her, stance wide, and domineering. Undeniably hungry. Bella felt dwarfed, even though she was the one elevated.

He lifted her chin with a finger, a predatory gaze at her neck. "You should know that contracts could be carefully crafted to be used against you. They can be overly-specific, caging you into a set of procedures that you have to abide by at all times, trapping you with consequences you'd rather never face. Or they can be generic enough for explicit misuse and trickery."

He was almost pressing into her knees—his jeans against hers. And if she only spread her legs… "Are you misusing me, Jasper?"

"I trust that you'll tell me if I am. Because, as I'm sure you're aware, I can't feel you."

She straightened her spine with pride, bringing their faces just a little closer. A solemn amusem*nt graced his features as he lifted her wrist to his lips. He took a hold of her other hand, as he always did, for her to squeeze. An emergency stop button.

But before he could bite, Bella tugged her wrist back down, sliding through his grip easier than she had anticipated. His closeness, this desk—her mind roamed and wandered and arrived at the observation, "Alice hasn't see this. She can't."

He watched her closely. Too close. "No."

Boldly, with her pulse accelerated, she took his hand and placed it on her shoulder, his thumb already at the base of her throat.

A spine-tingling rasp, as his fingers measured against her skin, "What exactly would you like me to do, Bella?"

Her shoulders moved in a small shrug, with a grin so pure yet daring. "I've heard about how fun this is supposed to be."

His fingers curled around the back of her neck, the pad of his thumb resting on her jugular. Assessing. "Who have you heard that from?"

"Alice."

Her name passed over him without reaction, which was curious.

"She used to drink from humans," she stated quickly.

Jasper leaned in, his nose almost brushing over her throat, but not quite. "I've already told you that she gave up human blood."

"But it doesn't seem like she did so willingly."

There was a sudden pause, and Bella noticed immediately how his hand twitched on the desk beside her thigh. He pulled back slowly. "Explain."

Bella blinked once, and then twice. The hand near her thigh inched closer. When she found the words, she spoke them slowly. "She examines me like a cut of meat—not that you don't, but I wouldn't expect that of someone who hasn't had your experience. And the comment she made earlier today… that at least one of you should get to… enjoy me. None of that tells me that she wants to be confined to this vegetarian lifestyle."

Jasper nodded along. "Alice is no more a Cullen than I am."

"Then why is she here?"

"She'd rather not be."

"Is she under a contract like you are?"

Deliciously, his hand on the desk snaked down, running against her outer thigh until it reached right adjacent to her knee. "I demand payment in return for these answers."

"You know you'll have it."

He leaned back in again, his breath caressing her face, her lips. "Will I? I wasn't even sure I could have this anymore."

"You can have me now."

There was pure wickedness in those red, gleaming eyes. "Can I?"

She breathed deeply through her racing heart. "It's in our contract."

He pressed closer, and any restraint Bella felt snapped with the sudden overdose of his scent, his presence. Her knees slowly slid to the side, inviting Jasper to step in closer as he settled between her legs.

"No," he said lowly. "No, it isn't."

Lips. She felt lips on her neck as her hand came up to his hair, fingers tangling in those blond curls. She was pulling him to her, perhaps encouraging him to finally sink his teeth in…

"Ask me about bite zones," he said against her jugular.

She gasped as his body dug into hers, her thighs widening around him. "Bite zones?"

A hand snaked through her left palm, and then circled around her wrist. "Your inner wrist: a pulse point, and highly sensitive. A bite will leave you tingling." He lifted her arm up to head-height, noting, "Yet the angles are often awkward, and easier to bruise."

He dropped her wrist, and Bella felt a large palm on her knee, his hand gliding up, his thumb digging into her— "Inner thigh. Femoral artery. Good blood flow, and even better play."

"Play?" She panted, the hand skirting down, two fingers tracing the inner seam of her jeans before swiping away.

And soon after, a hand inched up her side and found her collarbone. His palm covered impressive real estate as it glided up to her throat. "The neck. Cliche, and predictable, but extremely erogenous. Intimate." And then, his lips were there, and she felt him nip lightly. With another scrape of teeth, and a puff of his breath, Bella's thighs tightened together, her legs gradually inching to wrap around him. "A bite here, and things will naturally… escalate."

With their position, Bella couldn't imagine how it wouldn't. This was quickly becoming her favorite lesson.

"And the harder you breathe, the quicker your blood pumps," he continued, a hand running down her arm. His face, nestled in her neck, with teeth that teased on occasion, but never drew blood.

"Less effort for you," she whispered, her fingers digging into his hair, unashamedly pressing him closer, deeper into her neck.

His face trailed up, breathing her in as he did so. "If a vampire tells you they admire your blush, they're only admiring the closeness of your blood to your skin." His fingers stroked her throat, where his lips had been.

Her own lips parted when she felt the sharpness of his nails. "Are you going to bite me or not?"

"Is that a plea or a demand?"

"A question."

He grabbed at her wrist again, but Bella yanked it free stubbornly, staring into his eyes that were so full of mischief.

Jasper leaned back, tilting his head up, and baiting, "You tell me where you want my teeth, sweetheart."

Bella reached up to her neck, resting her fingers against his, eyes wide with a challenge.

A chuckle rumbled up his chest. "That's a dangerous game. I don't think I'm ready to lay you down on this desk just yet."

Just yet. "I have a bed, if that's better for you. Or are you all talk and no game?"

Just as she saw the swallow bob his throat, and the darkening eyes that seemed to devour her already—

Air.

Bella fell forward, her stomach dropping with the anticipation of a fall before she caught herself, balancing on the desk. Her two hands supported her weight as she pushed her legs back together, her body hot, breathing uneven.

Jasper was at the furthest end of the bookshelves. And then, a very unexpected voice said, "I'm sorry, I thought…"

Stiffening, Bella peered back at the door, meeting Esme's wide, golden eyes that began flicking back and forth between her and Jasper.

"Was there something you needed, Esme?" Jasper inquired, a casual hand caressing the spine of a book.

"No," she replied quietly, some sort of understanding on her face, which scooted Bella quickly to her feet. But before she could move towards her or say anything in the form of an explanation, the door was already shut. Esme was nowhere in sight.

Jasper waited a few seconds before dropping his hand from the shelf. His eyes were lighter when they turned to her. Maroon.

"Esme was here?" Bella asked, her hands shaking slightly.

He shook his head, his gaze distant.

Jasper must have sensed her. "Then—"

"She just came home." He ran a firm, frustrated hand over his jaw as he waited for a few seconds. "And she just left."

"Did she say anything?"

"She offered that we use her cabin."

This was mortifying. "Jasper, how—"

His eyes darted to her with muted fury. "I didn't hear her, Bella."

A/N: This chapter: Alice's scrutiny, bite zones, and... malfunctioning hearing?

All the love to my beta glowingivy and triinityz for pre-reading.

A little taste for what's coming up:

"I was in love with her from the very beginning," he told her fondly. "It was her who was reluctant."

"You're mated. Don't you think she loves you?"

Emmett shrugged, and it was almost heartbreaking when he said, "Maybe."

See you (hopefully) next week, as I slowly return back to normal life.

Chapter 32

Chapter Text

"You didn't hear her?" Bella's eyes were still fixed on the library door, where Esme Cullen had stood just moments before. Bella hadn't had a second to even acknowledge her. "How did you not hear her?"

There were mere moments of tense silence before Jasper finally turned and said, "Let me take you home."

"Don't you need to feed?"

"I will feed." He glanced once at the door. "But I think we've established that I'm incapable of doing that here."

Her hands found each other, tucking themselves behind her. "Incapable?"

"Unacceptable."

There was no mistaking that there was something off about his composure. His eyes, devoid of all the hunger she had just witnessed moments ago, were rounded and alert. There was an impatient quality about him as he paced to his desk. With a sweep, he gathered the documents, including their contract, and placed them in the drawers accordingly. The movements were practiced, precise, and methodical. Though his eyes—they were distant, and distracted.

He hadn't answered her question, and his expression only told her to defer it.

"Okay," she said. "Take me home."

Bella followed Jasper out of the room, down the stairs, and out the front door. He brought forth his arms in offering. It was clear that his mind had been elsewhere—thinking, rethinking, calculating. Though, at that moment, whatever had been swarming in his brain paused momentarily, as there was no mistaking the softening of those intense eyes when he hoisted her into his arms.

And then, they were running. Flying. There was only the sound of the rustling leaves and the gush of wind as she was cradled against the climate.

Once nature stopped whizzing past her, she anticipated the feel of the ground beneath her soles, but once she opened her eyes, Jasper still held her. He was looking at her house from where they stood beneath the trees. "Your father's home."

"That's fine," she said, slightly breathless from the unnatural speed. "He wouldn't just barge into my room; he respects my boundaries."

"I can't trust that."

"You would hear him."

His jaw immediately tightened. "Would I?"

"Jasper—"

"Esme's it is. She's more than willing to offer up her vacant residence."

"Esme doesn't know you drink from me," Bella pointed out. "She probably assumes…" God, how was she going to look at her anymore?

"I don't particularly care what she assumes, Bella. I want your blood, and I'd much prefer to have a quiet, secluded place where you can rest appropriately after."

Her bedroom would be fine, but it seemed Jasper was losing trust in his own freakish hearing capabilities. He added, "And I owe you information. About Alice." He held her gaze. "After you pay."

She stared at him for another second, and then relented with a nod.

Jasper whisked them in another direction, and in only just a few minutes, Bella finally felt the stability of the ground beneath her feet.

Esme's cabin greeted them from beneath tall, thick trees—a calm, serene picture in the late afternoon air. As they walked up the main path, Jasper was the one to reach forward and push open the door.

And what Bella walked into was a nightmare.

There was so much red. Flowers, banners, glitter. A celebration had exploded into the living room, the confetti and rose petals overflowing into the kitchen.

Congratulations, read a huge string of letters that hung over two large bookshelves, along with little figurines of rings and champagne glasses.

"Oh my god," she whispered, her feet barely making it inside before Jasper shut the door behind them. "This is for…"

Jasper's gaze swept once over the living area. "You." He stepped beside her. "It seems we've ruined the surprise."

Her engagement to Edward. Was he meant to propose here? Was this a warning? "Esme must have known."

"I doubt it," he murmured. "This is all Alice." The petals on the ground were fake, Bella realized, as Jasper's boots crunched on them. He paced all the way to the bedroom, the double frosted doors wide open. "All Alice."

Bella's heavy feet trudged to stand beside him at the threshold. She took in the bed—so drenched in red rose petals that they blanketed the white sheets entirely. The initials E and B were spelled out in a darker shade of crimson right in the middle.

Valentine's Day was in just a few days, wasn't it?

Hands clenching and unclenching, Bella gritted her teeth. "What? I say yes and Alice assumes Edward will magically attain some self-control as my fiancé and take me to bed?" She felt like throwing up just saying it.

Jasper turned to her, an eerie calm to his face. "Any alone time is forfeited given that you have your shield up."

"Thank God for that." She turned away, arms crossed tightly, head shaking in disbelief. She did one slow circle of the living area, her eyes examining the detail, the absurd planning, and the almost forceful romantic aura Alice had attempted to curate.

Sighing, she came around and plopped down onto the large couch—the only place that had evaded Alice's interior decorating. She really just wanted to leave. She had much rather Jasper just drink from her in the woods and leave her to sleep on the grass. Anything would be better than this.

"Will you please just feed?" She asked, staring at the coffee table that had a rounded heart-shaped box, and more petals sprinkled about.

When she turned her head, Jasper was beside her, and an odd sense of deja vu creeped up at her.

A memory flashed of Jasper's hands gently wrapping around the bruising on her forearms. And then another—of them on the bathroom floor, her fingers on his scars. How embarrassingly drunk she had been.

The words he had uttered once on this very couch came back to her. I'm not incentivized to give you anything.

Well, the very incentive he had wanted had simply been pumping freely in her veins. And now, she found he was watching her very closely, ready to cash in on that incentive. Her nails on her own wrist, she scratched at her veins.

"Lie down for me, Bella."

Perhaps she had only imagined the way his eyes grazed slowly over her body as she lowered herself down. Hunger, it must have been. Jasper moved forward, sitting right beside her torso as he took a hold of her right wrist, elbow turned outwards. He leaned over her, and offered his other hand for her to clutch. But before bringing her veins up to his lips, he teased lightly, "No protests this time?"

Balloons of three different shades of red taunted her from above his head. "Drink, please."

"Please," he considered, and then Bella felt his teeth.

Her eyes closed naturally—this time to avoid the ridiculous, foreboding decor in the background. Instead, she focused on Jasper's presence, how his fingers had laced with hers, and the way his mouth shifted against her skin as he took his fill. The sway was her favorite part—and she wished she were sitting or standing, so she could feel it rock her.

There was a faint smile on her lips as her mind blanked, her mind light. She found within that hazy warmth that she really liked the way his hand molded into hers, and she silently wished he just held on for however long she had left in this wretched universe.

"There is no escaping this," she murmured, just a little delirious as she stared up at the ceiling. She had just given God knows how much blood, and the red decor all around her began to blur together. The wrist Jasper took from rested beside her, wrapped cleanly.

"Do you just carry medical tape and bandages all the time now?" She questioned lazily.

Jasper himself was roaming around the area. In and out of the kitchen, his boots thudded lightly on the hardwood floors, with the occasional crunch of a fake rose petal. "I tend to have some nearby whenever I'm with you. They fit easily in a pocket."

"Always prepared." She massaged her forehead with her other hand. "So, about Esme, Jasper—"

"Esme's intentions don't worry me," he explained quietly. "But her ability to keep Edward out does."

"You said you didn't care if Edward knew."

There was a pause, and then he was at the back of the couch, peering down at her. "I said I didn't care if Edward knew about our contract."

Her face grew slightly hotter. "Well, biting my neck is still within the confines of our contract."

A challenging smile as his hands braced his weight on the couch. "I bite your neck, and I send you home. Is that the evening you imagined?"

"Well, no." She grinned mischievously, holding up the wrist he drank from. "You'd bandage me appropriately, get me water, and let me rest."

But in reality, she imagined she would get little to no rest. The look he had given her before Esme had interrupted—that was the look she wanted to see again. The one that told her she was about to be devoured in more ways than one. A dangerous game, he had said.

But how would this game even work with a vampire? Bella had skipped the sex education portion the moment Edward came into discussion, and she was kicking herself for doing so.

When her eyes refocused, Jasper was still staring down at her, and she felt both too drained and flustered to start that conversation. Instead she said, "Tell me about Alice. I've paid for it."

"Alice." He studied her for a moment. "Wicked. Smart. An integral part of our court, and most notably, Aro's favored."

"Aro's favored?"

"Probably still is. Only from a distance." Jasper came around slowly, and sat beside her legs. "I've told you that Alice wasn't always a Cullen. I knew her distantly when I was brought to Volterra decades ago."

"Alice was part of your court—in Italy?"

He bowed his head. "Alice was a Volturi."

Slowly, Bella scooted up to sit. She took a moment for her head to stop spinning before asking, "Why did she join the Cullens?"

"She was exiled from court, and the Cullens are merely her punishment."

Exiled? "Wouldn't you serve the Volturi if you broke any laws?"

"You would. But as a Volturi, court was her home, and the kings were her sanctuary. Sentencing her to serve wouldn't change anything if she remained in Italy. So, the kings sent her away and handed her off to Carlisle."

Volturi. "Are last names based on your current coven?"

"They denote coven loyalty, yes. In fact, revoking Alice's Volturi title and instilling Cullen was an insult in itself."

Alice Cullen. Was it a taunt every time Jasper had uttered it? "The kings must love Carlisle if they're willing to grant him such favors by adding gifted support to his coven. First her, and then you?"

"Well," Jasper said, "it might seem that they were granting Carlisle a favor, but it was more their intention to punish Alice. The Cullen diet is horrendous, and Alice was forced to assimilate as much as she could, added to the fact that she was distanced from court."

Alice used to drink from humans, that was plainly clear. Her examinations were always reminiscent of that of Jasper's. The Cullen diet after years of human blood sounded horrendous, indeed.

"What law did she break?" Bella asked.

He co*cked his head to the side. "Rumors are that she violated one of our Matehood clauses."

"What are those?"

Pointedly, he said, "There's a reminder that you should continue your readings."

She had, admittedly, been slacking on those.

Jasper continued, "We have regulations that protect mates, as a mate is one of the very few things an immortal will value. Your bond is protected by law, and any direct attempt by an outsider to break that bond goes against the values the kings have laid out."

That seemed a little… oddly romantic, did it not? "Whose bond did Alice try to break?"

"There are many reasons why Alice is Aro's favored," he explained carefully, his eyes sliding to hers. "And Aro is a mated man."

Bella stilled. "Alice tried to kill Aro's mate?"

"Allegedly." Jasper absently rested a hand on her calf. "Her obsession with Aro is well known. And they've always had a peculiarly close relationship."

"I don't understand. If Aro is mated, doesn't that imply that he feels loyalty to his mate?"

"Loyalty in terms of protection. Aro's mate, Sulpicia, is locked in a tower for that purpose."

"Locking your mate up seems very… un-mate-like."

"Un-mate-like," he repeated, amused. "Aro is a very powerful man, Bella. Power draws enemies and grudges. He'll protect what is his to the best of his ability. A harmed mate or a dead mate is very hard on us."

"But Aro still maintained a relationship with Alice?"

"Not a romantic relationship," he refuted. "His bond with Sulpicia would make it very hard for him to disrespect her in that way. A reason why I'd assume Alice would want her gone. But how she planned to get rid of her—I can't say."

Attempting to kill the mate of a king sounded borderline treasonous. "Jasper, that's crazy."

"Power has always been her drive, and Alice is bold." He glanced around the room. "But you already knew that."

"Bold or crazy?"

"A fine line."

Insane. "She feels no loyalty towards Carlisle. She doesn't see any of the actual Cullens as siblings. Why is she pushing me into Edward?"

"Why indeed," Jasper murmured, his fingers pressing into her leg in a light, mindless massage. "She's gaining something from you, Bella."

Of course, she was. "What are the conditions of her exile?"

"Exiles aren't documented and tracked like sentencing and contracts. It isn't often that one of their own breaks the law, hence exiles aren't common. But I imagine her situation is indefinite—however long the kings would deem appropriate, or perhaps until she gets back into their good graces."

"Self-serving things," she muttered in thought. "It would be incredibly self-serving for her to trade me in for her return to court, wouldn't it?"

"Absolutely. But you're not hers to trade. Under Carlisle's jurisdiction, she can't touch you."

"What about my shield? Who does she need protection from?"

He seemed very pleased by her questioning. "I imagine she has many enemies. You make quite a few of those at court."

The lack of answers frustrated her. Eventually, she knew, Jasper's knowledge would run out, and they'd both be stuck questioning these motives.

Bella cradled the bandaged wrist in her lap, absently running her fingers over the fabric. She glanced up at the decor, and felt a bout of nausea. The dizziness from the feeding was there, spinning her head occasionally. "I want none of this. The proposal, the man, the venom. The family."

"You want freedom."

Her eyes grew wetter at that simple sentence. "We're very similar, aren't we?"

"In the worst of ways," he agreed, and then scooted closer. A strong hand came up to her face, cradling around the side, demanding her attention firmly. "Use your human months, Bella. Don't give them the satisfaction that they've drained the life out of you already."

The reminder of her imminent death only made it worse. Her voice was hoarse when she said, "I wanted kids." Jasper's eyes darted away, downward. "I don't even know if I can have them—but I wanted my father to have a chance at a grandkid." Tears eventually streamed freely. "I'm the only child. What will they tell him when they murder me?"

"They'll cover it up," he said quietly. "Their names won't be associated with your death. It'll be an unfortunate accident. Hiking in the woods, swimming in the ocean, a hit-and-run."

Jasper knew too much about this. She wasn't accusing him when she said, "And you're going to help cover it up."

She felt his grip tighten on her face. "Yes."

Her hand came up and rested on his wrist, her head bowing low. "Thank you."

Incredulous, he asked, "Why?"

Because he was everything she had at that moment. "For being so dreadfully honest."

Jasper took her home after a few hours of rest at Esme's cabin. She was still dizzy when he had laid her down on her bed, and she fell back asleep almost instantly.

And now, it was the next day, and she was seated on the Cullen sectional, alone, and not quite sure who was present at the house. Alice had texted her to come by in the morning, because Edward wanted to see her now that her bruises were gone. And of course, they could only meet in close supervision, since Bella profusely refused to bring down her shield for any reason.

The one unusual thing that morning was that Esme was absent. Bella had anticipated a full brunch menu when she stepped into the house, but the kitchen was strangely empty.

Had Jasper spoken to her? Truthfully, she had wanted to speak to Esme herself, but even then, what would she have told her? Her and Jasper…

Her and Jasper.

Jasper and Bella.

"Hey, Bella."

She looked up to find Emmett at the top of the stairs. Rosalie was just a step behind as they descended at a human pace.

"Hello," she replied, despondent. "I'm just waiting for Alice—and Edward."

"Three's a crowd," Rosalie quipped, and she didn't seem like she meant it when she said, "Congratulations, by the way."

Emmett pursed his lips together, giving his wife a look.

"What?" She defended. "Bella knows."

The looming engagement. Bella tried to smile. "I know."

"And I know I'm responsible for the champagne, and photography," she grumbled, eying her. "Have you picked out a dress?"

"Rosalie," Emmett said in part warning, as Bella's eyes were glued to the carpet below.

No, she hadn't even wanted to think about a dress.

"It's not a funeral, Bella." Scoffing at her husband, Rosalie turned away. "I have an appointment with a sommelier."

And then, she paced to the front door, and disappeared.

"A sommelier?" Bella questioned, her voice small. "I'm the only one drinking the damn wine, and eating the damn food."

Emmett lingered before her, his hands digging deep into his pockets. "We can't taste the wine, or the food. We need a sommelier to tell us the appropriate pairings."

"You don't need any of it."

He smiled. "I know."

"Will you sit?" Bella sighed. "My appointment is late."

"Appointment to see Edward?"

"Alice is the chaperone."

Emmett sat at the other end of the sectional, his movements natural, and quite humanly. He seemed comfortable, resting an elbow on the arm. "Your future engagement is buzzing."

Bella fought hard to roll her eyes. "You saw the ring?"

"We all did. There's an unusual wave of excitement within our family, and our social circle. Not many things entertain vampires these days." He paused, watching her. "Though I'd expect a little more joy from the bride-to-be."

"I haven't even said yes, Emmett."

"You don't want to get married," he noted.

"Is it that obvious?"

He shifted, bringing his foot to rest on his knee. Casual. "Is it the commitment, or the man?"

"The man."

He winced, but recovered it quickly. "I see."

Just how much did he see? "Was it similar to your situation with Rosalie?"

"Situation. That's an interesting way to word it." He thought for a moment. "Rosalie and I are mated, and married."

"The two big Ms."

He chuckled, but the light was vacant from his eyes. "I always had a feeling that Rosalie wanted nothing to do with me. But I was done for the moment she found me in the woods. Bleeding, delirious. I looked up and her beauty was devastating. I thought I had died and reached some sort of heaven."

"She found you in the woods?"

"I was a stupid human camping in stupid Tennessee. I was attacked by an animal—a bear, I'm told, though I don't remember much of it."

"And Rosalie just came upon you?"

He smiled. "Yeah, I'm lucky she didn't just kill me. The blood must have been hard to resist. Thankfully, Carlisle was just a few miles out."

"Thankfully," Bella muttered. "Did you have a say at all? When Carlisle turned you?"

"No." He considered, as if he hadn't really thought about it before. "I was dying, Bella. I can't imagine I was very coherent."

"So that's it—you were thankful to be saved?"

He peered over at her. "I understand the hostility."

She hadn't realized that she was being hostile. "I'm sorry."

He stared straight ahead, and Bella asked, "Do you love Rosalie?"

"I was in love with her from the very beginning," he told her fondly. "It was her who was reluctant."

"You're mated. Don't you think she loves you?"

Emmett shrugged, and it was almost heartbreaking when he said, "Maybe."

"Maybe," she echoed sadly. "Did you consent to becoming her mate?"

"I did. Though, if I'm being honest, I wasn't exactly clear on its meaning at the time." He shrugged. "I don't regret it, but some days, I get the notion that she might."

"But the loyalty, and respect—"

"—are all there," he interjected. "But you can still resent, and hate, and fight. It's a relationship, Bella. Yes, a mate is meant to be your other half, but that doesn't imply that they'll fit perfectly. You're challenged, and you become angry, and you find growth. You gain the responsibility of another life—another consciousness that has their own opinions and beliefs that you have to meld and morph into your own to find equilibrium. It's work."

Her gut twisted. "A relationship is fine, but forever? That's… unimaginable."

"I love Rosalie. I will be by her side until one of us dies—and I'll do my hardest to prevent that from happening." He sounded so sure, and so determined. "And she will do the same. The only difference is that I'll do it all happily, while she probably still fights the bond internally. It causes her pain, and it worsens her mood. I've talked to Jasper about this."

The way Bella perked up instantly at his name wasn't lost on her. "Really? What did he say?"

"It's a very unique pain, he told me. A vampire's nature welcomes a mate—it's meant to bring a sense of belonging and peace. It's a bond so sacred that we have laws that protect it. But… not all bonds are created equally. Some are forced, and some don't come from the heart. But once that venom is exchanged, and the words are said, you're locked in. No matter what you feel."

Bella's eyes closed, because she needed to calm down. Her throat was tightening, and her hands were fidgeting. "It sounds like a curse."

"If you fight it, it very well could be." He sighed. "And Rosalie… I've disappointed her, Bella. She wanted a gifted equal. And when I didn't meet expectations, she grew cold."

That sounded petty and ridiculous. "It's not your fault."

"I know," he said earnestly, but a troubled look came upon his face. "But I never want to see her in pain. No matter how distant, and cruel she can be, I know that she's doing it out of a lack of satisfaction. But—enough of the negativity. We're generally pretty good. It's not the purest mating bond, but after decades, we've made it work."

Bella took a deep breath. "It doesn't sit right with me that she only did this… for Carlisle."

"I did it for Carlisle, too. I just didn't realize it."

Jesus. "The sire bond."

"It's long been dissolved, but yes."

She shook her head. "It's hard for me to accept any of this. It's nonconsensual. It's a betrayal of the mind."

"The mating bond?"

"Yes," she insisted. "You don't agree?"

"You are human," he said gently. "I wouldn't have understood it either until I had the venom to give, and the person to say the words to."

She was certain it wouldn't make a difference, dead or alive. Not to her. "I won't be human for long. And when I'm not, Edward won't want me either." She swallowed thickly. "And if I seem hostile regarding the idea, it's because none of the mating bonds in this family are a healthy depiction of them. If it's such a valued bond, Emmett… Esme wouldn't be scared of Carlisle. Rosalie wouldn't act the way she does with you. And I wouldn't feel forced into eternity with a man who has a disgusting human obsession." She faced him desperately. "Tell me this isn't normal."

Emptily, he looked back at her. "There are good and bad relationships; there are good and bad bonds."

She gritted her teeth. "Carlisle has ruined this family."

"Careful, Bella," Emmett warned quietly, his demeanor instantly changing. Tightening. "Carlisle is the head of this coven, and you're expected to swear fealty to the Cullen name."

Bella stood, the sudden rage and helplessness driving her to her feet. Her breathing was haggard with fear, and loathing, and—

"Yes, Bella. Careful," came a distinct female purr that brought her to attention. "The Cullen name is oh-so sacred." Alice closed the front door as she entered. "Are you ready to see Edward?"

"No."

"Feisty," she noted, her eyes trained on her. "Emmett, go find your mate."

Emmett didn't say another word as he got up and left from the same door Alice had just come through.

Bella's heart beat wildly as Alice took another step closer, her grin wide, and her eyes narrowed in amused scrutiny.

She came closer, circling her like the predator she was always meant to be. Her speed nearly knocked the breath out of her when she materialized directly in front of her, and Bella felt her fingers in her hair.

"Do you know how an animal behaves when they're overwhelmed with terror, Bella?"

Bella hated the way she caressed her, measuring a curl, tugging on it as a lover would do to tease. Entice.

"The animal may start pacing, panting, trembling. Salivating." Alice stared into her eyes. "Pupils will dilate." In one swift motion she grabbed her wrist—the same one Jasper had his teeth in the day before. Her index and middle finger rested on those veins. "Heart rate and blood pressure will rise."

Bella watched as she took that wrist and brought it up to her face.

She inhaled deeply. "Tell me, Jasper, have you missed the hunt?"

Bella blinked, and her head immediately snapped to the stairs. There Jasper stood, his red eyes far, but Bella knew how fresh they must look given the recent feeding.

"I've certainly missed it," Alice said, dropping her wrist, but stepping closer, driving Bella back until her calves hit the couch. Alice grabbed at her forearm, holding her in place. The pain didn't come, but she almost yelped at Alice's proximity as she brought her face closer to her neck. "Delicious."

Alice's other hand came up to her face, admiring her cheekbones. Bella could only breathe as she felt her thumb glide down her lips.

"Always so lovely, isn't she?" She gripped her chin, tilting her head up. "You're exquisite when you're scared." Bella's throat bobbed as she realized Alice was inching closer to her neck. She could have sworn her teeth were bared, merely inches from that primary vein before—

"Alice," came Jasper's warning.

And Alice's head paused, and then lifted. The smile on her face told her she had expected to be stopped. She laughed, her golden eyes both innocent and mischievous, somehow.

"Let's go see your future fiancé," she said delightfully. "I've determined that outdoors would always be safer. Indoors, your scent is just simply… intoxicating." She gave Jasper a long look before tugging at Bella's wrist.

When Bella glanced back at the stairs, Jasper's eyes were trailing her all the way to the door. He co*cked his head to the side, his lips downturned.

No matter how much her eyes pleaded, he didn't budge.

And Bella refused to blame him for it.

A/N: This chapter: Proposal preparations, Alice's ties to the Volturi, and mating in the Cullen family.

TheMrsH: If you kindly noticed, Bella acknowledged that they held hands during the feeding! It didn't take decades. ;)

I'm being teased because of the slowness of this slow burn. I am not sorry for it. This is what I love.

Also, a huge round of applause for my beta, glowingivy, who's going to take some time away to deal with actual life things! Without her, this story and plot wouldn't exist the way it does today.

A little taste for what's coming up:

"If this isn't the family you see yourself with," she said, her voice strained. "If this isn't the lifestyle you want—"

"You speak like I have a choice," Bella spat.

Momentarily she closed her eyes, and then blinked them open. "We can only have one bond. One." Wide eyed, Esme's eyes bore into hers. "One."

See you next week.

Chapter 33

Chapter Text

Thin grass scratched at her palms as she ran her hands on the blades, distantly wondering if they could slice her open. This was something she grew increasingly mindful of each passing moment. What could hurt her? What could cause her to bleed? She avoided touching all paper and glass around the Cullens these days. Without Alice's foresight, she had to be cognizant of such things.

The overcast sky granted a cool shadow over the picnic blanket she was seated on. A wicker basket with cheeses and chilled white wine rested beside her. As did Alice Cullen.

No. Volturi.

A vicious last name for a vicious woman. Bella imagined her with the red eyes that she probably longed for. The gold made her look tame, and unassuming. Unnatural. A reckless part of Bella wanted to see Alice Cullen at her full potential.

Volturi. Alice Volturi.

And a death wish had her taunting the devil. "Do you miss court, Alice?" Bella's tone was light, almost uncaring, as she crossed her legs tightly and stared out at the distance.

Alice's head whipped to her. Her hands had been supporting her as she leaned back on them; a vampire tanning beneath the clouds. The surprise on her face was short-lived, as she redirected her stare back at the sky. "Have you been curious about me, dearest Bella?"

"Your question doesn't answer my question."

Her grin was cruel. "Sign a blood contract with me, and we can talk all you want."

Because everything had a price. "A Cullen doesn't drink human blood."

A beat of silence. One that surely electrified the air around them, but Alice's composure was immaculate. "You're quite talkative," she observed, her golden eyes alight. "Your courage peeks up like this occasionally, doesn't it? It straightens that spine, and joins the game. Very cute."

Bella screwed off the cap on the wine, and poured some in a glass. Plastic, because neither of them had any faith in Edward. "I heard that you attempted to kill the mate of one of your kings."

Alice's smile never left her face. "Rumors."

"Aro Volturi," she tested. "Did you do it for love?"

"Love plays no part in court."

It was such an automatic statement, and it took Bella back to Demetri's visit. "Are you one of those who believe love is a weakness?"

"I don't believe, Bella. I know. Just look at Edward."

Who was late to this appointment. "Edward doesn't love me."

"Did Jasper tell you that?" She scoffed. "Love manifests in different ways."

"Obsession, not love."

"Oh, we're all obsessed with you." Alice leaned forward, resting a hand between them with a challenging smile. "You come around the family, and you taunt us with your blood. You're always just a flick of a wrist away from giving us what we really need. But Edward—he's prepared to tie himself to you for the rest of eternity. Now that—" She smiled up at the sky. "That is love."

Delusional. "Edward doesn't see past my blood."

"Your blood, and your warmth." There was a seductive edge to her tone. "Jasper's really getting the best part of this arrangement, isn't he? Tell me how good it feels when he tears your skin open just to get a little taste."

It was more than a little taste. Bella replied automatically, "It's part of our contract."

"Does he pin you to a wall? A counter? A bed? It was always his style."

The desk, admittedly, was her favorite. "It's however you've seen it in your visions. You know, when you could see."

The taunt did nothing to her. Instead, Alice turned wondrous. "He's been so tight-lipped. Normally, these blood conquests only add to his ego. Is your blood just that good, Bella? Would he even share you?"

"Blood conquests?"

"A willing victim is so much more enjoyable," she mused. "When you consent to being taken by a vampire, it's complete surrender. Mind, body. Soul, if you have one."

Bella had to take a sip of her wine to inject some phony courage. "You're talking about sex."

A smirk. "Sex and power. When it comes down to it, our worlds are just the same, aren't they?"

Bella barely understood the trajectory of this conversation. But before she could veer them in a direction with answers and clarity, Alice's head snapped up. Her eyes narrowed as she listened, and then suddenly, she was commanding Bella, "On your feet. Straighten that jacket. Tuck your hair back." She took the wine from her and motioned with her hand, sighing hastily. "Look alive."

As Bella quickly wobbled to her feet, Edward made his way through the trees with a wide, pleased smile. He approached the two women, and his eyes were trained on Bella.

He said something about her beauty, and perhaps he said something else, too. Bella didn't quite hear. She merely reached down and snatched the wine from where Alice had placed it and continued to drink lightly. The man in front of her was just a haze, and if he just kept talking, she wouldn't have to say much.

Eventually, they sat, side by side. Alice was up and roaming about the field, turning back to them on occasion with a look that told Bella her lack of participation was unacceptable.

Another sip of wine, and Bella didn't care.

But a certain string of words caught her attention immediately when he uttered them.

"I know you're upset."

When she turned her head towards him, he perked up.

"Your change is the last thing I want, Bella."

She took another sip, the wine souring on her tongue.

Same conversations, same outcome. The only thing she wanted to go differently today was the marks on her skin. She preferred none.

Soon, Bella heard him sigh. "I will make you forgive me. I promise you."

She poured another drink, and watched Alice instead.

Her shield had been a blessing—there was no doubt about that. It prevented Edward from getting her alone, if he continued to listen to Alice.

But it also prevented any semblance of a confrontation. With another Cullen constantly on the watch around them, Bella couldn't get Edward to be alone enough to tell him, I know you won't want me when I'm dead. Don't do this. Don't let Carlisle do this.

But playing to his emotions would ultimately lead to a dead end. The golden child had to meet expectations, didn't he?

So, Bella kept to sipping, and didn't say a single word. If she would be miserable, there wasn't any reason why he shouldn't be too.

By the time the sky was darkening, Bella was thoroughly under the influence of an entire bottle of wine. It was a good thing, because she barely felt the kiss that Edward placed on her lips. Maybe he had even told her that he loved her. Maybe she had said something in return; she really hoped it had been something mean.

A distant part of her marveled at how Edward even had the audacity to touch her. But the wine kept her above the clouds. The soft smile on her lips pleased Alice.

When she was dropped off at home, Bella found herself on her bed. The spins threatened to keep her there, and she let her eyes close. In that faint darkness beneath her eyelids, she still saw her red orb, and it filled her with immense pride.

The next time she opened her eyes, it was darker, and her mouth was dry. She reached for her phone, and texted the only person who understood.

I've figured out a way to tolerate my "boyfriend."

The response was quick, as always. A miracle.

Bella snickered, and replied simply with, Not a miracle. Wine.

She shut her eyes momentarily because the blue light was making her nauseous. Damn, she thought. She really should have eaten those cheeses with the wine. It would have helped her tolerance.

Eventually, she unlocked her phone again, and shot Jasper another text. Will you come over?

He didn't respond. But a few minutes later, just when Bella began pouting at her phone, she heard her window budge.

"Alice was hoping the alcohol would loosen you up," was the first thing he said after materializing before her.

She shrugged. "She was probably hoping my shield would tumble down, too."

"Did it?"

She only smiled, and then felt the chill of the open window. Clawing at her comforter, she peeled it back and snuggled inside.

"I've never seen you happier," he noted.

Bella laughed. "It's because I'm dead inside."

"And drunk."

She rolled her eyes dramatically, and then lifted the comforter. "Come here." And when he didn't budge, she added, "I have a fever."

"No, you don't."

"You can't prove that until you touch me." She lifted the comforter higher with emphasis. "Come on. I don't have all night."

"It's morning."

"sh*t. Really?"

He actually laughed, and it was actually mind blowing. Bella stared at him, marveling at the sparkle in those red eyes. She wanted to see more of it. "Jasper?"

"Mm?"

"Smile."

And he did. Bella dropped the comforter, letting it bunch down. She dug herself deeper into it, her eyes trained on him. There was too much to admire. "That's okay. You can just stand there."

Jasper came closer, crouching low at her bedside until he was eye-level. "Drunk, delectable Bella."

"Better than gloomy, depressing Bella."

"The drinking," he said. "Don't make it a habit."

"Why? Does it make for bad blood?"

His eyes narrowed slightly. "Yes."

Bo-ring. "Just admit you care about me, and move on." She rolled on her back. "These games are silly. I'm twenty, not sixteen."

"Good. I'd be in a very questionable situation if you were underage."

She peeked at him conspiratorially, the corner of her lip rising. "Do you always make sure that your blood conquests are of age?"

"Blood conquests," he repeated, tasting the words. The surprise was evident. "We've talked about this. Age tends to go hand-in-hand with health."

"And so does flexibility, and endurance."

Now, he placed strong hands on the comforter, rising from his crouch. "For what?"

She hoped the giggles that fell out of her mouth were appropriate. "I think I'd like to sign-up for my vampire sex education class."

"You don't seem like a good student."

She really wasn't. Not anymore. Peeking at the clock, she did indeed confirm that it was 2 AM. "I have a midterm today, and I didn't study for it."

"Instead, you're wine-drunk, taunting a vampire to your bed?"

She gave him a look, but she had trouble keeping it. "You think I'd give it all up with a sweetheart and cold lips on my neck?"

"You wouldn't?"

She barely believed herself when she replied, "No."

"Good for you."

It didn't seem like he believed her either. And why would he, when she was already flushed up to her cheeks, her legs restless beneath the covers? She really needed someone to hold them down.

The boldness in her was surely fueled by the poison when she stated, "You've f*cked humans before."

There was no hesitation or pause when he replied, "Yes."

Bella was usually grateful for her shield, but the fact that she had rendered Jasper incapable of feeling that sudden spike of jealousy was especially relieving. She sat up and rested her back against the headboard, studying him. "I want to know more."

Jasper appeared at her desk chair, resting comfortably. "By all means, ask."

But did he have to be so far away? "Have you killed any of them? Any of your… partners?"

"Two."

She hadn't expected a number above zero. "Out of?"

He grinned, and there was that ego Alice mentioned.

Bella crawled out of bed, steadying herself with a hand on her headboard. "Well?" She got her feet to cooperate as she sauntered over.

"I haven't kept count."

She let out a chuckle. "Spoken like a true gentleman."

When she was close enough, an arm slithered around her waist and pulled her down. It would take a few more seconds before Bella truly realized she was sitting on Jasper's lap.

His breath was at the side of her face. "Do I sense jealousy?"

"You sense nothing."

"Well, I see a blush." One of his hands curled around her wrist. "I feel a beating pulse. Faster." He paused. "And faster. What does it mean?"

"Poor empath. Completely disarmed by a tiny human."

"What does it mean?" A hand squeezed the top of her thigh. "I can't tell if you're scared, excited, or in pain. Relying on your physical reaction hides all complexity of emotion."

She looked him in those red eyes. "It's not really my problem if you're not able to read a woman's body, Jasper."

A thumb was on her face, and it slid down her mouth as his fingers curled around her jaw. "Keep taunting me, Bella."

She laughed, but the giddiness instantly morphed into something electric when she felt his thumb slip between her lips. The pad of his thumb rested on her tongue as she turned wide eyes to his.

"Keep taunting me."

She felt absolutely wicked as she fluttered her tongue, and the grip on her face tightened. Her eyelids were closed as she prepared to hollow out her cheeks, and—

Jasper's thumb slid out. Slowly, she opened her eyes, and asked, "How am I supposed to tell you how I'm feeling if you stick your fingers down my throat?"

The gravel edge to his voice was divine. "Tell me what you're feeling."

"I'm feeling…" She got up momentarily, and threw a leg over him with all the intention to straddle him. But when she lowered herself back down, her eyes widened as she felt all of his ego. "Jesus, Jasper. Is this how you killed those two poor humans? By splitting them open?" When he began laughing, she swatted him on his chest. "Tell me."

"I've never split open a human." Hands snaked up her body, one resting on her hip, and the other on her back. "But I have broken a pelvic bone, and snapped a spine."

"During sex?"

"During sex."

Bella wasn't even remotely sober, but her body was on alert at the potential of danger. "You wouldn't die from just breaking your pelvic bone."

"No, but add in a snapped spine, and I quickly decided that she'd rather die than try to live through it. This was 1864."

Oh. Two injuries, same girl. "And the other one?"

"1870. I bit her, and let too much venom slip through. I felt her pain before she even started screaming."

She didn't hide her shock. "You changed her?"

"I had started the process, but I couldn't let it complete. I killed her very soon after."

Bella swallowed. "Is biting common during sex?"

"Blood triggers sex. Sex triggers blood. It's just a discussion of starting point."

"Is this why feedings are naturally seductive?"

"Naturally," he affirmed.

Bella thought about that, resting her hands on his shoulders. "This is assuming that the human knows you're a vampire, right?"

"Not necessarily."

"What? How? That seems like a stupid way to be exposed."

He tilted his head in acknowledgment. "When reduced to your animal, even humans bite each other. It's not unusual for a partner to sink their teeth in."

"Yes, but we don't aim to draw blood, let alone drink it."

"In the moment, they can't tell the difference. Unethical, sure. But no less pleasurable." He leaned back in the chair, shifting them slightly. "This is also why a willing partner who is aware of the feeding is more… preferred. The mutual understanding allows for better communication."

"Those dates you mentioned with those girls…" Bella trailed, trying to rack her brain for the timeline. "The incidents happened very close to when you were changed, right?"

He nodded. "It was during a time of adjustment; a test of control. I haven't had any such incidents since." And then, he leaned forward, his eyes suddenly piercing. "Tell me what you're feeling."

"A little intrigued. A little scared."

"A good balance." There was utter seriousness in his expression when he told her, "Sex can take a dangerous turn very quickly, Bella. We can lose the gauge on our strength and break bones, or tear muscle. We can forget you need to breathe. We can forget your physical limitations."

"This would explain some of Edward's… failed conquests?"

"And one of mine," he added pointedly.

When he ran a few fingers up her spine, Bella leaned into him. "Whenever you bite me, is that what you're thinking about?"

"Whenever I bite you, all I think about is keeping you alive, unbruised, and healthy. If anything went wrong there, I'd certainly pay."

It was why he was so meticulous.

"But the rest of the time," he continued, lazily gripping her thigh, "I think about these thighs around me." His hand came up again, thumb swiping down slowly over her mouth. "And these lips parted the way they are every time I tear into your wrist." He grinned at her. "You enjoy the bite more than you realize."

The timbre of his voice had her moving her hips against him. "And that's just one bite zone."

"Correct." His hand turned her head to the side, exposing her neck further. "Do you see how easy it would be?"

Too easy.

And then, both of his hands gripped her hips, steadying her. "Your father is awake."

"So you can hear these things." She was melting at the strong fingers that dug into her. She wanted to feel them on her bare skin, and not just through these stupid jeans. And she wasn't ashamed about any of it. The alcohol helped. "I'd like to tell you that I'm embarrassed, but I'm not."

"Perhaps you should be embarrassed," he said, dragging his nose down her neck. "You're getting engaged in two days to another man. So why do I feel how wet you are for me?"

Bella groaned. "You're filthy." She tried rocking her hips against his grip. "How do you even feel that?"

"I feel everything."

"Not everything." Her orb was there. She checked—somehow, through this delicious haze.

"Your scent changes when you're aroused. The moment you started crawling to me on that grass, I knew instantly what to look for. I don't need my gift for such basic emotion."

Bella rolled her eyes. "A woman straddles you, and you've just realized that she's aroused? This is admittedly disappointing." Her hips tried to dance and move for some friction, though he held her still. "But you can still make up for it."

He turned his head to the side, listening. "Your father's up, and moving about."

She scoffed. "You're not the first man I've had in this bedroom at this hour."

"The men you've had in this bedroom couldn't hear past this room."

She brought her face closer with a daring smirk. "Are you sure that you can?"

His eyes dipped to her lips. Easily, he stood, grasping her by her thighs, and Bella was forced to hug her arms around his neck to prevent herself from toppling backwards. He walked over to her bed and laid her down.

"Is this the part where you remedy my disappointment?" Bella asked as he hovered over her.

"This is the part where you shower, sober up, and go to sleep."

She gave him a look. "You wind me up and leave me hanging. If I didn't know better, I'd say you were just like—" She stopped herself, immediately biting her lip.

"Finish your sentence." When she didn't respond, it was clear that he understood where her mind had been going. "Edward rarely touches you, because he risks killing you."

"And you?"

He sighed sharply. "Your bed is too small. Your walls are too thin. And if your father doesn't try to shoot me, I'd need a very good explanation for why a red-eyed man—who is not Edward—is in your bedroom at almost 3 in the morning."

They all sounded like excuses to her. In all seriousness, she told him, "You'd know he'd be coming before he opened the door."

There was utter strength in the way his hands dug into the comforter on either side of her face. So much so that Bella was afraid that it would begin to rip.

The frustration he felt was clear when he gritted out, "I'd barely hear him. Not when you're wrapped around me with my teeth in your neck." He slipped away from between her legs, and stalked over to her window. He pointed at her bedroom door. "Sober up."

Bella pushed herself up to sit, resting back on her hands. "Well, you're right about the shower." With heavy, trudging sarcasm, she added, "I'll try not to scream your name too loud in there, don't worry."

The tension seemed to slightly ease in his body. Yet in the dim light, his eyes were undoubtedly dark. They were the last thing she saw before he disappeared into the night.

And when Bella brought her hands up to her lips, she quickly, soberly realized that he hadn't even kissed her.

"Pencils down."

Bella's pencil had been down for the last fifteen minutes. She had hardly filled out half of the exam, even resorting to doodling on certain pages. She hadn't had the courage to just get up and leave part way through the midterm. So, she had sat there, staring distantly at the exam packet, hoping to appear in thought, and not look entirely dumbfounded.

As she turned the papers in, Monica greeted her. Monica—who she hadn't seen for weeks. There was brief small talk about the frosty weather—so unusual. Global warming. It's terrible!—and then, a more concerned look came upon the girl. Monica pulled her aside, and expressed how she hadn't seen her in class, and Bella hadn't been responding to their group texts, and she never joined their study groups. Oh, and Chemistry was hard.

Chemistry was hard. But harder, when you hadn't opened the textbook in weeks. Bella had barely wanted to show up today, especially after her little drunken rendezvous with Jasper in the middle of the night. But at 8 AM, she walked into the lecture hall and decided to at least attempt to not get her first 0 on a major exam.

Jasper's presence just a few hours before had certainly lifted her spirits. And the shower after had calmed her to a point of bliss. Momentarily, she had forgotten just how doomed she really was.

Monica's ramblings eventually muted, as Bella suddenly found herself staring at her neck. Each word, each swallow contorted the muscles, bunched the skin, and then smoothed it out. When Monica co*cked her head to the side, it only opened up the real estate. So much real estate. It only dragged Bella back to daydreams she'd really rather be alone for.

You're getting engaged in two days to another man. So why do I feel how wet you are for me?

Another "Bella," and Bella snapped out of it. The following words came at her, "You should talk to someone."

Like a therapist? She already had one. He had rubies for eyes, and teeth sharper than knives. "I'm fine, Monica."

The girl was unconvinced, predictably. Loosely crossing her arms, Monica only sighed. "Well, do you and Edward have any plans for Valentine's? You're still together, right?"

sh*t. "Yeah." She looked away. "I need to head home, but I'll see you later."

Monica grabbed her shoulder before she could turn. "The deadline is the 15th for the transfer application—you've submitted it, right?"

"Yeah," she lied, "Say hi to your mom." And then, she weaved through the groups of students. She'd walk all the way home, she decided, while the exercise still mattered.

The next day, Bella entered the Cullen home to find Esme in the living room. It was unusual to see her not fussing about in the kitchen.

And immediately, a wave of embarrassment flooded her. She approached the sectional. "Is Alice here?" She had been summoned for a dress rehearsal for tomorrow's big event. Who even had a dress rehearsal for an engagement?

Esme smiled in greeting. "No, she went off with Jasper."

Jasper. This was so awkward. "Is anyone else home?"

"No."

As Bella lingered, she began fidgeting with her hands. "About, Jasper, Esme..."

She held up a hand. "You don't need to explain anything to me, Bella."

"I know. It just doesn't feel right."

Her composure cracked, the smile fading away. "I understand the position you're in."

"You do?"

"And if Jasper's a better alternative…"

"He's not an alternative, Esme," Bella said immediately. "He's just… support." She didn't even know how she would clarify their relationship, but at least they had one tangible thing to point to: their contract. But that wasn't something she was going to share with her. "Jasper's been very helpful with all the vampire world building. It's a terrible story, with probably a terrible ending, but… at least the lore is fascinating."

Esme's eyebrows drew together, delicate fingers coming up to rest on her necklace. "You don't have to have a terrible ending."

That was when the anger slowly began to replace the sorrow. She declared vehemently, "There is no happy ending with Edward Cullen."

The grip on her necklace tightened.

"I accept his proposal tomorrow, because I have no other option. Alice will kill my mother if I don't go through with it."

Esme wasn't looking at her, but the horror was unmistakable on her face.

"It isn't fair, is it?"

"If this isn't the family you see yourself with," she said, her voice strained. "If this isn't the lifestyle you want—"

"You speak like I have a choice," Bella spat.

Momentarily she closed her eyes, and then blinked them open. "We can only have one bond. One." Wide eyed, Esme's eyes bore into hers. "One."

And then, Esme disappeared. In another blink, she was by the stairs, with a book in her hand. She placed it on the kitchen island, flipping quickly to a page.

Bella approached warily. The book, with its blacker-than-black covering and rustic text, was assuredly the Vampiric Tome.

"One," Esme repeated.

"One," Bella acknowledged, eyebrows drawing. She stepped closer to the Tome, noticing that it was open to a section towards the end. The title read, Matehood.

Before she could read anymore, Esme closed it and stuck it in Bella's hands. "Go. Read upstairs."

The urgency in her tone added to the kick in her step as Bella began climbing the stairs. She heard the front door open a moment later, and she didn't turn around to see who it was.

It wasn't surprising that her feet had immediately led her to Jasper's library. She closed the door behind her, feeling the heavy weight of the book drag her down. Her heart was beating wildly at the effort it took to lug it up all of those stairs. She approached Jasper's desk and took a seat.

Pausing momentarily, she let her eyes roam the area. She noted how the room felt entirely empty without him.

Flipping open the cover, she located the Matehood section, and began reading.

And not fifteen minutes later, her skin was buzzing. There was an unexplainable jolt of energy that ate her up and left her shivering. It was the feeling of anticipation and dread. Of possibility, and failure.

Her eyes still on the text, she opened the second drawer of the desk, and pulled out the creased paper that was their contract. She smoothed it open and read it once through.

And then, she pulled out a fresh sheet of paper. Grasping a pen, she wrote. She wrote with such ferocity that she felt the ache in her knuckles. Black ink dotted her fingertips by the time she was done, the print not nearly as elegant as Jasper's.

But it would do.

Quickly, at the very bottom, she signed her name.

A/N: This chapter: Blood conquests, Jasper's... weaknesses? And what was that at the end?

Oh, and he didn't even kiss her. How dare I.

A little taste for what's coming up:

And she didn't say a word as he slipped the diamond ring—big, daunting, and heavy—onto her finger.

It fit f*cking perfectly.

See you next week.

Blu

Chapter 34

Chapter Text

After playing a grueling game of doll with Alice, Bella sat at the sectional in the living room, staring vaguely at the open kitchen. Esme was nowhere to be seen, and the house felt deserted.

She had left the paper in Jasper's drawer for him to find, but she couldn't bring herself to leave. She wanted to face him directly, she decided. But the courage she felt seemed to dwindle with every passing moment.

Another twenty minutes went by with no movement in the house. It was late enough in the day that part of Bella expected Esme to waltz in and offer to start dinner. But a half an hour later, Bella was convinced that no one was coming.

So, she went over to the kitchen and began to dig through the produce in the fridge. Her paranoia had her hand-peeling the lettuce, and she avoided anything that required slicing. Grabbing a large bowl, she began putting in random vegetables that she could snap and peel with her fingers.

The front door opened just as she snapped a carrot into two, and her heart almost leapt to her throat when she saw Jasper walk in. Silently, he joined her in the kitchen, observing her impromptu dinner preparation.

"Where's everyone else?" Was the first thing she asked him.

He stared at the ceramic bowl she was using. "Carlisle and Edward are hunting. Rosalie's in New York."

"New York?"

"She'll be back for tomorrow, don't worry."

Bella cringed immediately, snapping the carrot into another half and tossing it into the mix.

"Emmett might be with her," he continued. "I'm not sure. I saw Alice running south."

The place was, as she had suspected, empty. "So, you're telling me I could have chopped myself some tomatoes and lived?"

He ran a hand through his hair, slightly exasperated. "I can take you home. I don't know why you stayed."

"I stayed because I wanted to talk to you."

Jasper looked at her expectedly, and that was when Bella noticed the tiredness in his eyes. There was undoubtedly tension in those shoulders. Another closer look, and she saw a rip in the side of his shirt, and mud on the hem of his jeans.

"What were you out doing?" She asked.

"Three nomads insisted they wanted to come by the house, and Carlisle and Edward saw it as a training exercise. It should have been a fair fight between the three of us, but both Cullens backed out the moment one of them latched on with their teeth." He bent his arm upwards, pointing at the skin right beneath the elbow. The crescent-shaped indents glistened, unlike the others on his arms that appeared faded. "I had to take care of all three."

Bella stared at the teeth marks. A vampire bite. A fresh scar.

"That'll stay forever," she murmured.

"Yes."

And the Cullens were cowards. "I can't believe they deserted you."

"For a family who values appearances as much as them, it's never surprising to me. A mating scar is their limit; anything more is a social disaster."

"That's silly. I think you need a few scars to learn." She reached down and tapped her left knee. "I have one prominent one here. I fell right onto a cement sidewalk, and I didn't bother to clean the wound until I got home. It got infected, and I couldn't bend it without terrible, searing pain for days. I could barely walk."

His eyes flicked down to her legs curiously. "You learned the importance of proper wound care."

"I learned it the hard, but effective way," she agreed. "I also learned how dirty and disgusting sidewalks are."

"And you still have the scar."

"Proudly." Bella messed with the salad some more, but she quickly felt that she was losing her appetite. Partly because of the poorly combined, sloppily ripped apart vegetables, and partly because of the piece of paper that was waiting for them upstairs.

As if he picked the thoughts right from her brain, he asked quietly, "What did you want to talk about, Bella?"

Her hands stilled on the counter. "I have a proposal for you."

"A proposal?"

And before she could lose her nerve, she left the salad on the counter and motioned for him to follow her. Up the stairs they went, and Jasper was the one to close the library door behind them after they entered.

Bella took quick and small steps to his desk, a slight tremor in her hands. Jasper, ever so observant, noted, "You're nervous."

Her shield was up, so he was just reading her body.

When she came around his desk, she sat, and yanked open the second drawer. Jasper, at the other end, merely watched as she pulled out a folded piece of paper. And then, as if it was on fire—as if she couldn't bear to hold onto it any longer—she reached across the desk, and offered it to him.

Her eyes didn't leave his as he took it and unfolded it. The exhaustion in his eyes began to resolve as he stared at it for merely five seconds before stating, "Half."

"Half," Bella quickly acknowledged, just a little breathless. "That's what the Tome said."

"I'm aware of what the Tome says," he said carefully. "You would get half of my years."

He was considering it. A bolt of agency slammed through her veins. "Tell me your thoughts, Jasper. Please."

He didn't speak. His gaze was still on the paper, but she knew he was done reading it. He could have read it twenty times by now. Bella pressed her hands into the desk, the pressure on her palms keeping her somewhat grounded.

"I understand your motive," he said eventually, tossing the paper onto the desk. "Given the circ*mstances, you would rather be mated to anyone but Edward."

"And it would reduce your sentence."

"But you would serve the remaining."

A pesky, unimportant detail. "Servitude comes with a number that will eventually count down to zero. But being mated to Edward is for life."

His gaze lifted to her, raw, and powerful. "It's for life with me too, Bella."

She blinked at him, but before she could open her mouth, he continued, "We bond, and you'll serve half of my sentence alongside me. But after those fifty years, the bond doesn't just dissolve."

"I know."

"You know. But have you really considered what that means?"

Strongly, she told him, "Anyone and anything would be better than my fate with the Cullens. With Edward. And I know that every relationship is a transaction, so I'm offering you a contract. You save me from Edward, and I reduce your sentence."

Jasper took a few steps to the chair in front of the desk and lowered himself onto it. His exhaustion seemed to come back twofold as he sunk down. He threw a hand towards the contract that lay on the desk between them. "The mating bond is eternal."

"I'm aware. We've already had this lecture." And then, urgently, pleadingly, she added, "I know it's not a fair trade. I know a mere reduction to your sentence doesn't equate to giving me eternity. I know that." Sighing, she sat back at his chair. "But you have a way out."

His eyes lowered to the desk. "Yes. You haven't listed out any terms for dissolution. By default, the contract is void the moment it's destroyed."

"No—that's not what I mean. Yes, you can always back out of this until I turn—burn the contract, rip it to shreds, I don't care. But even after, Jasper. After, if we do this mating thing, if you're not satisfied—"

"Stop."

"I will always prefer that ending over Edward."

"Bella. No."

She shook her head helplessly. "You can kill me and be free of our bond. Or if you can't, you can find someone else to do it. Make it look like an accident—I don't know. But there's always a way out."

"An accident? Our lives aren't fragile. There can be no accident." He shook his head. "And the very fact that you assume I could go through with something like that tells me you don't understand the severity of this bond."

She swallowed, and felt the wetness in her eyes. "We can amend the contract, Jasper. I fully consent to that fate." Scrambling for a pen, she reached forward to pull the paper closer to her, but Jasper's hands were immediately on hers from across the desk.

"Stop," he commanded.

"I'm just trying to give you options. I know it's not a fair trade, but it's a trade nonetheless." She sighed heavily, frustratedly. "Yes—you're right. I don't know the first thing about this bond or how it's supposed to feel, but damn it, I'd rather it be you than him."

His continued silence only aggravated her. She wiggled her hands out from beneath his and swiped away the paper, cleanly offering it to him. She uttered the same words he had once told her, "You'll think about it."

They watched each other quietly, and there was no deciphering Jasper's face. But finally, he took it from her hands.

As he seemed to read it once more, Bella asked, "Why is this allowed? Why does your mate get half of your allotted sentence?"

"Mates aren't meant to be separated," he explained. A sacred bond, recognized by the law. "But the Volturi have written this particular clause you're referring to mainly because it benefits them. They get an extra prisoner to serve them for free. Sure, the lifetime of the sentence is halved to be served in parallel—but at the end of the day, they will value firstly the gifted, and secondly, the added numbers." His eyes slid to her as he lowered the contract back down to the desk. "We will need to talk about the logistics of the mating ritual. The words, the venom. The timing, with respect to your change. And Edward." He leaned on the desk, eyes distant. "You'll put on a show. A better one than the half-assed version you're putting on for Alice."

"What do you mean, a show?"

"You're enamored with Edward Cullen. You love Edward Cullen. All you want is Edward Cullen." His stare swept up to her. "No one can know about this contract. No one can suspect about the existence of this contract. Look at me, Bella. This is important."

Worrying her lip, she focused on him. "You want me to continue pretending."

"I want you to make it believable. That doesn't mean you throw yourself at his feet—that's the opposite of believable; Alice would see right through it. You told her you would accept him to keep your mother safe. So, accept it." He stepped around the desk, sliding the contract with him. When he stood beside her, he brought a hand to her face, turning it to the side. "And work on controlling your expressions. Every blink and flinch is noticed and evaluated."

She shook her head, attempting to shrug off his grip. "I get it."

"Do you?" He leaned in, looking deep into her eyes. "I don't think you do. We're plotting against the Cullens, and more importantly, we're plotting against Alice Cullen."

"Volturi," she corrected absently.

His touch fell away, and his tone hardened. "If this goes wrong, Carlisle will try his damndest to get me out of Cullen territory and back to Italy, and far away from you. A whiff of this agreement, and I am gone, Bella."

Because Carlisle wanted her for his own son, and any threat to that plan was unacceptable.

"We don't even have an agreement until you sign," she pointed out, almost stubbornly.

There was no hesitation. No second-thought. None. As if it was merely a formality—as if it was just an annoying piece of procedure that he couldn't care less about—he grabbed onto the pen that had rolled to the corner of the desk and efficiently signed his name beneath hers. Bella couldn't believe this was happening.

And then, the pen slammed down, and he turned to her, his tone severe. "You will accept Edward's proposal with a smile on your face."

Her lips twitched, his words barely falling over her. "Okay, Alice."

There was a warning in his expression—a foreboding look of caution. But the smile on her face right then, was entirely, and positively real.

The dress hugged her torso and flew out around her thighs. Cream, off-white. Innocent, and pure. The Cullen Crest rested heavily on her chest, and her hair was twisted up and away from it, swept back by a delicate clip that looked inappropriately expensive.

"We'll take pictures," Alice was saying, "so remember to smile, alright, Bella?"

Bella gave her a smile, just to humor her. It was small, with her lips tight, and the emotion vacant from her eyes. She knew needed to practice these expressions of hesitant joy.

Rosalie was back from New York—which seemed unfathomable. Apparently, she had gone to fetch her own dress, one that was delayed in custom production, and wouldn't have made it via delivery by that morning.

The sheer amount of money spent by these people never failed to amaze Bella.

Rosalie wore that blood-red body-con dress that looked like any other that would have been on some store rack. She ran a brush over Bella's cheekbones, noncommittal, as if she were made to do it. Forced to be there.

Once beautiful enough for Alice's standards, Bella slipped on her wedges and followed her down the main stairs, Rosalie close behind.

Jasper was lounging on the sectional, his face entirely unreadable as he watched the three women descend. Bella fought to keep her own face expressionless, but she couldn't help the feeling of relief upon the sight of those red eyes. It seemed to be the one piece of hope she let herself feel.

"Have her by in thirty minutes," Alice ordered, addressing Jasper.

Rosalie added, "The champagne is ready. The catering should be there in ten."

Champagne and catering? Bella tightened her expression to keep from rolling her eyes.

A small smile spread on Alice's lips, and the two women left through the front door. Bella was left at the bottom of the stairs, fidgeting with the railing.

"Smile, Bella," her red-eyed wonder told her.

"Are we alone?" When Jasper nodded, she continued, "All of this is ridiculous. I could have just put on that stupid ring without any of this."

"The Cullens love a show."

She stalked over to him, but probably looked the least amount of menacing in a pure white dress and high wedges with strings that wrapped prettily around her ankles. She sat beside him, feeling suddenly hesitant. They hadn't communicated since their conversation last night in his library. Jasper had gone in for a shower, given that he had just killed three other vampires, and Bella had promptly taken an Uber home. No calls, no texts. It had been a quiet night—one of anticipation for the future, but pure dread for the coming morning.

"Are you sure about this?" She asked him.

It took a moment before he responded.

"I'd rather not watch my future contracted mate get engaged to Edward Cullen," he said slowly, a slight curve upwards at one corner of his lips, as if marveling at the incredulity of the situation. "But life rarely has the delicate awareness of what is fair, and what is not."

"So, you're not backing out?"

"It's hardly been a day, Bella."

"I know." She sighed fervently, gaze erratic throughout the room.

Jasper scooted closer, his eyes latching onto the crest on her chest, and then her updo. "She should have kept your hair down. Exposing your neck is reckless."

"Do you prefer my hair down, Jasper?"

He gave her an amused, yet bitter scoff in response, as if his preferences didn't matter.

But they did, at least to her. "You need to tell me these things if we're going to be stuck together for eternity."

He shook his head, a small smile.

"You know, until you get tired of me and have me assassinated."

He only cut her with a look, the smile fading instantly.

Bella hardly believed they had a contract for this in the first place. When she had woken up that morning from a very restless night of sleep, she had imagined she had dreamt the whole thing: Esme's wild eyes, pointing at the Tome; the electricity in Bella's veins as she wrote the very words down; Jasper's shockingly swift acceptance of such a peculiar fate.

And Esme? Where was Esme?

"Remember to be hesitant, but remember to smile," Jasper was saying. "Remember that we will notice the smallest nuances in your expression. The proposal is not a surprise, but maybe the ring is. Play this game, Bella. Play it like you're fully and completely emotionally attached." He paused, thinking. "And also, remember to say yes."

It was better than I do. "Do you think they'll have a wedding before I turn?"

He shook his head once. "There is not a chance Alice will let Edward near you for any semblance of a wedding night. The wedding, I presume, will happen once you're dead."

"But… that won't happen. Not if I'm mated soon after I'm dead." When would they even go through with the ritual? The logistics, indeed, would be important.

"I can't imagine Carlisle forcing any sort of tie to Edward when a mating bond with another vampire is in place. Any claim Carlisle has on you would be put into question."

"But hasn't he already declared me as a Cullen to your kings? How does that impact you, if we're bonded?"

"Once we say the words, and complete our ritual, by law, you will be under my contract as the sentenced party. You will serve Carlisle and his family, just as I do. But your coven loyalty will lie empty. No ties, no last name. A mating bond always supersedes all." He considered for a moment. "Now, that all would be different if you're mated to Edward. Edward is a Cullen and not bound by any legal contract for servitude. Even if Carlisle hadn't declared you as part of his coven, you would default to a Cullen because of your mate's coven loyalty."

Her head spun just a little. "Sounds complicated."

"All you need to know, if you're mated to me," he said, "is that you will remain Isabella Marie Swan until, if ever, we decide to join an established coven."

No more Isabella Marie Cullen. "But Carlisle would try to fight all of this, wouldn't he?"

"What would he fight? The mating bond? He'd have to face the kings and go against our Matehood laws."

Which was illegal, and why Alice was in the Cullen nightmare in the first place. Allegedly.

Jasper grabbed her hand and squeezed. "Play the part, Bella. Be the unassuming, reluctant bride. And we'll see to the rest."

She smiled at him through a sudden whirlwind of emotion that fluttered in her chest.

This man beside her just might be her way out of this mess.

Jasper drove her to the outskirts of Forks, closer, and closer to Esme's cabin. Running was prohibited, according to Alice, because it would surely mess up her hair and get her innocent little white dress dirty.

As Jasper slowed the car, Bella could make out the cabin just a few yards out from between the trees

"Edward will meet you here," he told her.

Nervously, she asked, "But I won't be alone?"

"Never."

She nodded, but before opening the door to get out, she paused. The question had been at the back of her mind since early this morning. "Where's Esme?"

"Gone."

"What do you mean, gone?"

"Alaska," he said simply, with a look in his eyes telling her to ask questions later. But Bella didn't think she needed to ask him anything. She had quite a good feeling about why Esme had decided to disappear.

She got out of the car, and immediately resented her shoes. The dirt below wasn't easy to maneuver with her wedges as she progressed through the trees.

But just a minute later, she heard his voice to her right. "Isabella Swan."

Edward Cullen was smiling brightly at her. She would almost describe it as lovingly if she hadn't known anything about him. He approached her from a direction that indicated he had been deep in the forest, and he donned loose slacks and a deep blue button up. Formal attire for a formal event.

"So lovely, as always," he murmured, offering his hand.

Bella stared at him for a moment before placing her hand in his grip. He took that hand and instead rested it on his forearm, offering her support as she balanced on her shoes. His gentlemanly act never failed. Cool, crisp, and charismatic Edward Cullen the Vampire, who killed and most likely f*cked humans with the sole purpose of feeling more human. It didn't make any sense to Bella, either.

As they walked towards the cabin, Edward was the one to fill the silence.

"We've had a rough time." He patted the hand on his forearm. "But I believe—Alice believes—that we will be just okay, Bella."

"Alice?" She questioned.

"She wants the best for us. And I know that I haven't been my best; believe me, I know. My thirst, my control, my instincts—it's all been unacceptable. But I love you, Bella. And we won't have these issues when you're—" He cut himself off, an odd swallow gracing his throat. "—when you're hardened, and dead."

No, he didn't like this ending at all, either. Bella was half afraid to question him about it, because this was what she needed him to do. They both had to go along with this game of pretend.

But she also couldn't be too suspiciously bipolar. "You love my humanity. Are you sure you want me dead?"

"It's the only way we can be together. We can hardly see each other as it is."

Bella nodded, biting her lip. "It's been... difficult. With my shield."

"Don't paint your powers in such a negative light," he said gently. "You're incredible. I know how important it is for you to be strong."

No, it was important for Carlisle to handpick a strong addition for his coven. Her personal strength didn't matter. "Thank you."

The cabin grew closer, and when they cleared the trees, the front porch appeared to be carpeted with red petals. Little candles bordered the path up to the front. The gentle breeze was cool, and calm against the coat she had on.

When they finally reached the front door, they turned to stare back out at the view. The garden was beautiful. The soft hue of candlelight softened the color of those red rose petals on the ground. Fairy lights were wrapped around the scattered trees, and their glow grew more prominent as the evening settled.

Bella focused on all of this decor until she couldn't. Until she felt Edward shift beside her, and get down on one knee.

"We have an opportunity to do this correctly," he was saying, his voice soft, and gentle. "We have a chance to be happy together. And the only way forward is one step at a time." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a wooden box. Even though it had been entirely expected, Bella suddenly felt out of body. Hadn't she vaguely imagined this moment when reading trashy novels, watching cheesy rom-coms?

As the box's lid lifted, her breath caught at the size of the diamond on that silly ring. That reaction hadn't been faked at all—and it seemed to please Edward, his smile widening at her expression.

"Isabella Marie Swan, I know it's sudden. But will you take the next step with me? Will you make me the happiest man on this planet, perhaps in this universe, and give me the honor of being your husband?"

She knew she nodded. Maybe she did indeed forget to say yes. But she thrust her hand out to him, eyes wide, and he seemed to be content with that; the unrelenting smile on his face was evidence enough.

And she didn't say a word as he slipped the diamond ring—big, daunting, and heavy—onto her finger.

It fit f*cking perfectly.

When he got back up to his two feet, he kissed her. It was slightly more than a simple peck, but less than anything too sensual. A classic Edward Cullen kiss.

The next hour was colorful, loud, and bright. The front door opened to a celebration with food, wine—sparkling, and otherwise—and music. Confetti was popped, congratulations were thrown around. Rosalie and Emmett danced, as Edward piled catered food on a plate for Bella. Alice and Carlisle stood to the side, chatting, and seemingly incredibly pleased with how the cabin turned out.

When Bella looked again at the couch that sat at the center of it all, all that flashed in her brain was Jasper sinking those teeth into her wrist just a few days ago. And Jasper wasn't there. Had he been tasked to keep guard outside? Or had it been entirely his personal preference to skip the celebration?

But before she could feel too upset about it, the front door opened, and there he was. There wasn't any indication of his acknowledgement of her. Instead, he went straight to Carlisle, and bent into his ear. There was nodding, and Carlisle clasped a hand on his shoulder with a smile. Only after that exchange did Jasper seem to let his gaze slide to Bella. Jasper said one more thing to Carlisle before heading in her direction.

When he reached her, he beheld her fully, his eyes returning every so often to that—what, eight carat?—solitaire ring on her finger. The stone occasionally slid around, bumping against her other fingers. The integrity of it all was meant to be held by one thin, diamond encrusted band. It was impractical at best.

"Congratulations," he told her diplomatically, bowing his head.

"Thank you." She raised her champagne flute in acknowledgement. "I would say enjoy the food, but..."

Bella noticed immediately how his eyes bounced over to the couch, and she quickly turned away. Her cheeks heated, and she hastily brushed past him to find Edward.

When her husband-to-be offered to dance with her, she accepted, hoping he admired the flush in her cheeks and assumed it was entirely for him. As they swayed slowly to the soft music in the background, Bella asked him, "Where is Esme?"

"She went on a trip, I'm told. Up north."

Bella nodded along. "It would have been nice to have her here. She would have loved to see all of this."

"She needs time away like this occasionally." He smiled at her. "A family of vampires can become overwhelming." He placed a little kiss on her hair. "We'll take time away too. We'll have to."

"Really?"

"The family will drive you crazy if you don't distance yourself. Esme needed a little break, that's all."

But there was no doubt in Bella's mind that Esme had left so urgently for Bella's own sake. She had left to protect whatever she knew, or suspected was between her and Jasper. She had relocated hastily to stay out of Edward's prying gift—to hide whatever she had dared to suggest to Bella the other night when she pushed the Tome into her arms.

One.

One bond.

"She's a kind woman," Bella murmured.

Edward grabbed her hand, the stone flailing about as he pulled her knuckles up to his lips. After planting a kiss, he grinned at the stone. "Once you have a wedding band, it should hold it in place better."

Bella didn't look at him. Instead, she directed her smile at the ring, and she let the gratitude she felt for Esme fuel it.

The gratitude for a Cullen who had maybe... just maybe looked at this situation and thought: Enough.

A/N: This chapter: Two vastly different proposals, and Esme's curious disappearance.

As always, huge love to triinity and TheMrsH for pre-reading.

Also, I hope you all knowthat the title of this story was inspired by the Burn TheBallroom song,Kiss Me You Animal.

A little taste for what's coming up:

"Edward treats you like a flower, Bella. He picked you from the garden, and stuck you in a vase. Your smell delights him, but he knows you're dying. He'll cling onto every bit of your humanity before he loses it completely."

See you next week.

Blu

Chapter 35

Chapter Text

Charlie was always the calm, collected parent. He had minimal expectations of Bella, but maybe that was only because she had continuously demonstrated her will to excel and achieve without much support.

But now, as Bella watched her father sprinkle a few spices into a pot, tiredly stirring a ladle into the soup, she was very unsure of his reaction to the sudden appearance of a certain gigantic rock on her finger.

And perhaps she was right to be nervous. An engagement to Edward Cullen made absolutely no sense.

Quietly, she came up to the kitchen and murmured a hello. Charlie acknowledged her with a nod, and suddenly a wave of guilt splashed down her spine. She hadn't been taking care of the house, and she certainly hadn't been the one cooking their meals. Bella frowned as she watched her father scrape some tomatoes into the soup. The skins were still on, and she knew he preferred them peeled.

"Should be ready in ten," he told her.

Twenty was more her estimate. "How was your day, dad?"

"My day?" He took a moment to consider, and then shook his head, as if to wake himself up. "The usual."

Bella was clutching her left hand behind her. "I just wanted to tell you that…"

Her mouth dried when he looked at her—some weirdly hopeful and expectant gaze that she refused to analyze, lest it make her cry right then and there.

She blurted, "I'm engaged."

"You're what?"

Flexing her fingers, she stretched out her hand from behind her, the giant diamond sparkling beneath the kitchen fluorescents. "Edward and I—" She cut herself off with a swallow when Charlie dragged one of his palms down his face.

He didn't say anything. Not for a while. Bella clutched her wrist, her fingers fidgeting with the abnormal growth that was the diamond.

The soup wasn't anywhere close to being done, but he shut off the stove with a loud click, and fully turned to her. "You're engaged."

She nodded.

"My daughter, Bella, who barely gets up before noon everyday—the one who hardly goes to class—is engaged?"

She remained silent.

"When was the last time you went to campus?"

"I went for my midterm." Her voice was small. "Chemistry."

"And how did that go?"

She hadn't seen Charlie this quietly angry since… Bella couldn't remember when she had heard this tone directed at her. When she had been an early teen, surely. "Fine."

He took a few deep breaths, stirring the soup one more time before banging the ladle on the side. With a sigh, he turned the stove back on, and waited until the light simmer returned. His voice was deathly quiet when he asked, "Is it him?"

Her heart skipped. "What?"

"Are you giving all of this up for Edward Cullen?"

"This?"

"Your future, Bella."

She was giving up her life. "No, dad."

"I just—I don't understand it." His anger seemed to dissipate, replaced by a sadness that Bella herself was too intimately familiar with it. "No matter how successful or wealthy, no man is worth losing your future over. In fact, what's worse is having to rely on him for the rest of your life." He looked at her, vaguely pained. "Bella, finish school. Get your degree, and then do whatever you want. But have your own safety net first. Your own life, and your own profession."

"I will do those things," she replied emptily.

Doubtfully, his eyes examined the ring. "Will you?"

They stared at each other until Charlie finally turned back to the stove. Bella, the coward that she was, went up to her room, because the disappointment on his face was infinitely worse than any anger he'd ever shown her.

When she got into the shower, she barely felt the scalding water, or the gentle tears that scraped down her face. The ring pulled at her hair and tangled into a few strands, until she was painfully, frustratedly, trying to yank it back out. When she tried to pull on it from her finger, it wouldn't budge. Her fingers were too swollen from the temperature and moisture, but she tried, and tried, desperately, and brokenly, to remove it from her body. But each pull and scrape only made it worse, trapping it between two knuckles.

When she finally wrapped a towel around herself, she hated who she saw in the mirror. Puffy eyes, puffy finger. If she could take off the ring to shatter her reflection, she would.

No part of her was surprised to see Jasper in her bedroom. He was standing at her bookshelf, flipping through one of her books.

With wet hair, she crawled into bed, facing away from him and towards the dark night seeping in from her window. With barely a whisper, she said, "He didn't take it well."

He only replied, "Did you expect him to?"

Bella closed her eyes, and then felt them get a little wetter when the covers shifted behind her. A cool hand slid over her torso, and the gentle tug that followed also pulled at her heart when she was pressed back against him.

"This is the most I can do with your shield," he murmured, the words ending in her neck. "Does it help?"

She only clutched at the hand that was draped over her, the thin, platinum band of her ring brushing over his knuckles. Silently, she was urging him to pull her closer, hold on tighter. Without him, she was afraid that she might just float away, and disappear.

When she woke the next morning, alone, she felt a momentary relief that it had all been a dream. The heaviness in her chest was gone, and so was the weight on her finger. In the early, hazy stages of wakefulness, she smiled at her hand—her naked, beautiful hand. But then her gaze slid to her nightstand, and she jolted when she saw the diamond staring back at her.

Edward took her to brunch, and Alice was naturally their chaperone. Port Angeles was the more hip place to do it all: the mimosas, the artisan coffee, and avocado toast. Alice sat beside them at their little table by the tall windows, cupping her delicate hands around a mug of black coffee. Edward reached forward to occasionally touch Bella's fingers, admiring the ring.

"It would look divine in sunlight."

"Just like you," Bella said, keeping the sarcasm low, and her tone genuine.

Glowing beneath the sun was the last thing she would have guessed a vampire to be capable of. Edward had described the phenomena as a weakness, since it drove them into hiding. They just looked too good in sunlight for it to be permitted among humans. It was the age-old problem of exposure. Though Bella, unsurprisingly, wished the sun would just directly kill them.

After watching Edward eat a quarter of an eggs Benedict and drink half a flute of a mimosa, they left the restaurant to stroll around the cutesy shops by the pier. Alice went in and out of some of them, returning with little paper bags of things she had purchased, all the while Edward kept Bella's hand on his forearm, giddily guiding her down the sidewalk, telling her about what an adventure it was to find her ring. Apparently, he had been sneaking off to Seattle for a few weekends with Alice.

"Harry Winston, was the best choice. Carlisle generally prefers to go through Tiffany's—they are an older, trusted company, but… I wish you could have been there with me. The prestige, and elegance in their displays. Their diamond analysis and quality verification…"

Weren't diamonds entirely worthless? A business scheme meant to put the price on rocks. Well, admittedly, very strong rocks.

"It's beautiful, Edward."

"Really?"

She looked up at him, at the concern on his face. "The waitress this morning kept glancing down at it as if it might just come off and hit her."

He smiled, and lifted her hand delicately, planting a kiss on her middle knuckle, right beside the diamond. "All the best for a Cullen bride."

"I hate when he pretends."

Bella sat tiredly at the other end of Jasper's desk, crossing her legs and fixing her dress so it stayed put. The burgundy sweater dress and skinny heeled boots Alice had shoved into her hands this morning had been the ensemble meant for their brunch outing.

"Pretends?" Jasper questioned, his fingers twirling a pen upon his desk.

Edward. "It never feels right. When he orders human food, and eats, and drinks."

Casually, he shrugged. "It's the illusion. This is the life Carlisle took away from him—the one you're letting him get a taste of. Have you ever thought how normal Edward must feel around you?"

"Normal?"

"You block his gift. You give him a chance to ignore his vampiric qualities—most of which he despises."

"Is that why we have three dinners and a movie outing planned for next week?" She scoffed. "He treats me like some wonder on a pedestal. As if he hasn't condemned me already. As if he chooses to ignore all of it."

"Edward treats you like a flower, Bella. He picked you from the garden, and stuck you in a vase. Your smell delights him, but he knows you're dying. He'll cling onto every bit of your humanity before he loses it completely."

She hoped she was a rose. Those could hurt if mishandled.

Jasper took the piece of paper beneath his hands, folded it, and placed it in an envelope.

Bella watched him, with his endless fiddling with stationary. "What is that?"

"A report."

"Of the Cullens?"

"Of course. The kings want to know that I'm serving appropriately, and they never mind the extra intel they get on any coven."

Bella shifted in her seat, her eyes on the envelope. "Am I in there?"

"Yes."

She looked at him. "Really?"

"It would be unusual if I didn't mention your engagement, when it's already the talk of our community."

"Are we in there?"

Jasper set the envelope down. "We?"

"Us," Bella clarified, a little stupidly. "Our… arrangement. Arrangements."

"No. If we reported every single contract that was ever drafted, we would get nothing done. If there's a violation of any contract, that's when you would bring it to court, and demand a trial."

And the contract validity was determined by Aro Volturi himself. When he touched you, he could see you signing, and agreeing.

"A trial," she considered.

The smile on his face was challenging. "If you were better at this, you would have come up with something that would punish me for backing out of our deal. Only then could you drag me to Italy and demand justice for the lack of a mating bond."

"I wouldn't want to be punished for refusing that. I wouldn't do that to you."

The pen was back in his grip, twirling round and round. "You have too much empathy for this world, sweetheart."

An endearment that felt more like a taunt. "Well, if you wanted to trap me in a mating bond, what would you have done?"

But the answer was so easy, wasn't it? And instantly, at that realization, her heart sank.

This was a feeling Bella tended to avoid like the plague. The one where you felt the floor beneath you vanish, your heart dropping low, usually triggered by some thought or event that paused your entire world. It was a feeling that bred avoidance and perfectionism. If you didn't fail, you couldn't be caught off guard.

Bella could barely breathe. "Alice is going to kill my mother. If I'm not mated to Edward, she's going to do it. The proposal… it was nothing. It means nothing."

"I was wondering when you would bring this up."

She gripped the armrests tightly, her mind racing. "We can't do this."

"Let me see if I understand this." Jasper leaned forward towards her. "You would rather be subjected to an eternity under Carlisle's thumb than have your mortal mother die?"

"Is that a f*cking question, Jasper?

Mildly, he conceded. "Okay. So I don't understand it."

Was her eye twitching? Her hands certainly were. "This is my mother—"

"—who will die within the next fifty years regardless of what you do."

"You're cold," she sneered.

"Practical. You're not thinking like an immortal."

"Then why did I accept this damned ring in the first place?"

His attention narrowed in on her, acute, and assessing. "To keep suspicions low, if we are to keep up our arrangement."

Not to keep her mother safe. That wasn't what Jasper had been thinking at all.

You will accept Edward's proposal with a smile on your face.

They stared at each other until Bella finally broke off.

And then, with a deep sigh, Jasper told her, "You can't do this to yourself. You cannot save everyone."

She knew that, but it didn't make it any bit easier.

"This is the consequence of having human connections."

Bella remained silent—the sorrow very, very real. She didn't even flinch when he appeared in front of her, offering his hand.

"You should go home. We can talk more about the Tome tomorrow."

That was why she had come in the first place.

Her eyes fell to his hand, and the scars that began at his wrists. "Is this what being dead is like? Will my heart freeze over, as well? Will I stop caring about the things I care about now?"

"It's an adjustment of perspective."

Cruel. When Bella didn't accept his hand, he merely reached down and grabbed onto hers. Pulling her up, she barely stopped herself from crashing completely into him. Their closeness was natural by now, but it never failed to take her by surprise.

Though his words surprised her even more. "You look like you just might hate me."

"I don't hate you."

"Then what are you feeling?"

She shrugged defeatedly, her eyes lowering. "It doesn't matter. At all."

He lifted her hand, with that obnoxious diamond glittering proudly.

"You know," she said, "I would have thought Edward would ask Charlie before any sort of proposal, but… I don't know."

"Alice told him to avoid communication with your father. It would have gotten violent."

"What? Edward—?"

"No. Charlie. Do you realize how upset your father is? He doesn't know what to do with you."

Bella only grew smaller, shrinking away from Jasper. She didn't hate him, but she hated this.

"You've pulled away from your life, and you've pulled away from him. And doing so will only make this harder. When will you actually listen to me when I tell you to stop wasting these months?"

He watched her closely before grabbing at her wrist. He guided her to the bookshelves—to a section with thick, large hardcovers. His cookbooks.

"Pick something from here," he told her, the request almost comical.

"Why?"

"Because," he said, pulling one out for effect, "you're making dinner for your father."

Bella didn't need a cookbook.

Charlie's go-to favorite had always been a calming, slow-cooked beef stew. Add in a freshly baked apple pie for dessert, and it was a happy night. And since Jasper seemed intent on making sure Bella delivered for tonight, she sent him off to the store to pick up a grocery list of items necessary to make the magic happen.

She was organizing the kitchen by the time he got back, placing the paper bags on the counter. Bella reached into one and happily pulled out the two bottles of Burgundy wine.

Skeptically, Jasper asked, "Are those for you, or for the stew?"

"Both. Want some?"

She was only teasing, but the disturbed look on his face only made her giggle. The air around them was calm, and light, though there was something unsure that glossed over his face as he watched her pour herself a glassful of poison.

"Grapes are healthy, don't worry," she reassured as she took a sip.

"Tell me," he said. "What is the point of drinking this and applying your anti-aging regimen?" Bella was impressed he even knew anything about skincare. "It's very counterproductive. Alcohol ages you heavily."

Bella rolled her eyes. "And so does sugar, but none of that matters anymore. Besides, maybe I can afford to look a little older if I'm going to be frozen for the rest of eternity."

Thirty minutes later, the smell of beef and vegetables filled the kitchen. As the stew cooked in the oven, she quickly began working on the pie. Jasper didn't really offer to help, and she didn't need it anyway. He simply watched from a corner of the kitchen, occasionally on his phone, only moving when he was in the way.

"Jasper?" Bella arranged the lattice crust on top of the pie dish.

"Hm?"

"Would you stand by if Alice just started killing me?"

He put his phone down. "What?

She wiped her hands quickly on the cloth on the counter and then pressed the wine glass to her lips."Something tells me your own lesson wouldn't apply to you."

"My own lesson," he stated flatly, and then retorted, "Alice wouldn't kill you, Bella. And no, I wouldn't just stand by; it's in my contract to keep you safe."

"But if it wasn't that way? What if I were just some human connection that didn't matter?"

Slowly, understanding formed on his face. "Your situation is entirely different than your mother's."

She shrugged. "I know. But I still think I couldn't just stand by and watch it happen." She picked up another long piece of dough and laid it across the pie, adding to the lattice. "After I turn, I'll be strong. I can fight back when I know you won't."

Before she could reach for her glass, Jasper grabbed it, holding it hostage. "You won't be fighting anyone. You can't. Alice is a Cullen."

"I only serve them if I'm mated to you—when I get half of your sentence. But before that, there's nothing stopping me from hurting her, is there?"

Jasper stared at her with an expression she had never seen before. His crimson eyes wide, he looked at her as if he saw that dangerous potential. The inevitable loss of control. A liability. "Bella."

"Jasper."

He placed the glass down further from her. "The alcohol gives you too much courage. Reckless courage. Our whole arrangement is sensitive, and it must be planned precisely until completion."

"Then talk to me." She smiled at him, her face delectably warm. "How will you mate me to yourself, Jasper?"

"Well, we say the words—"

"I choose you. To respect, and protect until the end of our bond." She focused back on the pie, running her fingers around the dish to cut off any excess dough. "I choose you to strengthen my weaknesses, and share my grief. I choose you to protect our freedom, support our misfortune, and celebrate our triumphs. I choose—"

He cut her off, amused. "You've memorized it."

"Your Tome teaches all. I don't even think I need you anymore." Smiling gently at the unbaked pie, her eyes slid to his. "So, after the words, you give me a scar, and I give you one in return." She grabbed the cloth from the counter, wiping the flour from her hands, and then stood before him. "And… that's it."

"Right here." He brushed a few fingers up her neck, and held two at the base. "Yours will be right here."

"And they have to be matching," Bella said, her eyes darting to the spot where his neck met his shoulders. "You've thought about it."

"Endlessly," he murmured alluringly. "So many possibilities, but I know exactly how I want this to go." His hips dug into hers as she was pressed into the counter, one of his hands gripping her waist. "But wanting is vastly different than what needs to happen."

"The logistics," she breathed, a little dizzy. Him, or the wine? Both, she decided.

"Precisely. You change, and we'll have a window of time before Carlisle would even attempt to mate you to Edward. Your first few days will be hectic; a mess of hunger and blood."

The importance of this discussion was merely a brush against her skin. With his lips so close to hers, she didn't care one bit about these details he was telling her. "So, you won't have me properly. Is what you're saying?"

"I'm saying—"

He didn't have to say anything. He shouldn't have to. The haze was thick and seductive, and all she wanted was this in front of her.

So, she took it. Him. A flower, just for her.

Quickly pressing her lips to his, she felt that initial jolt of cold as it awakened her body. She had kissed a vampire before, and she more or less knew what to expect. She knew that by the time she grew accustomed to the temperature change, it would stop. The blood that rushed to her lips, plumping and softening them, would always be too much for Edward Cullen.

But what was too much for Jasper Whitlock? Because any of her previous expectations were being shredded to bits the moment she felt his tongue part her lips, seeking out her own. Sighing into him, she wrapped her arms around his neck, the hand on her waist gripping her tighter as she was pulled closer. The rhythm he kept was breathtakingly slow and achingly sweet, as if he savored every inch of her lips, tracing them with his own.

And then Jasper paused, leaning back slightly. An inch between them. His whisper blossomed against her lips, bringing chills down her spine. "He can't kiss you like this, can he?"

Her heart stuttering, she was barely aware of herself whispering back, "No."

That little response fueled him. Bella could tell, because she found herself on the counter, knocking over a salt shaker and just about everything else she couldn't give a damn about. Jasper's hands found her thighs, encouraging them to wrap around him. His force was strong, and she could only yield as her back bowed over the counter, his body molding against hers.

Distantly, a timer went off. The stew. The stew was done.

But Jasper continued to ignore the blaring of her phone as he explored her mouth. God, he was so deliciously hard against her. If Bella had downed another glass of that marvelous wine, she would have stripped bare right then and there. And she probably would have broken her phone, because she would have thrown it straight out the window.

Jasper couldn't ignore the noise for long. He pulled away abruptly with a curt growl, "Your damn phone, Bella."

Her heart was everywhere as she watched him try to tap at it, flour scattered all over the screen. She was half convinced his finger would go through the phone. Finally, when it cooperated and quieted, Jasper returned to her and pulled her to him.

Bella let him kiss her once before saying, "I need to take out the stew. And you're not f*cking me on this counter."

He grinned at her. "I'm not?"

"Come back to me when you fix your hearing."

Before she could wiggle down to the floor, he trapped her once more. Automatically, his hands squeezed her outer thighs. "Let me take you somewhere."

She picked up the cloth beside her and smacked him lightly on the shoulder. "And let me remind you that this dinner was your idea."

He sighed, and there was something so delightful about it. Placing two hands on either side of her, he leaned down and nipped at her lip. Once. "Yes, but when do I get to eat?"

A/N: This chapter: Charlie's disappointment, a weird brunch, and perhaps a concerning habit of alcohol.

A little taste for what's coming up:

"Why Seattle?" He questioned.

"It's the only city my mom is willing to step foot in within Washington."

"You should be going south. Miami, Austin, L.A. Enjoy the sun with normalcy."

Bella paused, her eyes searching his with a little smile.

But he only scowled, reading her easily. "Don't stay in Washington for me."

See you next time.

Chapter 36

Chapter Text

It was clear that Charlie hadn't known how to react when he came home. The dinner table was set with two placemats, matching silverware, and his favorite dish steaming on his plate. The smell of freshly baked apple pie still lingered in the room.

He hadn't said much as they went through dinner, but he kept a wary eye on her the entire time, probably wondering who she was.

Now, as they scraped the last bites of pie off of their plates, he said, "Thank you for trying."

Earnestly, she replied, "That's all we can do."

It was something she had to hear herself these days. It was clear that her father was trying to hide that flash of emotion with a casual sip of water.

Charlie helped her wash the dishes, and then gave her a big, long hug. It was long enough that Bella had to bite her lip the entire time to stop from exploding with tears. But when he pulled back, she knew that he saw those unshed tears in her eyes.

He merely planted a kiss on her forehead. "That's all we can do, yes. But maybe we can get some support to help along the way."

"Support?"

He was hesitant. "Maybe we should get you someone to talk to. I've done a little research, and around this age, young women can develop all sorts of things. Troubling thoughts, depression."

She blinked quickly. "You've done research?"

"Your own grandfather had told me to suck it up. I'm thinking maybe that wasn't the right approach."

Up in her bedroom that evening, Bella snuggled deep into her comforter, with a plain t-shirt and shorts, staring distantly at the white wall across from her bed. Her phone was still on the Google search for Therapists near me, with a distinct, and slightly unsettling warning at the top to call the suicide hotline. Part of her found it pretty pointless to address the mental health crisis she was going through. At this stage, it didn't feel like it mattered.

And what would she realistically tell a mental health professional? My "vegetarian" vampire boyfriend—now forcefully turned fiancé—is the reason why I'm dying later this year so that I can join his crazy vampire cult of a family, and I'll be stuck by his side forever as he "unintentionally" murders young human women. Oh, but I'm also in this separate situation with another vampire who is supposed to be in this acting role as my mentor, who drinks my blood on the regular, and has just signed an agreement to be my forever companion to save me from my current fate with my fiancé and his cult family.

She placed tentative fingers on her lips, as if she could still feel that initial ache of when Jasper had used his teeth to scrape against them. His tongue.

That one I just mentioned? He has ruby red eyes to die for. They should be terrifying, but they're the most comforting things I've ever seen.

She stared up at the ceiling with a soft, mesmerized smile.

Before he bites me, he makes sure that I'm healthy enough to give blood. He feels around my skin, looks into my eyes, and questions if I'm taking care of myself. I know he does all that to ensure that the blood loss wouldn't harm me—because, you see, he's also meant to protect me. He serves the crazy vampire cult, and he's stuck serving them for the next almost one-hundred years. If we're mated—or, bound together…I don't want to get into this mating mess with you, because it's truly a mess. But, anyway, if we're mated, I get half of his sentence. So, you see, we help each other out.

And when she turned her head, there he was, right by her window.

But lately, I think he touches me because he wants to. He bites me because he enjoys it more than just a meal.

As he approached her, the moonlight danced over him, and all she could stare at was his face. A single objective in his eyes.

And I kissed him today. On my kitchen counter. Feet dangling and all.

Jasper leaned down, his weight shifting to his hands on the bed as he hovered over her.

Don't look at me like that. I took what I wanted.

And she took it now.

Lips brushed hers, testing, tasting. His breath was so sweet, she suddenly wondered if vampires brushed their teeth. Clutching the fabric of his shirt tightly in one fist, she pressed her mouth more firmly against his, sighing into him, coaxing him into bed. Their legs tangled as Jasper settled between hers.

There was an urgency to his movements as his hands began to roam her body, exploring, squeezing, feeling. They were rough, and demanding, as if time itself was running out, and he needed to commit as much of her to memory as he could. When Bella's lips parted for him, she could feel his smile.

And then, his fingers were at her waist, feeling around the fabric of her shorts that were too short to be decent outside of her home. With a reverent tone, he said, "I love these."

"If you take them off, they're yours."

He rocked against her, against those shorts, as he kissed her, and kissed her, and kissed her. One of his hands ran up her side, taking the hem of her shirt with it, but never quite up and off. His other hand rested against her throat, thumb tapping her skin, as if needing to keep beat with her pulse, with the rhythm of each kiss he planted down her jaw, and her collarbone.

She hadn't even felt his hand roam lower before the snap against her skin. The tear seemed to echo throughout the room. Bye bye, shorts.

"You owe me," she teased, his fingers ghosting over her hip, leaving chills in their wake.

"You said they were mine if I took them off."

"You shouldn't ruin things that belong to you."

The lips on her shoulder turned to teeth. The scrape of them was unexpected, and part of her wondered if he had broken skin, but she couldn't focus on that thought for too long, because his fingers found her underwear, and they pressed down on her cl*t directly. No more teasing. No more bullsh*t.

Jasper kissed her again, swallowing the curse on her lips as he slid the fabric to the side.

She couldn't ignore that ping at the back of her brain that asked, Isn't this moving too fast? Does this make sense?

There was no such questioning on Jasper's part, it seemed, because a finger easily slid into her. Maybe two. Bella couldn't really tell. She was too wet, too wanting. The pleasure threatened to wrap her in this cocoon where nothing else mattered. She basked in the feeling of those fingers—teasing, and working, and filling. Divine. Her hips moved with his hand, eager, aware, and demanding for more. If he f*cked her right then and there, she would let him. Because what did she have to lose? What part of her was left to give?

But a sound outside of her door instantly had her legs jerking to a close, knees banging against each other. Jasper's fingers still moved, languidly in and out, seemingly not even bothered by the potential intrusion.

Her fingers came down on his wrist with a sharp whisper, "My dad."

"So?"

So?

She watched him. No. This was too careless. Too reckless. Irresponsible.

I'd barely hear him. Not when you're wrapped around me with my teeth in your neck.

Jasper would never risk it.

His fingers stilled as he looked at her, an amused, almost knowing expression. As if he could sense her thoughts and taste her worries.

"This is not you," she told him, and he only smiled in return, taking his time to retract his fingers.

"No?" He considered, seemingly in awe by her wetness that glistened on his skin. "Who am I, then?" His hands lovingly traced her thighs, attempting to pry them open. "Who am I to the wonderful Isabella Swan? A friend? A companion? Or maybe just a distraction. A convenient release."

Now there was pounding on the door. Bella scrambled, her legs pushing at the sheets, bringing her upright against the headboard. Jasper was beside her, watching her closely, the amusem*nt gone.

Her dad called for her, and the doorknob rattled.

"You need to leave," she whispered harshly.

But he didn't whisper. Nothing about him was quiet. "No, Bella. Not when she's here."

The pounding turned frantic, rattling the hinges. Bella was certain the door would blow any second. Her father's voice came in pants. Frantic, scared. He called out for her again.

She needed to go. She needed to help him. But Jasper kept her on the bed, a hand on her thigh, so strong she could barely move. He grabbed her chin, demanding her attention. "Look at me. This is what you wanted. To ignore the world, and everything else in it. To drink, to forget, to be ignorant." His fingers dug into her skin. "So, let me distract you."

Tears filled her eyes when he kissed her, the sound of the door pounding in her skull. The haze was returning—the one that held her in its grip and refused to let go. She could barely hear him when his lips trailed off to her cheek, whispering something. She could barely hear him over the sounds of breaking bones and tearing skin. The door groaned with the weight of whoever was held against it.

Cold lips were now on her ear, nibbling, caressing. Finally, she heard him ask, "Who are you?" His thumb prodded at her lip. "Who are you when no one sees? Do you even want to find out?"

The screams from the hall grew louder. It wasn't just her father anymore. She couldn't tell who was out there, but it was a massacre. Jasper's hand cupped her face sweetly, as if he couldn't hear a single thing—as if they were perfectly safe in that little bed, in that little world.

But there was no ignoring the blood as it began to pool beneath the door like thick syrup, sliding against the hardwood and staining the rug by the bed. An intruder tainting their moment. Jasper's head snapped in attention to it.

Eyes wide, Bella fought to get out of bed, the clawing on the door too close, and too real. A groan. Her father. Charlie. She cried, "We need to help him!"

"No."

"Jasper," she pleaded.

"I don't protect him. I protect you. He dies. You live."

But there was no protecting her. The door burst open, chopped in half, and chipped in many other places. Alice Volturi, with fury in her red, murderous eyes, locked in on Bella. Blood dribbled down the side of her lips, and she licked them clean with a simple swipe of her tongue.

Her tone was sickly sweet—mocking, as she took in the sight of them in bed. "How could you do this to Edward? Don't you know that you belong to him? To me?" And then, as if entirely bored with the dramatics, her gaze simply flicked to Jasper. "Hold her down."

Bella fought. She struggled and squirmed, but Jasper held onto her shoulders. He was seated right behind her, and Bella couldn't even find the strength to twist back to him. And when Alice stepped out of the way, Carlisle Cullen was there. He had ended a phone call, casually sauntering over to her bedside. Those angelic, golden eyes were filled with purpose. He took one more step, and bent over her.

She tried to back away, but she was locked in by the firm hands on her body. One of them released, grabbing her hair instead. Jasper tugged her head to the side, running a finger down her throat adoringly.

"You will make a fine mate to my son, Isabella Swan," Carlisle whispered with allure.

And Bella screamed as his teeth pierced her neck.

Heart pounding, Bella covered a hand over her lips before she could make a single sound. Panting against her palm, she looked around the room, and only when she knew she was safe and alone in her bed did she slowly let her hand fall. Her eyes darted to the door, ensuring that it was solid, and intact, with no blood seeping from the bottom.

The clock by the bedside read 3 AM.

She got out of bed, feeling twitchy and unwell. The first thing she did was pad over to her dad's room and confirm that he was still alive and breathing. The soft snoring she heard before she even approached his door was enough to give her comfort.

Her heart rate had calmed by the time she made it downstairs. But when she found herself in the kitchen, opening up the pantry door, she knew she was making a mistake. The bottle shook in her hands, and when she poured some of it in a glass, she knew she needed help. This wasn't a casual drink. This wasn't a regular, harmless glass of wine.

She was pouring because she was losing her mind, and her sanity was crumbling to bits.

When had she let it get so bad? She took a sip, and immediately resented herself for it.

Her phone was on the counter, and she finally picked it up to go through her messages. A few from Edward planning their movie outing, one from Monica, who refused to stop sending her notes from class, and one from Jasper.

He had texted her four hours ago. How was dinner?

She had already been asleep. She texted back now, Fine.

And the moment she hit send, she knew she had made another mistake.

She winced when the phone vibrated with a response that came back entirely too quickly. Why are you awake?

Bella chewed her lip, and took another sip. The reds were her favorite. Full-bodied, they left a sizzle on her tongue with the aftertaste.

She squeezed her eyes shut when the phone vibrated in her hand with another text. Persistent. Bella.

"Bella," she whispered bitterly. "Unstable, unreliable Bella. With a drinking problem? What a f*cking twist."

Couldn't sleep, she replied, hoping he would just stop responding. Stop pestering. He'd ask her why, and she'd tell him it had been a bad dream. He'd ask about the dream, and she'd tell him…

She shook her head, and took another sip, the wine glass making too much noise as she placed it on the counter.

Buzz. Company?

She wanted no one to see her like this. Maybe you shouldn't. I'm exhausted.

And a little scared, and a little too sober.

The response came back slower than normal. What if I want to come over, and I'm exhausted, too?

She asked in return, How are you exhausted?

He didn't respond until two minutes later: Open the door.

sh*t. Bella took a big gulp from her glass and dumped the rest down the sink. As if he wouldn't be able to smell the evidence. As if her breath wouldn't give her away.

Running a hand through her hair, she stepped up to the door and cracked it open. The sight of him froze her in place, and there was a sudden flash of him in her bed, in-between her legs, his fingers digging inside of her.

Who are you when no one sees?

She almost slammed the door in his face. And Jasper might have seen something in her expression that kicked him into gear.

"Bella," he said gently. "Can I come in?"

No words, just action. When she let go of the door, it slowly swung open, as if the house wanted him there too. She retreated inside and caught sight of the open wine bottle tucked away by the fridge. It made her sick.

She sat on the couch, her gaze averted. She didn't want to watch as he looked around the kitchen, sniffing out the source of the poison. He would assess the stained wine glass in the sink, and the trembling hands in her lap.

He sat at the armchair to her diagonal, giving her plenty of space. She could feel his gaze as it raked over her, and she instantly felt cold in those shorts. But he didn't tell her that he loved them. He wasn't even touching her.

Then why was she still shaking?

"This has just been a gradual downfall into hell, hasn't it?" She asked, perhaps to no one in particular.

Jasper took his sweet time to respond. He seemed to settle with a diplomatic, "I think your father is rightfully concerned."

She didn't want to talk about this. She felt weak, and stupid, and helpless, the alcohol dampening her responses, smoothing out her words. "Your shirt is ripped."

He glanced down at himself.

"Nomads?" She asked.

"Just two."

"Has Carlisle ever just considered making friends?"

"No."

Carlisle was the type to squash a bug than carry it outside. He was also the type to kill her, but not really. Only in the sense that it would imprison her for eternity.

She pulled her knees into her chest, resting her head on them. "Is that why you're exhausted? Are you hurt?"

"This isn't about me."

Her eyes squeezed shut at the dizziness that came. Her tolerance was still sh*t. "Just a bad dream."

"Bella, look at me."

Look at me. This is what you wanted. To ignore the world, and everything else in it. To drink, to forget, to be ignorant.

She couldn't look at him, not when he evaluated her with that unreadable expression. He approached, but not with the speed he usually did. He usually never cared what his vampirism looked like to her, except for now. Slow, human steps. Cautious, as if he might scare away an animal.

She flinched before he ever touched her, and that seemed to keep him from doing so.

"It's times like these," he said, "where I wish your shield didn't matter. Because I could come in there, and fix it. I could mess with those chemicals in your brain that are causing this, and bring you relief. I could release you from this."

Who am I to the wonderful Isabella Swan? A friend? A companion? Or maybe just a distraction. A convenient release.

She dug the heels of her hands into her eyes, pushing dark spots into her vision.

"I wanted to do the same at the cabin. When you told me to drink, but you were far away. You had receded so deeply into yourself that you were merely a vessel. You dissociate regularly, Bella."

He was going to mention the alcohol, but she wouldn't let him. Her voice small, and thick with tears, she said, "I think I should see my mom."

The momentary silence made it clear that he hadn't expected that. "I think you should, too."

"We could meet in Seattle."

"Why Seattle?" He questioned.

"It's the only city my mom is willing to step foot in within Washington."

"You should be going south. Miami, Austin, L.A. Enjoy the sun with normalcy."

Bella paused, her eyes searching his with a little smile.

But he only scowled, reading her easily. "Don't stay in Washington because of me."

Instantly, her smile faded. "I don't think you understand how much I rely on you."

"I rely on you, too."

Bella looked down at his torn shirt, and at the mud at the hem of his dark jeans. "That sounds like a terrible idea. I can't protect you."

I don't protect him. I protect you. He dies. You live.

Jasper's voice cut in before she could lose her mind. "I don't need protection."

"Blood?"

He shook her head, as if she was being ridiculous. "Bella, we agreed on a contract for companionship. We have a baseline compatibility that neither of us can deny."

Baseline compatibility. She sniffled. "Why do you always talk like a lawyer?"

"I don't. But I'm arguing that I see this potential in us to harbor a strong partnership."

Her tone was dead. "I'm sorry—is this the part where you get down on your knees and declare your love for me? It sure doesn't sound like it." And then, she held up her hands, as if needing to deter him from that idea completely. "Please don't do that. That's nothing I deserve right now. I mean, look at me."

"I am."

"Okay, don't look at me. I'm a f*cking mess, and I need a therapist."

"What you need is some water, and maybe some food." He leaned forward, elbows on his knees, watching her from beside her. "You need to lessen your evening intake of alcohol."

Please, stop this. "But mornings are fair game?"

He definitely sensed the pain in her voice. The humor was a mask that didn't fit. "Take it one step at a time."

A/N: This chapter: A nightmare, plainly. The severity of Bella's mental health catching up to her.

I also hate when authors do this, and I have now become the very thing I despise. We all grow into our monsters.

But I'm curious—when did you realize it was a dream?

Thanks, as always, to TheMrsH, and triinityz for pre-reading.

A little taste for what's coming up:

"I shouldn't be this spoiled," he said.

"Why not?"

"You're going to die, and my feedings will be back to carefully planned intervals."

See you next time.

Chapter 37

Chapter Text

It was close to four in the morning when Bella trudged upstairs with Jasper. She had munched on a slice of bread to chase away that morning hunger, along with a huge glass of water for the dehydration headache she felt coming on. She really should have eaten something more substantial and filling. Maybe something with more nutrients and flavor. Her appetite was fading, and it was really a shame. Food was something she should enjoy and pay more attention to while it mattered.

And now, she entered her bedroom, with Jasper quiet, and the entire world a shade of gray.

The room felt like an unwelcome memory. An irrational part of her told her to look down at her feet by the door. There's blood. Everywhere. Sticky, gooey. Delicious. A phantom spasm at her neck, an ache between her thighs. Bella practiced a quick moment of deep breathing before taking those steps to her bed.

She sat on the wreck of sheets and comforter, the tiredness prodding at her like a gentle wave. Jasper closed her bedroom door and then appeared at the desk chair a few feet away, seemingly intent on still giving her space.

"You never told me if you were hurt," she said, her voice soft in the dark, early morning. Jasper had said he had fought off two nomads, if his ruined shirt was evidence enough.

Wordlessly, he shifted back, lifting the portion of his shirt that was ripped. There was a deep enough scratch where the skin looked like it was weeping. That translucent liquid was surely his venom.

The improbable biology major in her wanted to approach and examine it. "Will it scar?"

"No," he said, his voice low, and a little distant. "Scarring can only happen when two different mixtures of venom combine. This wasn't a bite."

There was something stale in his expression—something tired. It was hard to place.

"Just a deep scratch then?" It didn't look like he was actively healing. Bella upturned her wrist, and then she lifted it in offering. "Will you drink? It should help."

Jasper's eyes flicked down to those veins. "It would help."

She shifted closer to him on the bed, but paused when he wouldn't meet her eyes.

"I shouldn't be this spoiled," he said.

"Why not?"

"You're going to die, and my feedings will be back to carefully planned intervals."

Bella played with the fabric of the comforter, and teased him, "You're going to go back to drinking from women in their sleep?"

"Is this curiosity or jealousy?"

"If only you could tell."

The smile didn't reach his eyes. "Maybe I'll follow you to Seattle. I should start the hunt."

"Great. I can drink to oblivion with my mother, and you can start shopping for a new blood bag."

The silence stretched for a while, and Bella took this moment to examine him. A vampire who was undoubtedly fatigued. But the distinction was important, because Jasper didn't look weary as a human would. He didn't have circles under his eyes, and his skin didn't seem more dull, or pale.

But there was something about the way he was staring vaguely at nothing. There was a slight crease on his forehead, as if the light from her bedside table was too much to handle. His jaw was set, his eyes empty and unfeeling.

What if I want to come over, and I'm exhausted, too?

"I'm glad you came," she said.

He scraped a hand down his face, a rough edge to his voice. "I needed the quiet."

"Vampires need that sort of thing?"

A pause, and a glance out the window. "Sleep as much as you can, while you can, Bella. Because once that venom burns through you, you're eternal. Constant. You can't hit pause, you can't take a break. There is no rest, no recharge."

It was unusual to see him this way. Normally, there was always something alert about him—his posture, his darting eyes. But now, he seemed utterly defeated in that chair, his eyes closing occasionally for longer, and longer periods of time. Searching, grasping for something—anything—that resembled sleep.

"Is that true for everyone?"

"Everyone?"

"I don't see any of the Cullens ever… exhausted."

Jasper shook his head, somewhat amused, somewhat bitter. "Why would they ever need to think beyond Carlisle? That's the comfort of a strong-standing coven."

"And what about Carlisle?"

"He's good friends with the kings. He plays at court, then comes home to a mate, and a coven of vampires he's sired—all those that kiss the very ground he walks on. He has me to delegate the things he'd rather not do, and he has Alice to watch for his future. Carlisle is his own king here."

"Is that what you want to be? Your own king?"

"I want…" He seemed lost in thought for a moment, his eyebrows drawing. "I just want to stop thinking. For once."

Bella shifted on the bed, angling closer. "What are you thinking about?"

Slowly, he leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his knees. And then his thoughts came out, disorganized, and rapid, like a ferocious, ancient river.

"I'm thinking about what Alice and Carlisle have been debating in my library for the last four days. I'm thinking about your death, and a training plan that you'll inevitably need. I'm thinking about all of the things you need to learn beforehand. I'm thinking about the next time you'll let me feed. I'm mildly horrified by your mental state, and I'm thinking it's going to get worse—in fact, I know it will, and I know I can't stop it. Mortality isn't something humans should think about on a day-to-day basis, because this is what happens." He shook his head, as if trying to clear it. "I'm thinking of how to get you alone after Carlisle kills you. I'm thinking of everything that could go wrong with this contract—and there's a lot that could go wrong. For one, there's a good chance your shield won't hold while you're burning with venom. I'm thinking of Alice. Alice." He sighed deeply, as if her name was the heaviest weight of all. "I'm thinking of all the ways you could ruin this for me. I'm thinking about how much you'd hate me if I backed out."

That was when Bella's voice crept in. Small, unsure. "Will you?"

He didn't respond to that. "I'm thinking about Esme. What she knows, and her suspicions. She could very well ruin it all just herself." His eyes lowered to Bella's hand that rested on the bed. The ring. "I'm thinking of Edward, and how he could kill you so easily. How anyone could kill you so easily. A flick of the wrist and sinking teeth, and you're gone. Edward loves your humanity, but at times, I think I really hate it."

It was too much. All of it. They shared a solemn trance, until Bella said, "You're right."

"About?"

"How easy it would be to kill me. It makes more sense for Carlisle to just change me now instead of hope that I make it the next few months."

"He's humoring Edward."

Bella stared at her ring, and then took it off, tossing it carelessly on the nightstand. Her father hadn't said a word about it during dinner. He hardly acknowledged it at all, as if it simply wasn't part of his reality.

"What were Carlisle and Alice debating?" she asked.

"Still debating." Jasper leaned back in the chair. "Human pets."

She didn't think she heard him correctly. "Human what?"

He sighed, as if the very topic drained him. "Pets. There's a new legislation that was proposed a few weeks ago to amend the exposure law: the human doesn't have to turn, but they remain alive for the coven as their blood supply."

"So, a coven would just keep a human as one of theirs until they died?"

"The logistics are being discussed as we speak. Carlisle's been in and out of Italy for these debates."

Was that why he was so notably absent?

"What do you think of it?" Bella asked.

"I think that covens are getting tired of having to hunt down meals, along with the added caution of exposure. The blood dungeons were one solution, but they're still risky." He sighed. "There are many moving parts to this legislation—the coven structure, the suggestion that the human could earn their immortality, if they wished... the details are endless."

"And Carlisle has to vote on this legislation?"

He nodded. "Alice has been trying to persuade him to vote in favor of it."

"A human pet sounds like something against the Cullen code."

"It is. But Alice is arguing that less humans are impacted if this passes, which is true, and—" He cut himself off, shaking his head. "I'm tired of it. It's been four days of this, Bella."

"Why are you involved?"

"Alice wanted a mood mediator in the discussions."

Bella didn't even know what to say to that. "She's trying to persuade Carlisle because she can't vote?"

He affirmed, "She has no authority in court at this point. Carlisle is her only way she can have any say in our politics."

The stillness in the room just dawned on Bella. She imagined Jasper the way he normally was—exploring, learning, poking and prodding into things that weren't his. Maybe he had already exhausted her room, but that weariness on his face in addition to his stillness seemed uncharacteristic. Wrong.

"I'm sorry," she offered, "that you can't turn them off. The thoughts. The worries. I understand."

He rubbed at his face, his eyes. "I've debated ramming a metal rod into my brain."

He wasn't serious, was he? "Would that work?"

"No."

That uncontrollable, unrelenting brainpower… Bella couldn't even imagine.

"There's this moment during sleep before you truly wake up," she explained, "where sometimes, you don't even know where you are, or how you got there. You don't remember the context of your life at that moment. You just wake up where you wake up, and everything just feels… neutral. Okay. Even if everything is not." She smiled, a little sadly. "But then, the moment you acknowledge that pause, and that peace—it all comes rushing back. Up until then, though, you're allowed those few seconds of ignorance."

"It sounds like a feeding. Or sex."

"No," she challenged softly. "I think it's better than that. Because for feedings, or sex—your mind's still probably working overtime to ensure you don't harm your partner."

He seemed to agree. "I can't afford the ignorance, Bella. Maybe the Cullens can, but I can't."

And she understood that. "When I was in San Francisco, you could have come. It would have been a quick explanation to Carlisle to check on his human." He shook his head as she continued, "I also have this feeling that you're not feeding enough. Maybe you don't take too much because harming me would put you in a bad situation. You won't touch me in my own bedroom, because you were burned by Esme, and you took it as a warning from the world." She shifted, cradling her knees, and placing her head on them. "You just… don't take the risk. You won't take the risk. Ever."

There was quiet, and then Jasper said, "I don't think I've truly known what it's like to not have someone holding the strings."

"Even before the Volturi?"

"Of course. I had a sire bond. I was manipulated and positioned to do her bidding, and I did it. Happily. There's hardly a second thought if your sire asks it of you when the bond is active. No questions asked, because that's what the venom demands." His eyes danced over her, but they weren't really looking at her. "But as that wore off, I knew I didn't want to play this part she wanted me to play. So, she lured me with other things—sex, status, power. She made me her second-in-command, and gave me that illusion that I held my own strings, and the ones of those beneath us. She threw humans at my feet, and convinced me that I could have anything I ever wanted by her side." And then, his gaze focused on her. "Until the army got too big. Until the Volturi noticed. Until it was all dissolved under Aro's order."

"Until she let you down in the end," Bella added.

"Everyone lets you down in the end, Bella. Adjust and lower your expectations."

Not everyone, she hoped.

Sex, status, power. "Maria sounds… complicated."

Jasper's eyes snapped to her. Maybe he hadn't even expected that she would remember her name. "She taught me how to survive, but not how to live. I don't know anything but this." He gestured around tiredly. "Constant analysis, deductions—hoping to stay ahead of those who have more power, who yearn to exercise their will over you. There are too many like that. Aro, Alice, Carlisle. Maria. No, I won't take the risk, because I'm never going to be in this situation again." He swallowed, looking at her. "I just want enough power to be left alone. No debts, no servitude."

"I understand."

"No, Bella. You don't." There wasn't anything harsh in his tone. Only a hint of melancholy. "Come here."

When she got up and stood before him, he seemed to examine her. From head to toe. When he was done, he spoke with a rasp that scraped over her nerves. "Don't look at me like you're scared of me again. Don't do that."

"Just a bad dream," she murmured, thinking back to the hesitancy she saw on his face when she had first opened the front door. "I would have been scared of my own father if I saw him roaming about."

"You don't lie well."

"Good." It felt so natural to slide into his lap. His sturdy hand on her back, and another resting comfortably on her bare thigh. "I don't pride myself on my lying abilities."

He watched her. "There isn't a chance I could hurt you. It would cost me everything."

Everything? Bella averted his gaze. "You weren't hurting me."

"What was I doing?"

"Well, among other things, you let Carlisle bite me. You made sure that he did."

"I don't have a say in this." I don't have a say in anything, was what his eyes told her.

"Carlisle doesn't seem like the type of person I'd want to have that power over me. That sire bond. His track record is… unfavorable. What if he orders me away from you? What if he forces the mating bond immediately?"

"I doubt he would. Again, all you'd want is blood for a while. I presume he'll wait until your thirst stabilizes."

She shook her head, the terror taking root. "And my shield… that seems… f*ck, do you really think I'll drop it during the change?"

"It's possible."

"So what do we—"

"Bella," he said, a firm hand on her face. "Can we just be quiet?"

His touch grounded her, and she smiled at him softly. "I'm afraid I can't do that. I have this ticking muscle in my chest, and it just won't stop."

He lowered his head to her shoulder. And after a while, he admitted, "It's nice."

"Please don't get too used to it."

His fingers tapped on her thigh, almost as if he was keeping beat with her heart. "I won't. I can't wait until you're dead."

She pulled back to look at him fully, shrugging him off of her shoulder. "Really?"

"As you said, it's in Carlisle's best interest to kill you as soon as possible. But because he won't—because he's agreed to give you your human months—it means I have to be in charge of keeping your little heart beating until he can push his venom into your bloodstream."

Bella shivered. "I wish it could be different."

"Different?"

"I'd rather you have that control over me than anyone else. Is that wrong to admit? I trust that you wouldn't misuse it."

"A mating bond, and a sire bond." He considered. "Carlisle and Esme."

"But you wouldn't be forcing me, or tricking me. We have a contract. An agreement."

His fingers paused on her skin. "We'd have to dissolve it."

A sense of panic surged through her. "What? Why?"

"If your shield doesn't hold, we need to keep our futures blank. We need to minimize the risk of Alice seeing anything, and—"

Bella sighed, and placed her fingers on his lips, cutting him off. "I get it now. You're right. Maybe we should just be quiet, or I'm going to lose my mind."

Jasper seemed to happily oblige, sticking his face in her neck. The inhale that followed was somehow comforting.

"You can't see a therapist," he murmured.

"I know."

"I advise against it."

"I know. I might say something in a fit of desperation, and be locked up in a psych ward for believing in the existence of vampires."

When he pulled back, there was a beautiful grin on his face. "We wouldn't want your origin story to resemble Alice's, would we?"

She had mirrored his smile, but it faded now. "What? Alice was in a psych ward?"

"You should ask her about this. I'm curious what she'll say—how much of herself she'd reveal. She's always so measured with the information she gives out."

"And so are you," Bella pointed out. "You don't tell me anything unless I explicitly ask about it."

"Need-to-know is important. Delivering the information to you in chunks at a time, at the correct time. It makes a difference in understanding, and reduces the chances of overwhelm. I'd rather you do the reading, and then ask me when you're ready."

Bella blinked at him. "You knew about this mating thing. The loophole. Were you ever planning on proposing it to me?"

He looked at her for a while, the hand on her thigh trailing up to her waist. "I wanted to propose it to you the moment I saw Edward's fingers showing up on your skin."

Terrible memories. "But you didn't."

"We have months before your change. There was already so much you needed to learn—there still is. And I knew you'd read up on it eventually. You should get to decide what you want for your future, Bella. For me, all I needed to do was to accept."

"And you did. Because of our baseline compatibility." She rolled her eyes.

But Jasper grabbed her chin and turned her head towards him.

"There is something so enticing," he said, "in knowing that maybe I won't have to do this alone anymore."

"Yes." Bella nodded with a smile she tried to contain. "I can save you some trouble. I can be the one to impale your brain with a metal rod, so you won't have to."

He chuckled, with some light in those eyes. "That's the idea."

And then, he kissed her. It was as slow and gentle as the lightening sky behind them.

Jasper brought Bella to the Cullen home during the late morning hours.

When Bella entered through the front door, she walked into a messier scene than she was used to. There was white, purple, and gold fabric strewn all across the sectional, and Rosalie was wading through a basket filled with swatches of various colors.

"Oh, Bella. Good." She stood, her attention on two ivory swatches that looked exactly the same. "Which one?"

"Which one?" Bella approached her warily. "What is this?"

"Wedding planning." She held up one, and then the other, assessing it against her skin. "If we are to do a fall wedding, we really don't have much time."

It was all horror and delusion wrapped with one big perfect bow.

"Fall is unrealistic, so close to her change," she heard Jasper say from behind her. "She'll tear through whatever constricting gown you try to put her in."

"Edward wants fall," Rosalie insisted.

"Then he needs Carlisle to change her at least a month before." He paused when Bella glanced back at him. "But something tells me he'd rather not pull in that date."

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah. Bella's humanity. We get it." She held up the two colors again. "Which one, Bella?"

"You're asking me to pick between white, and white."

"Oh no, honey. This is white, and this is Chantilly lace."

Alice made her way down the central stairs. "You know her eyesight is lacking, Rose. Don't be mean to the bride."

"Chantilly it is," Rosalie announced annoyedly, sorting through the basket of colors once again. "Speak now, or it's done."

Bella really didn't care enough to provide input, because the wedding wasn't going to happen. "That's fine."

"Again, it's not a f*cking funeral." She grabbed the basket and brushed past her, heading for the stairs.

"Don't mind her." Alice sighed prettily. "This was supposed to be her wedding."

"She already had a wedding." There were pictures of Rosalie in a beautiful white gown, and Emmett in a sharp suit just down the hall.

"Oh yes," Alice said. "But the difference is, everyone will talk about this one." She scrunched her nose, as if she couldn't get enough of how cute Bella was. "Two gifted coming together. Such a blessing." She then turned her attention to Jasper, her tone suddenly void of any glamor. "You're needed."

Alice ascended the stairs, and disappeared.

"You're needed," Bella echoed, glancing at him.

Jasper came near her and took a hold of her left hand. Her eyes widened when she saw what he produced from his pocket; the ring she had gladly, and happily forgotten about by her bedside.

In one swift motion, he slid it on her finger. And when she looked up, he was already gone.

This chapter: Early mornings together, a vampire's fatigue, and a wedding to plan.

A little taste for what's coming up:

"Why does it seem like you only want me when you're drunk, Isabella Swan?"

Follow me on Tumblr: bludazey

See you next time.

Chapter 38

Chapter Text

A/N: I've been away because of the realities of life. Here's a longer one.

Bella hadn't spoken to her mother for weeks, which wasn't unusual. But the sudden guilt she felt as she stared at her phone told her that this was different. She was running on precious human time that would inevitably end, and she knew that she should be prioritizing time with the humans that mattered in her life. She should see her mom. She should go fishing with her dad. She should do a lot of things.

Now, she watched how the candlelight in Jasper's library complimented the perfectly cut diamond on her finger as she waited for Renee to pick up. She didn't even want to think about how her mother would react to this new revelation. When her eyes lifted to Jasper, who was at his desk, she wondered what her mother would think of that new revelation.

"Bella," a knowing, teasing voice came from the speaker, "I was wondering when I'd hear from you, sweetie."

"Hey," she said, frowning at her ring. The usual opening banter of how are you—how is school—how is your dad ensued until Bella finally cut to the chase with, "I'd love to see you soon."

A pause. "Soon? I could do soon. How soon?"

"This weekend soon?"

There was another pause on the line. Bella could tell Renee was now snapping out of her auto-pilot mode. "Is everything okay?"

She glanced at Jasper, and he wasn't looking at her. "Yes." When the line fell silent again, she quickly amended, "Or we could do the weekend after. Any weekend, really."

"Don't any weekend me, Bella. You won't even call me when you're within two weeks of finals."

That reminded her. She should really check how she did on that biology midterm. "I'm reprioritizing."

"Really?" Renee drew out, seemingly impressed, yet a little hesitant. "Well, where are we meeting?"

"Are you willing to come to Washington? I hear Seattle's party scene is pretty daring."

"You hear, or you know? Didn't you head up there with—what was his name?"

She cringed. "Edward?"

"No, no. Um… dirty blonde. Killer jawline. Hazel eyes…"

Jasper's eyes flew up to her as the name came upon her. "Justin."

"Yes! That one. Do you still talk to him? I know you're still hung up on this Edward guy, but... anyway, let me talk to Phil, and I'll see about flights, okay? This weekend is a little tough, but I might be able to make the one after."

"Okay."

"Is it fine if we bring the whole crew?" She lowered her voice. "Then we can expense the trip to the club."

"That's fine, mom."

"And since we're there, maybe we can drop by the university. Check out greek row—I mean, uh, the libraries. I heard that there are so many libraries at the University of Washington."

Bella's face was probably pale by the time they hung up. The mention of any future at this point seemed to twist the knife deeper in her gut. No. There would be no midnight library stays, no sleazy flat parties with questionable jello-shots. Her university dreams wouldn't be fulfilled as a human.

She turned to Jasper, her voice small. "Do I get my emotional support vampire on this trip?"

Jasper tore a paper away from his desk, and glanced at the one beneath it. Before she could take a breath to plead further, he held up a hand—the usual gesture for her to be silent among the presence of beings she couldn't sense.

And then a moment later, the door swung open, and Alice danced in. Gleeful. "What trip, sweet Bella?"

It was mildly thrilling to know that Alice simply didn't know. "Seattle. Next weekend, probably."

"Well, I don't see why Jasper wouldn't come," she said, grinning noncommittally. "I think Carlisle would actually insist, especially if we're going up to Alaska."

Jasper merely flipped to a new piece of paper.

"Another hunting trip?" Bella ventured.

"Kind of." She shrugged, her fingers dancing along the spines of books on the shelf beside her. "Carlisle wants his mate back, and we're all going to retrieve her. It's all quite romantic, actually."

Bella tried her best to keep her face neutral. "I thought Esme needed time away."

"She's had enough time."

Jasper folded his hands on his desk. "The vote is in three weeks. When does Carlisle anticipate he'll make the trip to Italy?"

He was talking about that human pets legislation.

"After he gets his mate," Alice replied. "You know he won't leave unless Esme's safely home."

Blankly, Bella asked, "Will Carlisle vote yes?"

Alice's head snapped to her, and then Jasper. She was intrigued, perhaps, that Bella had any idea regarding the state of their court politics. "Maybe."

"As a Cullen," Bella continued, "that legislation doesn't seem like something he would accept or indulge in."

There was no hesitation, and no restraint, when Alice quipped, "Are you afraid he'll keep you around as a human pet for his son?"

"I don't think he would."

"Good girl. You understand that your gift will be infinitely more valuable to him than Edward's happiness." She came to her and smiled sweetly. "Or, in other words, you're going to die regardless if this amendment passes or not." Her eyes cut to Jasper, commanding. "Go with her."

Jasper sighed, tossing the paper down on his desk. "Next weekend is my report out. I meet Demetri in Montana."

"Demetri can wait," she crooned. "I'll have Carlisle draft a deferral."

Bella rested a hand on the edge of Jasper's desk. "Does Esme even want to come back?"

"Of course," Alice said. "She's nothing without Carlisle, and the Denalis will only put up with her for so long."

The Denali clan—the only other vegetarian clan in existence, and friend to the Cullens. Esme had been visiting them up in Alaska right before Edward had slipped that damned ring on her finger.

"Plus," Alice continued, "she missed your engagement. It would be very unlike Esme to not throw us a grand party. Perhaps she'll drag the Denalis down here, too. I've heard that they're dying to meet you."

"We should minimize the amount of vampires we place around Bella," Jasper advised. Vegetarian vampires, Bella added mentally, who were twice the trouble. "Especially without your gift, Alice."

"Carlisle might agree," she considered, but her eyes flashed knowingly. "But he also loves the attention. Either way, Jasper, you're responsible for her safety, as appointed by our dearest coven leader."

"Yours."

She rolled her eyes. "Coven leader, captor, jailer. They're all the same."

"And you think Aro's any different?"

Bella remained staring at the floor, anticipating Alice's response, which came delayed.

"Aro is the worst of them all." Her smile came back on, wicked. "But that also makes him the best."

Beneath the scrutiny in Jasper's gaze, there was amusem*nt. "You'll crawl back to him eventually." He brushed a hand over the sheets on his desk, seemingly taking his time to smooth them out. "You always find a way."

Bella watched Jasper as he listened, his expression turning from that light indifference to concentration. The candlelight flickered gently around the room, and there was a rustle of paper as Jasper organized a neat stack at the corner of his desk. Finally, he focused on her, his tone low, and his words like bullets that fired rapidly. "I've been tracking her movements south. Her scent lingers at the border crossing into Oregon. It tells me that she frequents it. "

Bella took a quick second to realize he was talking about Alice, who had left the library merely minutes ago. "The Cullens run off like this all the time, right? They're barely in this house together unless Carlisle's around."

He shook his head, in thought. "She knows I can't follow. There's something off about her."

"I could have told you that."

But there was no humor in his expression. "Every time she comes back up, she's cleaner. Her essence disappears, and that tells me that she's washing up. Hiding a scent."

"Hiding that she's seeing someone?"

Jasper didn't say anything for a while as his gaze lingered on the door. "I meant what I said. Alice will always find her way back to Aro." He glanced at her. "She'll leave for the Denalis next week with the rest of the Cullens."

"This sounds like the perfect opportunity to snoop around her business. You said Oregon, right?"

"Oregon. Could be further south, but it doesn't matter." His eyes cut to her sharply. "I can't cross the border."

"Even with the Cullens gone? I wouldn't tell. No one would know."

"You would know, and I would know—and that's already too many."

Bella didn't understand. "You don't trust me?"

"It's not about trust. It's about Aro Volturi, who can put you on trial and sweep through every thought and memory. Even if I'm the only one who knows of a crime I've committed, that alone is enough to incriminate."

That sounded maddening. "You won't cross state lines because of the off-chance that you may be subjected to Aro's gift?"

"I've been serving for too damn long, Bella. I'm not serving a day more than what I've already been allotted. Not for anyone, and not for any reason."

Bella knew this. He was always diligently by the book because of it.

She considered their contract. "There's no law against conspiring against the coven you serve, is there?"

"A mating agreement breaks no laws," he stated carefully, his eyes darting to the book at the corner of his desk. The Vampiric Tome.

Jasper wouldn't have signed that contract otherwise, she knew. "I suppose it doesn't matter now. Esme could let it all slip to Edward, and…" She shook her head. "He'd tell Carlisle, and Carlisle would send you away."

"He might," he agreed quietly. "But Esme's going to run."

"What?"

"It's the smartest thing to do. She'll lead Carlisle on a chase, and leave the rest of the family to the Denalis."

"A chase? For what?"

Jasper glanced at his phone that was on the desk. "For her. A game between a mated pair. It gets her away from Edward for the time being. It distracts Carlisle enough to entice him. It buys her time to train."

Training her mind against Edward, he meant. "I don't understand how she couldn't learn to protect herself from him all these years."

"Why would she have to?"

"I don't know. She probably has some thoughts about Carlisle that Edward shouldn't hear."

He nodded. "Thoughts that would send Edward running. Those are the ones she needs to focus on."

Bella shifted on her feet, suddenly feeling restless. "Do you think she can do it?"

He eyed his phone again. "I've been in contact with her, and I've been advising her the best I can."

"You've been talking to Esme?"

"Strictly through text, because Alice has a very poor track record perceiving that sort of communication."

She felt an ache in her chest. "How is she?"

"Scared." He stood, pocketing his phone. "But if she can hold Carlisle off until he leaves for Italy, that will buy her even more time. I've been hinting that Carlisle should take Edward with him for the vote."

"Edward and politics?" Bella wrinkled her nose. "I can only imagine how pretentious he'd be."

"Inexperienced, which is why I recommended dragging him into the middle of it."

She shifted on her feet, her head tilted to the side. "What do you think about around him? What does Alice? How do you shield your thoughts?"

Jasper roamed the shelves and slid the Tome into an opening. "I can't speak for Alice, but endless court ramblings tend to disinterest Edward soon enough. Though, my initial strategy was blood. I thought he would get up and leave the moment I thought about feedings. Humans. But those thoughts only drew him in."

"Predictably," Bella muttered, slightly disgusted. "If Aro puts Edward on trial, surely he'd find a lot to charge him with. The exposure risk he poses has to be concerning for Carlisle."

"Yes, but Aro needs a basis for calling the trial. A witness, an accusation. But no one who wants a good political standing would take that risk. Carlisle's proximity to the kings grants him this immunity." His gaze unfocused, almost envious. "I don't think he's afraid of anything."

A week later, Edward pulled Bella into an awkward hug in front of the Cullen home. The rest of the family, save for Esme, stood behind him as he grabbed Bella's ring-clad hand and placed a little kiss beside the diamond. "You'll be safe."

Jasper was at the door just a few feet back, hands deep in his pockets. Bella wanted to turn back to him, but instead kept her gaze steady on her fiancé.

"I'll be great," she told him.

After brief goodbyes from the family, they all vanished into the forest, disappearing north.

When she turned around, Jasper was still staring at the trees, red eyes unfocused. When he finally looked at her, she knew they were out of hearing range.

"We could go now," she suggested conspiratorially, only partially joking. "A little Oregon trip. Just you, me, and whatever Alice is doing down there."

Jasper didn't say anything.

"Or I can go, and you would have to follow."

He scowled at that, turning away. "That's still conspiring. Ill-intentioned."

"You're telling me Aro Volturi is petty enough to meticulously read your intentions and punish you for it?"

"Aro Volturi can do whatever the hell he wants." He walked further into the house, and Bella trailed behind. "Even this discussion—if we were to act on that Oregon idea of yours—could be problematic."

It didn't make much sense. "You said it wasn't against the law to contract a mating bond, Jasper. But you're actively, intentionally, conspiring against Carlisle."

"It's different."

"Is it?"

"I'm not doing it to spite Carlisle. I'm not taking you away from his son to punish him." He put a finger up to his temple. "Aro will look in here and clearly see that. But if I cross the border, I'm violating my contract. Even if it's because I had to act as your guardian and follow you, if we explicitly plan to use the guardianship as the excuse, I can be charged. The intention matters."

"Hypothetically, if I were to cross over to Oregon, and not tell you anything…"

"This hypothetical is enough to plant it into my brain." He shook his head. "Don't do this, Bella. Don't play this game. I've been playing it for decades, and it is not worth it."

She crossed her arms. "So, if I have some evil plan, I should just not tell you. Is that it?"

"No," he said. "Just don't have evil plans."

She rolled her eyes. "Aro is a classic George Orwell-ian 1984 nightmare."

His lips twitched. "He'd laugh at that, and agree."

They were standing near the kitchen, partway into the living room. The quiet was comforting. Each second the Cullens added to their distance between them felt like relief.

"I failed my bio midterm," she announced, the admittance a little cathartic. "And I'm behind on my readings with the Tome."

His head turned to her. "I'd like you to remedy that by reading tonight."

"Why? Is Alice onto you about the training?"

"No. It just irks me how you haven't asked me once about your transformation."

She frowned. "Maybe I don't want to think about it."

"I want you to think about it. I want you to be prepared." He glanced over at the kitchen. "The fridge hasn't been stocked, if you plan to stay."

Would she stay? The immediate answer was yes. "It depends," she said. "Are you hungry?"

"Are you?"

It was almost five in the evening, and she had barely eaten breakfast. "I'm not ready for a feeding, if that was your question."

"It wasn't." He grabbed a set of keys from a drawer in the entryway. "Maybe you should come with me. I tend to over-purchase."

Bella had more than wanted to see Jasper in a regular grocery store, so this wasn't an opportunity she would throw away. Not five minutes later, they were both situated in one of the many cars in the driveway.

Before Jasper backed the car out, he pulled a little container out of his pocket, no bigger than a deck of cards. And in a blur of motion, it was gone. When Bella looked up at him from the passenger seat, his eyes were coal. Gone were the remnants of her own blood. Masked.

She had to do a double-take to understand what she was seeing. "Are those contacts?"

"Not the ones you're familiar with. These would be too thick for human wear."

The red eyes had been jarring initially, but Bella had gotten used to them. But now, their absence mildly bothered her. "Don't you have glasses? Sunglasses?"

"I'd much rather wear those," he said, backing the car down the driveway, and onto the street. "These are thick enough to be bothersome. But our contacts are becoming standard, and part of the protocol. I wouldn't be surprised if the kings drafted a silly little amendment for them." There was a small smirk on his lips. "But they won't. Not until they improve the technology."

Bella stared at him for a moment longer. "I don't like them."

"No?"

"No."

For one, she had never met any human with eyes that dark. And two, it gave him an aura of assimilation that was only reserved for the Cullens.

The drive to the store was quiet. Bella peered over at Jasper occasionally, sizing him up with his new look. Perhaps those eyes appeared dark brown in the correct light. Perhaps humans would be ignorant enough to disregard it and chalk it up to the lighting or something. Red would be harder to ignore.

"You could just pretend that you're wearing red contacts," she said as they pulled into the parking lot of the local grocery store.

"That might pass during Halloween." Jasper smiled at her. "Or in Seattle, where people are more progressive. But the idea here, Bella, is to ensure that we don't draw attention. Red eyes will draw attention—contacts or not."

"So these contacts were created by vampires?"

"Yes. Supplied directly from the kings, courtesy of their slew of scientists that have been experimenting with venom. They've managed to get this material to last more than just a few minutes over the years. It's good in theory…" He blinked slowly. "…but heavily flawed in execution." He looked at her, blinking a few more times. "You blur occasionally, and it feels like I have a heavy blanket pressing into my eyes."

"Regular, human-made contacts wouldn't last?"

"They would dissolve." He gestured at his eyes. "We have a trace amount of venom in our lacrimal glands."

Lacrimal… what? This was why she failed her biology midterm.

Jasper quickly added, "They're the glands that are responsible for tear production."

"So if you were to cry, you would cry out some venom?"

"We can't cry. A vampire's bodily structure is composed of the most efficient processes you could think of. When a human cries, it's due to the overfilling of those lacrimal glands." He reached over and brushed a thumb right beneath her eyebrow. "We aren't capable of overfilling; we always produce the bare minimum required to keep our eyes hydrated."

Bella examined him, as if she could see into the layers that made up his eyes. "You get hydration through venom?"

"And water. Extracted from blood. If we go without a feeding for too long, we can dry up. But that would require a very, very long time of restriction."

Amusem*nt glittered in her eyes. "If I only just read the Tome, I would already know all of this by now."

"If only." He opened his door, and got out.

In the store, Bella still stared. The fluorescents seemed to brighten his eyes to an acceptable deep brown. But there was also something that tugged at her. Jasper not with blood red eyes, or the unnatural golden, but just... human. As they walked down the cereal aisle, Bella asked, "What color were your eyes?"

"Blue."

Of course, they were. "Unfair."

"Why?"

Bella crossed her arms, gaze loose on the boxes and boxes of cereal. A mother with a baby playing in the cart passed them by. "I bet you were still beautiful then."

"There was nothing beautiful about the mid-1800s. Not for humans, certainly. Constant death and disease," he said, and Bella remembered him talking about his father. His attention shifted to the cereal boxes around them, and he picked one up, skimming the back. "You would think blatantly listing out all of these chemicals would deter humans from ingesting such things."

"The instant gratification of sugar probably outweighs all reason."

He carefully placed the cereal back on the shelf. "Short-term pleasure for long-term consequences."

She lowered her voice as they walked over to the next aisle. "You know, if for some reason I got to stay human, I'd probably hate hanging out with you. I couldn't drink a milkshake without a lecture on nutrition."

He grinned. "Good thing you're not staying human. Would you like a milkshake, Bella? I insist."

She shrugged, noncommittal. "It wouldn't make for good blood."

They passed by a small section of wine, and Bella's steps faltered. She felt hands on her shoulders, and Jasper guided her away, saying, "Esme has plenty at the house." And this also wouldn't make for good blood.

Bella eventually took the lead, picking out fresh produce. Jasper carried the basket, and when she returned to him with a bag of apples, she noticed that he had found the cherries. She promptly had to put half of them back, because no normal human could single-handedly eat four whole bags before they went bad. Overconsumption, no matter how healthy the food group, was still unhealthy.

"You know, cherries boost your red blood cell count," he said, when Bella came back with a plastic bag of fresh fish from the deli.

"So does seafood. I've done my research."

When they arrived back at the Cullen home, Bella felt satisfied with the minimal amount of shopping they had done. Half a pound of salmon, some asparagus, and bags of various fruit, with cherries taking the lead in amount, thanks to Jasper.

Bella immediately took over the kitchen and began heating the oven and a skillet. As she prepared the meal, she came upon those boxes that Esme had once been opening. They were stacked at the bottom of her large pantry: boxes, and boxes of wine, waiting patiently to be taken out, stared at, and then put back in. A waste.

She picked out a two-year-old Chardonnay, which would pair well with the fish, and poured herself a glass, of which there were many in the overhanging shelves.

"Could you drink blood from a glass?" She asked, swirling, and aerating the wine.

Jasper had been lingering in the living room, his attention distantly on the bookshelves. "You could. You could drink anything from a glass."

"Okay, but would you?" And then, she joked, "Shall I siphon out some blood into a nice little stemmed glass for you? We could pretend to have dinner together."

"That would be Edward's role in your life." He pulled out a book, narrowing his eyes at it. "I'm not one for pretending."

It was probably one of the most attractive parts of his character, in comparison to the rest of the vampires she knew.

Within the next hour, she had a plate of pan-fried fish, and some deliciously baked asparagus. Half of that bottle of Chardonnay was gone as she finished up her last bite.

Bella moved onto the fruits they had gotten, and she had almost joked that the grapes in her drink were probably enough dessert. But there was something about the way Jasper watched her each time she reached for the glass that made her want to avoid discussing the wine altogether.

She had gotten through a few cherries before Jasper approached her at the kitchen counter. "When did you want that milkshake?"

Bella cupped her wine glass in both hands, then chose to hold by the stem instead. You shouldn't warm white wine with your palms. "I can skip it. You're tying yourself to me for eternity. The least I could do is keep my blood appetizing." With that, she popped another cherry into her mouth.

"I'd rather you consume sugar than poison."

She spit out the seed into a paper towel, and said nothing. She poured more into her glass only when he turned his back to her, appearing at the bookshelf once again.

The wine was dizzying, but she could hold her liquor. She always could, usually. The cherries, though, were making it a little hard to get through this particular bottle. An apple and wine paired, but the cherries were too sweet on their own. It turned the Chardonnay bitter on her tongue.

But she got through the bottle anyway, because it felt too good. She didn't realize she was chasing that numbness until it hit her. The alcohol settled into her body, and she felt the hypocrisy of it all. The healthy foods she was pursuing to keep her delectable were negated by the poison. But did she care? Not at the moment.

"I'm going to go read," she announced after downing the very last drops from her glass. She attempted to brush past Jasper as she headed for the stairs, but his hand closed on her arm.

"Are you sure about that?"

"I'm perfectly functional." The contacts appeared to be partially dissolved, and the brighter red was peeking out from beneath. She leaned in to admire it. "When do you want to feed?"

"Let's give you some time to absorb the food. Your body needs time to rejuvenate given that this was your first real meal of the day."

She scowled. "How could you possibly know that?"

"Your beloved poison wouldn't impact you this quickly otherwise."

At that, Bella turned away from him, and ascended the stairs. Her feet took her up, and she made herself fight the haze as she focused solely on keeping one foot ahead of the other, stabilizing herself with the handrail. She entered Jasper's library and let out a big sigh at the faint smell of burned out candles, and the lovely, inviting scent of old books.

Her eyes immediately snapped to the big, daunting black book at one of the shelves. When she stood before it, Jasper was already there. He pulled it out for her, and then he was at this desk, with the book already open on top of it.

"Sit," he said.

Bella went forward, but didn't sit. Instead, she pulled out the chair for him. "Will you?"

"If I do, you won't read."

"I'll read a whole section."

"You won't." He sighed as he sunk down on his chair. A tug on her arm, and she fell down onto his lap, her side to the desk. He examined her profile, merely inches from her face. "You shouldn't do this to yourself."

There was some courage that fueled her enough to start, "It helps, the alcohol—"

"It does not."

She pursed her lips, then turned her attention to the book. She pulled it onto her lap, and tried to make herself focus.

There was something about teeth… no, she had already read that. She flipped a page to the new section. Skin. The first paragraph jumped into the myths surrounding sunlight. Puffing out a breath, she fought hard to care about it. It was especially hard to care when Jasper's hand was on her lower back, kneading lightly.

She got to the end of the same paragraph for the third time, the words flying in her brain, and refusing to land in the correct spots.

"What does it say, Bella?"

She closed her eyes when she felt his hand run up her arm. "Your skin glows in sunlight, and it's stupid."

"Not stupid. Science. It's about skin composition, and the full spectrum of light that the sun offers. Our molecules—"

Bella shushed him. "I've accepted that I'm failing biology. Please don't rub it in." She shoved the book back onto the desk. "I tried."

She turned her head fully toward him, and her heart fluttered at the closeness of his mouth to hers. With a ghost of a smile, she pressed one deep kiss onto his lips and relished those butterflies that took flight in her stomach. "There's something so perfect about this," she admitted softly. "And I'm so scared I'm going to lose it."

She kissed him again, and her hands found his face. She felt the heat in those jeans and the sweater, and she wished he would just take it all off. She wished he'd put her on that desk, and blank her mind that ached with fear and anxiety.

When she opened her lips for him, he paused.

"Why does it seem like you only want me when you're drunk, Isabella Swan?"

Beneath that teasing was something more. Something sad. Something disappointing. "You're wrong."

He kissed the corner of her mouth before leaning back. A watchful gaze. One that Bella avoided.

"Tell me you like some of it," she said, her voice small. "I'm flushed with poison." She ran a palm over her cheek, and down her neck. "Tell me you like this blush. How warm my skin is."

"I'll like you even without."

"Even when I'm cold, dead, and stagnant?"

He shifted forward, and planted a kiss on her neck, murmuring, "Different. Durable. Infinite."

Bella's fingers closed in his hair, pushing his lips onto her skin. Please don't stop, she begged silently. Please keep going.

A scrape of his teeth, and Bella's body was on alert, those numb nerves alive for one purpose only. Her leg brushed against his thigh as she lifted and turned to straddle him fully. When she looked at him then, his eyes were back to their normal red hue, and she loved them.

"Don't you need to feed?" Her breath was on his lips. "I recall you saying something about a femoral artery."

At that his thumb came around to her inner thigh, perhaps indicating that critical artery. "What about it?"

"That's my question as well."

Her hips moved on him slowly, and she savored the electricity that jolted through her body.

But when she looked at him, she saw that wariness in his expression, even as he shifted against her. Even as she felt him hardening beneath her.

"The consent blurs for me, Bella," he said. "I don't know how much of me you want when you're like this."

"You can't tell how much I want you?"

And then, they were moving. Automatically, her hands wrapped around his neck as he stood, holding onto her thighs as she was wrapped around him. He kept a human pace, perhaps to not disorient her further with the alcohol already in her system. The hallway was dark, but the curtains in the guest bedroom were drawn open, the large windows letting in the calm moonlight. He lowered her to the bed.

"What do you need to sleep?" He asked her.

"Sleep?" She rubbed at her eyes, relishing the cool, soft comforter beneath her. "You should feed." And maybe—just maybe f*ck me after. Lord knows I need it.

He faded into the darkness, and then returned with a glass of water. He watched her drink all of it, and it was a sign that he wanted her sober. It was one of the many signs.

Finally, she cradled the glass in her palms, avoiding that reproachful gaze. In that quiet evening, she whispered, "I'm not that bad. I swear."

His eyes brows shifted together, as if he didn't quite believe her. But then he peeled the comforter back, and had her crawl under. "You told me that you think I don't feed enough from you."

When she didn't reply, he continued. "And you're right. But only because you drink more than you eat." A finger on her collarbone. "This is more prominent compared the first time you walked into my library." That finger trailed down and paused on her bicep. "You've lost fat, and muscle, and you're still losing. There will be a threshold that you will reach and then we can't do this anymore. There's a reason why you need to meet a certain weight to donate blood."

Her throat tightened. "I understand."

"I know you do."

She stared at the ceiling, suddenly feeling too sober for her liking. "I'm sorry."

Jasper only lifted back the comforter and joined her, letting Bella snuggle back against him. She scraped her hand against his, loving the feel of that grip on her hip. She shouldn't try anything, but it didn't mean she didn't want to. She yearned to turn back and kiss him. The bed was soft, the sheets were clean. They'd enjoy each other for however long they wished with the Cullens hundreds of miles away.

Her hand brushed his again, the drag of her ring sharp against his skin.

"Careful," he murmured. "You might cut me."

"Bullsh*t."

"If you actually did the reading, you would know that it isn't."

Her head turned to his. "Diamonds?" She brought up her hand, wiggling her fingers. The big diamond sparkled in that faint moonlight. "Diamonds and nuclear weapons. Your ultimate demise."

His lips were on her cheek, and then her temple, smoothing a hand down her hair. Quietly, thoughtfully, he agreed, "My ultimate demise."

A/N: This chapter: Alice's adventures, Esme's imminent return, and Jasper's disappointment in Bella's alcoholism.

A little taste for what's next:

Bella wondered what he thought of her—panting and splayed out like this for him. She wondered what he thought of the sounds from her mouth every time he curled that finger inside of her. She wondered if he was thinking at all.

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See you next time.

Chapter 39

Chapter Text

Bella didn't sleep well.

No matter how deep the sleep felt with the alcohol, her body never got the quality of sleep she needed. When she blinked her eyes open, Jasper was there, and the room was darker than before. Groggy and tired, she was only distantly aware of Jasper sticking a glass of water in her hands. She drank it all before tossing herself back down onto the pillow. Her brain felt like it was bouncing around in her skull, pulsing with the imminent hangover.

"What time is it?" She managed to groan out.

"Midnight." He settled in behind her. "Sleep."

The next time she woke, Jasper wasn't with her. Miraculously, she didn't feel that familiar headache as she propped herself up to sit. The sky outside was still dark, and her phone by the bedside told her that it was almost three in the morning.

She got up and promptly threw herself into the obscenely large shower in the suite's bathroom. As the water soothed her skin, her mind began its usual recollection. It wasn't easy to avoid the guilt that drinking brought, especially gauging Jasper's distaste of it all. Methodically, she shampooed and soaped up, then let the water do its work. She went through the motions with a slight downward curl to her lips.

You've lost fat, and muscle, and you're still losing. There will be a threshold that you will reach and then we can't do this anymore.

When she shut off the water, it was so abrupt that the silence was disorienting.

There's a reason why you need to meet a certain weight to donate blood.

Her feet carried her out, and she avoided the large mirror by the sink as she toweled off.

She glanced through her phone as she absently combed through her hair with her fingers. Her eyes barely skimmed the texts Edward had sent her about their journey up to Alaska. There was a screenshot her mother had sent about flight tickets to Seattle. Neither got a response from her—not at three in the morning.

Wrapping a cotton robe around her, she headed off to the hall; feet silent, house desolate. She peeked around the door to Jasper's library with a meek, "Good morning."

Jasper looked up from the armchair at the corner of the room. But Bella's eyes darted quickly to the floor-to-ceiling windows behind him that were bare, the tall curtains pinned to the side. The gentle night seeped in along with the moonlight. The scene gave Bella pause, because it was the first time she had ever seen out of those windows. Jasper usually had them drawn tightly during the daylight hours.

"Should I expect your father to come knocking down the front door later this morning?" Jasper flipped a page of the book in his hands. "Have you told him you'd be gone?"

"Yes." Her eyes still bore into the darkness beyond as she made her way in. She paused before him, still trying to make out the faint outline of the trees. There weren't any outdoor lights at this side of the property.

And then, she gave Jasper a little smile. "So the cliche holds. The brooding vampire hides from the sun, and thrives in the dark."

He barely glanced up at her. "We are creatures of the night."

"The sun won't kill you."

"Not at this distance."

Bella fought to keep her eyes from rolling. When she tried to step away, he held her in place with a quick grip on her wrist. A hand rested casually on the book in his lap, and the other ran a thumb over her veins. Reverent, maybe. The candlelight flickered around them, as if the flames danced just to get closer.

"You did not sleep well," he noted.

She had not. "I didn't?"

"It's a depressant and a stimulant. Proves for restless sleep. Your heart doesn't rest, and neither do you." Bella's eyes darted away, but he added, "Though you are sober now."

"Yes," she confirmed quickly, hoping he wouldn't say much more. "What have you been doing besides keeping track of my vitals?"

"I just got back from a patrol."

"Even when Carlisle's gone, you're still on duty."

"Always."

"Well, you haven't eaten."

"And neither have you." He glanced down at his book, almost dismissively. His touch faded away as he released her. "Coffee and fruit should be fine. Drink some more water."

She shifted on her feet, a nervousness there. "Did I upset you?"

"No."

"I've upset you."

He didn't seem to be reading any of the words on the page he was staring at. "Feed yourself, so that I may as well."

The hangry vampire. She relented. "I'm sorry about last night."

"Coffee and fruit," he repeated. "Water."

A little reluctantly, Bella left him to prepare a quick meal. The kitchen and the entirety of the house was silent as the coffee machine whirred and brewed her a pot of coffee. She sliced up some of the fruit they had bought yesterday and arranged it on a platter before downing a glass of water.

She brought her quick breakfast upstairs, and decided to show her good student tendencies for once and flipped open the Tome at Jasper's desk. As she took a few sips of coffee, she skimmed the section she had tried to read last night. Her fingers absently toyed with her naked ring finger when she declared, "Diamonds can cut you."

She had taken off the ring in the shower, and hadn't bothered to put it back on.

"They're the hardest naturally occurring substance on our planet," Jasper affirmed from where he now sat across the desk, in the chair she usually preferred.

"It's nice to know that you have some weaknesses."

He didn't respond to that.

Bella brought a tall candle closer to the book to illuminate a diagram of skin layers, indicating the layers of epidermis. There were scientific explanations of vampiric skin, particularly focused on something called Corneocytes, and how they protected against all wear and tear. The sole exception was any harsh abrasion due to a crystalline arrangement of carbon: diamonds.

The candle flickered, sending warmth up to her face. "I could see vampires crafting weaponry this way. Diamond encrusted knives, brass knuckles."

"Keep reading."

She smiled, and cradled her coffee as she returned to the text. After a few minutes, she placed a finger on a sentence. "…nails are strengthened to a similar crystalline structure upon the change, comparable to teeth, as discussed in a section previously." She looked up at him, concluding, "Your nails are enough to cause significant damage. You wouldn't need any fancy diamond weaponry."

"Nails aren't as effective as our teeth, but I can tear my own skin open with my own fingers easily enough."

Bella stood, rounding the desk. She picked up his hand and examined his fingers. "You're telling me you have diamonds in your nails?"

"No." He chuckled, and Bella instantly warmed at the sound. "But their strength and composition are similar."

Bella pressed the pads of her fingers on the tops of his nails. "They don't seem so scary to me. The Tome makes it sound like you grow talons or something."

"Our ancestors might have, but that's pure speculation. The theory of evolution applies to vampirism as much as it does to humans, since the body that's transformed begins with a human who evolves continuously. Venom merely takes a snapshot, and enhances based on the body's needs."

Bella's eyebrows drew together. "Do we know how vampires came to be?"

"It's one of the questions the Tome doesn't answer." He looked up at her. "Our book-keeping started a little over three thousand years ago, and no one quite knows where our venom came from."

Jasper had begun to inspect her hand in return when Bella said softly, "Could you imagine? You wake up as the first cold, dead being on the planet, with some undoubtedly weird cravings." Bella took a light sip of her coffee, and perched on his lap, turning her head to him. "Maybe you try to fight it, because obviously drinking blood is unusual, and wrong."

"But eventually," Jasper said, his fingers caressing up her palm, "you stop resisting. Because you need sustenance, and energy. Your morals betray you, and you give in. You have to."

"You have to." She repeated, her eyes finding the grand windows. A moment of silence, and then, "The sunlight would be beautiful in here."

"Harmful." He bounced his knee, and Bella took that as a cue to get up. "Most of the books in here are older than you, and they must be kept properly."

"Sunlight damages them?"

"Most forms of light do." Jasper got up after her and pulled her towards his desk. "Everything decays around us. The best we can do is slow the process." He knocked on the desk beside her. "Up."

The light order sparked through her body. She pulled herself up with her hands and scooted on. Instinctively, she offered her right wrist.

Jasper accepted her arm, but only stared at her veins, contemplative. "Will you tell me why you came in here like this?"

"Like what?"

His guarded demeanor seemed to loosen as his hand cradled her cheek, a lazy thumb on her lower lip. "Flushed from a shower." His eyes flickered down. "And in nothing but a robe."

She kept her knees together, because he was right. "Is that a problem for you? I can change."

"You keep a poor mask of innocence, Bella."

She couldn't help the slight bite to her tone. "Well, you get me riled up just to put me to sleep." She put up a quick hand before he could respond. "But that's fine. I know you hate the drinking, and I know you're upset about it. Let's just get this feeding over with, and I'll work on it. I will."

There was a beat of consideration. A beat of an unreadable stare. Jasper came closer, standing just in front of her knees, and reached behind her. "The femoral artery," he began, scooting the Tome over to the side as his lips brushed her ear. "It extends the iliac artery and is responsible for the blood supply to your lower limbs."

Before she could even think of a response, his grip trailed from her wrist to her palm, and his right hand closed in around her waist, tugging her closer to the edge. His torso naturally coaxed her thighs to part, and he easily slipped between her legs as he lowered her gently onto the desk.

"I didn't realize you had such a nice chandelier," Bella noted a little stupidly, staring straight up at the ceiling. She tried to will away the blush on her cheeks at the realization that a thin robe was all that was separating her from this man who had very clearly just laid her down on his desk like a meal.

"It was Carlisle's," he said, with a finger on the belt of her robe, as if deciding whether or not to unwrap a present. "This was his old study."

He leaned over her, his jeans pressing into her, and she felt tender hands on her throat, and then her face. Feeling, assessing. His long fingers brushed her jaw, sweeping once over her lips.

"Was this Carlisle's desk, too?" She asked plainly, as if she didn't feel him hardening against her.

"It was."

"What about the chairs, and the shelves?"

"Yes, and yes." He leaned over further to look into her eyes, and Bella squirmed at the friction between them. Jasper simply gripped her hip to steady her and added, "So are the curtains. A quarter of these books. The carpet."

Bella bravely reached up a hand to his chest, watching as her fingers trailed up to his neck, then to his face. "Do you have a habit of stealing from Carlisle?"

That was when a small smile crept onto those lips. "Do you feel stolen, Bella?"

"That's not the term I would use," she said as he grabbed her hand that was on his cheek. He planted a simple kiss into her open palm before pulling her up to sit. She scooted closer to the edge, not accepting any moment of separation between them. Boldly, she wrapped her legs fully around him and her lips parted in a moan when she felt his breath on her neck. Her body coiled in anticipation of a bite.

"What term would you use?" Jasper asked against her throat.

Her reply was barely a whisper as her gaze lifted to the tall windows. "Saved? Liberated?"

"We're far from that."

Shadows danced in her vision from the unrelenting darkness beyond, the candlelight playing tricks on her. Her hand rested on his back, and then the back of his head, fingers weaving through his hair. She encouraged him into her neck. "Is it ever wrong to hope?"

There was a brief pause. A moment where Jasper's lips lifted from her skin. And instead of a bite, he began to place kisses up her neck, all the way to her ear. Bella sighed as his breath caressed her. "Such a critical artery, providing an easy path to the heart."

Her mind fought to catch up. "Jugular?"

Jasper grabbed both of her hands and lowered her down onto her back again. He tugged at the loose knot of the robe with one hand, while the other was already beneath the cloth, running slowly up her knee. His thumb finally pressed into her inner thigh as he corrected, "Femoral."

Another tug, and the belt loosened entirely, the robe barely hanging on her breasts. Jasper's hand came down the center of her chest, slowly, as if admiring the tease he was responsible for. A brush of his fingers, and the top of the robe came down on either side of her.

The candlelight wasn't enough to warm the room, and Jasper's cooler fingers pebbled her nipples as they ghosted over a breast, then down to her torso, her waist, where the robe provided poor coverage.

"Perhaps I can confess to light thievery," he said, voice low, eyes devouring.

"Who have you stolen from?"

"Edward."

Bella swallowed, heart pumping. "He would have killed me by now."

"No," he disagreed. "Not yet." A hand came down to her calf, lifting and baring her inner thigh. Two fingers ghosted down a section that Bella could only hope was that ungodly artery. Jasper's head snapped to her. "Two bites."

"Two?"

"Let me show you how good this could be."

Was that a pause for permission? "At this point, I would be upset if you didn't show me."

He didn't quite acknowledge the snark. He only bent lower, his lips at her inner thigh, his hand still holding her leg up. He let his teeth scrape, but that wasn't a sensation she could appreciate for long, because there were fingers swiping over her robe, right on her cl*t. Another kiss, and another sharp scrape at her inner thigh, and Jasper flipped the lower portion of the robe over both sides of her, leaving her entirely exposed. The next time his fingers pressed on her, Bella jolted at the direct contact, eyes distantly fixed on that chandelier.

She moaned as his thumb circled her cl*t, and whenever his fingers dipped lower, Bella's face heated at just how wet she was already. Her own fingers gripped the edge of the desk when he slipped one finger inside of her. He quickened the pace, and she could feel a second finger prodding. When was the last time she had been touched like this? She swallowed, her breaths coming in faster.

Bella wondered what he thought of her—panting and splayed out like this for him. She wondered what he thought of the sounds from her mouth every time he curled that finger inside of her. She wondered if he was thinking at all.

She did not anticipate the bite.

Jasper pushed in a second finger the moment his teeth came down on her left inner thigh. Bella arched slightly off of the desk, her back digging into the cloth of the robe that was thrown open beneath her. Her breaths were uneven, and heavy. She whimpered when she felt each draw from his lips. His bite seemed to heighten the pleasure his fingers were giving as he took from her. And it was exactly that: a give-and-take. The pace he set with his fingers was the same one he used as he pulled with his lips.

His teeth unlatched at some point, and Bella couldn't exactly pinpoint when. She was lost in the haze of warmth that seemed to emanate from the wound in her thigh.

The grip on her leg tightened, and he asked, "Do you feel pain?"

"No," she groaned. "Not at all."

"Good." His thumb circled her once again, and she felt his lips on the bite once more before they disappeared. And then his tongue was on her cl*t.

"Oh my god," Bella moaned as Jasper's tongue worked on her, drawing a spasm from her abdomen, and hips. "Jasper—"

"The femoral artery," he interrupted, his breath on her. Breathless? He seemed breathless. "Miraculously 4 centimeters wide, on average…"

Bella pressed a forearm over her eyes, fighting her smile. She knew with utmost certainty she would forget this lesson. Mouth and fingers working in tandem, it wasn't easy to hold onto coherency. It didn't even give her a chance to consider that Jasper was still fully clothed. The unfairness wouldn't dawn on her until later.

He built her up with each stroke and caress. His pace increased and decreased, adjusting from what he seemed to read of her body.

"Do you wish," Bella breathed, tilting her head back more, almost wincing at the sensitivity of her cl*t as his teeth barely made contact, "that you could feel me?"

Such a deep, mesmerizing timbre. "More than I can feel you now?"

"My feelings," she clarified.

"I don't need them."

She bit her grin. "Are you always this co*cky with women?"

He was smiling against her, and she knew it. "I need you to do something for me."

"Anything." He could bite her ten more times if he wanted, just as long as he didn't stop. She didn't care how much of a mess they were making on his desk. She wanted it messier.

He gripped her outer thigh, baring open the bite once more. "I need you to come on my fingers." His lips returned to her cl*t, and he murmured, "Can you do that for me, sweetheart?"

He kept a steady pace as her body tensed beneath him, her heartbeat accelerating with each passing moment. Closer, closer, closer.

"Yes," she whispered, as his fingers and tongue worked her up to the edge of her cliff and let her glide smoothly over. Only when she crested the peak of her org*sm did she feel another bite very close to the previous one on her thigh. His teeth pierced, and Jasper drew from her as her body convulsed and twitched, her heart pumping fast and steady, delivering blood directly to him. She rode his fingers until she could catch her breath again.

Finally, when her pulse lowered, Jasper unlatched from her skin and withdrew his fingers. He hovered over her as he wrapped the robe around her body, loosely knotting the belt. He then grabbed both of her hands and pulled her up so she sat before him. His eyes swirled with bright red crimson, and he brushed part of her hair away from her shoulders before leaning into her neck.

Bella was still reeling from the pleasure and the pain. She still felt the pulsing, healing wounds on her thigh, and the slight twitch of her legs from the remnants of her org*sm. She placed a hand at the back of his neck as he nuzzled her. They paused in that early, dark morning. A sense of wordlessness overcame her.

"It would've been now," Jasper murmured eventually, pressing a kiss on her throat. "Edward would have killed you now."

A/N: Thank you for all of the support and kind words. I'm still getting back into things, hence the lack of a preview.

Chapter 40

Chapter Text

Bella dozed in and out of sleep. It was mid-day by the time she finally woke up enough to realize that her thigh was tightly bandaged. There were bottles of water and take-out containers by the bedside. Noting her dry mouth, she uncapped a water bottle and drank heavily.

She was about to reach for the food when Jasper appeared by the bed. Silently, he handed her the plastic container she was reaching for. Upon opening, she found grilled chicken sprawled over rice.

"Let me look at you," he said, sitting on the bed. Bella placed the food beside her and properly faced him. She felt tired, and a little disoriented. The sunlight streaming through the windows told her it was probably around mid-day. She was still in the same robe as this morning, and the belt appeared to be tied tighter than what she remembered.

Jasper's serious eyes assessed her wellbeing, his fingers on her jaw as he turned her head this way and that.

"Open your mouth." And she did. His hands felt down her neck. "Close and swallow." He placed a hand on the side of her ribs. "Deep breath."

As she breathed in, she watched him. "Am I okay, Jasper?"

"Do you feel okay?"

She smiled at him, at the concern on his face. "Nothing worse than a regular feeding. Better, I'd say." Though she couldn't help the yawn. "I should probably eat something."

"And if you need to sleep more, you should."

Bella grabbed the box of food and crawled out of bed. She paused at the moment of dizziness, and at the way the bandages stretched against her skin. "Will you come downstairs with me? I'd rather eat at a table." She grinned. "Also, you forgot the utensils."

Jasper got up, his expression yielding to the tease. "Human etiquette has evolved so delicately. Did you know that some cultures still eat with their hands?"

She didn't. "I do like a good fork."

"I think you need to be more open-minded." He placed a hand at the small of her back, guiding her out of the room. "Maybe it'll be good practice to forgo human delicacies. In a few months, you won't even have to use your hands."

As they climbed down the stairs, Bella laughed. "You're saying I should just stick my face into the chicken? Test out my teeth?"

Jasper disappeared into the kitchen when Bella sat at the table, opening the take-out container. He returned with a fork. "It would be a practice of cleanliness more than anything. Blood is a messy stain." He placed the utensil down before her. "The art of the bite won't come naturally to you. You'll burst the jugular wide enough that it will spray, and you won't seal the flow tightly enough with your lips. You'll come back from your first real feeding looking like Carrie."

Bella began eating, and as she took a bite of chicken, she found it a little nauseating. "That probably doesn't bode well for exposure."

He sat at the chair beside her. "No, which is why your first few feedings will be supplied to you. Blood bags are the new initiation technique for newborns instead of letting them run wild."

"Carlisle will get me human blood?"

"Yes, he has to. Animal blood will not satisfy you. Not at first, and realistically, not ever."

Bella put down her fork. "If blood-talk makes me lose my appetite, it's a sure sign that I'll make a terrible vampire."

"No, it's just an evolutionary fear reflex." He casually grabbed her hand, thumb running over her fingers. "Anything that causes you to lose blood is a threat, and your body should prepare you for fight or flight."

"I lose blood to you. Should I be afraid of you?"

"I don't know." He smiled. "Are you afraid of me, Bella?"

She looked down at their hands. "There's nothing about you that scares me."

Letting go of her hand, he pulled her chair closer until her shoulder bumped against his. "Nothing at all?"

"Nothing."

He carefully brushed her hair away from her neck, letting his hand rest at the base, thumb carressing the sensitive skin above her jugular. There was a distant look in his eyes. "Finish eating."

Bella glanced over at the food that was now a few paces away. "It's distracting when you touch me."

"I'm not doing anything."

"Nothing at all?"

It felt like a promise every time his fingers caressed her skin. "Nothing."

The desk was another thing that was distracting.

The mind naturally wandered, and every time Bella's elbow brushed over the edge of the desk, she thought of her own fingers curling over it in pleasure. She didn't feel any embarrassment for it, not even when she noticed Jasper's attention shift to her, likely due to the cadence of her heartbeat, or scent—something Bella still didn't quite understand.

She sipped at some plain black tea as she flipped another page of the Tome. The sun was due to set at any moment, and she noted that she had spent most of yet another day here in the Cullen home instead of with her father.

"I should really go home," she said, more to herself.

Jasper was roaming the library with a book in his hands. He didn't look up. "You should finish that chapter. You've barely started."

"Just tell me you want me to stay," she teased.

"There are a lot of things I want, Bella." He snapped his book shut. "One of them is for you to fully understand what you'll be going through with your change."

She fully understood that it was going to hurt. A lot. The section she had just started reading was detailing the pain thresholds of the process. Comparable to being burned alive was a description she had hoped to not come across. But alas, there it was.

Jasper must have noticed her hesitation. "Ask me questions."

Bella skipped ahead a few paragraphs, where the text began going into the duration and speed of the change. "It says that the process can last anywhere between one and three days. The dosage of venom impacts the transformation time. It has been found that there is a direct, linear correlation between the amount of venom in the human's body, and the pain they experience." She looked up at him. "The faster I turn, the more I hurt?"

"Correct."

"Will Carlisle know how much venom he'll give me when he bites me?"

"No, which is why he likely won't bite you. It would be very difficult to dose you optimally with a bite. Ideally, he will inject you with his venom based on a precise calculation of your body weight and tolerance. Your transformation will fall in the happy medium—not too long, and not too painful. It will all be controlled."

No matter how controlled, it failed to relieve her nerves. She was only partially joking when she asked, "Are there any drug interactions with sedatives? Maybe Carlisle can just knock me out and I won't have to think about it."

Jasper came by and glanced at the Tome. "Carlisle will make this as comfortable for you as he can."

"I'm assuming Carlisle's way isn't the standard protocol for this? Are the Cullens once again making an art out of something meant to be gruesome and scary?"

A corner of his lip tilted up. "It's certainly not supposed to be a medical procedure. Nothing about it is meant to be clean, or orderly." He glanced at her. "I was bitten and left to burn on grass and dirt. I woke to the night sky, and then devoured half of a small village. It's messy, impulsive…" His gaze cut to her. "And undoubtedly violent."

Bella could hardly imagine him so out of control. And his behavior then was only acceptable because the exposure laws hadn't been as strict. No internet and poor communication meant freedom for creatures who killed for a full belly.

She toyed with the edge of the page, her eyes lifting to him. "So, three days."

"At most."

"So, we'd have enough time."

"We?"

She shrugged, a little hesitant. "If you were to turn me, this would be the perfect time to do it. We'd have enough time afterwards for us to complete the mating ritual, and—"

He cut in immediately, as she expected. "And Carlisle would immediately alert Aro. The mating bond, he can't do anything about. But he sees the sire bond as his personal right."

She felt a flash of anger at that. And disgust. "Would you do it if Carlisle let you?"

"If he let me?" The idea seemed ridiculous to him.

Bella knew it was silly. But the fantasy was too appealing. "Would you?"

"Your heart is beating very fast."

She took a deep breath, and smiled. "Don't avoid the question."

He fell quiet, but only for a moment. "I would turn you right now, Bella. I would have done it the moment I signed our contract. Waiting only invites complications." He wasn't looking at her. "But you aren't mine to turn. The orders aren't mine to give."

"Complications?"

"Too many. Every second that you remain human is a risk."

Because she could be killed easily? "I'm not that fragile, Jasper."

"You're young. The chances of something going wrong biologically are very slim, but not impossible." He looked out at the closed curtains, and then back to her. "Human emotion has inflammatory properties. Stress damages you more than you realize, and it—" He paused, a distinct hardness to his eyes. "It scares me that you will either fall sick with something dire, or you'll hurt yourself beyond repair."

One of Jasper's hands rested on the edge of the desk. Bella placed hers on top of his. "The venom would repair, right?"

"Only if you're alive when it enters your system."

She took his hand, cradling it between both of hers. There was something undoubtedly precious about his fear. It made Bella wonder how deep his feelings really ran. It made her wonder about hers.

"Don't worry," she told him, squeezing slightly. "I'll be dead soon."

His attention switched to their hands, and Bella got the sense that she knew what he was thinking.

Not soon enough.

The silence stretched between them as Jasper seemed to recede into himself. It was something she noticed that he did quite frequently.

Bella got up and turned around, quickly scooting herself onto the desk. It wasn't as scandalous compared to when she had been clad in a mere robe, but the movement still seemed to grab Jasper's attention. Eventually, she asked, "What do you think about when you go quiet like that?"

He sat at the chair she had just occupied, his knees brushing her tennis shoes. "What do you?"

"That's not fair."

"You shield your emotions from me, and that's fair?" He was teasing her with a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "I've been at a disadvantage the moment you developed that shield."

"Just ask me like a regular person. I'll tell you anything you want to know."

"The point of my gift is that I don't have to ask." He rested a hand on her ankle. "Asking shows interest. Interest reveals your hand."

"What hand?" She demanded, laughing. "Don't play games with me. You don't have to."

"Alright," he said, tapping on her skin. "How did you feel with my head between your legs?"

"Do you even have to ask?"

"Yes."

She rested her weight on two hands behind her. "It was everything I imagined and more." She smirked at him. "And if I'm this exhausted after a mere org*sm, sex might just kill me."

He studied her with red eyes that held a moment of intensity. It was hard to look away from. "That's exactly how I would do it."

"Kill me?"

"Change you." He watched his own fingers as they wrapped around her ankle. "I wouldn't have to care about the amount of venom leaking into your bloodstream. I wouldn't have to think about bruising you. You would heal, just as long as your heart kept beating my venom throughout your body."

Bella swallowed. "You'd bite me during sex. To change me."

"Well, I will bite you regardless." A promise. He looked up at her. "But if I could change you, I would do it then. You'd barely feel any pain until the venom completely consumed you."

She was leaning so far towards him, she was sure she'd topple over. "Where would you bite me?"

"Everywhere." He got up, and Bella didn't feel a glimmer of shame for how her thighs parted for him. He stood between her legs as he had the evening before. There was just another layer of jeans between them this time around. "I'd need to bite you as much as I can to ensure I give you the critical amount of venom needed."

She grabbed onto his arm, trying to pull him closer. "Show me."

He laughed. "No."

"Jasper."

"You need to heal." He pressed his fingers to her inner thigh where he had bitten. The wound was quite clearly sore.

"Did you know that women can have multiple org*sms within a twenty-four hour period?" She fixed him with a look. "And you don't have to bite me."

"But I'll want to."

"You don't have to. You have more self-control than anyone I've ever met."

"But this is different." He pressed his forehead against hers. "This. You. I can actually have you."

And he did have her. Was that so hard to tell?

Bella pressed her lips to his, feeling that contentment radiate throughout her body. The kiss was simple and sweet and beautiful. It was everything she wanted, but also not enough.

An odd disquiet fell heavy on her chest when she pulled away. "I don't want them to come back."

"We have to see this through, Bella."

She closed her eyes, desperately trying to hold onto the moment. This moment. "You and me. It's simple. It works."

But Jasper was too much of a realist for his own good. The present wasn't a luxury he gave himself. His existence relied solely on his constant analysis of the past, and his meticulous planning for the future.

He reached to the right, below the desk. The drawer opened, and he pulled out their contract. Their mating one. "This has to go away."

Because her shield couldn't be trusted during her change.

A candle was lit nearby, and Bella grabbed the contract before Jasper could bring it to the flame. "Promise me that you will do this. Promise me that you won't leave me to be a slave to Carlisle's order for the rest of my life."

He watched her. "I can't save you from the sire bond, but I can promise you that it will fade."

She clutched the paper tighter, crumpling it in her grip. The distress constricted her lungs. "Promise me that you will complete the mating ritual. With me."

Carefully, Jasper plucked the contract from her hand. She finally felt the sting only after her fingers relaxed. A silly, stupid paper cut.

Jasper grasped at her fingers, smearing the blood on his palm. He examined it like it was some sort of organic art. "I don't need a piece of paper to tell me that I want you as my mate." His attention was on her bleeding forefinger. "And I don't need a mating bond to tell me that I want you." His eyes lifted to hers. "But what I do need is for you to do better."

Bella's heart was beating wildly. "Better?"

"Have you communicated at all with Edward recently?"

She looked down at her empty ring finger that rested in his grip. "No, not really."

"A fake future is hard. A blank one is harder. If your shield falls during your transformation, Alice still needs to think that you'll be chained to Edward for eternity."

She averted his gaze. She hated this. "I know, Jasper."

"You know, but you don't wear his ring half the time. And when you do, you hardly acknowledge his existence."

She shook her head, the bitterness taking control. "I'm sorry if it's hard to show affection for a man that I clearly hate."

"You need to craft your fake future. I can't do that for you."

"Or Alice just leaves us the hell alone." She sighed heavily, grabbing a fistful of his shirt and pulling him closer. There was a little blood stain where she touched him. "I'm sorry." She tried to wipe it off, but it probably made it worse. Frustrated, she dropped her hand, glaring at his chest. "You're also never there. Every time I have to see him, you disappear."

"Yes." He narrowed his eyes at her. "Do you know why?"

Bella scooted closer to the edge and hopped down to the ground before him. "You have dangerously scandalous thoughts about me on this desk?"

He stepped into her, a leg in between hers. "I have dangerously scandalous thoughts about tearing your fiancé to bits."

"Have you considered anger management?"

"I've considered decapitation."

It was hard to fight her smile. "Just admit that you can't stand it, Jasper."

"What will that change?"

On her tip-toes, she pressed her lips to his throat.

A/N: *crickets*

A taste for what's coming up:

The three of them in Jasper's library—it felt deceitful.

Esme was seated at one of the armchairs facing the room, right at the feet of those tall curtains. There wasn't a smile plastered on her face. It was more of a grimace, as she appeared deep in thought. Bella noted the wrinkle at the hem of her blouse.

Deceitful wasn't the right word for it, she realized. The masks were off. This was real.

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Chapter 41

Chapter Text

"You seem like you're doing better."

Bella looked up from her soup, her hand absently stirring it with her spoon.

"I think so," she replied. Charlie reached for a napkin to dab at this mouth.

It was a quiet evening at home.

The rain pattered endlessly on the roof. Had they moved onto spring showers? No, it was only March.

It was a miracle Bella recognized that. She couldn't tell you the day of the week anymore.

"Have you found someone to talk to? I've heard therapists were backed up for months."

She could lie, but she also couldn't. She had lied enough. "No, I haven't looked. Mom's coming up soon. It'll be good to get away."

"Seattle?"

Bella nodded. "You could come."

He chuckled goodheartedly. "And ruin Renee's weekend?"

"You'd save us from drinking our livers away."

Charlie smiled distantly, somberly. "I'm old. Your mother doesn't like to be reminded of age."

"Is that why she married a man almost a decade younger?"

He sighed. "Youth isn't forever, Bella. Before you know it, you'll be just like me. Falling asleep at nine, waking up with aches and pains in places you'd never think could hurt. And the snoring—Bella, the snoring runs in our family. The moment you hit forty—" He made a quick swiping motion. "—you're done. Your husband will beg for you to separate the beds. Guaranteed."

Forty.

Husband.

Charlie must have seen that weird look on her face. "Or partner—significant other. Sorry, marriage isn't a requirement anymore in this day and age."

Bella still stared down at her soup, maybe hoping the noodles would form some sort of pattern to give her the answers to all of her problems. "What would you do if you knew the day you were going to die?"

Her dad leaned back in his chair. "It's a little early for a quarter-life crisis, isn't it?" He took a moment to consider. "I'd go fishing."

"Fishing?"

"Yeah, not on your top-ten bucket list?"

"No." She laughed. "Why fishing? Why not travel, or quit your job, or—"

"Because I'd rather do something that I know I enjoy. It's peaceful. Predictable. Serene. You get a lot of self reflection out there on a little boat." Charlie slurped up the last drops of his bowl. "And you?"

She snorted. "I'd waste all my time worrying about that day. What will kill me. How I will die. All the potential loose ends I'd need to tie up."

"A true control freak." His spoon clanged in the bowl. "And the loose ends—why does it matter? You'd be dead."

She blinked the wetness away from her eyes. "You're a loose end, dad. That's like saying I shouldn't care about you."

"People die, Bella. You can't prepare for or predict death." He reached a hand across the table. "The only thing you can do is cherish and spend time with the people you care about. You never know when the last time you see them will be."

It was a week later that Edward came back. With pressed slacks, and a button-up, he didn't look like he'd been running for miles. There was a smile on his face, and daisies in his hands. Maybe Alice had given him that note about the lilies after all.

"Isabella Swan," he said as a way of greeting.

She smiled at him, the corners of her mouth tight, as if refusing the pleasantry. She stood at the threshold of the Cullen's front door. She had arrived early that morning for his return. Jasper had told her a majority of the family would be heading back today, and she didn't want Edward coming by to her house. She rarely trusted him around Charlie anymore.

Now, she could step aside and let him walk into his own home. Or, she could do better.

Launching herself at him, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her head into his chest. She heard him laugh—a chuckle, as if for a little puppy who couldn't stop licking you.

"Finally, you're back," she mumbled against him.

She felt the petals of the daisies brush her arm as he hugged her back. "Alaska was empty without you."

She pulled back to look at him. "I've never been."

He leaned down and brushed her lips with his, and there was something different about the way he was looking at her. "I should leave more often."

"Cruel."

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder." He was still smiling, merely inches from her lips. "And you haven't been very fond of me, have you?"

Bella fought the swallow that wanted to ripple her throat. "What do you mean?"

"He means," came a voice that Bella dreaded to hear, "that you've been far too distant." Alice Cullen was a few steps behind Edward, hands clasped in front of her.

"No, I haven't been the perfect partner, either," Edward reasoned, brushing the back of his hand against Bella's cheek. "I apologize for that."

The apology meant nothing, but Bella let him lead her inside anyway. Alice followed close behind.

"What have you been doing?" Edward asked her. "Please tell me you've been going to class."

With a wince, Bella shook her head. "I've been attending Jasper's school of vampirism, if that makes it better."

"Where is Jasper?"

She turned to the living room, where she could have sworn she had last seen him. "He was just here."

The daisies were laid out on the kitchen counter as Edward went to search for a vase.

Alice entered the living area, inspecting the sectional non-committedly. "He respects your relationship, Bella. I'm sure he wanted to give you the privacy you needed with Edward."

Bella turned her back to her. "That's nice."

Edward was arranging the daisies into the vase one by one. It was delicate work, and she could tell he enjoyed it. Bella wondered just how much control and practice it took for him to not bend the stems in his grip, or accidentally shatter the vase.

As Edward put in the last daisy, he said, "I wanted to see you before I'm dragged out of the country."

Bella already knew this, courtesy of Jasper. It made today, and the next few days, easier to bear. But she feigned surprise, "You're leaving—again?"

"Once Carlisle comes home, we'll be headed to Italy." His nose wrinkled. Clearly, he wasn't looking forward to this. "Some court politics he wants me involved in. It shouldn't take more than a few weeks."

Bella glanced over at Alice. "Are you going with them?"

Alice merely smiled down at her phone, and then her eyes darted up. A taunt, as if saying, you would love that, wouldn't you? "No."

"When was the last time you were there?"

"Too long ago to remember."

Now Bella smiled. "I've learned that vampires have exceptional memory."

"Have you also been learning about our exceptional nails, and teeth?" Alice sauntered over to her and picked up the hand with her ring. She admired it for a second, before running her thumb over the veins in her wrist. Bella froze, because it was the same wrist Jasper took from. "Has Jasper been teaching you well, Bella? Are you satisfied with his methods?"

All Bella could think of was how well Alice was hiding any thoughts running through her brain from Edward. "He's doing his job."

"Aren't we all?" Alice let go of her wrist. "We all must serve our due."

Carlisle and Esme would come home two days later, and Edward spent that interim period exclusively with Bella.

He took her out to brunches, and dinners. They went to coffee shops in Port Angeles, and roamed bookstores. Had her own guillotine not been hanging over her head, and had Alice not been their constant chaperone, their time together would have just felt normal. From the outside, they were a beautiful couple, in a beautiful world; experiencing, learning, and perhaps even growing.

Bella wondered how many people looked at Carlisle and Esme the same way.

On the day of Edward's departure, he left her with a kiss on her knuckles, and a promise to return. A knight on his way on an adventure.

And there Bella stood, at the Cullens' driveway, watching the trees for any sight of him. After a few minutes, she decided that he was truly gone, and that after two days, she could finally breathe.

"Well, don't cry too hard."

Bella turned to find Rosalie beside her. Her and Emmett had come back with Edward, but she had hardly seen them at the house. Easily, she replied, "He'll be back."

"I would have gone with him. Who knows what happens in the Volturi's den?"

Jasper, probably. Alice, certainly. "He has Carlisle."

"I would never send Emmett alone."

Bella had a feeling she wouldn't survive a trip to see the kings. Not as a human. "Did you know that the Volturi color-code their humans?"

"Do they?" There was a hint of distraction in her voice as her attention was fixed on the tall trees ahead.

"A method of organization." No response. Bella turned her head towards her. "How was the trip?"

But Rosalie was smiling, though not at her. Seconds later, Emmett emerged from nature with a mirrored grin. He ran up to Rosalie and pulled her into an embrace.

He kissed her. Once. After greeting Bella, he sauntered up the driveway and vanished into the house. Rosalie's eyes tracked him the whole way.

"The trip was fine," she finally said, her smile fading into its complete opposite. "The Denali send their regards to you, gifted one."

Bella was used to the mockery. It was easy to ignore. Instead, curiously, she asked, "Where do you feel it?"

"Feel what?"

"The bond."

Rosalie's eyes snapped to her.

"You knew Emmett was coming before he even appeared," Bella noted.

Rosalie said nothing for a while. She had angled her body towards the house, and Bella knew everyone inside could hear this conversation.

With gritted teeth, Rosalie finally told her, "Everywhere."

Carlisle hadn't returned to the Cullen estate directly. Jasper had let Bella know that he was spending some time with Esme at her cabin. Privacy was a good enough excuse, but Bella easily suspected it was more for Esme to keep distance from Edward. And now that Edward was gone, Esme could return.

"Tonight," Jasper said. "She will see Carlisle through, and then come home."

"How are they getting to Italy?"

He smiled at her from his desk. "How does anyone get to Italy from the Western United States?"

"Don't tell me they're flying commercial."

"Private."

Edward had just left today, and the house was vacant yet again. Bella hadn't seen Rosalie or Emmett since that morning.

The Cullen home was as empty as ever.

Bella sat at her chair, and Jasper sat at his. They watched each other, like they had countless of times before. The stagnant curtains were pulled tight, as it was mid-day, and no sun was allowed in the library.

"Edward told me about the Denali coven," Bella said casually. "And this one vampire—Tanya."

Jasper's red eyes didn't leave her face. "She's obsessed with him."

Bella scoffed, incredulous. "She can have him."

"He doesn't want her."

She was probably beautiful, but a little too dead for him. "I feel hunted every time I'm around him."

"Alice doesn't help with that?"

"Oh, I feel doubly hunted with her around." She shook her head at the carpet. "I wish none of them came back."

"And what then, Bella?" He was humoring her. "We'd commandeer this estate, and Carlisle would forget all about you? And what about the kings?"

"Don't bring reason into my fantasies." She got up and lingered at the opposite side of the desk, her eyes downcast. "How have you been? I haven't seen you in days."

Jasper's eyes tracked her. "I've been visiting Carlisle at the cabin. Preparations for his trip with Edward, and this vote."

The vote they were going to Italy for was regarding the human pets legislation. "Okay, but how have you been?"

"As I always am, Bella."

Her fingers ran over the spines of the books on his desk. "Well, I've been miserable. So, thank you for asking."

"Let's see," he said. "Is it because of your imminent death? Your lack of control, choice, or freedom? Or is it having to play human with Edward? Perhaps a mix of all of the above."

Bella smiled. "It's all so absurd."

"Yet you're smiling."

"Perhaps I've gone mad." And then, her eyes snapped up to him, her smile fading. "Have you burned the contract?"

He hadn't, because he procured it from the drawer, and slid it over to her.

As she stared at it, she said, "Burn it."

He examined it for a minute longer. What thoughts crossed his mind, Bella couldn't tell. But eventually, he held it to the flame of a nearby candle.

The scent of burning paper was strangely comforting.

The three of them in Jasper's library—it felt deceitful.

Esme was seated at one of the armchairs facing the room, right at the feet of those tall curtains. There wasn't a smile plastered on her face. It was more of a grimace, as she appeared deep in thought. Bella noted the wrinkle at the hem of her blouse.